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(Marketwatch)   10 things that bars won't tell you, even if the spirit moves them   (marketwatch.com) divider line 14
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11396 clicks; posted to Business » on 07 Apr 2013 at 10:02 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-04-07 08:05:49 AM
4 votes:
WTF is this slideshow shiat?

Okay, deslider didn't work for me, so I'll go out of my way and break it down for you - and add my comments along the way:

1. "The booze business may be recession-proof, but we're not."

No shiat - I've seen a lot of bars go out of business. Go cry some more.

2. "Our cocktails will knock you out (with their prices)."

No shiat. I can buy a fifth of whiskey for the same price as 2 drinks in your farking bar.

3. "Alcohol alone won't sanitize these premises."

A sanitized bar? Yeah, that's not why I am here.

4. "That pint may be a few ounces short."

Obvious - next?

5. "Want a true measure of quality? Peek inside our well."

What? Oh, you mean cheap drinks are made with cheap booze. Okay, tell me something I didn't know.

6. "Beware the 1996 merlot that's sat over our oven since 1999."

Wine drinkers problems. I appreciate wine, but only in restaurants along with a meal or at home. I don't visit bars to drink wine. Give me a beer or something with liquor.

7. "Serving food doesn't magically turn a pub into a gastropub."

What the fark is a gastropub? It's a plus if a bar serves food - if I'm hungry, but in a bar, I'm not expecting anything great. Serve me a crappy steak or some fish and chips or whatever - you have peanuts? Okay, I'll eat those too.

I didn't go to a bar expecting a gourmet meal.

8. "We might have a gambling problem."

That's not my problem. I've lost enough money in Vegas and Atlantic City. Gambling is usually a sucker's bet. You almost always lose.

9. "Don't drink and drive, for your sake - and ours."

Heh - Now that's funny. I've seen bars cut people off. I've never seen a bar tell someone they shouldn't drive.

But who knows? Maybe that will change in the future. A local bar/concert venue just announced that they will start breathalyzing people under 21 and not allow them inside if they have any detectable alcohol in their system. I won't miss them. Their liquor license was suspended for a whole 5 days.

They'll still serve adults until they're too drunk to stand and you can't leave your car in their parking lot overnight because it will get towed. Yeah, that's not at all going to encourage people to drive home when they maybe shouldn't.

10. "We want to take over your neighborhood, if not your entire town."

I have no idea what they're talking about here.
2013-04-07 02:16:55 PM
3 votes:
To cut down on drunk driving, how about change some zoning laws to allow neighborhood bars again? So people can walk home. Oh, but then they'd be arrested for public intoxication. At least we're protected from people walking while intoxicated.
2013-04-07 12:25:38 PM
3 votes:

Arkanaut: 4... Drinking establishments employ all sorts of methods to short-change customers, say industry insiders. Among the examples they note: shaking a drink for a long time (the ice turns to water, adding volume)

Sounds like somebody needs to retake high school physics.


Sounds like somebody has never seen a cocktail get poured from a shaker.  The ice stays in the shaker, only the liquid goes in to the glass. So ice turned to water goes in the glass, adding volume to the drink.

My favorite bartender trick is if you have someone who is too drunk to serve, but they're with a group (so it's difficult to cut them off).  You make a drink with no alcohol, take the straw, put it in the bottle.  Finger over the tip, pull the straw out, pop it in the "cocktail".  Tell the patron that one's on the house, but it's their last one, k?

They take that first sip and think, wow, strong drink, good for the last one of the night.  They're too drunk to notice the rest of it is just soda/juice.
2013-04-07 01:06:24 PM
2 votes:

doglover: Happy Hours: 4. "That pint may be a few ounces short."

Obvious - next?

Obvious? There's a line on the glass.


caskstrength.files.wordpress.com
Not so obvious.
2013-04-07 11:48:46 AM
2 votes:

NeoCortex42: Cajnik: 9. "Don't drink and drive, for your sake - and ours."

This is BS. It shouldn't be the bars job to babysit you. Hell, they already have to listen to your drivel. Don't drink and drive - good advice. Don't sue the person who handed you a beer when you asked for it - better advice

I agree, but some places have laws that hold the bar liable if the customer drives home drunk and causes an accident.  It's varied up that they have to babysit the customers.


It is good hospitality to keep an eye on folks. It is also now part of the law in a lot of states. Over serving patrons is not a good idea, plain and simple. Yes, bartenders and servers are supposed to watch out for the patrons. TIPS training is there for the protection of the establishment AND our patrons.

This is why bars get testy when they find you with that flask. Not because you're cutting them out of the profit loop, but because your server knows how many drinks they've gotten your table, and sneaking drinks in can throw their calculations off.

I've driven folks home. Called plenty of cabs, and kept keys behind the bar and come in early so that folks could pick them up. Getting more drunk than you thought can happen. One round leads to another, someone else hands you a beer or a shot or three, it happens. But when your server shuts you off, or suggests you get a cab, it's not because we hate you, it's because we want you to get home in one piece. Maybe even come back--unless you painted the bathroom or bar or dance floor with a technicolor yawn.

You stumbling out of the joint is not our purpose. We want folks to have a good time, and wrapping your car around a tree isn't that. You pasting a pedestrian isn't that. Oddly enough, it's not just about profits or liabilities, in the business, we want folks to have a great time. With friends. Family. With new friends. You getting sloppy drunk and stumbling around is not conducive to that purpose.
2013-04-07 10:59:40 AM
2 votes:
I can't imagine paying the price of two pizzas for one drink of anything.
2013-04-07 07:42:28 AM
2 votes:
I'm not clicking through 10 pages of a text slideshow. Shame on you subby.
2013-04-07 08:03:20 PM
1 votes:

jigger: To cut down on drunk driving, how about change some zoning laws to allow neighborhood bars again? So people can walk home. Oh, but then they'd be arrested for public intoxication. At least we're protected from people walking while intoxicated.


Most neighborhoods in New Orleans still have actual neighborhood bars due to flexible zoning. By "neighborhood" I mean literally around the corner from your house. On one block you have a family playing touch football in the yard, and then some guy mowing his lawn and BOOM, you're at a bar. Sure, you occasionally see people stumbling home while singing "Come On Eileen" at the top of their lungs, but it sure as hell beats having these people driving next to a minivan full of children. It also helps the neighborhood socially, as we all gather 'round and get to know each other outside of a half-assed conversation about the weather while checking the mailbox.

Once you get out to the suburbs, however, it resembles the rest of America. The bars are all way beyond walking distance. It's no accident that the majority of DWIs in the metro area occur in those locales. The city itself might be notorious for alcohol consumption, but walking, public transit, or cheap and plentiful cab rides are all viable options.

/btw, if anyone is familiar with the city, Parasol's and Tracey's are my Irish Channel neighborhood spots
2013-04-07 06:51:27 PM
1 votes:

Happy Hours: WTF is this slideshow shiat?
...

7. "Serving food doesn't magically turn a pub into a gastropub."

What the fark is a gastropub? It's a plus if a bar serves food - if I'm hungry, but in a bar, I'm not expecting anything great. Serve me a crappy steak or some fish and chips or whatever - you have peanuts? Okay, I'll eat those too.

I didn't go to a bar expecting a gourmet meal.


Gastropub: Bar that serves the same old bar food on fancy white square plates.
2013-04-07 04:13:01 PM
1 votes:
$4 for a  bottle of Heineken?

$8 for a margarita made with 1 oz. of well tequila?

Fark that noise and get off my lawn.
2013-04-07 03:46:29 PM
1 votes:

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Mister Buttons: MatrixOutsider: Pouring piss water into top shelf liquor bottles and charging top shelf prices is not on the list?

If a bar is caught doing this it can result in at least a $5000 dollar fine, and possible loss of liquor license.  This is not something that bars do.

Dunno how other states do it, but my sister used to tend bar at a Chinese restaurant in California, and one day had a guy come in with a briefcase, sat down and ordered a drink. She mixed it, set it down in front of him, and he immediately flashed his ABC credentials, opened his briefcase, poured the drink into a container, sealed it, and walked out the door to a van parked in the lot. Ten minutes later, he came back, told her that her pour was right on the money, and she had passed their audit. The restaurant was lucky that the other bartender wasn't there; she was a notorious overpourer, and they'd have fined her and the restaurant on the spot.

Cajnik: 9. "Don't drink and drive, for your sake - and ours."

This is BS. It shouldn't be the bars job to babysit you. Hell, they already have to listen to your drivel. Don't drink and drive - good advice. Don't sue the person who handed you a beer when you asked for it - better advice.

I've lost two good friends that left bars ridiculously drunk and died; one on a motorcycle that hit a dumpster at 130 mph. My sister, when she's tending bar keeps a clinical eye on all her customers, and also keeps a running tally of how much she's served each customer. She's also very smooth about how she '86es customers- she'll sweet-talk you right onto the sidewalk so suavely, that you'll think you put yourself there on purpose. That's because she wants you back as a customer.


You have poor taste in friends, the motorcycle douche was begging to die. I'm pleased he got his wish.
2013-04-07 11:10:40 AM
1 votes:

Cajnik: It shouldn't be the bars job to babysit you.


Bars make money selling a product that lowers inhibitions and critical thinking, and they tend to be reliant on (and over-serve) the types of people that can't easily quit drinking once they've started.

You know, alcoholics.

I'd say that they are culpable when someone they gave too much alcohol too farks up.  The law seems to agree.
2013-04-07 09:14:59 AM
1 votes:
So, based on this list, the bikini-clad Shot Girl selling me three cents of sugar water and Captain Sam Walton's Rum-Flavored Witch Hazel for $8 actually *does* think I'm the coolest guy here while I'm buying her entire tray and tipping 150%?
2013-04-07 08:06:34 AM
1 votes:
Is this ten things you should already know unless you're an idiot?
 
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