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(Metro)   Giant penis causes closure of world-famous Nurburgring racing track   (metro.co.uk) divider line 82
    More: Amusing, Nurburgring, German police, racing tracks  
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13253 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2013 at 10:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-09 07:42:36 PM
Wasn't me. I haven't painted a giant penis on a German racetrack since Hockenheimring in '06.
 
2013-04-09 07:45:22 PM
'Stiff penalties'
i228.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-09 08:35:16 PM
In before the Jon Hamm comments...
 
2013-04-09 08:43:31 PM
What did they do with his Porsche?
 
2013-04-09 08:56:25 PM
Penis
 
2013-04-09 09:13:12 PM
Where were the guys from Top Gear when this happened?
 
2013-04-09 09:40:55 PM
Hey you straight-a-way types, watch out for that notorious Brunnchen corner!!!
 
2013-04-09 09:41:24 PM

sithon: Where were the guys from Top Gear when this happened?


Some say he draws life-sized models of his willy everywhere he goes. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
 
2013-04-09 09:45:51 PM
Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.
 
2013-04-09 10:01:29 PM
Does it curve to the left?
 
2013-04-09 10:04:26 PM
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2273661/Jeremy-Clarksons-crud e -sausage-stunt-slammed-viewers.html

The answer of the call center rep once he told her what he had done was priceless.

"Oh my"

So yeah, its Clarkson again.
 
2013-04-09 10:30:34 PM
This is the largest gentleman's sausage...

...in the world.
 
2013-04-09 10:32:34 PM
Grody.

That's a danish I don't want to see in the display case.

/Pig in a blanket, anyone?
 
2013-04-09 10:33:32 PM
Sorry everyone... Sorry!  Guy in the back there... Sorry about all this.  Totally my fault.  Sorry!
 
2013-04-09 10:34:13 PM

Twitch Boy: This is the largest gentleman's sausage...

...in the world.


Haha, perfect Clarkson impersonation right there.
 
2013-04-09 10:36:12 PM
green hell
 
2013-04-09 10:39:08 PM
It's the Great Second Life Penis Wars all over again.
 
2013-04-09 10:44:53 PM
SheiB, ist die Uberschlongen!
 
2013-04-09 10:45:04 PM
Police are seeking these persons of interest:

resources1.news.com.au
 
2013-04-09 10:47:00 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: sithon: Where were the guys from Top Gear when this happened?

Some say he draws life-sized models of his willy everywhere he goes. And some say he needs a lorry for each of his massive testicles. All we know is, he's called The Stig.


FTFY

Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.


Certainly doesn't sound like something Captain Slow would try to pull off. And we all know that Hamster, being a "short, cross bloke" (his own words, mind you), doesn't have the manhood necessary.
 
2013-04-09 10:49:24 PM
Give it up, Clarkson, Sabine Schmitz is not going to sleep with you.

"I draw a better penis than that by smoking the tires on a van!"

images.topgear.net.pl
 
2013-04-09 10:49:59 PM

mbillips: Police are seeking these persons of interest:

[resources1.news.com.au image 316x237]


Correction: Police believe the suspect to be...uh...in a white racing suit. Artist's impression follows...
 
2013-04-09 10:50:47 PM
www.topgear.com
 
2013-04-09 10:52:57 PM
I was playing about in Forza 4 last week and went on the Nurburgring with--wait for it--a Fiat 500 Abarth. Posted a time of 9m 36s dead. And I did not draw a giant dong in the middle of a turning.
 
2013-04-09 10:53:25 PM
How could anybody be offended by Top Gear? They're obviously playing parodies of themselves for comedic purposes, like Steven Colbert does every night. Complaining about guys playing at hooliganism is silly.
 
2013-04-09 10:53:55 PM
onemansblog.com
 
2013-04-09 10:54:22 PM
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaag
 
2013-04-09 10:54:44 PM

Twitch Boy: This is the largest gentleman's sausage...

...in the world.


God help me, I read that in Clarkson's voice.

Titty sprinkles.
 
2013-04-09 10:55:10 PM

maram500: I was playing about in Forza 4 last week and went on the Nurburgring with--wait for it--a Fiat 500 Abarth. Posted a time of 9m 36s dead. And I did not draw a giant dong in the middle of a turning.


What the hell did you upgrade it to? That's a 13 minute car stock, and it probably handled like shiat.

/Bucket List achiever
//No, I don't have a life
 
2013-04-09 10:55:24 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: How could anybody be offended by Top Gear? They're obviously playing parodies of themselves for comedic purposes, like Steven Colbert does every night. Complaining about guys playing at hooliganism is silly.


More hyper-reality versions than parody versions imo.
 
2013-04-09 10:55:26 PM
Subby missed a golden opportunity to call it a dick move.
 
2013-04-09 10:58:13 PM
He may be an annoying smug English guy, but it's not polite to call him a giant penis.

/Oh you English are SO superior aren't you? Well, would you like to know where you'd be without US the good old U.S. of A. to protect you? The smallest farking province in the Russian Empire, that's where!
 
2013-04-09 10:58:33 PM
www.thenewage.co.za
 
2013-04-09 10:58:55 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: How could anybody be offended by Top Gear? They're obviously playing parodies of themselves for comedic purposes, like Steven Colbert does every night. Complaining about guys playing at hooliganism is silly.


I don't believe they're "playing at" hooliganism. I think they're just being themselves, since anything else couldn't last this long. This means that I believe Jeremy Clarkson is that much of an ass and a stuck-up Merc enthusiast, Richard Hammond is a strange man with a puppy's level of attention, and James May is permanently living in 1952 and his fashion sense proves it.

Anyway, who cares? The show is just fantastic, but I really wish there were a few more episodes per series. We had, what, five episodes (the Africa special I count as one episode), and now we get to watch reruns until the fall? Makes me sad.
 
2013-04-09 10:58:57 PM
And do you know who else was a gigantic German dick?
 
2013-04-09 10:59:46 PM

maram500: Anyway, who cares? The show is just fantastic, but I really wish there were a few more episodes per series. We had, what, five episodes (the Africa special I count as one episode), and now we get to watch reruns until the fall? Makes me sad.


Netflix. 18 seasons. I never, ever get bored.
 
2013-04-09 11:02:26 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: maram500: Anyway, who cares? The show is just fantastic, but I really wish there were a few more episodes per series. We had, what, five episodes (the Africa special I count as one episode), and now we get to watch reruns until the fall? Makes me sad.

Netflix. 18 seasons. I never, ever get bored.


I have BBC America on cable, and the vast majority of programming is either Doctor Who (can't get bored, no matter what), The Professional Swearing Enthusiast (I get enough of that programming on Food Network), and Top Gear. I get loads of Top Gear every week. At any rate, I never get bored watching it.
 
2013-04-09 11:03:19 PM

maram500: God Is My Co-Pirate: sithon: Where were the guys from Top Gear when this happened?

Some say he draws life-sized models of his willy everywhere he goes. And some say he needs a lorry for each of his massive testicles. All we know is, he's called The Stig.

FTFY


Some say his flesh is as the flesh of asses, and that his issue is as the issue of horses.
 
2013-04-09 11:03:53 PM
So..........it's not Schumacher?
 
2013-04-09 11:03:58 PM
See kids, this is why we can't have nice things. Every time we get something, one of you brats, has to go and draw a giant penis on it.
 
2013-04-09 11:05:23 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: maram500: I was playing about in Forza 4 last week and went on the Nurburgring with--wait for it--a Fiat 500 Abarth. Posted a time of 9m 36s dead. And I did not draw a giant dong in the middle of a turning.

What the hell did you upgrade it to? That's a 13 minute car stock, and it probably handled like shiat.

/Bucket List achiever
//No, I don't have a life


I didn't upgrade it. Oh sure, in the corners it wasn't absolutely brilliant (for handling and outright speed I like a good continental European sports car or anything from Aston Martin), but it made a damn good time.

/Life? What's that?
//Took the C-apostrophe-D on the test track--1m 42s and change
///Would love to visit and actually take a few cars out
 
2013-04-09 11:07:08 PM
Giant penis causes closure of world-famous Nurburgring racing track

What, did a Porsche driver show up and start some shiat?
 
2013-04-09 11:07:33 PM

maram500: Adolf Oliver Nipples: maram500: I was playing about in Forza 4 last week and went on the Nurburgring with--wait for it--a Fiat 500 Abarth. Posted a time of 9m 36s dead. And I did not draw a giant dong in the middle of a turning.

What the hell did you upgrade it to? That's a 13 minute car stock, and it probably handled like shiat.

/Bucket List achiever
//No, I don't have a life

I didn't upgrade it. Oh sure, in the corners it wasn't absolutely brilliant (for handling and outright speed I like a good continental European sports car or anything from Aston Martin), but it made a damn good time.

/Life? What's that?
//Took the C-apostrophe-D on the test track--1m 42s and change
///Would love to visit and actually take a few cars out


On a track like the Nurburgring, the key thing is neither speed nor handling alone, but a mixture of those and a keen sense of where the hell you're going. And it helps to be driving through a controller. I'm fairly certain I would be as Clarksonius in the diesel Jaaag if I tried driving that circuit.
 
2013-04-09 11:08:13 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: Giant penis causes closure of world-famous Nurburgring racing track

What, did a Porsche driver show up and start some shiat?


He was driving a Cockster. So yes.
 
2013-04-09 11:13:39 PM
blogs.thenews.com.pk
 
2013-04-09 11:14:09 PM
www.carsession.comWhat about the other dongs?
 
2013-04-09 11:21:20 PM
So... James May was visiting again?
 
2013-04-09 11:21:37 PM
news.ripley.za.net

Get used to dee enn eff.
 
2013-04-09 11:23:46 PM

maram500: Adolf Oliver Nipples: How could anybody be offended by Top Gear? They're obviously playing parodies of themselves for comedic purposes, like Steven Colbert does every night. Complaining about guys playing at hooliganism is silly.

I don't believe they're "playing at" hooliganism. I think they're just being themselves, since anything else couldn't last this long. This means that I believe Jeremy Clarkson is that much of an ass and a stuck-up Merc enthusiast, Richard Hammond is a strange man with a puppy's level of attention, and James May is permanently living in 1952 and his fashion sense proves it.

Anyway, who cares? The show is just fantastic, but I really wish there were a few more episodes per series. We had, what, five episodes (the Africa special I count as one episode), and now we get to watch reruns until the fall? Makes me sad.


The show is great, certainly if you like to drive some of the old ones.
 
2013-04-09 11:34:23 PM

Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.


Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.
 
2013-04-09 11:38:49 PM
Wait, why was the Ferrari team at Nurburgring?  They're supposed to be in Shanghai.
 
2013-04-09 11:40:44 PM
i1.wp.com
/Sidebar photo quite appropriate
 
2013-04-09 11:40:48 PM

andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.


Could be Clarkson's still pissed at Sabine for making him look like a massive hammer.

/A tool
//I'm saying Sabine made him look like a giant tool
///Penis
 
2013-04-09 11:43:27 PM

andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.


James just really dislikes how car companies seem obsessed with their car's time on the ring at the expense of making sure the car is comfortable to drive.

/though considering Jeremy's the one who has sat on a gearshift from getting bounced around, he should hold the same theory
 
2013-04-09 11:48:39 PM

UNC_Samurai: /though considering Jeremy's the one who has sat on a gearshift from getting bounced around, he should hold the same theory


I loved watching that. Biggest laugh I ever had watching Top Gear. What made it funnier is that it wasn't the small gear shift one might find in, say, a saloon or SUV--but a big, long lorry gear shift.
 
2013-04-09 11:49:11 PM
maram500

Could be Clarkson's still pissed at Sabine

wonderingbrit.files.wordpress.com

   I'm sure he's over it....
 
2013-04-09 11:50:07 PM
Somebody objected to the pole position?
 
2013-04-09 11:51:39 PM

maram500: andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.

Could be Clarkson's still pissed at Sabine for making him look like a massive hammer.

/A tool
//I'm saying Sabine made him look like a giant tool
///Penis


Possible.  This is very Clarksonesque.  It's the "Danish" part that doesn't fit.  Jeremy would have written "wanker" or "Mexican".  Possibly "Gordon Brown"
 
2013-04-10 12:03:46 AM
better
nsfw
 
2013-04-10 12:06:53 AM

andychrist420: maram500: andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.

Could be Clarkson's still pissed at Sabine for making him look like a massive hammer.

/A tool
//I'm saying Sabine made him look like a giant tool
///Penis

Possible.  This is very Clarksonesque.  It's the "Danish" part that doesn't fit.  Jeremy would have written "wanker" or "Mexican".  Possibly "Gordon Brown"


I would say that the culprit could be devious, but you're absolutely right--Clarkson is by no means devious. We are, after all, talking about a man who would think a broken nuclear power plant could be mended with a sledgehammer.

/Just watched the episode with the Lancia Stratos
//Pulling into the garage: "Have you got a hammer?"
///The engine was utter rubbish
 
2013-04-10 12:11:04 AM

vengethis: [i1.wp.com image 300x162]
/Sidebar photo quite appropriate


Is that Phil Jones? Phil Jones sucks.
 
2013-04-10 12:23:11 AM
Ironic, given the track's usual association with small penises.
 
2013-04-10 12:35:56 AM

maram500: andychrist420: maram500: andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.

Could be Clarkson's still pissed at Sabine for making him look like a massive hammer.

/A tool
//I'm saying Sabine made him look like a giant tool
///Penis

Possible.  This is very Clarksonesque.  It's the "Danish" part that doesn't fit.  Jeremy would have written "wanker" or "Mexican".  Possibly "Gordon Brown"

I would say that the culprit could be devious, but you're absolutely right--Clarkson is by no means devious. We are, after all, talking about a man who would think a broken nuclear power plant could be mended with a sledgehammer.

/Just watched the episode with the Lancia Stratos
//Pulling into the garage: "Have you got a hammer?"
///The engine was utter rubbish


You're right.  There is nothing that can't be mended with a hammer and gaffer tape.  And some structural paint.
 
2013-04-10 12:41:46 AM
Came for Clarkson, leaving satisfied.

/Wait, that doesn't sound right.
//Love Top Gear, got me through some long nights when Mrs. Wraithmare was on a ventilator in hospital.
///... in the world.
 
2013-04-10 12:46:06 AM

wraithmare: Came for Clarkson, leaving satisfied.

/Wait, that doesn't sound right.


It's okay, you didn't say which Clarkson.

i.dailymail.co.uk

/she's 18, so no seat over there
 
2013-04-10 12:49:44 AM
It's nice, but I like the draw bridge penis better.
i.crackedcdn.com
 
2013-04-10 12:54:59 AM

wraithmare: Came for Clarkson, leaving satisfied.

/Wait, that doesn't sound right.
//Love Top Gear, got me through some long nights when Mrs. Wraithmare was on a ventilator in hospital.
///... in the world.


"We have just entered Jezza. Wait, that doesn't sound right..."
 
2013-04-10 01:21:45 AM
Some say that he forgot to add public hair to the giant penis.
 
2013-04-10 02:25:50 AM
I think Nurburgring is German for whargarbl.
 
2013-04-10 04:28:48 AM
I'm looking forward to hearing the Top Gear guys comment on this.

Also...

i.imgur.com

/Missed it by one
 
2013-04-10 05:50:20 AM

andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.


this

with May's perpetual rants against any/everything that is the Nurburgring, I would suspect him over the hamster or jezzers....
 
2013-04-10 06:17:02 AM
Oh cock.
 
2013-04-10 07:23:28 AM
Huh, from the headline, I'd figured someone crashed a Smart Car there.

/Or a 1980's Ford Festiva
 
2013-04-10 08:47:00 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com

Shut. Down. Everything.
 
2013-04-10 08:49:04 AM

blankmangedeux: andychrist420: Anderson's Pooper: Yeah, I'd blame Clarkson and make him prove his innocence.

Actually, I think it's Captain Slow who hates everything Nurburgring.

this

with May's perpetual rants against any/everything that is the Nurburgring, I would suspect him over the hamster or jezzers....


That's a segment on Thursday's Man Lab?

How To....Close the Nurburgring
 
2013-04-10 09:35:08 AM

Fista-Phobia: [blogs.thenews.com.pk image 430x302]


Speaking of huge dicks in Germany.
 
2013-04-10 10:00:12 AM

fluffy2097: wraithmare: Came for Clarkson, leaving satisfied.

/Wait, that doesn't sound right.
//Love Top Gear, got me through some long nights when Mrs. Wraithmare was on a ventilator in hospital.
///... in the world.

"We have just entered Jezza. Wait, that doesn't sound right..."


Africa special!
 
2013-04-10 10:44:42 AM

maram500: Certainly doesn't sound like something Captain Slow would try to pull off. And we all know that Hamster, being a "short, cross bloke" (his own words, mind you), doesn't have the manhood necessary.


Actually, James May has both a distinct (and stated on the show repeatedly) hatred for the Nurburgring and a recent penchant for juvenile sketches of exactly this sort, so Captain Slow was my first suspect :)
 
2013-04-10 11:23:55 AM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: maram500: Anyway, who cares? The show is just fantastic, but I really wish there were a few more episodes per series. We had, what, five episodes (the Africa special I count as one episode), and now we get to watch reruns until the fall? Makes me sad.

Netflix. 18 seasons. I never, ever get bored.


The music in the Netflix episodes isn't quite right (liscencing issues).
 
2013-04-10 12:22:43 PM
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
Detective Nordberg Race Track?
 
2013-04-10 01:01:41 PM

Darth Otter: Adolf Oliver Nipples: maram500: Anyway, who cares? The show is just fantastic, but I really wish there were a few more episodes per series. We had, what, five episodes (the Africa special I count as one episode), and now we get to watch reruns until the fall? Makes me sad.

Netflix. 18 seasons. I never, ever get bored.

The music in the Netflix episodes isn't quite right (liscencing issues).


Finalgear.com has all the episodes and the right music! Yay piracy making everything better!
 
2013-04-10 02:25:40 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: Giant penis causes closure of world-famous Nurburgring racing track

What, did a Porsche driver show up and start some shiat?


More likely a Bimmer driver.
 
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