Which DUI are we talking about?
Because I'm still pretty happy about the time I got high score on the breathalyzer test and the officer told me I should already be dead.

He looks so harmless too.

Real Men of Genius
Today, we salute you Angry Drunk with a DUI
You had something to say to that trooper who arrested you
but you were too drunk to say it to him the night he pulled over
So you went to the cops house, with a nice cold one in your hand
and tried to explain yourself just one more time.

So here's to you Angry Drunk with a DUI
Let's hope your lawyer has a two for one coupon

I read the headline and immediately saw Randy Quaid in my head. I don't know why.

How does one get public intoxication on private property? He was trying to leave, but I can see the trespassing one stick. The others are pretty obvious.

Well, everybody in Hazard County knows the Duke boyz, as Good Ole Boyz do , have an open and transparent policy when it comes to driving with a drink in their hands--they like their beer and liquor in bottles that are open and transparent. Because knowing who is stoned out of their tiny redneck minds is the first line of defence on Hazard County back roads. The rules of the road in Hazard County are also open and clear: Drive defensively. Gunfire optional.

Other than that, drive like you are being chased by the Devil in a four-wheel drive and look straight ahead at a four way junction because something might be gaining on you from three directions. (Of course I am making an assumption, namely that the rules of the road in rural areas are the same the full length of the Appalachians.)

Only if you're AWESOME.

At least he didn't show up with a gun. That would be Fark worthy. This is merely stupid.

Sure, why not? You're already known for being drunk and stupid, why not double down?

That trooper was probably flying on the way back to his house, since his family was there and he wasn't. With all of these attacks on cops and their families lately, Dumfuk The Drunk is lucky he didn't get shot 187 times.