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(SeattlePI)   'Please help' and the 8 other things Earthlings want to say to extraterrestrials ... Turns out, we're a fairly self-obsessed bunch   (blog.seattlepi.com) divider line 120
    More: Interesting, earthlings, SETI Institute, Tim Lower, University of Alaska  
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5351 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2013 at 12:17 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-10 05:21:51 PM  

RobSeace: [blog.seattlepi.com image 545x363]

Starbuck being raped by a zombie? What sort of message are we trying to send these aliens?


Starbuck was a man and would never get raped.
 
2013-04-10 05:23:47 PM  
Do you like Star Trek?

Cause aliens steal cable, don't you know?
 
2013-04-10 05:29:20 PM  
"Which end do I talk to?"

"Whatcha got to trade?"

"Have you found Dark Matter? We misplaced it somewhere."

"Don't point that thing at me."

"Take me to your leader."

"Excuse me while I deal violently with these Xenophiles of my own species."

"Beer?"
 
2013-04-10 05:36:49 PM  
We should find a primitive species and broadcast very subtly incorrect math equations at it.
 
2013-04-10 05:52:11 PM  

brantgoose: FloydA: Why do all you aliens look like humans with rubber crap glued to your foreheads and ears?

This is one of my pet peeves. I've often thought of founding a Society for Real Aliens on the basic model of the movement for "Real" Ale.

The truth is that, like most of the conventions of SF, the nature of aliens is determined by the needs of human-story telling and technical limitations. In a SF narrative, you can make the aliens as alien as you like, but they still have to 1) want to steal our Earth women; 2) prize our primitive resources such as gold, air, water, or uranium; and 3) want to have sex, fight or eat us.

In reality our women would be as fugly to the aliens as they are to us, the resources aliens want would be easier to mine from asteroids and comets, and aliens might not want to have sex, fight or eat us because they are simply too alien. Life might evolve in a pocket of anti-matter, or based on silicon, or possibly even in forms that don't involve our kind of biology. It is likely that the molecules of life might be polarized right instead of left on other worlds very much like ours, and thus no matter how much the aliens resembled us, they couldn't eat us because they couldn' metabolize our sugars, proteins, etc.

Aliens might be so alien, not to mention so much smarter than us, that communication wouldn't entertain them, let alone interest them. We might be dumber than their pets. We can communicate with cultures that are tens of thousands of years behind our own in technical and organizational terms, but could we communicate with a Civilization ten million or ten billion years ahead? Mice and dinosaurs and bananas are all close cousins compared to the type of aliens that might be able to travel across interstellar space or take handy shortcuts we don't know about yet.

It annoys me that fictional aliens are too human, but there's nothing to be done about it except read the better sort of SF literature and ignore the space soaps on TV and in the mo ...


This means that Star Wars is clearly superior.

Trek for the slow.
 
2013-04-10 05:55:38 PM  

miniflea: Almost every time one human culture encounters another, the more technologically advanced one destroys the less technologically advanced one.  If we encounter aliens similar enough to us to allow us to communicate or even have any common frame of reference (unlikely) and the aliens are the ones visiting us instead of the other way around, well.... there's no reason to believe that it won't happen to us.


This
 
2013-04-10 06:02:52 PM  

Carousel Beast: That was extremely well written, sir or madam.

+Smart for you


thanks, one of the nicer things anyone has said to me on fark.  and sir.  the name relates to an illegitimate child in the movie fannie and alexander because he kissses the maids like a grown up when he's only 8 years old.  my wife thinks i would have looked like the bastard when i was younger.

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: pute kisses like a man: keep in mind, the little world created is the least important thing.  it's the writing that matters.

Mmm, I think you've neglected that there is a whole subset of SF literature where the world-building is considered more important than some kind of philosophical message.


well, I really don't mean to boil down all of aesthetics to a philosophical message, that is merely one part of some people's poesis, and even as such is a difficult thing to define.  I shouldn't have been so clumsy.

but the group you speak of... I did not neglect them on purpose.  I didn't know they existed.

I know there are people who take fictional worlds very seriously.  I took a course on parageography (the very subject of world building), so I might be one of them. but I'd be surprised if even that professor would take only the world over the artwork that includes the world.  why take less?
 
2013-04-10 06:06:14 PM  
1. Cigarette smoking taints the meat. Therefore, massive PR campaign to get us to quit smoking.

2.  For the true believers, the hardcore science fiction fans and space experts in alien xenobiology the question is ignored because, well .... it would be the ultimate buzz kill. Why. The ultimate question.


Why would alien races come to Earth with conquest in mind?


Water?


There's more water in this galaxy than we have numbers to express. Comestibles? It is to laugh. Air? Look around. There are entire super massive celestial bodies made up of basic gases to supply any race. Unguarded, no need to kill and conquer to get at the basic ingredients for atmosphere. Minerals? Get a grip. The asteroid belt alone is richer in both base and exotic metals for the taking than the Earth could ever be and, again, no need to fight the locals for those minerals. Territory? Have you looked into a telescope how big the Universe really is?


What, then? Why would an alien race want to try and conquer a planet where the local population is clearly created for survival of the fittest, breed like rats on crack, is structured to run and fight like hell-spawn demons, has the intelligence to improvise, adapt and overcome and is imbued with an inner sense of cussedness where they just won't lay down and take it. An impossible planet, so impossible the local populations war with each other constantly. What would they be capable of if faced with a common enemy?


Better to go somewhere else where the trade goods aren't infested with war-seeking crazies.

This simple obvious fact doesn't sell movie scripts or hardback science fiction novels or comic books. It's immensely implausible for the Conspiracy Theory communities. And it's just not sexy to ask why would aliens want to try to take over Earth?
 
2013-04-10 06:32:10 PM  
#11. "Suck my cawk, spacewhore!"
 
2013-04-10 06:39:21 PM  
pute kisses like a man:  take only the world over the artwork that includes the world.  why take less?

Well, what I'm really talking about is the fictional world and its mythology taking precedence over any sort of allegory to real life. The setting, in a sense, becomes the story; the act of creating that vibrant fictional world and its history and denizens becomes the purpose of the artwork, rather than serving as window-dressing for a morality tale. The literary equivalent of an Elder Scrolls game (yeah, they have plots, but who actually plays the main quest?)

In the case of hard science fiction, the story, characters and thematic content are usually driven by a world-building exercise in which some scientific fact is altered or taken to the nth degree. Soft sci-fi is usually the opposite, with the driving themes and the character drama determining the properties of the world.
 
2013-04-10 06:41:28 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: Why would alien races come to Earth with conquest in mind?


You missed one: belief, honest belief, that the Earth belongs to them and not us. Manifest Destiny is a hell of a drug.
 
2013-04-10 06:48:08 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Oh what the hell. One more:

So what did you guys do to Jesus when he came a-calling?


Given that the central premise of Christianity centers around Man killing God, I'd think just handing them a Bible would be enough to send most aliens fleeing in terror.
 
2013-04-10 06:49:27 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth


Old School.

The Galaxy Song was recently updated to trail Brian Cox's most recent series - Wonders of Life.

Youtube link.
 
2013-04-10 07:00:21 PM  

AngryDesertDweller: We'll make great pets.......


So back to mandingo fights for some and house pets for others?
 
2013-04-10 07:01:58 PM  

Mouser: Harry Freakstorm: Oh what the hell. One more:

So what did you guys do to Jesus when he came a-calling?

Given that the central premise of Christianity centers around Man killing God, I'd think just handing them a Bible would be enough to send most aliens fleeing in terror.


"Look, we stapled our supreme being to the wall, imagine what we'll do to you."
 
2013-04-10 07:47:37 PM  
I think we are in a system quarantine. I think a galactic permit is required.
 
2013-04-10 07:59:04 PM  

ReverendJynxed: Mouser: Harry Freakstorm: Oh what the hell. One more:

So what did you guys do to Jesus when he came a-calling?

Given that the central premise of Christianity centers around Man killing God, I'd think just handing them a Bible would be enough to send most aliens fleeing in terror.

"Look, we stapled our supreme being to the wall, imagine what we'll do to you."


www.e-forwards.com

/hotness
 
2013-04-10 09:18:48 PM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Clemkadidlefark: Why would alien races come to Earth with conquest in mind?

You missed one: belief, honest belief, that the Earth belongs to them and not us. Manifest Destiny is a hell of a drug.


Like the belief that it is rightfully theirs because of their superiority, or the belief that they were here first, and humans are the interlopers?

It would most likely be the former, and I just don't see why they would be interested in conquering us and taking Earth, when millions or even billions of other habitable planets exist that don't have "intelligent" life.

Bottom line is, they would have to be Charles Montgomery Burns level evil as an entire race in order to have the desire to take Earth from us. Just don't see that happening from an advanced form of life.
 
2013-04-10 10:13:34 PM  

Cymbal: Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Clemkadidlefark: Why would alien races come to Earth with conquest in mind?

You missed one: belief, honest belief, that the Earth belongs to them and not us. Manifest Destiny is a hell of a drug.

Like the belief that it is rightfully theirs because of their superiority, or the belief that they were here first, and humans are the interlopers?

It would most likely be the former, and I just don't see why they would be interested in conquering us and taking Earth, when millions or even billions of other habitable planets exist that don't have "intelligent" life.

Bottom line is, they would have to be Charles Montgomery Burns level evil as an entire race in order to have the desire to take Earth from us. Just don't see that happening from an advanced form of life.


What if they see us as the death of a planet and would rather just be rid of us so other species have an opportunity to advance.
 
2013-04-11 10:19:20 AM  

Cymbal: Bottom line is, they would have to be Charles Montgomery Burns level evil as an entire race in order to have the desire to take Earth from us. Just don't see that happening from an advanced form of life.


Again with this "aliens must be morally superior" crap. They're not goddamn space angels. Nor are they likely to be space devils.

Not every single human is evil, and yet we've done some horrific things to outgroups for reasons ranging from simple greed to religious fervor to belief in racial supremacy. Fundamentally, we're cavemen running around with lasers and nuclear weapons. Religion isn't going anywhere. Crime isn't going anywhere. There is absolutely no reason to believe aliens should have "evolved beyond" these things.

Look up the history of the US occupation of the Phillippines if you want to see a plausible scenario for an alien invasion: a tragic combination of "we're in the way" and "it's for our own good".
 
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