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(Washington Post)   Coming to DC as a tourist? Great, glad to have you. Remember there's no White House tours, but hey: the cherry blossoms are in full bloom right now. Beautiful, aren't they? Why yes, that *is* a body floating in the tidal basin. It happens sometimes   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 95
    More: Sick, White House, tidal basin, flowers, tourists  
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5432 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2013 at 9:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-11 09:12:17 AM
Bonus: they think it might be a tourist's body. Guy from Chicago who disappeared Easter Sunday while walking along the Tidal Basin.
 
2013-04-11 09:31:33 AM
And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.
 
2013-04-11 09:33:22 AM
Also remember that fanny packs do not double as flotation devices, and attempting to wear more than one will roughly cut in half your chances of surviving a Tidal Basin incident. There are beavers in the Tidal Basin, furious beavers, and they will drag you to your death if you're overly encumbered.
 
2013-04-11 09:33:49 AM
www.fodors.com

probably another paddle boating tragedy
 
2013-04-11 09:36:07 AM
Tourists in DC should avoid the touristy Mall and go to places like Adams Morgan, Dupont Circle, and Columbia Heights (yes, really). Also Dumbarton Oaks gardens are nice.


cache2.artprintimages.com

Also, stand on the right, walk on the left.
 
2013-04-11 09:36:40 AM
Protip on the paddleboats: Most tourists don't know this, but there are about 10 of them that have secret engines. They're normally reserved for the VIPs who come and want to be able to range further out onto the basin than would normally be possible with simple paddling, but if you go up to attendant, slip him a $10 or so, and ask for "the special model," he'll know what you're talking about. It's a good way to impress a date, too.
 
2013-04-11 09:44:51 AM
Part of me wants to believe Pocket Ninja here, because it sounds like real advice but then again... it's Pocket Ninja
 
2013-04-11 09:46:20 AM
Quit shaking the farking branches so you can have a "rain" of petals.   It isn't cute, it hurts the farking trees.

Also, DIAF tourists.

/used to work at the BEP, HATED going there during the cherry blossom festival.
 
d3
2013-04-11 09:47:11 AM
vernonFL:

Also, stand on the right, walk on the left.

This!

/If the tourists are in season, why can't we cull the herd a little?
 
2013-04-11 09:47:22 AM
"When you find them in the river it's suicide".
 
2013-04-11 09:49:36 AM
fark Adams Morgan, let's go to Anacostia!
 
2013-04-11 09:49:41 AM
My sister in law took her family to DC last year and by chance they happened to be there right after the storm. The traffic lights weren't working but the traffic light cameras were. They came home to 5 tickets for running a red light that was inoperable.
 
2013-04-11 09:49:46 AM
One of the coolest new destinations in the DC area is the National Harbor. Lots of *great* dining, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, it's not easily accessible from DC itself...there's no Metro there, and a cab ride is prohibitively expensive. But you can paddle boat there. It's much easier with one of the secret engine paddle boats, of course, but a very popular afternoon excursion for locals is to rent a paddle boat, paddle down to the National Harbor and tie up on the docks, and then enjoy a nice lunch at Bond 45 or Baja Fresh or something like that. Then paddle back. Really relaxing day.
 
2013-04-11 09:51:13 AM
I miss the good old days when one could find a drunk Arkansas congressman's Argentine stripper girlfriend flailing about in the Tidal Basin.
 
2013-04-11 09:52:24 AM

MyKingdomForYourHorse: Part of me wants to believe Pocket Ninja here, because it sounds like real advice but then again... it's Pocket Ninja


Me too, plus that would be sweet if it was true.
 
2013-04-11 09:53:07 AM
Second body fished outta the river this week. Must be a serial killer.

Girion47: Quit shaking the farking branches so you can have a "rain" of petals.   It isn't cute, it hurts the farking trees.

Also, DIAF tourists.

/used to work at the BEP, HATED going there during the cherry blossom festival.


Yeah it's better when the wind blows them out of the trees and looks like pink snow. Im just glad the GF is out of town she wanted to go down to see them. I like the trees and all but too many damn people and the people that all get the origianal idea of getting their wedding pictures there. Once I was driving around there for work and this limo would stop ever hundred feet or so a couple would get out with a photographer take a picture next to a few trees hop back in the limo and repeat. Glad the park police finally gave them a ticket.
 
2013-04-11 09:53:16 AM
Wah! Why do all these people bringing millions of dollars to my city! Wah!
 
2013-04-11 09:53:54 AM

SlothB77


probably another paddle boating tragedy


THIS WAS NO BOATING ACCIDENT.
 
2013-04-11 09:55:10 AM

Pocket Ninja: Also remember that fanny packs do not double as flotation devices, and attempting to wear more than one will roughly cut in half your chances of surviving a Tidal Basin incident. There are beavers in the Tidal Basin, furious beavers, and they will drag you to your death if you're overly encumbered.


I've encountered a furious beaver on occasion.

/csb
 
2013-04-11 09:55:22 AM
Furious Beavers would make a great band name.
 
2013-04-11 09:55:30 AM
That's too bad.  The BEST part of any DC vacation is the White House Tour.  There's nothing more exciting than looking at rooms of a house.  It's almost as exciting as visiting Graceland or Biltmore.

The mass transit system in Washington is very dangerous.  It's like a combination of MARTA because of all the blacks and the Pyongyang subway because of all the socialism.  So be sure to drive your car down there.   I always parallel park right by the gates of the White House.  If you can't find a spot, just keep driving around.  One will eventually open up.

Also, you'll want to stay out in Ashburn, VA.  All the best restaurants are there.
 
2013-04-11 09:55:45 AM
Washington, DC: Still no Super Mutants.
 
2013-04-11 09:56:10 AM
Clearly if the "business" in Washington DC is self sustained and creates architecture like The White House or the Capitol or the various monuments, they can also create jobs and reduce poverty and crime.  With success, this basin would simply be the place where underaged male interns are raped.
 
2013-04-11 09:56:38 AM

Pocket Ninja: One of the coolest new destinations in the DC area is the National Harbor. Lots of *great* dining, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, it's not easily accessible from DC itself...there's no Metro there, and a cab ride is prohibitively expensive. But you can paddle boat there. It's much easier with one of the secret engine paddle boats, of course, but a very popular afternoon excursion for locals is to rent a paddle boat, paddle down to the National Harbor and tie up on the docks, and then enjoy a nice lunch at Bond 45 or Baja Fresh or something like that. Then paddle back. Really relaxing day.


Now that's funny
 
2013-04-11 09:57:16 AM

Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.


I came to say exactly what Pocket Ninja said. This cannot be emphasized enough, touristy people: don't farking lollygag on the left-hand side, and for chrissake when you get to the bottom of the escalator, MOVE. It doesn't matter which direction, just start moving, don't stand there, mouth agape looking for signs and directions.
 
2013-04-11 09:58:02 AM
I'd like to thank those tourists group who all wear the same neon colored ball caps. It makes identifying them easier. Also, because it bears repeating:

STAND ON THE RIGHT, WALK ON THE LEFT

And for the love of Allah, don't try to hold open a train door. It is not an elevator.
 
2013-04-11 09:58:13 AM

Pocket Ninja: One of the coolest new destinations in the DC area is the National Harbor. Lots of *great* dining, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, it's not easily accessible from DC itself...there's no Metro there, and a cab ride is prohibitively expensive. But you can paddle boat there. It's much easier with one of the secret engine paddle boats, of course, but a very popular afternoon excursion for locals is to rent a paddle boat, paddle down to the National Harbor and tie up on the docks, and then enjoy a nice lunch at Bond 45 or Baja Fresh or something like that. Then paddle back. Really relaxing day.


Last time I was in DC I went down to the fish market for some sea food, only new about it because I had watched No Reservations, great decision.

Besides landmarks, I always try to avoid touristy things when traveling.
 
2013-04-11 09:58:32 AM

Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.


vernonFL: Also, stand on the right, walk on the left.


I had always thought stand-on-the-right was universal.  But, nope, you've always got some fatass somewhere who INSISTS on blocking the goddamned way.  Doesn't matter where you go.

Motherf*#$ers... :/
 
2013-04-11 09:59:00 AM

vernonFL: Tourists in DC should avoid the touristy Mall and go to places like Adams Morgan, Dupont Circle, and Columbia Heights (yes, really). Also Dumbarton Oaks gardens are nice.


[cache2.artprintimages.com image 400x300]

Also, stand on the right, walk on the left.


tourists should avoid the touristy?
 
2013-04-11 09:59:43 AM
Another cool thing to do, also boating related. Take a trip into Georgetown, which is one of the more "urban" areas of the city but is very well policed so you don't need to feel too threatened. There are several awesome local restaurants down by the waterfront (Sequoia, for example) that have great food and drink specials. Also, you'll notice lots of really nice boats -- small yachts, things like that -- moored right there in front of you. Those are all owned by the restaurants, and as long as you've bought a drink there you can go down and go onto any of the boats...many of them will have people already partying there and you can just join the fun. If the crew is on the boat, you can pay them $5 or $10 and they'll take you on a short trip up out into the river, too. Really cool time.
 
2013-04-11 09:59:56 AM

Pocket Ninja: One of the coolest new destinations in the DC area is the National Harbor. Lots of *great* dining, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, it's not easily accessible from DC itself...there's no Metro there, and a cab ride is prohibitively expensive. But you can paddle boat there. It's much easier with one of the secret engine paddle boats, of course, but a very popular afternoon excursion for locals is to rent a paddle boat, paddle down to the National Harbor and tie up on the docks, and then enjoy a nice lunch at Bond 45 or Baja Fresh or something like that. Then paddle back. Really relaxing day.


I might add that there may soon be a casino there as well. Nothing beats working off the guilt of losing your life savings like a nice paddle boat ride.
 
2013-04-11 10:02:11 AM

vernonFL: Tourists in DC should avoid the touristy Mall and go to places like Adams Morgan, Dupont Circle, and Columbia Heights (yes, really). Also Dumbarton Oaks gardens are nice.


[cache2.artprintimages.com image 400x300]

Also, stand on the right, walk on the left.


Adams Morgan?  What, they don't have street-side knife fights at home?
 
2013-04-11 10:03:16 AM

Pocket Ninja: Take a trip into Georgetown,


Also in Georgetown are the "Exorcist steps", which was a must see for me, at least.
 
2013-04-11 10:03:43 AM

xanadian: Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.

vernonFL: Also, stand on the right, walk on the left.

I had always thought stand-on-the-right was universal.  But, nope, you've always got some fatass somewhere who INSISTS on blocking the goddamned way.  Doesn't matter where you go.

Motherf*#$ers... :/


Happens here in Boston too.  To me, it's worse when you're walking behind someone and they suddenly decide to stop for some reason.  GTFO of the way and move off to the side.

/and you mofos at Govt. Station that block the doors for trains you're not going to board are going to get knocked on your butt sometime soon
 
2013-04-11 10:04:48 AM

Pocket Ninja: Really cool time.


I fully expect to be beaten, raped, and then murdered but damn it you've convinced me to book two tickets to DC
 
2013-04-11 10:06:02 AM

xanadian: I had always thought stand-on-the-right was universal.


In the United States?  No, because most people are inconsiderate assholes.  Remember, we're the same nation who think that it's fine to cruise at 50 in the passing lane.

/you know who are really good at staying to the right and being conscious of others around them?
//Manhattanites.
 
2013-04-11 10:08:14 AM
farm1.staticflickr.com
 
2013-04-11 10:09:12 AM

Pocket Ninja: Also remember that fanny packs do not double as flotation devices, and attempting to wear more than one will roughly cut in half your chances of surviving a Tidal Basin incident. There are beavers in the Tidal Basin, furious beavers, and they will drag you to your death if you're overly encumbered.


Those beavers felled four cherry blossom trees a few years back. Evil bastards they are.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/daily/april99/beaver10.ht m
 
2013-04-11 10:09:30 AM

Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.


No, we make sure those cretins simply disappear.
 
2013-04-11 10:12:43 AM

Pocket Ninja: Another cool thing to do, also boating related. Take a trip into Georgetown, which is one of the more "urban" areas of the city but is very well policed so you don't need to feel too threatened. There are several awesome local restaurants down by the waterfront (Sequoia, for example) that have great food and drink specials. Also, you'll notice lots of really nice boats -- small yachts, things like that -- moored right there in front of you. Those are all owned by the restaurants, and as long as you've bought a drink there you can go down and go onto any of the boats...many of them will have people already partying there and you can just join the fun. If the crew is on the boat, you can pay them $5 or $10 and they'll take you on a short trip up out into the river, too. Really cool time.


Obviously this thread has fired PN's creativity.  I can't remember the last thread where his graced us with so many gems.
 
2013-04-11 10:14:34 AM

vernonFL: Also in Georgetown are the "Exorcist steps", which was a must see for me, at least.


The exorcist steps are awesome, but remember that when you roll down them to re-create the last scene, it's important to tuck your head. So many idiots come out there and try it every year and end up banging their head needlessly on the retaining wall. And for God's sake, roll sideways, not forwards. You'd think that would be obvious advice, but some people just can't think at all.
 
2013-04-11 10:14:36 AM

Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.


the "rally for immigration reform" yesterday ended right at rush hour, so there were thousands of people at Union Station who didn't speak english, had never ridden the metro before, were failing at trying to figure out the system, were 50 deep at the ticket machines, trying to stick their tickets in the left side of the turnstiles, trying to walk through exit turnstiles, etc. at 5:30 pm.

Standing on the left would have been AN IMPROVEMENT.

/fark the organizers of that thing who thought scheduling a rally to end at 5pm on a weekday was a smart thing to do.
 
2013-04-11 10:22:48 AM
Also remember that intern season hasn't quite started yet.  So, as a tourist, please don't expect blow jobs in exchange for promising a favor to a slightly-above-average-looking female between the age of 19 and 22 when bar hopping on the hill.  Blow jobs are only legal tender during intern season, which ranges from mid May until September 1.  Also, you don't need to pretend to be someone important outside of intern season, you're not fooling anyone.
 
2013-04-11 10:22:53 AM
"Move along and stay with the group.  And if you look down that one avenue you'll see the start of 14th Street, one of the biggest red light districts in the country."

"Excuse me miss, what's a red light district?"

"Marjorie, they're floosies....hookas."

"Morty, whatta you know from floosies?"
 
2013-04-11 10:27:36 AM

Tax Boy: Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.

the "rally for immigration reform" yesterday ended right at rush hour, so there were thousands of people at Union Station who didn't speak english, had never ridden the metro before, were failing at trying to figure out the system, were 50 deep at the ticket machines, trying to stick their tickets in the left side of the turnstiles, trying to walk through exit turnstiles, etc. at 5:30 pm.

Standing on the left would have been AN IMPROVEMENT.

/fark the organizers of that thing who thought scheduling a rally to end at 5pm on a weekday was a smart thing to do.


"Ok, our families are being torn apart by the deportations. We live as second-class citizens in a country where we contribute labor and pay taxes. We must go downtown to protest so that we can fight this injustice!"

"But wait, won't we make Tax Boy 20 minutes late getting home?"

"Aww dammit. Never mind. Scrap it. Lets just write a letter".
 
2013-04-11 10:30:08 AM

Tax Boy: fark the organizers of that thing who thought scheduling a rally to end at 5pm on a weekday was a smart thing to do.


A little while after the first Obama election, when the city was besieged by teabagger rallies, at a downtown Metro I ran into (literally, since they just stopped at the bottom of the escalator) a bunch of clueless white-trashy people with badly spelled signs with pictures of Obama dressed like a witch doctor and slogans like "Take OUR country back." They were trying to get to McPherson square. I directed them to the green line, toward College Park, telling them it would be a lot faster at that time of day. They thanked me and headed off. I bet they had loads of fun on that train.
 
2013-04-11 10:32:04 AM

Tax Boy: Pocket Ninja: And remember: most of the bodies that end up in the Tidal Basin started out as clueless tourists who insisted on standing on the escalator's left side coming up from the Metro station.

the "rally for immigration reform" yesterday ended right at rush hour, so there were thousands of people at Union Station who didn't speak english, had never ridden the metro before, were failing at trying to figure out the system, were 50 deep at the ticket machines, trying to stick their tickets in the left side of the turnstiles, trying to walk through exit turnstiles, etc. at 5:30 pm.

Standing on the left would have been AN IMPROVEMENT.

/fark the organizers of that thing who thought scheduling a rally to end at 5pm on a weekday was a smart thing to do.


That's half the point.

"AAAAAAAAH WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FARKED UP?!?!? RAEG"
The Rally to Promote the Importance of Awareness just let out. It's a serious thing, and we would do well to be aware.
"YABBUT...fine. Their cause is just, but their means are just annoying. That work?"

// it should not take me almost an hour to get from Crystal City to Logan Circle
// shouldn't even take half an hour, but DC
// also, let's kill the cabbies - they're the worst (most disruptive I mean, but also plain ignorant of traffic laws and customs) goddamn drivers on this coast - at least OAPs in FL drive consistently slow
 
2013-04-11 10:32:48 AM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Tax Boy: fark the organizers of that thing who thought scheduling a rally to end at 5pm on a weekday was a smart thing to do.

A little while after the first Obama election, when the city was besieged by teabagger rallies, at a downtown Metro I ran into (literally, since they just stopped at the bottom of the escalator) a bunch of clueless white-trashy people with badly spelled signs with pictures of Obama dressed like a witch doctor and slogans like "Take OUR country back." They were trying to get to McPherson square. I directed them to the green line, toward College Park, telling them it would be a lot faster at that time of day. They thanked me and headed off. I bet they had loads of fun on that train.


And those people were never heard from again.
 
2013-04-11 10:33:25 AM
Got engaged three years ago while picnicking next to the Jefferson Memorial when the blossoms were out. There was construction going on and it was on the far side of the basin, so it was pretty light on the tourists.

Just got back from a weekend in Savannah -- I'm beginning to think I prefer trees full of Spanish moss overhanging the boulevards to cherry blossoms. The fanny-pack brigade is virtually nonexistent down there.
 
2013-04-11 10:36:12 AM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Tax Boy: fark the organizers of that thing who thought scheduling a rally to end at 5pm on a weekday was a smart thing to do.

A little while after the first Obama election, when the city was besieged by teabagger rallies, at a downtown Metro I ran into (literally, since they just stopped at the bottom of the escalator) a bunch of clueless white-trashy people with badly spelled signs with pictures of Obama dressed like a witch doctor and slogans like "Take OUR country back." They were trying to get to McPherson square. I directed them to the green line, toward College Park, telling them it would be a lot faster at that time of day. They thanked me and headed off. I bet they had loads of fun on that train.


You're lying. No self-respecting Tea Partier would set foot on public transportation funded by the legalized theft of taxation. The Socialist's Chariot. Besides, Hoverounds aren't allowed on the Metro.
 
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