Really, do you have any idea how little we care about how adorable your puppy looks peeking out from under the blankets?

You should, my dog's way cuter than that ugly dollop of mayonnaise you call a baby.

Should we take away something? Because she's three, does she really have anything of value?

To her, yes.  This use to work fantastic on my daughter at that age.

<Kid situation>
Me:  You better stop what you're doing or I'm going to put one of your toys in time out.
Kid:  What are you gonna take?
Me:  What do you think I'm gonna take?
Kid: (GASP)  Not my Shamu!?!
Me:  Oh, you bet it's your Shamu.
</Kid situation>

It's not that you are a breeder, it's that you are an asshole.

fo_sho!: jigger: This tumblr has been making the rounds. Is this kid typical or is he just a little biatch? I vote little biatch. Honestly, I don't think I could handle this little fark without choking him out.

http://reasonsmysoniscrying.tumblr.com/

On a bad day - that;s about par for the course with a 2 year old. That's the age when they can ask you for things, and you can tell them things, and they are learning what the word "no" means. As in - does no mean no or can I change that by crying.

It gets better around 3 1/2 because then they understand when you really mean it, and also you can threaten and bribe them and they will understand it.

/ Has 6 year old and 3 year old twins.

Twins that are 6 and 3? Aw, jeeze and mom said 9 hours of labor was bad.

spiderpaz: Oh look: a bunch of degenerates on fark - who have never raised children because they are too cynical or selfish or damaged (or D, all of the above) - commenting on child rearing, and being complete self-obsessed douche bags about it. I.AM.Shocked!

Heh.  That kind of post is more effective if you get it in before the first hundred.  It also helps if you have, you know, read the thread too.

//Just got back from a week vacation in Vancouver. Thank you expensive health plan and the $30 co pay for my vasectomy!

Apply to vagina.

Marcus Aurelius: How about this: if you've never raised a child, STFU.

How about this no. I will piss biatch and moan about your undisciplined  uneducated, unintelligent, ugly little bastards until they grow up and are old enough to suck my cock. Then I will spank one out to their nasty girls gone wild pictures and videos they post to Reddit or Facebook.

Egoy3k: 9. What Really Annoys Me Is When Parents Yell at their Kids But Never Get Out of Their Chair and Deal with the Kid - Well, how are we supposed to "deal with it"? We yelled at the kid, didn't we? We can't spank them because you childless hippie liberals have taken that away from us.

Go piss up a rope.

I tell kids to moan like it feels good when their rants spank them.

abadabba: Dont worry parents, non breeders will non breed themselves out of the population in a few generations.

Just like gays, amirite?

For a refreshing change, a mom posts a list


I do not plan to read the list. I plan to assume that the author shrieking harpy is angry about being a subpar parent and is jealous of people who do not have to deal with her children.

 STFU, Childless People: The 10 Most Annoying Complaints From Non-Breeders About Parents Reasons I Should Have Never Reproduced.

Let's just fix that up.

blindio: That should help(.) They don't owe you anything either.  No quarter asked, none given.

I missed a period in a parenting thread.  I find that amusing.

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Should we take away something? Because she's three, does she really have anything of value?

To her, yes.  This use to work fantastic on my daughter at that age.

<Kid situation>
Me:  You better stop what you're doing or I'm going to put one of your toys in time out.
Kid:  What are you gonna take?
Me:  What do you think I'm gonna take?
Kid: (GASP)  Not my Shamu!?!
Me:  Oh, you bet it's your Shamu.
</Kid situation>

Okay that gave me the giggles. I read the "Me" part in Bender's voice.

Have you ever considered just sitting down with your children, and simply hitting them?

FTFA:  2.Control Your Children in Restaurants - Look, if you see a kid at a restaurant, more times than not, it's because you've chosen to go to a "family" restaurant, and "family" often means loud-mouthed litte (sic) brats.

9.What Really Annoys Me Is When Parents Yell at their Kids But Never Get Out of Their Chair and Deal with the Kid - Well, how are we supposed to "deal with it"? We yelled at the kid, didn't we?


biatch, please.  Your parents would have handled this shiat.  Why can't you?


/ When I was a kid, a "time out" meant my dad took time out of his busy day to whip my ass.

I just came here to say I don't mind when people post pictures of their kids, pets, meals, drinks on Facebook. The only thing I really don't like is the forwarded chain letters of the "Like this or else it means you hate Jesus!!!!" ilk.

On the subject of parents vs. child-free, however: As a child-free person I think I should be able to call in sick with a hangover as many times as parents call in sick to take care of a child. In an overpopulated world, having a kid is not morally superior to remaining childless and enjoying your freedom. One should not be privileged over the other.

neongoats: Why are we supposed to suck your dick because you couldn't master the art of birth control?

If there was dick sucking involved earlier, the author could've avoided the whole "I'm offended that people don't go out of their way to accommodate my children" issue entirely.

CrazyCracka420: How is our population count still rising then?  Something isn't adding up

Math is Hard. You should just go shopping.

I agree with the overall sentiment of the article, but there were a lot of clues that tell me the author is a biatch. I have two kids, 7 and 4. I have never allowed them to make a mess at a restaurant, no matter how big of a tip I plan to leave. From day one I made a show of staying tidy and if the kids dropped anything they were corrected and assisted in cleaning up after themselves. When they were old enough, I explained how rude it is to leave a mess. The youngest has had noisy meltdowns and one of us takes him to the car until he's calm. You need to teach your kids not to be rude little dicks lest they end up biatching about breeders on Fark or writing shiatty blogs.

THX 1138: Surpheon: people who nostalgically (from a white, upper middle class upbringing) view the 60's as being like Leave it to Beaver.

I have absolutely no clue where he nostalgically reminisced about the '60s as being like Leave it to Beaver, but it must be there somewhere if you're making it such a main part of your argument.

Surpheonis not making it a main part of the argument, but a simile to explain the meta-concept.  I shall attempt to clarify, since it is already fairly obvious.

Umad is taking a fairly unrelated topic and cramming his "I hate gubbmint" dick in the mashed potatoes, in this case by claiming "I was raised just fine without all that there dangol' Gubbmint Intervention and Welfare State Spendin'!  I'm an island!  Why ain't you Welfare Queens islands?"

Doing the MATH, that means  umad must have been a child of the 50s or 60s and pretty much and adult by 1972.  Doing the social studies, that meanshe (she?) has the rose-tinted viewpoint that life back in ye olden days of 1950-1969 was just fine for everyone.  It is a viewpoint that is delusional and a trope best exemplified by Leave it to Beaver and the false nostalgia associated with Leave it to Beaver.

Or to put it really simply; nostalgia is bullshiat, before welfare programs children died or grew up criminals a lot more.

Though oddly enough they spent less time in prison, because we didn't have all those non-violent drug offenders doing lifetime sentences.

Friendly's restaurant is a great place to eat if you like listening to screaming babies and toddlers.

Yugoboy: As a childless-but-married-for-20+-years person, I read the entire article straining in vain to find a single point which applied to me.

I don't do the annoying Facebook thing... I don't do Facebook.
...
If your choice inconveniences others beyond reasonable tolerance levels (ask a stranger if you can't figure it out on your own) don't be surprised when someone offers you advice on how to minimize being an asshole. The manner of their expression is probably related to how big an asshole you are being.

FTFA:
"How would you feel, you childless heathens, if we were to label all the non-breeders the same? Let's find out."

Gee Yugoboy, why do you think you couldn't find a single point that applied to you? I don't want you to strain too hard, as your sage offering of advice makes pretty clear the thesis of the article is well beyond your comprehension  even though it was explicitly stated at the start.

Lexx: Kids *do* have a place in society, and parents *do* have the responsibility to either raise them correctly *before* inflicting them upon society.

Raise the kids before "inflicting" them upon society?  Sheesh, do you always go around broadcasting your childhood issues?

/kidding

chewd: 10.  fark you... ever worked a 40+ hour shift?  Ever worked more than 360 days in a single year? I've done both... to cover up for busy parents who didnt have time to show up for their farking job.

You sound angry, like you missed a big sale on hairnets

Meh She has some valid points..especially about the resturant thing. I take my kid out so I dont have to cook and clean. Also if you choose to eat at a "Family"  dining establishment why are you judging parents who bring their families you non-breeding hipster douchnozzles.

Seems like the childless ones  are out in force in this thread, but it is FARK so you know you have to move out of your mom's basement to have kids

Everyone driving slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster is a maniac.

CrazyCracka420: Do you realize we humans are breeding at exponential rates,

Human "breeding" rate has been dropping since 1963 and most demographers expect it to naturally go negative in our lifetimes (and that's assuming no disasters push it along). But that's just, you know, documented reality - don't bother to put your latte' down, I know you have to finish it up before heading to the gym in 26 minutes.

FTA: "6. I Get Irritated When Parents Blabber on about Being So Busy - Oh, honey. We're not that busy. When you manage to fold in taking care of a child into your full time job, we parents become excellent time managers. I manage three kids, writing for two sites, consume 30-40 hours of media each week, and still find time to hang out with friends. If we are "too busy" to hang out, it just means that we think that changing diapers and reading Where the Wild Things Are is more fun than hanging out with you."

Wait . . . by saying "consume 40 hours of media" (aka. watching TV on the couch), this person believes they're busy?

I have no kids, but at my age I'm not so much a "non-breeder" as mother-farker.

servlet: Congratulations, you've mastered one of the most basic biological processes. Pardon me while I stop the world to celebrate how amazing you are because you figured out how to procreate.

I mean, I like kids and all, but can we seriously stop this ridiculous sense of superiority that some (admittedly not most) parents have just because they worked out how to produce offspring?

Hey now, it's not just the ability to procreate they are celebrating, it's the obvious fact that they've gotten their shiat together to support the kid.  The ability to get up in the morning on time, the ability to keep a steady job, the ability to stay sober and clean, the ability to (most likely) live in a real home, have a car, you know all the adult stuff that YOU should've been doing by now but you're still sitting in your underwear eating nachos and playing XBOX in your 30s nursing a hangover on a Tuesday night, you disappointing non-breeding slacker, you.

BTW please check out the new FB album of me and the kids making goofy faces, again.  We're having so much fun, please click Like whenever you get a tiny moment in your care free and responsibility free life to do so.

Guairdean: jigger: This tumblr has been making the rounds. Is this kid typical or is he just a little biatch? I vote little biatch. Honestly, I don't think I could handle this little fark without choking him out.

http://reasonsmysoniscrying.tumblr.com/

The answer is simple. Put him in a corner on a stool and let him cry. If he's still crying when he stands up, swat him and put him back on the stool. If he turns around and he's still crying, swat him and turn him to the corner. It won't take him long to learn.

At this age (2-3) that is not appropriate. That is frank emotional abuse and should be avoided as a parenting technic. You need to wait until the child is capable of reasonably and clearly expressing himself, and can carry on a meaningful conversation about the topic at hand- usually that's 4 or 5 years old. At that point is is appropriate to be corrective; younger than that and it's abusive.

The One True TheDavid: On a planet with 7+ billion humans eating, chopping, burning, digging, killing and polluting the shiat out of everything, far more people need to Just. Stop. Breeding. Just say NO to reproduction. What are the chances YOUR genes are so much more wonderful than a few dozen million people Just Like You? Do you really need that second kid, and did you really need the first?

And hey, if you can't figure out how to avoid causing childbirth you should be sterilized by force: it's possible for stupid parents to have & raise nonstupid kids but you'd have a better chance on a trifecta at the Derby.

If you think that's harsh, here's another: people who've never seriously considered suicide are just too thick to be worth much. But more on that later.

Remember Family is three, Mom, Dad and me. Report Breeder offenders to the population police.

kumanoki: Girls seem to be much more well-behaved than boys, for some reason.

Thats because boys turn into spastic assholes from the age of 4 to 16 when they start to mellow out. Girls on the other start off sane and get crazier and crazier as the years go by until they hit critical mass at 16.

Okay, so let me get this straight. You don't want to see pictures of my dogs, kids, or vacations? So, why the fark even have a Facebook account? No wonder I don't have one anymore.

servlet: Congratulations, you've mastered one of the most basic biological processes. Pardon me while I stop the world to celebrate how amazing you are because you figured out how to procreate.

I mean, I like kids and all, but can we seriously stop this ridiculous sense of superiority that some (admittedly not most) parents have just because they worked out how to produce offspring?

I have figured out how to do it.  I also figured out how to avoid procreating while 'practicing'.

This whole article smacks of a woman who had kids too early and is pissed off that her friends got to enjoy their 20's while she was pregnant and could not.  One of the things I have noticed with my friends is that the ones who got married younger and had kids right away after getting married are the ones like this woman, who complain about the single friends, or childless couples.  While two friends who got married in their early 30's and waited a couple years to have kids were able to adjust much faster because they were established in their lives and careers.

Also, the ones that got married early are significantly more likely to post inane pictures of their kids eating food, playing with the dogs or sleeping.  Those pictures usually get a response from my wife with another vacation photo from France, Germany or Egypt.

Coco LaFemme: When my sister and I were real little, if either of us acted out of turn in public, my parents would yank our butts out of wherever we were and we'd go straight home. It only happened to me twice that I can remember, and I'm sure if I ask my mom, she'll say it was a lot more than that. They never hit us, or even spanked us, never yelled and screamed at us, but we knew - if they take us out somewhere, anywhere....and they tell us to mind our manners, be quiet, sit still, any of that....we had better do it, no questions asked.

Hee hee.  I do a variation of that sometimes.  If we're in a store that I hate, like Walmart (yes, I know all about Walmart, my wife doesnt. care. one. bit.) and the kid starts misbehaving I'll pull out the, "If you don't start behaving we'll go sit in the car and wait for Mom to finish shopping."

I can't lose with that one.  I'll either have a well-behaved kid or I get to go play Temple Run 2 in the car instead of wander aimlessly through a retail wasteland like some pack mule of woe.

tricycleracer: someonelse: Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.

Think about why you assumed the author was female. Then feel bad about yourself.

Right there in the header: "drolly written by a mother ".

Reading comprehensi-burn

mortimer_ford: If you're not posting pictures of your children or pets, you're probably posting pictures of your meals. Or your choice of alcoholic beverages.

I don't really want to see pictures of anything short of a two headed eagle or some good arson.

We can't all be Sororitas.

Notabunny: TomD9938: PanicMan: I refuse to accept the term  "non-breeder" in any way, shape, or form.

Dead-Ender?

Self-Darwiner?

Gelding?

Notabunny: fta 4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

Oh, and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

I think Louis CK got it best

"I used to judge other parents, I used to. But now, I don't don't. When I see a mom say to her kid 'shut up I hate you' I think to myself, what did that shiatty shiatty kid do to that poor woman"

Don't want to hear those complaints?  Then how about not breeding?

towatchoverme: And the ones who are parents post more pics of the dogs than the kids.

Dogs pretty much stay cute and entertaining until they're dead. They're constantly doing stupid or ridiculous things. And when they fark up, you can biatch about it and not offend anyone because they're not human beings. The charm of kids wears off after the first week, and you have to be very careful when biatching about your kid or you will be judged severely.

My kid is 9 and autistic and I still find it hilariously entertaining when he does something new. It's like watching a 2 year old say "ooooooh bad daddy" for the first time, except he'll be 9 and slur the hell out of it. But he tried. And it just comes out really funny. It's like the best of both worlds. Probably just me, though.

fta 4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

Oh, and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

As a parent one of the most important skills I hope to bestow upon my children is to not give a shiat what some dumbarse hipster thinks.

Rev.K: That was a lot of noise. I'm a good parent, so that stuff doesn't apply to me.

Well, off to take my two toddlers for brunch at the Marriott and post pictures on Facebook of them elbowknee deep in the chocolate fountain.

FTFM

7 whole dollars?

Look: We already did all that, and we found our spouses, and we got married, and we had kids SO WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE.

Oh, look, an unattractive joyless biatch.

PanicMan: I refuse to accept the term  "non-breeder" in any way, shape, or form.

Dead-Ender?

If you're not posting pictures of your children or pets, you're probably posting pictures of your meals. Or your choice of alcoholic beverages.

I don't really want to see pictures of anything short of a two headed eagle or some good arson.

Hero tag needs a bit of Obvious or Sad.  Can't decide which.

abadabba: Dont worry parents, non breeders will non breed themselves out of the population in a few generations.

Unfortunately.  Self-centered, entitled, whiny non-breeders grow up to become self-centered, entitled, helicopter breeders.

Dont worry parents, non breeders will non breed themselves out of the population in a few generations.

Englebert Slaptyback: For a refreshing change, a mom posts a list


I do not plan to read the list. I plan to assume that the author shrieking harpy is angry about being a subpar parent and is jealous of people who do not have to deal with her children.

It's mostly her making assumptions on behalf of the non-breeders.

A few strawmen, so I stopped reading it myself.

I think most of the problems would be solved if kids under 12 were kept on a leash when in public.

I refuse to accept the term  "non-breeder" in any way, shape, or form.

That's why we go out, dumbass. We just paid $7 plus (a very generous) tip for a crappy grilled cheese sandwich so we wouldn't have to deal with that mess.

The person who wrote that should have her head smashed in with a ball-peen hammer.