If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(My Fox DC)   102-year-old man says the secret to a long life is "no nightclubbing and all that business"   (myfoxdc.com) divider line 46
    More: Interesting, centenarians  
•       •       •

2878 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2013 at 1:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-04-10 12:19:58 AM
Step 1: Live to 100
Step 2: Think of something you never did
Step 3: Claim that avoiding something you never did is the key to living to 100
Step 4: ????
 
2013-04-10 01:23:13 AM
It makes sense because every asshole who lives to over 100 has another farking reason why they lived to be 100.

fark them I hope they farking die.
 
2013-04-10 01:23:48 AM
The secret to long life is luck whether it be good or bad depending on your perspective.
 
2013-04-10 01:24:35 AM
He's not really 100.  He just lives such a boring life that 30 years felt like 100
 
2013-04-10 01:24:43 AM

Stomponfoot: It makes sense because every asshole who lives to over 100 has another farking reason why they lived to be 100.

fark them I hope they farking die.


The only sure thing in life is death.
 
2013-04-10 01:25:38 AM
I'd say the number one way to get that old is not dying.
 
2013-04-10 01:28:00 AM

Summoner101: Stomponfoot: It makes sense because every asshole who lives to over 100 has another farking reason why they lived to be 100.

fark them I hope they farking die.

The only sure thing in life is death.



How do you know?
 
2013-04-10 01:29:37 AM
The secret to living to 100 is good genes. If you have good genes and a clean lifestyle, you may make it to 100. But if your genes are mediocre, you can live the cleanest, most careful and stress-free life possible and it won't mean jack shiat. If longevity is your goal, genetics trumps everything else.
 
2013-04-10 01:33:47 AM

Smeggy Smurf: He's not really 100.  He just lives such a boring life that 30 years felt like 100


Yeah, if the secret to living to 100 is to be a boring old sod I'll take an earlier death, thanks.
 
2013-04-10 01:36:15 AM

StoPPeRmobile: Summoner101: Stomponfoot: It makes sense because every asshole who lives to over 100 has another farking reason why they lived to be 100.

fark them I hope they farking die.

The only sure thing in life is death.


How do you know?


Considering there are viable infants that come out of the womb not breathing and then die, I'll revise my answer that you may get to count on a couple heart beats and limited neural function as a minimum to constitute actually living.
 
2013-04-10 01:38:48 AM

Atomic Spunk: The secret to living to 100 is good genes. If you have good genes and a clean lifestyle, you may make it to 100. But if your genes are mediocre, you can live the cleanest, most careful and stress-free life possible and it won't mean jack shiat. If longevity is your goal, genetics trumps everything else.


FTFY
 
2013-04-10 01:38:59 AM

fusillade762: Yeah, if the secret to living to 100 is to be a boring old sod I'll take an earlier death, thanks.


If all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll I've experienced mean that I live to 75 instead of 95, I consider that a worthwhile investment. Medical technology may advance greatly in the next few decades, but I highly doubt that it'll advance so far as to make that period of my life that much more pleasant.
 
2013-04-10 01:40:58 AM
I don't always go clubbing, but when I do, I prefer Moroccan hashish, Afghan opium, Columbian coke, and Barcelona nightclubs.

But perhaps that is just me.
 
2013-04-10 01:43:17 AM
I don't always go clubbing, but when I do, I prefer baby seals.  Those bleeding heart tree huggers will be the death of me ;)
 
2013-04-10 01:46:55 AM

Atomic Spunk: The secret to living to 100 is good genes. If you have good genes and a clean lifestyle, you may make it to 100. But if your genes are mediocre, you can live the cleanest, most careful and stress-free life possible and it won't mean jack shiat. If longevity is your goal, genetics trumps everything else.


The vast majority of people that have made it to 100 didn't have anything remotely approaching a "clean lifestyle" until they were already over 80, if then.  At minimum, every single one of them was a smoker.
 
2013-04-10 01:48:32 AM
When I reach 100 I'm gonna tell everyone it was because of hookers and blow.
 
2013-04-10 01:48:38 AM
This life is to be lived, old man, not frittered away with worry and miserliness until you are too feeble to get out of the way when the Greyhound Of Fate runs you down like a dirty dog at the intersection of Broadway and Main.
 
2013-04-10 01:52:47 AM
The more I read stuff like this the more convinced I am that lifestyle is mostly insignificant and genetics is the determining factor.  As long as you aren't smoking a carton a day a few vices probably don't affect the outcome.
 
2013-04-10 01:53:14 AM

Jim_Callahan: Atomic Spunk: The secret to living to 100 is good genes. If you have good genes and a clean lifestyle, you may make it to 100. But if your genes are mediocre, you can live the cleanest, most careful and stress-free life possible and it won't mean jack shiat. If longevity is your goal, genetics trumps everything else.

The vast majority of people that have made it to 100 didn't have anything remotely approaching a "clean lifestyle" until they were already over 80, if then.  At minimum, every single one of them was a smoker.


No kidding? Didn't know that. Now I don't feel so bad.

/puff
 
2013-04-10 01:53:22 AM
Lester Bangs says LIVE

this is the face of a man you can trust

t1.gstatic.com
 
2013-04-10 01:53:50 AM
I don't do anything fun, AND I expect to die in my 60s.

Now you all feel better about yourself and can stop taking your anger out on the 100 year old man. :D

Atomic Spunk: The secret to living to 100 is good genes.


This, and you may not even need the clean lifestyle, though it probably doesn't hurt.

Or you are wrong and we should all buy a juicer immediately.
 
2013-04-10 01:59:11 AM

jaylectricity: Step 1: Live to 100
Step 2: Think of something you never did
Step 3: Claim that avoiding something you never did is the key to living to 100
Step 4: ????


Alternate version.

i.imgur.com

/my lawn did it for me
//so get off it!
 
2013-04-10 02:02:41 AM
I've never seen the appeal of living to such old age that you can't do much anymore other than be taken care of. I rather add life to my years than years to my life.

/it's all about balance
 
2013-04-10 02:07:32 AM
The problem with a long life is all the extra years come at the end
 
2013-04-10 02:09:45 AM
My Grandmother is 102. Still drinks beer. Yes, CSB, but I thought Farkers would appreciate there's a chance they could still do one thing they liked.
 
2013-04-10 02:11:20 AM

SpinStopper: I don't always go clubbing, but when I do, I prefer baby seals.  Those bleeding heart tree huggers will be the death of me ;)


If this is your handiwork, I approve.

topaz.no

/and you thought no one else did that anymore
//wanna swap seal meat recipes?
 
2013-04-10 02:13:11 AM
I think the key to long life must be consuming the living flesh of people over 100 years old....
 
2013-04-10 02:13:30 AM
A life totally wasted, apparently.
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2013-04-10 02:16:28 AM
Yeah, I don't want to live to 102, and I'd rather have a fun life. I've already lived longer than I set out to.

Case in point, my mom died at 75 last year and my dad spends all day watching tv. I can't imagine how he stays even remotely sane.

/nscsb
 
2013-04-10 02:22:04 AM
No one ever regretted getting a drunken sloppy blowjob from some bar slut at 3AM, but I'm sure lots of people regret shiatting in bags and not being able to recognize their grandchildren.
 
2013-04-10 02:24:30 AM
FTA: When asked for a little advice for others, 100-year-old Mary Meyer says: "I think sometimes it would be good for them to sit quiet and think and speak to their grandmother and the grandfather."

Uh huh, I know self-serving advice when I see it.  Betcha Mary gets kickbacks from her floormates too.

In his early 80's my grandfather would say "You know the problem with retirement homes? Theyre full of Old People. Yeauchhh!" He lived at home till the end.
 
2013-04-10 02:48:15 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: No one ever regretted getting a drunken sloppy blowjob from some bar slut at 3AM...


Until it burns when they pee.


/or so I've heard
 
2013-04-10 03:18:12 AM
yeah but is that really living to 100? I am waiting for someone over 100 to claim daily sex and tequila is the secret
 
2013-04-10 03:30:34 AM
There's a set of a few dozen genes that, if you inherit most/all of them, will probably see you to 100+ in good health the entire time basically no matter what. It runs in families - if you read the wiki pages on the oldest supercentenarians most of them have siblings and relatives who lived well into their 90s/100s.

The best things you can do for yourself are be a woman (94 of the 100 oldest people on record are women), live a low-stress life, have an active social life to keep your brain from decaying, and exercise enough to keep in shape (the added years will be consumed by exercise, but all the rest of the time will be much better - "you'll get old but you don't have to get decrepit").

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: No one ever regretted getting a drunken sloppy blowjob from some bar slut at 3AM, but I'm sure lots of people regret shiatting in bags and not being able to recognize their grandchildren.


I watched both of my grandmothers slip away like that... I just hope that if it happens to me I'll recognize it in time to kill myself.
 
2013-04-10 03:44:12 AM

WillofJ2: yeah but is that really living to 100? I am waiting for someone over 100 to claim daily sex and tequila is the secret


My grandfather lived a hell of a life and made it to 97. Amongst other things, he picked up a 'girlfriend' 14 years his junior when he was in his 70s, spent WW2 in the SOE, and danced every week of his life from 18 to 80. Wasn't much of a drinker, though.
 
2013-04-10 03:48:10 AM
erik-k:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: No one ever regretted getting a drunken sloppy blowjob from some bar slut at 3AM, but I'm sure lots of people regret shiatting in bags and not being able to recognize their grandchildren.

I watched both of my grandmothers slip away like that... I just hope that if it happens to me I'll recognize it in time to kill myself.


I wouldn't count on it. My grandfather got Alzheimer's and tried to kill himself after he was diagnosed. So my family had him locked up in a nursing home against his will, forcing him to slowly fade away. The poor man was distraught and just wanted to go before his brain left him behind. To this day the whole ordeal is one of the cruelest things I've personally seen done to a man.

/Physician-assisted suicide needs to be legalized.
//don't be a selfish tool and force people with debilitating non-curable disease to just deal with it.
 
2013-04-10 03:54:35 AM

jaylectricity: Step 1: Live to 100
Step 2: Think of something you never did
Step 3: Claim that avoiding something you never did is the key to living to 100
Step 4: ????


Step 4 is Die of regret because your entire life was boring as fark.
 
2013-04-10 06:11:29 AM
Well, considering how young I am and the advancement of medical science I'm fairly confidant that I'll be able to put my brain in a robot In 2040.
 
2013-04-10 08:12:10 AM

Esroc: My grandfather got Alzheimer's and tried to kill himself after he was diagnosed. So my family had him locked up in a nursing home against his will, forcing him to slowly fade away. The poor man was distraught and just wanted to go before his brain left him behind. To this day the whole ordeal is one of the cruelest things I've personally seen done to a man.


I have a friend that lost his father to Alzheimer's.  After it was all over, he told his wife that if that ever happens to him, that she should just take him out in the woods, give him his gun, and walk away.
 
2013-04-10 08:14:43 AM

Richard C Stanford: I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to put my brain in a robot In 2040.


Eh...I wouldn't go full-robot. I would, however, very much like to be the world's first Bionic Geezer.

/With laser eyes to zap the kids off my lawn and a corundum cane that can shatter concrete
 
2013-04-10 08:31:20 AM
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: No one ever regretted getting a drunken sloppy blowjob from some bar slut at 3AM...

Except for Ken Cuccinelli - that killjoy.
 
2013-04-10 10:08:34 AM
Not too excited about getting that old. The years at the end seem more like a punishment than a reward. I suppose as long as I'm self sufficient I'll linger about.
 
2013-04-10 10:23:09 AM
All 4 of my grandparents are alive and kicking at 80-something, both my my great-grandmothers died when they were over 100. I figure barring one of the cancers I keep trying to give myself, my genes mean I'll end up like them. Deaf, senile, riddled with alzeimers. So I plan to keep playing in the sun and smoking these cigarettes and partying with friends, it's a much better way to go.
 
2013-04-10 10:38:43 AM

WillofJ2: yeah but is that really living to 100? I am waiting for someone over 100 to claim daily sex and tequila is the secret


Well the only over 100 guy I knew before he passed was 107 in 1985. He smoked non filters and drank like a quart of whiskey a day. He was also married to a woman like 40 years younger than himself. He died of complications from a gunshot wound he had recieved about 80 years prior to his passing.
 
2013-04-10 01:59:32 PM

SBinRR: Esroc: My grandfather got Alzheimer's and tried to kill himself after he was diagnosed. So my family had him locked up in a nursing home against his will, forcing him to slowly fade away. The poor man was distraught and just wanted to go before his brain left him behind. To this day the whole ordeal is one of the cruelest things I've personally seen done to a man.

I have a friend that lost his father to Alzheimer's.  After it was all over, he told his wife that if that ever happens to him, that she should just take him out in the woods, give him his gun, and walk away.


Thats my mothers biggest fear too. We saw my grandmother just slip away. They were never really close but it scared the shiat out of my mom. I told her if it came to that I would put her on a raft and push her out into the ocean. She put my brother in charge of all end of life decisions after that.
 
2013-04-10 09:02:43 PM
The secret to a long^H^H^H^H boring life. Fixed it for you
 
Displayed 46 of 46 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report