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(Daily Mail)   Exhausted, sleep deprived mother of premature twins lashes out at "Breastapo" for making her feel guilty, selfish and lazy for supplementing formula for breastmilk   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 248
    More: Hero, sleep deprivation, other mother, profiteers, Dannon, recipes, supermarkets, twin daughters  
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11382 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2013 at 10:15 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-11 12:30:00 PM
We have 15 month-old twins, and by some miracle my wife breastfed for 11 months.  From day one we had to supplement because producing for two ain't easy, and led to a couple bouts of mastitis and several issues with clogged ducts (hooray for soy lecithin).  But the worst were the blisters - watching one of the babies burp up blood because the blister popped while she was nursing was one of the most horrifying things I've ever witnessed.
 
2013-04-11 12:30:46 PM

doubled99: After the birth,

YOU HAD ONE JOB


And that one job is to feed the baby.
 
2013-04-11 12:30:50 PM
 
2013-04-11 12:31:55 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Bathia_Mapes: I was already crying my eyes out that I couldn't breastfeed & those harpies from the LLL made me feel as though I were the worst mother in the world.

:( I'll punch them in the throat for you....


Thank you. This happened many years ago (my son is 32), but what they did to me, and likely many other new mothers who were unable to breastfeed for whatever reason, still makes me angry.
 
2013-04-11 12:32:04 PM

what_now: When I was in a Wal Mart in Central Florida (let that sink in for a while) a woman with three filthy children started talking to me. My friend, who was one of those "Awww...babies" types, asked how old the littlest one was. Answer. 8 months. I asked what was in the bottle. Answer: root beer.

So you know. Worse thinks that formula


Yep. All my babies ever got in their bottle was undiluted Sun Rype Apple Juice. Good 'ol juice. Nothing wrong with giving that to your kids!
 
2013-04-11 12:36:09 PM
Soymilk

After the birth,

YOU HAD ONE JOB


And that one job is to feed the baby.


That's the joke.

Figures with your handle
 
2013-04-11 12:40:06 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Jormungandr: MyKingdomForYourHorse: I almost throat punched the woman who came up when our son was born and threw down the guilt gauntlet to my wife for using formula.

Yes lady, my wife takes medication for her mental health and without that medication she might pose a danger to herself and others but because proven science on formula must be bunk she should threaten the health of herself and baby just to give my son breast milk.

Douche

I don't know what science you're thinking of, the consensus seems to be that under ideal circumstances formula is not as good, but good enough. However under non-ideal circumstances it can be quite fatal. Nestle got in quite a bit of trouble due to infant deaths in the third world. Turns out if you make formula with tainted water it kills kids, a problem breast milk doesn't have. Also there have been nonzero deaths associated with formula that contained harmful bacteria that was introduced during manufacture. It is still the mother's choice, but don't try to say there are no problems with formula.  Not attacking you, it sucks that your wife was unable to breastfeed.

And just the same (as well as what MKFYH was trying to say) breastfeeding is not 100% without risk.  

Why does it then become anybody's business whether a woman chooses one risk over another?


There isn't just the risks involved. Breastmilk does contain antibodies that help babies keep healthy. Risks involved with breastfeeding are usually external to the milk itself, ie the drugs that pass into it. Where as it is completely possible for the formula to be badly formulated enough to cause brain damage. I don't personally care what a woman chooses, as they say Breast is Best, but not everyone has that option.  The part I took umbrage with was the "proven science" bit.
 
2013-04-11 12:42:03 PM

shortymac: I figured as much, I wonder why more people don't do that.


I took my wife a while to work out how to breastfeed lying down. I don't think that was simply inexperience; I think it had to do with the size of the kid and the strength in his neck. Once that was going well, though - at about 3 months, I think - it made night times much, much easier for her.

Why don't more people do it? Well, it depended on me not minding doing all night-time nappies, and us both being OK with co-sleeping, because if you have to return the kid to a cradle afterwards you may as well sit up and feed it quickly.
 
2013-04-11 12:42:52 PM
swfan:
My wife had no desire what-so-ever to breastfeed our daughter, so we opted for formula.  Guess what? She's turned out great (so far, but we're not to the teen years yet...that I'll blame entirely on formula when the time comes). She's ridiculously tall, smart as a whip and a kind, gentle soul.  But thanks to the giant douchebags both in real life and on the internet who militantly insist on breast feeding for all, my wife had to struggle with a couple of months of guilt over the whole thing (on top of mildpostpartum depression).  So thanks for that, breast feeding busybodies!  This isdefinitely one area where there needs to be a lot more STFU and mind your own business.

Because the plural of anecdote is data. Here's an actual datum. A company called Syntex made a formula called "Neo-Mull-Soy" that was deficient in chloride, they ended up settling with two families for 27 million due to the brain damage their kids suffered. They left the chloride out to save money. I am glad your daughter turned out great, but that is despite formula, not because of. My daughter is the same way and she was breast fed. Perhaps when she hits teenage years we can both lament, obviously the problem was that we fed them as kids... :)
 
2013-04-11 12:43:43 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Okay, but doctors actually withholding this second chart from new mothers?


Never heard of that. Over here it's midwives and then health visitors (district nurses) who do these things, and they never tried to hide the differences from us. As I recall, they'd ask you the kid was being fed before bringing out the right chart to check when they visited.
 
2013-04-11 12:43:50 PM

PirateFuzzball: Perhaps we just need to start with "I'm sorry, but we're tired of the constant Spanish Inquisition on whether the little one is breastfed. We know breast milk is better than formula. It's none of your business so please leave us alone".


When I went out with my wife after the second one was born and something like this would come up we'd settled on the quiet stare (since "STFU and get out of here!" is problematic once you have a kid).  We just stopped talking to each other and just stare at the person with a vaguely annoyed look, saying nothing and not answering any questions.  Just treat them like you saw a strange bug or something.  They'll scurry off soon enough.

Parenting advice about our oldest (3 year old boy) now gets met with "We've been looking for a babysitter for Friday night, obviously you're very knowledgeable, do you have a card or something?"  I swear you can almost see the cartoon dust cloud as they turn tail and run.  He's not a bad kid, but he's three, high energy, and a boy so he can be a bit hard to deal with at times.
 
2013-04-11 12:43:58 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Also a WTF to the lactation consultant who told me off for supplementing with formula, saying very snottily, "You do realize that will make her sleep more, don't you?"


For our first child, my wife saw several consultants.  Our son wouldn't latch and when he did, he couldn't seem to get anything.  The consultant tells her to try to pump and after several attempts (over a couple of days) I couldn't take watching her writhe in pain while only producing a few drops.  We thanked the consultant for her time and told her we decided on formula.


For our second child, we knew that there was no chance of breast feeding.  As soon as the epidural wore off, I told everyone in the room to GTFO and I surprised my wife by pulling a bottle of champagne out of my overnight bag.  My wife (who dabbles in photography ) took the coolest picture of our champagne flutes being "clinked" together directly over our daughter who was lying on the bed and had just grabbed on to a finger of the hand holding the glass.


My wife was very calm about not being able to breast feed.  Problem is that it meant I no longer had a designated driver and my wife was VERY quick to remind me of every time she drove my inebriated ass home.  She also would point out that I am now HER taxi service.


That sucked.
 
2013-04-11 12:45:33 PM

Cortez the Killer: A guy I worked with was in the grocery line buying formula for his young-un. The lady behind him started going on about how breast milk is soooo much better for the baby. He turned around an looked her in the eye and said "My wife just died...thanks."

He said the color ran out of her face after that remark.

/No woman actually died in this story


Your friend is a genius.  I LOL'd...out loud.
 
2013-04-11 12:50:02 PM

meat0918: My wife has done that before, because one of these mothers told her she was a bad mother for allowing our kid to wean himself at 7 or so months. Allowing is not what happened. And we worried about it. We went with it though, and he's a great, precocious little kid.


Hey now, one kid weaned himself at just over a year, and the other we weaned at 18 months, thankyouverymuch.  The other moms tried to make me feel guilty for not nursing until they were 2, and I promptly told them to go shove it where the Pampers is.  When your kid can walk up to you and ask for the left boobie, it's time to stop.  It's okay, Little Snowflake will be just fine.

We started introducing solid food to both our kids at 4 months, which might be what you're thinking about, because they showed all the developmental signs of readiness for it and my boobs couldn't keep up with their voracious appetites.  Boy did the Momstapo get their panties all in a twist about that!
 
2013-04-11 12:57:14 PM
TL;NEB

(Too Long; Not Enough Boobies)
 
2013-04-11 12:58:20 PM
 
2013-04-11 01:00:06 PM

Aarontology: Because breast feeding laws are totally the same as the secret police who helped round up and exterminate six million Jews.


puh-lease...

/I hope you're trolling
//and there are no "laws"
///couldn't stop at two
 
2013-04-11 01:00:45 PM
Our little guy was solely breastfed for the first three months, and it was exhausting for my wife. He had such a voracious appetite that he was pretty much on her boobs 24/7. We started supplementing at 3 months, and by 6 months he was totally on formula. Basic foods started coming at 4 months. By 1 year he was off the bottle.

I know she felt guilty about not meeting his needs - I just had to remind her that he's just a huge eater. Nobody could have kept up.

/He's been in the 95th percentile for weight since about 1 month old.
 
2013-04-11 01:03:57 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Bathia_Mapes: I was already crying my eyes out that I couldn't breastfeed & those harpies from the LLL made me feel as though I were the worst mother in the world.

:( I'll punch them in the throat for you....


I'll hold their arms while you do.
 
2013-04-11 01:04:32 PM
With Kid #1, wife tried to breastfeed.  We knew that breastmilk is better, and no reason to spend money.

However my wife didn't make much milk and the kid was an extremely slow eater (hours),  not helping production.  We went to formula and didnt look back.  Kid #2, wife didnt bother to try breastfeeding and we went right to formula.  I didn't even bother to warm it up, I could of made it with cold tap water and the kid ate it.

On retrospect, we didn't bother to ask any consultant.  Just did it.  Kids turned out fine (9 and 6 now).

At no point did any busybody bother us.
 
2013-04-11 01:07:01 PM

HortusMatris: Boy did the Momstapo get their panties all in a twist about that!


Mothers in groups have a terrible tendency to behave the the nastiest, biatchiest teenagers you ever met. Possibly because the sort of mothers who join groups were the nasty, biatchy teenagers. If you're feeling strong, have a look at the "Am I Being Unreasonable" forum at www.mumsnet.com.

The easiest thing to do is just to ignore them. There are plenty of nice, sensible, entertaining parents around; the loonies are loud, but a minority.
 
2013-04-11 01:07:17 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-04-11 01:08:31 PM

Jormungandr: swfan:
My wife had no desire what-so-ever to breastfeed our daughter, so we opted for formula.  Guess what? She's turned out great (so far, but we're not to the teen years yet...that I'll blame entirely on formula when the time comes). She's ridiculously tall, smart as a whip and a kind, gentle soul.  But thanks to the giant douchebags both in real life and on the internet who militantly insist on breast feeding for all, my wife had to struggle with a couple of months of guilt over the whole thing (on top of mildpostpartum depression).  So thanks for that, breast feeding busybodies!  This isdefinitely one area where there needs to be a lot more STFU and mind your own business.

Because the plural of anecdote is data. Here's an actual datum. A company called Syntex made a formula called "Neo-Mull-Soy" that was deficient in chloride, they ended up settling with two families for 27 million due to the brain damage their kids suffered. They left the chloride out to save money. I am glad your daughter turned out great, but that is despite formula, not because of. My daughter is the same way and she was breast fed. Perhaps when she hits teenage years we can both lament, obviously the problem was that we fed them as kids... :)


You might want to trot out a data point more recent than 1979 if you're going to preach the dangers of formula if you have one.  Just saying, 2 cases 36 years ago, while individual tragedies, aren't a compelling argument for for the systemic dangers of feeding formula.  If that's the best you've got I'd bet more newborns have been killed in car accidents on the way home from the hospital in the last 36 years than were harmed by formula.

Feel free to continue feeling all virtuous and self righteous though...
 
2013-04-11 01:12:28 PM
Id like to add my opinion to the crowd in agreement.

I think breast feeding is IMPORTANT
but its none of your god damned business to decide this for someone else.

Pro-Choice

Anti-lazy biatches who do it to protect their nipple shape, but how dare someone impose that on someone else. I would never. STFU already.

Also a big fark you to people who stop people from breast feeding in public
 
2013-04-11 01:12:32 PM
I was so sick as a newborn, I threw up every time my mom breastfed me. So she'd feed me again, hoping I'd keep some nutrition in. Eventually she couldn't anymore and I was losing weight so I was on formula from week 5 maybe. I grew taller than most in my classes and I was reading by age four, so it didn't kill me or even harm me.

I'm pregnant with my first, and of course if I CAN breastfeed then I will, but I just won't know until she gets here. If for some reason breastfeeding doesn't work out, formula it is, and I won't feel guilty about taking care of my kid the way I was cared for. If anyone tries to give me crap about it, I'll dispatch Mr. Kiwi to give them an earful and a stern look. No one messes with a protective, muscled, 6'3 Italian guy.
 
2013-04-11 01:13:38 PM

HortusMatris: meat0918: My wife has done that before, because one of these mothers told her she was a bad mother for allowing our kid to wean himself at 7 or so months. Allowing is not what happened. And we worried about it. We went with it though, and he's a great, precocious little kid.

Hey now, one kid weaned himself at just over a year, and the other we weaned at 18 months, thankyouverymuch.  The other moms tried to make me feel guilty for not nursing until they were 2, and I promptly told them to go shove it where the Pampers is.  When your kid can walk up to you and ask for the left boobie, it's time to stop.  It's okay, Little Snowflake will be just fine.

We started introducing solid food to both our kids at 4 months, which might be what you're thinking about, because they showed all the developmental signs of readiness for it and my boobs couldn't keep up with their voracious appetites.  Boy did the Momstapo get their panties all in a twist about that!


My bad.  That's exactly what it was.

You still told her to fark off though which was awesome.
 
2013-04-11 01:16:20 PM

meat0918: Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Breastapo?

"Show zem ve have vays of making zem talk." "Heil Titler!"

/jawohl, mein boobenführer

Apologies in advance, but I'm stealing "Heil Titler" for the next breastfeeding story I stumble across.


Hey, I'm just amazed nobody else got there first. It seemed so obvious.
 
2013-04-11 01:21:07 PM
My hope is that when I have Little Impatiens, I will breastfeed. My mom was 50-50. I was BF'ed until 9 months, even though she went back to work at 6 weeks while my brother was exclusively formula after my mom left the hospital AMA. My brother stayed, as he was still in need of care, but my mom's sister passed away unexpectedly the day after Lil Bro was born and my grandparents were out of town. Someone needed to take care of business and in my mom's family, its my mom that jumpstarts the "getting shiat done" for the family. The stress of the untimely passing of her sister, according to the doctor, caused her to lose her supply. I'm hoping, since she was successful under ideal circumstances, I will be too.

I have narcolepsy though, so I'm not sure how likely it will be for me to stay off medication and maintain a round-the-clock feeding schedule. I am currently off meds right now because I get enough sleep at night and can take a nap in the afternoon if necessary. I think its better for my hypothetical children to not be passengers in sleepy momma's car, so if formula becomes a necessity because the buggers can't let me sleep, I'll go on meds again and drive safely.

I hope my "fark you very much" vibe will serve me well in pregnancy and post partum. I am thoroughly unapproachable in the best of situations, so hopefully that will serve to keep the commentators at bay. I will need it, my own mother in law, a medical professional, is anti-breast feeding (calls it gross) and she plays the "I told you so" game when my sister in law (married to my husband's brother) had to stop BFing because of issues with the kids. Really, its for my MIL's own health that she'd keep her mouth shut about it, because if she opened it, she'd be closing it with fewer teeth.
 
2013-04-11 01:21:15 PM

ladyhawk: Could've written TFA myself.  My twins came 5 weeks early.  The hospital had NO breast pumps and it took 4 days for the hospital lactation consultant to even get to see me.  Still had problems when I got home and the lactation consultant who came berated me for using a burp rag.  Even the last consultant (who was wonderful) couldn't help...


What is supposedly wrong with using a burp rag?
 
2013-04-11 01:26:58 PM

kiwimoogle84: she


Yay! You found out it's a girl... SQUEE!
 
2013-04-11 01:27:37 PM

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: My hope is that when I have Little Impatiens, I will breastfeed. My mom was 50-50. I was BF'ed until 9 months, even though she went back to work at 6 weeks while my brother was exclusively formula after my mom left the hospital AMA. My brother stayed, as he was still in need of care, but my mom's sister passed away unexpectedly the day after Lil Bro was born and my grandparents were out of town. Someone needed to take care of business and in my mom's family, its my mom that jumpstarts the "getting shiat done" for the family. The stress of the untimely passing of her sister, according to the doctor, caused her to lose her supply. I'm hoping, since she was successful under ideal circumstances, I will be too.

I have narcolepsy though, so I'm not sure how likely it will be for me to stay off medication and maintain a round-the-clock feeding schedule. I am currently off meds right now because I get enough sleep at night and can take a nap in the afternoon if necessary. I think its better for my hypothetical children to not be passengers in sleepy momma's car, so if formula becomes a necessity because the buggers can't let me sleep, I'll go on meds again and drive safely.

I hope my "fark you very much" vibe will serve me well in pregnancy and post partum. I am thoroughly unapproachable in the best of situations, so hopefully that will serve to keep the commentators at bay. I will need it, my own mother in law, a medical professional, is anti-breast feeding (calls it gross) and she plays the "I told you so" game when my sister in law (married to my husband's brother) had to stop BFing because of issues with the kids. Really, its for my MIL's own health that she'd keep her mouth shut about it, because if she opened it, she'd be closing it with fewer teeth.


I just keep coming across you with stories about your MIL. It's kind of amusing. Sorry to hear about your narcolepsy, that can be a really severe problem. But should you get to mini-impatients, I'm sure you'll be fine. You've got fire in ya. I certainly wouldn't mess with you regarding how you raise/feed your kid.

Though why would I? Some people need to just get hit with a LART and go rethink their lives. If you want to raise your kids vegan with no vaccines in a tree, that's fine for you. Go enjoy your tree. But don't tell me I'm wrong.
 
2013-04-11 01:27:38 PM

Cortez the Killer: A guy I worked was in the grocery line buying formula for his young-un. The lady behind him started going on about how breast milk is soooo much better for the baby. He turned around an looked her in the eye and said "My wife just died...thanks."

He said the color ran out of her face after that remark.

/No woman actually died in this story


That's one of the best things I've heard of. Thank you for sharing that.
 
2013-04-11 01:28:36 PM

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: I have narcolepsy though, so I'm not sure how likely it will be for me to stay off medication and maintain a round-the-clock feeding schedule.


If it helps, you don't need to have a schedule. Feeding on demand works fine, having been developed some millions years before clocks. Of course it may be a problem if the kid demands when you're out of it.

In general, I reckon there's practically nothing which can be done with reasonable intelligence and generally benevolent intentions that will cause a kid harm. They were designed to be brought up in the backs of caves by monkeys, for goodness' sake, and though the attrition rate was high then, we have vaccination, antibiotics (for the moment) and sanitation systems to deal with 99% of the problems.

It'll be fine.
 
2013-04-11 01:30:59 PM

PastaFazoole: ladyhawk: Could've written TFA myself.  My twins came 5 weeks early.  The hospital had NO breast pumps and it took 4 days for the hospital lactation consultant to even get to see me.  Still had problems when I got home and the lactation consultant who came berated me for using a burp rag.  Even the last consultant (who was wonderful) couldn't help...

What is supposedly wrong with using a burp rag?


More importantly, did you gag her with the rag? I would have. I think the answer to these and many other problems is harsh words and swift reactions. I think its become acceptable to send a pregnant or postpartum woman into a crying jag because hormones, so maybe, just maybe, we need to be more firm and less weepy with our reactions. If they think its OK to dissolve a pregnant woman into teary guilt, maybe they need to be gagged with burp rags.
 
2013-04-11 01:34:09 PM

CapeFearCadaver: kiwimoogle84: she

Yay! You found out it's a girl... SQUEE!


Yup, got a name picked out and everything. Granted, my Mario themed nursery will be getting some princess peach and pink yoshi's added to it, but it still works I think.

Oh and regarding the "my wife just died" story, that's hilarious. I think if it obv wasn't true I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face watching their reaction, but still. Bravo. That'll teach her to shut her mouth.

CSS- I was actually told the other day that I shouldn't have my baby shower too far in advance from my due date, in case she dies after the shower in utero, so it's "not embarrassing" and "gifts don't go to waste." I was absolutely appalled. This was a family friend I was inviting to said shower. I screamed how effing dare you right in her ear and hung up on her. Worst thing I ever heard in my life.

/endrant
 
2013-04-11 01:36:56 PM
Berating people for not breastfeeding is the same as berating people for being overweight.

Its none of your goddamn farking business. You don't know what they have to deal with, so STFU.

Also, if you don't support public breastfeeding, you don't support breastfeeding. Period.  Advocating breastfeeding and then turning around and treating women like they are disgusting for daring to do it openly is hypocritical. Its one of the reasons women don't breastfeed, they are ashamed and afraid to do it in public.
 
2013-04-11 01:37:45 PM

MeanJean: Berating people for not breastfeeding is the same as berating people for being overweight.


Fatties are legitimate targets.
 
2013-04-11 01:40:46 PM

orbister: MeanJean: Berating people for not breastfeeding is the same as berating people for being overweight.

Fatties are legitimate targets.


really really big legitimate targets
 
2013-04-11 01:41:23 PM

orbister: MeanJean: Berating people for not breastfeeding is the same as berating people for being overweight.

Fatties are legitimate targets.


Plus, they're easier to hit!
 
2013-04-11 01:42:54 PM

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: PastaFazoole: ladyhawk: Could've written TFA myself.  My twins came 5 weeks early.  The hospital had NO breast pumps and it took 4 days for the hospital lactation consultant to even get to see me.  Still had problems when I got home and the lactation consultant who came berated me for using a burp rag.  Even the last consultant (who was wonderful) couldn't help...

What is supposedly wrong with using a burp rag?

More importantly, did you gag her with the rag? I would have. I think the answer to these and many other problems is harsh words and swift reactions. I think its become acceptable to send a pregnant or postpartum woman into a crying jag because hormones, so maybe, just maybe, we need to be more firm and less weepy with our reactions. If they think its OK to dissolve a pregnant woman into teary guilt, maybe they need to be gagged with burp rags.


Her reasoning was "spit up from breast-fed babies doesn't stain so you don't need to worry".

Seriously.  Because it's really such a Zen Mom moment when your kid goes all Linda Blair on you.

She was a dick. Me From Today wants to go back in time and punch her in the junk.  Alas, Me From Then's brain, following a year of fertility treatments, a difficult twin pregnancy, pre-eclampsia, a c-section and sleep deprivation, was not quite functioning on all thrusters and pretty much all I could do was sob uncontrollably.  My husband and I were pretty much deer in the headlights at this point - we were not prepared for twin newborns at all.

The cool thing is, 5.5 years later - after a lot of effort - we're all okay.  My kids are awesome and healthy and, aside from the normal kid stuff (e.g. kid trying to feed Elmer's glue to puppy, etc), we love being parents.
 
2013-04-11 01:44:30 PM

kiwimoogle84: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: My hope is that when I have Little Impatiens, I will breastfeed. My mom was 50-50. I was BF'ed until 9 months, even though she went back to work at 6 weeks while my brother was exclusively formula after my mom left the hospital AMA. My brother stayed, as he was still in need of care, but my mom's sister passed away unexpectedly the day after Lil Bro was born and my grandparents were out of town. Someone needed to take care of business and in my mom's family, its my mom that jumpstarts the "getting shiat done" for the family. The stress of the untimely passing of her sister, according to the doctor, caused her to lose her supply. I'm hoping, since she was successful under ideal circumstances, I will be too.

I have narcolepsy though, so I'm not sure how likely it will be for me to stay off medication and maintain a round-the-clock feeding schedule. I am currently off meds right now because I get enough sleep at night and can take a nap in the afternoon if necessary. I think its better for my hypothetical children to not be passengers in sleepy momma's car, so if formula becomes a necessity because the buggers can't let me sleep, I'll go on meds again and drive safely.

I hope my "fark you very much" vibe will serve me well in pregnancy and post partum. I am thoroughly unapproachable in the best of situations, so hopefully that will serve to keep the commentators at bay. I will need it, my own mother in law, a medical professional, is anti-breast feeding (calls it gross) and she plays the "I told you so" game when my sister in law (married to my husband's brother) had to stop BFing because of issues with the kids. Really, its for my MIL's own health that she'd keep her mouth shut about it, because if she opened it, she'd be closing it with fewer teeth.

I just keep coming across you with stories about your MIL. It's kind of amusing. Sorry to hear about your narcolepsy, that can be a really severe problem. But should you get to mini-impatients ...


Thanks!

My MIL is hilarious at a distance. I've dealt with her for 10 years, so its not like she's some new force in my life. My husband pretty much agrees that she's not in her right mind most of the time. Things like being entitled to feed my nephews whatever she wants are real sticking point for him because he is very nutrition conscious and does not believe that a 9 month old needs to eat all the whipped cream off the top of a Starbucks drink (yeah, that happened, with my nephew...)

I've been good so far with the narcolepsy, I think more exercise has alleviated the insomnia, which means I sleep better at night and need less day sleep. I've needed maybe 3 after work naps in the last 3 months that I've been off the meds. The doctor and I agreed to go off meds right now because when I am pregnant and breast feeding the meds are not OK for use. Its been better than I thought.

I have a very good friend who is like the tinder to my fire. She has successfully overcome a severe eating disorder, earned a PhD and is raising two of the best little girls. She does what works for her and doesn't do what doesn't work for her. She doesn't take flak from her parents or her friends and I am glad she's a person I can trust to tell me if I'm being railroaded. My MIL is a conductor of the my way is the only way railroad, so I just need to stay out of her way and realize she's looking out for herself, to always be right, rather than what's best for those she claims to love.
 
2013-04-11 01:44:32 PM

HortusMatris: orbister: MeanJean: Berating people for not breastfeeding is the same as berating people for being overweight.

Fatties are legitimate targets.

Plus, they're easier to hit!


But harder to kill.
 
2013-04-11 01:44:55 PM

orbister: MeanJean: Berating people for not breastfeeding is the same as berating people for being overweight.

Fatties are legitimate ample targets.

 
2013-04-11 01:47:45 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: CapeFearCadaver: Bathia_Mapes: I was already crying my eyes out that I couldn't breastfeed & those harpies from the LLL made me feel as though I were the worst mother in the world.

:( I'll punch them in the throat for you....

I'll hold their arms while you do.


:-)
 
2013-04-11 01:48:31 PM

Altair: Could someone explain this nonsense to a 30 yr old stoner with no kids?  Please don't make me Google breast feeding news.


There's a 'healthy' breast feeding push going on.  There's lots of benefits(statistically) for the child if the mother can breast feed, lots of research, and there's quite a bit of backlash against the formula makers, who pulled something of a cigarette campaign, going so far as to convince poor African mothers that they NEED to breast feed.  Another tactic is to *give* these poor mothers the formula for the first month(and they're food insecure enough that saying no to free food just isn't done) - just long enough to ensure that they've stopped lactating, so now their baby NEEDS the expensive formula

Then there's China and Melamine.  It affected millions of babies in china, as milk deliberately contaminated with Melamine to falsely boost protein indicators was used to make formula.  China, in regards to formula, is in much the same boat as Africa and the US in the midst of the industrial revolution - women needing to work uncompromising work shifts are unavailable to breast feed*, thus need to switch to formula.  But they're also generally wealthy enough to be able to afford it, and right now due to Melamine, which sickened hundreds of thousands of infants, there's a general distrust of Chinese brands, thus the shipping worldwide bit...  Of course, China has more mothers that almost any random company, so yes, they can swamp dealers in other countries.

BTW, I was not only a formula baby, I was a prescription formula one due to an allergy from my own mother's breast milk.  Oops.  I fully recognize that there are SOME mothers that need to use formula because breast feeding is either contra-indicated(lack of expression, contamination due to necessary medication, etc...) and can't afford the outrageous prices of a wet nurse, bottled human milk, or as in my case, milk itself is contraindicated.

*In the USA you're much more likely today to get time to breast feed, or have your kid with you, then in the '90s, for example.
 
2013-04-11 01:49:04 PM

HortusMatris: [farm9.staticflickr.com image 374x500]


That is the best photo ever taken.
 
2013-04-11 01:49:53 PM
Orbister

Fatties are legitimate targets.

Why? Why is it okay to berate overweight people but not non-breastfeeding mothers?
 
2013-04-11 01:53:14 PM

kiwimoogle84: CapeFearCadaver: kiwimoogle84: she

CSS- I was actually told the other day that I shouldn't have my baby shower too far in advance from my due date, in case she dies after the shower in utero, so it's "not embarrassing" and "gifts don't go to waste." I was absolutely appalled. This was a family friend I was inviting to said shower. I screamed how effing dare you right in her ear and hung up on her. Worst thing I ever heard in my life.

/endrant


Oh, dude. That's not a family friend, that's a family frenemy. I'm glad you used your pregnancy hormones for their intended purpose.

/also knocked up
//so glad I don't have to suffer through a baby shower this time around
 
2013-04-11 01:53:40 PM

ladyhawk: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: PastaFazoole: ladyhawk: Could've written TFA myself.  My twins came 5 weeks early.  The hospital had NO breast pumps and it took 4 days for the hospital lactation consultant to even get to see me.  Still had problems when I got home and the lactation consultant who came berated me for using a burp rag.  Even the last consultant (who was wonderful) couldn't help...

What is supposedly wrong with using a burp rag?

More importantly, did you gag her with the rag? I would have. I think the answer to these and many other problems is harsh words and swift reactions. I think its become acceptable to send a pregnant or postpartum woman into a crying jag because hormones, so maybe, just maybe, we need to be more firm and less weepy with our reactions. If they think its OK to dissolve a pregnant woman into teary guilt, maybe they need to be gagged with burp rags.

Her reasoning was "spit up from breast-fed babies doesn't stain so you don't need to worry".

Seriously.  Because it's really such a Zen Mom moment when your kid goes all Linda Blair on you.

She was a dick. Me From Today wants to go back in time and punch her in the junk.  Alas, Me From Then's brain, following a year of fertility treatments, a difficult twin pregnancy, pre-eclampsia, a c-section and sleep deprivation, was not quite functioning on all thrusters and pretty much all I could do was sob uncontrollably.  My husband and I were pretty much deer in the headlights at this point - we were not prepared for twin newborns at all.

The cool thing is, 5.5 years later - after a lot of effort - we're all okay.  My kids are awesome and healthy and, aside from the normal kid stuff (e.g. kid trying to feed Elmer's glue to puppy, etc), we love being parents.


That's funny, because my friend who has never even bought formula (she's not bragging, she was lamenting that this might be problematic during her move from SoCal to PNW) also has stained baby clothes and the little one just started solids when they moved to the PNW. Maybe it doesn't stain as bad or it isn't permanent, but who the fark wants baby puke on them PERIOD, let along discerning between the different forms?

I hate that that cow made you cry. I think this is why doulas of the angry and burly variety should be employed... they can throat punch for you when you're not feisty enough to do it yourself! I'm glad you got through and that the family is thriving!
 
2013-04-11 01:58:18 PM

Cybernetic: what_now: When I was in a Wal Mart in Central Florida (let that sink in for a while) a woman with three filthy children started talking to me. My friend, who was one of those "Awww...babies" types, asked how old the littlest one was. Answer. 8 months. I asked what was in the bottle. Answer: root beer.

So you know. Worse thinks that formula

Just out of curiosity, do you remember where the Walmart was?

/Central Floridian.


Ocala.
 
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