FARK.com: (7689329) What do you get the man who has everything except a girlfriend?

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		What do you get the man who has everything except a girlfriend? (opposingviews.com)		63
		More: Cool, Riaiyuu Coat, Tokyo University, girlfriend

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11745 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2013 at 7:49 AM | Favorite | Watch | share:

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63 Comments (+0 »)

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bingethinker		2013-04-08 11:59:56 PM

Hookers and blow.

doglover		2013-04-09 12:12:51 AM

miss diminutive		2013-04-09 03:05:26 AM

doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

doglover		2013-04-09 05:39:18 AM

miss diminutive: doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

What's wrong with a watermelon full of vodak?

miss diminutive		2013-04-09 05:42:29 AM

doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

What's wrong with a watermelon full of vodak?

Oh ok, nevermind. I thought it was some kind of bargain fleshlight.

doglover		2013-04-09 05:44:49 AM

miss diminutive: doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

What's wrong with a watermelon full of vodak?

Oh ok, nevermind. I thought it was some kind of bargain fleshlight.

Can't it be both?

miss diminutive		2013-04-09 05:53:41 AM

doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

What's wrong with a watermelon full of vodak?

Oh ok, nevermind. I thought it was some kind of bargain fleshlight.

Can't it be both?

....Touché.

RexTalionis		2013-04-09 06:56:27 AM

Wishlist in profile.

Sybarite		2013-04-09 07:39:28 AM

The Stealth Hippopotamus		2013-04-09 07:44:03 AM

Why get him anything? He has everything he needs!

dahmers love zombie		2013-04-09 07:45:16 AM

TotalFark.

xanadian		2013-04-09 07:51:19 AM

God love ya, Japan. Youse guise are CRAY-ZEE!

gaslight		2013-04-09 07:59:50 AM

A place to keep his Star Trek stuff.

wrenchboy		2013-04-09 07:59:57 AM

Valtrex?

brimed03		2013-04-09 08:02:07 AM

dahmers love zombie: TotalFark.

Came to say this.

/shakes tiny fist
//then applauds

alizeran		2013-04-09 08:03:08 AM

Ask kwame.

Or, alternatively...

Those little pony things? Toys... whatever?

strife		2013-04-09 08:03:52 AM

A three-month subscription to Christian Mingle?

CarnySaur		2013-04-09 08:05:18 AM

Being single is a gift in and of itself.

The Snow Dog		2013-04-09 08:05:26 AM

Wouldn't getting / receiving one of these just make the unlucky Nip just want to head on out to Aokigahara and go for a nicehike?

Soulless Carbon Rod		2013-04-09 08:07:49 AM

Am I the first to say "a real doll"?

aevorea		2013-04-09 08:08:01 AM

A boyfriend?

Subdue their bellies		2013-04-09 08:09:15 AM

miss diminutive: doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

What's wrong with a watermelon full of vodak?

Oh ok, nevermind. I thought it was some kind of bargain fleshlight.

Can't it be both?

....Touché.

You farkers made coffee come out my nose. Well played.

Skarekrough		2013-04-09 08:12:39 AM

How about some lube and a moist warm towel?

skinink		2013-04-09 08:15:51 AM

A jacket that hugs people who have problems being alone. That would be known as a straight jacket.

BigBooper		2013-04-09 08:17:40 AM

Over here in the United States we get by with nothing more than free internet porn and an old gym sock.

Hey, washing a sock once a week is a lot better for the environment than using tissues.

fredklein		2013-04-09 08:19:48 AM

Cormee		2013-04-09 08:25:11 AM

One of those vagina flash light thingys

ZMugg		2013-04-09 08:26:16 AM

I don't need anything except this *picks up the ashtray* and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

H31N0US		2013-04-09 08:26:29 AM

A girlfriend. Duh.

Harry Freakstorm		2013-04-09 08:28:33 AM

Harry Freakstorm's new book "Life without a Girlfriend: Why they don't want you and you don't need them - so there." The book published by the Xerox copier down the hall and neatly stapled has the following chapters:

Chapter One: Your mommy was right: No girl is good enough for you
Chapter Two: Grooming and Grammar fails. You has them.
Chapter Three: Have you ever seen a 'Happy Husband?' Really? Look again.
Chapter Four: A Concise Breakdown of the Financial Disparity between a Single Man and a Married Man. You Win Every Time/Every Income Bracket.
Chapter Five: Free Porn on the Internet
Chapter Six: More Free Porn on the Internet
Chapter Seven: I am Nowhere Near a Wifi Hotspot. Where's the Free Porn?
Chapter Eight: Friends with Benefits: Find a Smart Nerdette
Chapter Nine: Escaping the Smart Nerdette's Controlling Grasp.
Chapter Ten: Die Anyways

mayIFark		2013-04-09 08:31:38 AM

That depends. If he is your enemy: a girlfriend.

If he is your friend, give him an advice: do not get a girlfriend.

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy		2013-04-09 08:35:40 AM

Wouldn't this just make the ~~loneliness~~ roneriness worse?

EngineerBob		2013-04-09 08:35:44 AM

Matching pants with codpiece?

Tat'dGreaser		2013-04-09 08:39:43 AM

Goddamn Japanese

Marcintosh		2013-04-09 08:41:08 AM

sad world

bucket_pup		2013-04-09 08:44:29 AM

Never too obscure.

vudukungfu		2013-04-09 08:45:01 AM

doglover: Can't it be both?

Some of us don't have to stoop to getting the watermelon drunk first.

vpb		2013-04-09 08:45:31 AM

I would think an anatomically correct fem-bot would be best.

Carn		2013-04-09 08:45:31 AM

skinink: A jacket that hugs people who have problems being alone. That would be known as a straight jacket.

That's what it looked like to me.

inglixthemad		2013-04-09 08:48:50 AM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Why get him anything? He has everything he needs!

A book explaining how he should remain single and happy.

CleanAndPure		2013-04-09 08:49:19 AM

I want some robotic buttocks that respond to being spanked... I can think of so many uses for them...

... no wait... I can't.

Are they gas powered?

Sultan Of Herf		2013-04-09 08:59:17 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Harry Freakstorm's new book "Life without a Girlfriend: Why they don't want you and you don't need them - so there." The book published by the Xerox copier down the hall and neatly stapled has the following chapters:

Chapter One: Your mommy was right: No girl is good enough for you
Chapter Two: Grooming and Grammar fails. You has them.
Chapter Three: Have you ever seen a 'Happy Husband?' Really? Look again.
Chapter Four: A Concise Breakdown of the Financial Disparity between a Single Man and a Married Man. You Win Every Time/Every Income Bracket.
Chapter Five: Free Porn on the Internet
Chapter Six: More Free Porn on the Internet
Chapter Seven: I am Nowhere Near a Wifi Hotspot. Where's the Free Porn?
Chapter Eight: Friends with Benefits: Find a Smart Nerdette
Chapter Nine: Escaping the Smart Nerdette's Controlling Grasp.
Chapter Ten: Die Anyways

Having been a single guy, and now having been with the same woman for almost 11 years, and having 2 kids...I can safely say Id have been happier overall if I had stayed single. Its not that the family thing is bad, but I have come to find out Im a person who likes a lot of "alone time". I like being by myself. I have found that working 3rd shift helps, as it keeps me as the only person in the house for a good chunk of the day.

Living across the street from an apartment complex thats got a bunch of younger (early 20s) attractive girls doesnt help. I just keep telling myself Im too old to score one of em anyways...it helps a little bit.

MyKingdomForYourHorse		2013-04-09 09:09:11 AM

alizeran: Ask kwame.

Or, alternatively...

Those little pony things? Toys... whatever?

Just making sure this is here

The One True TheDavid		2013-04-09 09:12:17 AM

bingethinker:

Hookers and blow.

Got it in one.

And GMTA!

CleanAndPure		2013-04-09 09:13:18 AM

Its a case of the grass being greener.

When you're married you think about all the different hot babes you'd be banging everyday... no kids or wife to keep up with and clean up after.

Truth is though... unless you are one of a very small minority and I don't mean Pygmy Americans... chances are you are happier... less lonely... and get way more as a married man.

Married for twelve years with three kids... yes occasionally wish I had me time and didn't have four other people I had to constantly look after... but...

... all in all... it is worth it... yes you can be happily married... I am... would never want to go back to being single... and no she isn't looking over my shoulder or reading fark.

/ one and only time I ever post anything serious/ non-trolling on fark. Don't expect to see it again.

The One True TheDavid		2013-04-09 09:13:40 AM

Soulless Carbon Rod:

Am I the first to say "a real doll"?

So far, unless that's a synonym for "watermelon."

kermit_the_frog		2013-04-09 09:14:22 AM

The One True TheDavid		2013-04-09 09:14:23 AM

aevorea:

A boyfriend?

I didn't think of that one. Kudos, sir or ma'am.

BHShaman		2013-04-09 09:29:37 AM

mmm... watermelon

snake_beater		2013-04-09 09:45:28 AM

fredklein: miss diminutive: doglover: miss diminutive: doglover: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x599]

Well, I'm never looking at a watermelon the same way again. Thanks.

What's wrong with a watermelon full of vodak?

Oh ok, nevermind. I thought it was some kind of bargain fleshlight.

http://g.e-hentai.org/g/238666/0fb8f7b74f/

NSFW!!!!!! (Just in case the 'hentai' in the url wasn't enough!)

Wow, I honestly thought I would be the first to mention that.

/nothing's obscure here

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