Thanks to everybody who came out to New Orleans last weekend, we had an awesome time. Now that my liver is nearly functional again, here are some of last week's best headlines. Some really good ones in the mix; enjoy!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-03-31 to Sat 2013-04-06:

  Sting balls quell LA jail riot, Trudie Styler    

  US [battling | supporting] [insurgent | freedom] fighters being trained in safe havens across the border from [Afghanistan | Syria]    

  Kerry on wayward Un    

  Fort Knox in lockdown after shooting. Authorities on the lookout for a gold obsessed German, a burly Korean in a bowler and, as always, Pussy Galore    

  It's easy to remember 'principle' vs. 'principal' - the principal of your school is your pal. Especially if she has sex with you and two of your friends    

  America's "hookup culture" isn't a problem, and the reason people aren't having as much promiscuous sex they'd like is because rejection is a big part of romance, especially when you're ugly    

  There is unrest in the forest, There is trouble with the trees, For the maples want some respite, From the farking syrup thieves    

  Woman arrested for the murder of a man on I-Drive. If only he'd hidden behind a partition    

  South Korea deploys warships to track North Korean missiles if launched, possibly by following the trail of debris floating in the ocean    

  Please note: If you request time off for the deaths of your parents, uncle, aunt, brother and ex-husband, you're either going to be fired for lying, or for being bad luck to be around    

  Transgender high school student wins right to wear dress to prom. No word on whether it will be an original Wang    


Sports:

  Kobe passes Wilt on scoring list, buys wife a new ring    

  Louisville over Duke. Oh snap    

  Last night, America watched a horde of clumsy, shambling, faceless, barely living monsters overrun and destroy an already damaged group of Southerners. They also watched "The Walking Dead"    


Geek:

  Next two iPhones may have been designed under Steve Jobs. I can't imagine what they smell like at this point    

  The smell of olive oil helps with weight loss. So, that's how Popeye stayed so thin    

  Gate to Hell found in Turkey, somewhere near the giblets    


Entertainment:

  Bruce Campbell hints maybe, just maybe, there could be an Army Of Darkness 2. Yeah and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot    

  RIP filmmaker Jésus Franco, who gave us memorable moments like "scimitar-wielding lesbians duking it out on a hilltop, a sadomasochistic orgy in a brothel or a coven of elderly witches massaging their nipples with a crucifix"    

  Roger Ebert reviews the new Terrence Malick/Ben Affleck film from beyond the grave. Here comes the seance    


Politics:

  Confederate flag at the old North Carolina capitol building is coming down. State officials say they don't want people thinking they had accidentally arrived in Mississippi    

  Generations X and Y are coming together like jelly to rule American politics, award each other trophies    

  Eric Holder accused of being "soft on porn". Sounds like he just needs better porn    


Business:

  E.coli found in Farm Rich frozen foods. Broc.coli reportedly still okay    

  Oklahoma approves slaughtering horses for meat. Horses that aren't fast enough to make a graded stakes race will now become graded steaks    

  Overlooked industry that is currently booming in the USA: sperm exports. IN YOUR FACE, CHINA    
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