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(Pajiba)   For a refreshing change, a mom posts a list of 10 things about which non-breeders need to ESS. TEE. EFF. YOO. (Update: Turns out the author is a dad)   (pajiba.com) divider line 421
    More: Hero, morning shows, Blair Koenig, mom, doctor's visit  
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23572 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2013 at 9:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-09 09:31:12 AM  
Since when does dining out, even at a family restaurant, mean that I am require to listen to your screeching crotch fruit? My children and my grandchildren were taught how to behave in public. If you want them to run wild, take them to the dog park. If you bring your untrained brats into a restaurant, expect the glaring looks and complaints to the management.
 
2013-04-09 09:31:14 AM  

abadabba: Dont worry parents, non breeders will non breed themselves out of the population in a few generations.


Just like gays, amirite?
 
2013-04-09 09:31:25 AM  
[notsureifserious.jpg]
 
2013-04-09 09:31:27 AM  
I would LOVE to leash my 2 year old little "free spirit". But I can't leave her tied up in the backyard.
 
2013-04-09 09:31:48 AM  

xanadian: Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.

Having kids will do that to you.


Taking it up the ass tends to as well

jk i just couldnt miss that opportunity
 
2013-04-09 09:31:55 AM  
WHO WANTS TO SEE MACKEYNZY'S POOPY TIME PICTURES?!!
 
2013-04-09 09:31:55 AM  

UberDave: Unless I'm missing it, the mom's name is Dustin Rowles.  That's a weird name for a mom.


I've met moms with a name of Rowles before. What's so strange about it?
 
2013-04-09 09:32:03 AM  

servlet: Congratulations, you've mastered one of the most basic biological processes. Pardon me while I stop the world to celebrate how amazing you are because you figured out how to procreate.

I mean, I like kids and all, but can we seriously stop this ridiculous sense of superiority that some (admittedly not most) parents have just because they worked out how to produce offspring?


Exhibit A as to why some people, like this blogger, feel attacked and respond with venom.
 
2013-04-09 09:32:21 AM  
How about this: if you've never raised a child, STFU.
 
2013-04-09 09:32:34 AM  
if you hand-pick your friends among the worst annoying a-holes you know just so that you feel ok with being a douche towards them, I think that tells a lot about how what kind of person you are.

/One colleague posted "happy birthday son" on his FB page every month, on the XXth. We got to share the brat's bloody growth curbs, sickness bulletins, play-doh pictures, etc for 2 bloody years. I didn't hide those from my newsfeed in order to learn what not to do when I'll have one of my own.
 
2013-04-09 09:33:22 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: How about this: if you've never raised a child, STFU.


If the topic comes up at all, clearly you must not be doing a good enough job of it and require advice from the village around you.
 
2013-04-09 09:34:01 AM  

Crewmannumber6: But you have no compunction call people 'breeders'


Also, the pejorative "breeders" used to be way cooler.  My understanding was that gay folks used to use it as a word for heterosexuals.  A much better usage, in my mind.
 
2013-04-09 09:34:22 AM  

namegoeshere: Am I the only one who has ever left a restaraunt with a toddler who couldn't handle it? That one pisses me off. No I will not put up wil my kid acting like a little monster in public, "family friendly" or not. This chick does not speak for all of us.


When my sister and I were real little, if either of us acted out of turn in public, my parents would yank our butts out of wherever we were and we'd go straight home.  It only happened to me twice that I can remember, and I'm sure if I ask my mom, she'll say it was a lot more than that.  They never hit us, or even spanked us, never yelled and screamed at us, but we knew - if they take us out somewhere, anywhere....and they tell us to mind our manners, be quiet, sit still, any of that....we had better do it, no questions asked.
 
2013-04-09 09:34:31 AM  
This tumblr has been making the rounds. Is this kid typical or is he just a little biatch? I vote little biatch. Honestly, I don't think I could handle this little fark without choking him out.

http://reasonsmysoniscrying.tumblr.com/
 
2013-04-09 09:34:55 AM  

StarSys: I hate obnoxious parents that rage about how difficult their lives are. My wife and I spent $50,000 trying to have that chance and it still didn't work. STFU and be happy with what you have.


A lot of it is because they can't get their shiat together.  The guy in the article talking about his day/week is hilarious.  He has to spend part of the day "soaking up media"?!  Give me a break.
 
2013-04-09 09:34:59 AM  
I've been out to dinner with my niece, who's a baby and her mother and the kid is quiet as a mouse the whole time. She's not deaf or a special needs kid or anything, she's just well behaved. And if she did act up my sister would be mortified and get her out, not act like an entitled biatch about it.
 
2013-04-09 09:35:09 AM  
fta 4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.


Oh, and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.
 
2013-04-09 09:35:19 AM  

Crewmannumber6: PanicMan: I refuse to accept the term  "non-breeder" in any way, shape, or form.

But you have no compunction call people 'breeders'


Only if that's your job description.  Do you breed horses?  Then you're a breeder.

Do you have kids? Then you're a parent.
 
2013-04-09 09:36:00 AM  

Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.


Think about why you assumed the author was female. Then feel bad about yourself.
 
2013-04-09 09:36:25 AM  
Things I've seen recently:

1. Kid about 4 years old, kicking a giant kickball up and down the aisles at Target.  Right next to shelves filled with glasses and plates.
2. Group of 5 kids (aged maybe 6 to 12) at a bar and grill, running the length of this place, jumping up onto a platform (KABOOM), then jumping back down and running back again.  About 50 times.
3. A kid on a razor scooter in a tiny little grocery store.  That one really astounded me.

But then, I remember being at an outdoor party many years ago, and there were a bunch of young kids there, and they were playing near the road, and running recklessly into the road to chase a ball, and this was a road where cars would come around a corner going 35 mph.  So I told these kids, hey, why don't you just move further into the yard, you shouldn't run into the road.  Man did that draw hostile glares from the booze-guzzling parents.  So OK, I just turned my back and ignored it.

Similar to an incident when I took my stepson to a Cub Scouts thing.  They were doing some kind of craft thing.  One dad brings along his 3-year-old as well, and then ignores him.  The kid grabs a pair of scissors, and is yanking ribbon out of a spool.  With the scissors in his hands.  So his right hand is making these huge, fluid arcs behind him, stabbing the scissors into the air.  I told the dad, hey, I think your kid might hurt somebody there.  So he says, "Bobby, put those scissors down."  Kids put them down.  Dad turns around.  Kid picks them back up and goes right back to the same thing.

Then there was the kid in the Cub Scouts troop who tried to burn essentially anything he could find when we had a "cookout" in our back yard.  His dad was there and completelhy ignored him.  I finally had to grab the kid's hands and say, "DO. NOT. PUT. ANYTHING. IN. THE. FIRE."  Dad finally got the message on that one; the event broke up soon after.  And I resolved never to do anything like that again.
 
2013-04-09 09:36:30 AM  
If I go to Applebee's or The Cracker Barrel and there's some kid screaming his head off two tables over then I shrug and accept it.  You expect to see that kind of thing in a family restaurant.  But if I'm at a nicer resteraunt then I get real annoyed, real quick with screaming toddlers.
 
2013-04-09 09:36:34 AM  

Capo Del Bandito: It's mostly her making assumptions on behalf of the non-breeders.



Let's face it -- just as there are obnoxious parents and bratty kids here and there, there's a certain segment of the childless population whose sense of superiority gets a little overweening at times. That's who the author's responding to.

You'll see them in this very thread, and you can always recognize them by their specialized vocabulary. I'm tempted to type out a word list, here, but I don't really need to.
 
2013-04-09 09:36:46 AM  

towatchoverme: And the ones who are parents post more pics of the dogs than the kids.


Dogs pretty much stay cute and entertaining until they're dead. They're constantly doing stupid or ridiculous things. And when they fark up, you can biatch about it and not offend anyone because they're not human beings. The charm of kids wears off after the first week, and you have to be very careful when biatching about your kid or you will be judged severely.

My kid is 9 and autistic and I still find it hilariously entertaining when he does something new. It's like watching a 2 year old say "ooooooh bad daddy" for the first time, except he'll be 9 and slur the hell out of it. But he tried. And it just comes out really funny. It's like the best of both worlds. Probably just me, though.
 
2013-04-09 09:36:47 AM  

Carn: That's why we go out, dumbass. We just paid $7 plus (a very generous) tip for a crappy grilled cheese sandwich so we wouldn't have to deal with that mess.

The person who wrote that should have her head smashed in with a ball-peen hammer.


THIS.  I am quite offended that she said this.  Regardless of what restaurant we go to, I consistently tell my kids to clean up after themselves.  I may not have to clean it, but someone does
 
2013-04-09 09:36:48 AM  
Don't want to hear those complaints?  Then how about not breeding?
 
2013-04-09 09:36:52 AM  

Bruised Martini: She sounds like a bad parent.

fat.

/FTFY.
 
2013-04-09 09:37:30 AM  
9. What Really Annoys Me Is When Parents Yell at their Kids But Never Get Out of Their Chair and Deal with the Kid - Well, how are we supposed to "deal with it"? We yelled at the kid, didn't we? We can't spank them because you childless hippie liberals have taken that away from us.

Go piss up a rope.
 
2013-04-09 09:37:31 AM  

Notabunny: fta 4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.

Oh, and

4. I Hate the "You Don't Understand" Parents - But, here's the thing: You don't understand.


I think Louis CK got it best

"I used to judge other parents, I used to. But now, I don't don't. When I see a mom say to her kid 'shut up I hate you' I think to myself, what did that shiatty shiatty kid do to that poor woman"
 
2013-04-09 09:37:43 AM  
towatchoverme: Geez ... what is it with dog owners?  And the ones who are parents post more pics of the dogs than the kids.

Duh. Dogs >>> kids.
 
2013-04-09 09:37:43 AM  

Crewmannumber6: neversubmit: It's not that you aren't a breeder, it's that you are an asshole.

FTFYourself
Choosing to live your life wrapped in self absorption doesn't make you a better person.


Assumption of self absorption makes an ass out of you.
 
2013-04-09 09:38:05 AM  

Notabunny: TomD9938: PanicMan: I refuse to accept the term  "non-breeder" in any way, shape, or form.

Dead-Ender?

Self-Darwiner?


Gelding?
 
2013-04-09 09:38:24 AM  

namegoeshere: Am I the only one who has ever left a restaraunt with a toddler who couldn't handle it? That one pisses me off. No I will not put up wil my kid acting like a little monster in public, "family friendly" or not. This chick does not speak for all of us.


I've taken every single one of my kids outside of a restaurant, rain or shine, for a time out before.  I hate the perception that kids shouldn't be at any restaurants, but I'm not about to allow mine to contribute to kids' collective bad reputation there.

As a result, we often get complimented by staff and other patrons about our kids' demeanor.  Also, they are adventurous... nothing like seeing a waiter's jaw drop when a 5-y/o white kid orders "taco la lengua."

"You know that means 'beef tongue,' right?"
"BEEF TONGUE!"

The kid loves beef tongue, that's for damn certain.
 
2013-04-09 09:38:43 AM  

Mercutio74: Full disclosure, I'm a parent of a 4 yr old girl.

The article makes some good points, but number 9 is bullshiat.  Whenever my precious snowflake is doing something that isn't very precious and is annoying/hurting/generally shiat disturbing others and she doesn't respond to my chairbourne correction, I get up and deal with her....  usually by crouching down in front of her, telling her I want to talk to her, explaining why what she's doing isn't acceptable and threatening her with a time out if she continues.  If that doesn't take care of it, then I follow through with the time out unless she behaves.

Why do I do this?  Because I want my chair-based words of correction to farking mean something.  My sister in law shrieks at her children and they don't give a fark because they know it doesn't mean anything.  On the other hand, the 9 times out of 10 when I calmly tell her to stop doing something stupid and other parents tell me how well behaved she is, it's not because she's awesome (which she is, I have to be honest) it's because she knows that there are consistent and knowable consequences to misbehaving and it's more fun to find something else to get into.

We have plenty of ways to make our kids behave without thrashing them or inducing some kind of cruelty...  if your kid is misbehaving it's probably because you don't follow through on your correction of their behaviour and they know you're full of shiat.



th716.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-09 09:38:52 AM  

mortimer_ford: If you're not posting pictures of your children or pets, you're probably posting pictures of your meals. Or your choice of alcoholic beverages.

I don't really want to see pictures of anything short of a two headed eagle or some good arson.


We can't all be Sororitas.
 
2013-04-09 09:38:54 AM  
That's one sandy twunt right there.
 
2013-04-09 09:39:18 AM  

someonelse: Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.

Think about why you assumed the author was female. Then feel bad about yourself.


Right there in the header: "drolly written by a mother ".
 
2013-04-09 09:39:33 AM  
Translation: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. LOOK AT ME! I HAD A KID!

This is what happens when Precious Snowflakes breed.

Disclaimer: I am of the Precious Snowflake generation and shouldn't really talk
 
2013-04-09 09:40:30 AM  

someonelse: Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.

Think about why you assumed the author was female. Then feel bad about yourself.


If it was a man then he's a really obnoxious biatch.
 
2013-04-09 09:40:34 AM  

tricycleracer: someonelse: Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.

Think about why you assumed the author was female. Then feel bad about yourself.

Right there in the header: "drolly written by a mother ".


Reading comprehensi-burn
 
2013-04-09 09:40:39 AM  

Egoy3k: 9. What Really Annoys Me Is When Parents Yell at their Kids But Never Get Out of Their Chair and Deal with the Kid - Well, how are we supposed to "deal with it"? We yelled at the kid, didn't we? We can't spank them because you childless hippie liberals have taken that away from us.

Go piss up a rope.


I tell kids to moan like it feels good when their rants spank them.
 
2013-04-09 09:41:10 AM  

namegoeshere: Am I the only one who has ever left a restaraunt with a toddler who couldn't handle it? That one pisses me off. No I will not put up wil my kid acting like a little monster in public, "family friendly" or not. This chick does not speak for all of us.


I only had to do this once. At a pizza hut. I forget how old my daughter was... almost 3 I think. We were meeting friends of my wife's and their 2 kids for dinner. The other couple had a 4 and 1 year old, I think and the 4 year old had some small toys that my daughter kept grabbing. I took her outside for about 10 minutes. When I came back in the pizza was there and the rest of dinner was fine.

Any other problems we had were when she was still in diapers and needed to be fed or changed. Easy fixes.
 
2013-04-09 09:41:25 AM  
Sounds like someone wasn't ready for motherhood.
 
2013-04-09 09:41:30 AM  
But here's the thing: you chose to have the kid (or to not abort it when you had the chance). You're biatching about the choices you made. Which is fine, we all do it. BUT-

Change it up once in a while. Being a parent isn't a shield against the rest of your life - your friends will be understanding, but when you've been to busy to take their calls for a year, they probably won't be your friends much longer. Having a kid doesn't mean the world needs to accommodate the two (three, four, twelve) of you - which means making the barest of attempts to have your kids follow the more basic social conventions.

Having a kid be loud in a restaurant means you can't take them outside for fear of whatever? Bullfark, my brother did just that with The Boy One in January - our first family meal in forever, and my brother spent half of it in the car with my nephew because the kid wouldn't stay within the table area or quiet.

Being a parent means living with the choices you made - stop using your kids as an excuse to be the same selfish prick you always were.
 
2013-04-09 09:42:32 AM  

Coco LaFemme: When my sister and I were real little, if either of us acted out of turn in public, my parents would yank our butts out of wherever we were and we'd go straight home. It only happened to me twice that I can remember, and I'm sure if I ask my mom, she'll say it was a lot more than that. They never hit us, or even spanked us, never yelled and screamed at us, but we knew - if they take us out somewhere, anywhere....and they tell us to mind our manners, be quiet, sit still, any of that....we had better do it, no questions asked.


Hee hee.  I do a variation of that sometimes.  If we're in a store that I hate, like Walmart (yes, I know all about Walmart, my wife doesnt. care. one. bit.) and the kid starts misbehaving I'll pull out the, "If you don't start behaving we'll go sit in the car and wait for Mom to finish shopping."

I can't lose with that one.  I'll either have a well-behaved kid or I get to go play Temple Run 2 in the car instead of wander aimlessly through a retail wasteland like some pack mule of woe.
 
2013-04-09 09:42:56 AM  

phaseolus: Capo Del Bandito: It's mostly her making assumptions on behalf of the non-breeders.


Let's face it -- just as there are obnoxious parents and bratty kids here and there, there's a certain segment of the childless population whose sense of superiority gets a little overweening at times. That's who the author's responding to.

You'll see them in this very thread, and you can always recognize them by their specialized vocabulary. I'm tempted to type out a word list, here, but I don't really need to.


"Crotchdroppings" and "crotchfruit" are essentially the equivalent of "0bama" in the politics threads. They mark the user as a halfwit.
 
2013-04-09 09:43:10 AM  

servlet: Congratulations, you've mastered one of the most basic biological processes. Pardon me while I stop the world to celebrate how amazing you are because you figured out how to procreate.

I mean, I like kids and all, but can we seriously stop this ridiculous sense of superiority that some (admittedly not most) parents have just because they worked out how to produce offspring?


I have figured out how to do it.  I also figured out how to avoid procreating while 'practicing'.

This whole article smacks of a woman who had kids too early and is pissed off that her friends got to enjoy their 20's while she was pregnant and could not.  One of the things I have noticed with my friends is that the ones who got married younger and had kids right away after getting married are the ones like this woman, who complain about the single friends, or childless couples.  While two friends who got married in their early 30's and waited a couple years to have kids were able to adjust much faster because they were established in their lives and careers.

Also, the ones that got married early are significantly more likely to post inane pictures of their kids eating food, playing with the dogs or sleeping.  Those pictures usually get a response from my wife with another vacation photo from France, Germany or Egypt.
 
2013-04-09 09:43:24 AM  

Notabunny: TomD9938: PanicMan: I refuse to accept the term  "non-breeder" in any way, shape, or form.

Dead-Ender?

Self-Darwiner?


Member of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement?
 
2013-04-09 09:44:00 AM  
On a planet with 7+ billion humans eating, chopping, burning, digging, killing and polluting the shiat out of everything, far more people need to Just. Stop. Breeding. Just say NO to reproduction. What are the chances YOUR genes are so much more wonderful than a few dozen million people Just Like You? Do you really need that second kid, and did you really need the first?

And hey, if you can't figure out how to avoid causing childbirth you should be sterilized by force: it's possible for stupid parents to have & raise nonstupid kids but you'd have a better chance on a trifecta at the Derby.

If you think that's harsh, here's another: people who've never seriously considered suicide are just too thick to be worth much. But more on that later.
 
2013-04-09 09:44:10 AM  

someonelse: Mugato: Wow, that is one obnoxious biatch.

Think about why you assumed the author was female. Then feel bad about yourself.


Because that's usually who can't control these kinds of emotional outbursts.

Also, "repopulate" is a dead giveaway for "breeder".
 
2013-04-09 09:44:26 AM  
Parents aren't taking their kids to nice restaurants because we don't want to waste our money on something the kid is going to push around his plate, throw at his sister, or complain about.

Bullshiat they aren't. Rich parents take their spoiled-rotten kids to extremely nice restaurants all the time. And let them run around the place as if it were Chuck E. Cheese. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of kids who are perfectly well-behaved at restaurants. Mostly they're Asian and Hispanic kids. You never see those kids riding around in a stroller at age five, either.
 
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