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(Metro)   Hamster Christ   (metro.co.uk) divider line 41
    More: Weird, Easter, resurrections, paper towels, SWNS  
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8816 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2013 at 10:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-11 08:43:49 AM
lilyelainehawkwakawaka.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-04-11 08:58:29 AM
Did he spend 3 days in someone's anus before resurrecting?
 
2013-04-11 09:25:20 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Did he spend 3 days in someone's anus before resurrecting?


imageshack.us

Well played. +1
 
2013-04-11 09:52:04 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Did he spend 3 days in someone's anus before resurrecting?


Actually, it came out of her vagina.

The article says he was crushing an old box when the hamster's face popped out of it.
 
2013-04-11 09:57:57 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-11 10:03:06 AM
He was wrapped in the Shroud of Vermin.
 
2013-04-11 10:13:49 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Did he spend 3 days in someone's anus before resurrecting?


imstars.aufeminin.com
 
2013-04-11 10:19:22 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Did he spend 3 days in someone's anus before resurrecting?


And it shall forever be named the Glory Hole.
 
2013-04-11 10:27:35 AM
It's easter allready? wow
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-04-11 10:29:14 AM
They named him Jesus?

How do they know he is Mexican?
 
2013-04-11 10:29:21 AM
I prefer the story about the beaver killing a man.
 
2013-04-11 10:31:11 AM
Glory, glory holeyluja.
Glory, glory holeyluja
Glory, glory holeyluja
His ass keeps bleeding on
 
2013-04-11 10:31:33 AM
Time to update the Stations of the Cross.

Jesus running on a wheel.  Jesus chewing cardboard...
 
2013-04-11 10:35:52 AM

d23: They named him Jesus?

How do they know he is Mexican?


crossfitkyle.com
 
2013-04-11 10:36:39 AM
He is risen!

i410.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-11 10:37:50 AM

mudpants: It's easter allready? wow


Evidently Easter occurred on March 31, but I have not yet read whether Jesus saw his shadow.
 
2013-04-11 10:41:10 AM
"We wrapped her up in a load of kitchen towel and buried her about a foot deep so the cat couldn't dig her back up again,' said Lisa, 23."


The ground is sour.

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
GBB
2013-04-11 10:41:28 AM
Jesus Hamster Christ
 
2013-04-11 10:41:37 AM
Now I can't get the idea of a "Jesus hamster dance" page out of my head, with all the little twirling faux-hamsters attired and posed like Buddy Christ.
 
2013-04-11 10:53:35 AM

d23: They named him Jesus?

How do they know he is Mexican?


I read a story about a Mexican who got up at his own funeral  once. It was on a newspaper that had been used to wallpaper the wood shed of a century old farm house my Father bought because he wanted to build there some day. The other side of the chunk of papier-maché I pulled off the wall was an advert for a 1920s Packard, which was, if I recall correctly $500. This incident occurred much earlier than that. Some of the most recent newspapers were from World War II

"Resurrection" and pre-mature burial were common before modern medicine got the technology to look for brain activity, thus redefining death as a cessation of brain activiity. People would go into comas, become cold and inert, and would be assumed dead. No doubt many were buried before they could show signs of life. This lead to several centuries of legends and also devices to ensure that a mistakenly buried person could be rescued. Coffins were buried with bell-pulls or speaking tubes, or tombs were made so they could be opened from inside when closed and locked.

You still see Fark headlines on the subject because people are still buried pre-maturely and because in much of the developing world, they can't afford embalming. Embalming essentially reduces the chances of resurrection in such cases to zero, so you don't hear of many people waking up at their funerals or being buried alive in the rich world.

Evidence is accumulating that it is possible to revive the dead hours, even days after they apparently died. As long as the brain is not damaged beyond recovery, people have been revived by doctors or have spontaneously revived. Cold storage protects the brain against damage, so a mortuary might be a dead man's best friend. Drowning victims who have been revived have typically drowned in ice water.

The definition of death may have to be revised yet again. Not that anybody agrees on it any way. Just as the lifespan of premature babies is constantly improving, so that more and more premature infants can be saved and grow up nearly normal (as I did), the medical establishment is narrowing the meaning of death by narrowing the obstructions to revival of the recently or near-dead.

That's one reason why my position on abortion is common-sense rather than dogmatic. I don't believe that humanity begins at conception (or several weeks before, as it does in law). But I don't believe that you should necessarily abort a fetus late term without compunction either. That definition of acceptability would have covered me at the time of my birth, slightly prematurely.

What I do believe is that the Mother's life is prior to and a condition of the life of the fetus and thus should be treated with all possible respect. You don't sacrifice the health and safety of a woman for that of her child unless she is to all intents and purposes DEAD. Whatever that means. It means less and less thanks to science. Religion proved to be no help at all in the pursuit of personal corporeal immortality compared to medicine.

At the moment, I think that people who are not motivated by the a priori pseudo-knowledge of religion should treat a fetus with respect. It is not a full-fledged human until it can survive outside of the womb. But nether is it just a blemish or lump of somatic tissue. Thus, I do not believe that abortion is murder in all cases, but it could be. For example, kicking a woman until she aborts is, if not murder, at the very least, a sort of homicide.

Life begins when life is possible. Murder begins when the animal becomes a person. There is a moral, intellectual and factual gap, a grey area in which we are forced to operate in ignorance, but it is becoming smaller thanks to science and technology.

We are forced to define human in terms of what animals and machines CAN'T do, rather than what we can.

It is becoming less and less. We may have to eventually accept that animals and machines have equivalent-to-human rights. At least sometimes.

As for hamsters, I am less surprised at them digging their way out of their graves as I am by them living more than a few months after you buy them. They are rodents. They dig. They dig very well. You can't keep them down. In fact, rats can't be kept out with lead pipes and concrete. They can gnaw through walls and pipes, which is one reason we don't like them much.
 
2013-04-11 10:53:56 AM
cdn.static.ovimg.com
 
2013-04-11 10:55:17 AM

Diogenes: Time to update the Stations of the Cross.

Jesus running on a wheel.  Jesus chewing cardboard...


Jesus keeps falling because Peter is hogging the inner circle
 
2013-04-11 10:56:40 AM
 
2013-04-11 10:57:39 AM
There's a good Christian band name.
 
2013-04-11 11:00:29 AM
The obvious solution to zombie hamsters....

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-04-11 11:05:50 AM

GBB: Jesus Hamster Christ


Good one.

But Jesus' real middle name is Herschel, or possibly Hymie. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

And the Bible says that his name shall be called Emmanuel (or Emanuel, Manuel, etc.). So his full name is probably something like Yeshua Emanuel Ben Yusef. Unbelievers just called him Son of Mary, with the implication that he was a bastard (traditionally, a Roman soldier's bastard). Might explain why he was blond, if he was. Might also be a Celt since some of the Roman soldiers stationed in Judea were from the British Isles.

He seems to have been well-traveled, seeing as his travels included Japan (where he is buried), India (where he got religion) and the British Isles (where his family had business interests in tin). Also, he has certainly gotten around like the Wandering Jew since his death. He's literally been everywhere, man!

According to legend, the Holy Grail (Sanct Grail or Sang Reel--it's a pun, you see) is not only a wine cup and a serving tray for the lamb at the Last Supper that was used to catch Christ's literal blood at the Crucifiction), but also the literal Blood of Christ that flows in the veins of the Merovingian Kings of France. And in us all. As seen in such movies as The Da Vinci Code.

My family tree includes a number of French Kings (as do most family trees, at least in Europe), so it's possible, but very strictly theoretical that I might have a gene inherited from Himself, although the number of my genes is rapidly being gained on by the number of my known and collected ancestors.

And my family tree is not one of those that runs into hundreds of thousands or millions of people. I haven't got the resources for that kind of collection. It takes generations to document that many people and a lot of good money to hire genealogists to put it all on paper or electronic media.

Every French man is a direct descendant of God and many of them act like they know it. Bastards.
 
2013-04-11 11:08:34 AM
But how is it at playing on the piano?

/eating popcorn
//yeah!
 
2013-04-11 11:08:37 AM
 
2013-04-11 11:11:29 AM
Uumm, hamsters go into a hibernation phase and are frequently assumed dead, when it is just "a little nap".
Praise the Lord!
 
2013-04-11 11:31:28 AM
And the Lord climbed upon his wheel, and yea, he did run very fast, and the Philistines were amazed, and asked him, Lord, what dost thou, and the Lord said, I'm running on my wheel, do I have to draw you a picture?  Also, don't eat those, they're not raisins.
 
2013-04-11 11:31:46 AM

brantgoose: d23: They named him Jesus?

How do they know he is Mexican?

I read a story about a Mexican who got up at his own funeral  once. It was on a newspaper that had been used to wallpaper the wood shed of a century old farm house my Father bought because he wanted to build there some day. The other side of the chunk of papier-maché I pulled off the wall was an advert for a 1920s Packard, which was, if I recall correctly $500. This incident occurred much earlier than that. Some of the most recent newspapers were from World War II

"Resurrection" and pre-mature burial were common before modern medicine got the technology to look for brain activity, thus redefining death as a cessation of brain activiity. People would go into comas, become cold and inert, and would be assumed dead. No doubt many were buried before they could show signs of life. This lead to several centuries of legends and also devices to ensure that a mistakenly buried person could be rescued. Coffins were buried with bell-pulls or speaking tubes, or tombs were made so they could be opened from inside when closed and locked.

You still see Fark headlines on the subject because people are still buried pre-maturely and because in much of the developing world, they can't afford embalming. Embalming essentially reduces the chances of resurrection in such cases to zero, so you don't hear of many people waking up at their funerals or being buried alive in the rich world.

Evidence is accumulating that it is possible to revive the dead hours, even days after they apparently died. As long as the brain is not damaged beyond recovery, people have been revived by doctors or have spontaneously revived. Cold storage protects the brain against damage, so a mortuary might be a dead man's best friend. Drowning victims who have been revived have typically drowned in ice water.

The definition of death may have to be revised yet again. Not that anybody agrees on it any way. Just as the lifespan of premature babies is consta ...


wot did you jus say about Thatcher?!?
 
2013-04-11 11:32:40 AM

brantgoose: But Jesus' real middle name is Herschel, or possibly Hymie. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.


I think the H stands for Harold.
You know, "Harold be thy name?"
 
2013-04-11 11:38:48 AM
Perhaps they thought the little guy died of the black plague?

madgringo.typepad.com
 
2013-04-11 11:52:25 AM

Queensowntalia: Now I can't get the idea of a "Jesus hamster dance" page out of my head, with all the little twirling faux-hamsters attired and posed like Buddy Christ.


Twas done when the inter webs were still young....

As a response to hamster dance.

There were some pages that featured both at once..

http://www.rcramer.com/fun/jesusdance/
 
2013-04-11 12:21:08 PM

brantgoose: d23: I read a story about a Mexican who got up at his own funeral  once. It was on a newspaper that had been used to wallpaper the wood shed of a century old farm house my Father bought because he wanted to build there some day. The other side of the chunk of papier-maché I pulled off the wall was an advert for a 1920s Packard, which was, if I recall correctly $500. This incident occurred much earlier than that. Some of the most recent newspapers were from World War II

"Resurrection" and pre-mature burial were common before modern medicine got the technology to look for brain activity, thus redefining death as a cessation of brain activiity. People would go into comas, become cold and inert, and would be assumed dead. No doubt many were buried before they could show signs of life. This lead to several centuries of legends and also devices to ensure that a mistakenly buried person could be rescued. Coffins were buried with bell-pulls or speaking tubes, or tombs were made so they could be opened from inside when closed and locked.

You still see Fark headlines on the subject because people are still buried pre-maturely and because in much of the developing world, they can't afford embalming. Embalming essentially reduces the chances of resurrection in such cases to zero, so you don't hear of many people waking up at their funerals or being buried alive in the rich world.

Evidence is accumulating that it is possible to revive the dead hours, even days after they apparently died. As long as the brain is not damaged beyond recovery, people have been revived by doctors or have spontaneously revived. Cold storage protects the brain against damage, so a mortuary might be a dead man's best friend. Drowning victims who have been revived have typically drowned in ice water.

The definition of death may have to be revised yet again. Not that anybody agrees on it any way. Just as the lifespan of premature babies is consta ...



Dafuq?  Did you just abortion a Jesus hamster thread?

i.chzbgr.com

I'm afraid you've made Mr. Nibbles very upset.
 
2013-04-11 12:24:13 PM
i180.photobucket.com


Approves.
 
2013-04-11 12:57:43 PM
i208.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-11 01:06:31 PM
i15.photobucket.com
/hot
 
2013-04-11 01:31:24 PM
Cricetus Dei?
 
2013-04-11 04:31:04 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-11 06:45:58 PM
its called hibernation you uneducated louts.
 
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