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(Daily Mail)   "She had been starving after spending two weeks in the wild when she devised an innovative way to catch fish using her private parts as bait and then trapping her meal between her legs"   (dailymail.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Scary, survival skills, nude  
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33496 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Apr 2013 at 7:55 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



147 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2013-04-05 11:44:17 PM  
Okay, can we just skip to the real-life Hunger Games already? Except let people volunteer for it. As George Carlin observed, tons of people will sign up as long as you promise them a small appliance of some kind. In fact, nowadays people will do just about anything to be famous so you don't even need that.
 
2013-04-05 11:50:10 PM  
WTF....AM...READING

That's it, I'm calling in it. Western civilization is done, over, finished, kapoot, jumped the shark, bought the farm, finished its run, the curtain has fallen, and the fat (naked) lady has sung.
 
2013-04-05 11:55:09 PM  

Virtuoso80: Okay, can we just skip to the real-life Hunger Games already? Except let people volunteer for it. As George Carlin observed, tons of people will sign up as long as you promise them a small appliance of some kind. In fact, nowadays people will do just about anything to be famous so you don't even need that.


It's called "the inner city", and it's great reading.  Are you a Gangster Disciple, or a 438th Street Blood?  You'd better pick before they're all killed by the 38th Avenue Crew or the Traveling Vice Lords!
 
2013-04-05 11:55:54 PM  

gweilo8888: FTFA: "Survivors: 'Naked and Afraid' participants Alison Teal-Blehert Koehn and Jonathan Klay found clothing"

Uh-huh. Yeah, they just happened to "find" clothing that just *happens* to look like the stereotypical caveman / wildman clothing, Little-known fact, every desert island comes pre-stocked with a caveman / wildman wardrobe, complete with lopsided dress designed to show off some leg and get the male viewers switched over.

[img818.imageshack.us image 634x422]
Except no, they didn't, you lying sacks of shiat. The producers handed them clothing and said "Here, pretend you found this."

/I despise reality TV. There is nothing real about it -- every scene is carefully set up, every "argument" is carefully teased out by a series of leading questions that are edited out of the aired footage, and every single thing about it could not be more fake if they tried.


*ahem*

It's a promo shot.  She's wearing flip-flops and has bottled water.
 
2013-04-06 12:02:57 AM  
Panama!
 
2013-04-06 12:14:08 AM  
FunkOut:

know how many drunk dudes have tried to fish with their dick?

Who needs to be drunk?
 
2013-04-06 12:25:29 AM  

The One True TheDavid: FunkOut:

know how many drunk dudes have tried to fish with their dick?

Who needs to be drunk?


www.b15u.com
 
2013-04-06 12:25:41 AM  

Bravo Two: Does anyone else remember when the history channel focused on history, discovery channel on science, and A&e on the arts?

This shiat is retarded.


At least A&E hasn't completely lost the plot as far as entertainment goes - most of their original series are fairly safe bets.

Except for The Beast. But you know, I'm not blaming that on Swayze - rather, the other goofy looking motherfarker with the dumbass grin that played his partner.
 
2013-04-06 12:41:54 AM  

Clutch2013: Bravo Two: Does anyone else remember when the history channel focused on history, discovery channel on science, and A&e on the arts?

This shiat is retarded.

At least A&E hasn't completely lost the plot as far as entertainment goes - most of their original series are fairly safe bets.

Except for The Beast. But you know, I'm not blaming that on Swayze - rather, the other goofy looking motherfarker with the dumbass grin that played his partner.


Honeybooboo is on The Learning Channel
 
2013-04-06 12:48:20 AM  

Oldiron_79: Clutch2013: Bravo Two: Does anyone else remember when the history channel focused on history, discovery channel on science, and A&e on the arts?

This shiat is retarded.

At least A&E hasn't completely lost the plot as far as entertainment goes - most of their original series are fairly safe bets.

Except for The Beast. But you know, I'm not blaming that on Swayze - rather, the other goofy looking motherfarker with the dumbass grin that played his partner.

Honeybooboo is on The Learning Channel


I believe I see what you did there.
 
2013-04-06 12:50:35 AM  
Bear Gryll's casually beaning a rabbit with a stick and saying that 'this is common practice' made me want to cry. Having done lots of backpacking I can tell you that a good 70% of the stuff that is casually told to you by 'survivalist experts' is bullocks.
 
2013-04-06 01:05:29 AM  

Mentat: *ahem*

It's a promo shot.  She's wearing flip-flops and has bottled water.


Let me repeat the quote, shall I?

"'Naked and Afraid' participants Alison Teal-Blehert Koehn and Jonathan Klay found clothing"

Note: FOUND. How much clothing do you think there is to "find" on the typical deserted island?

Except, they're not really on a deserted island. They're on Funadhoo Island in the Maldives, population 2,900 plus film crew (says Wikipedia) in an area of just 0.3 square miles (says the United Nations). So I'd imagine finding clothes was pretty easy. The producer strolled over to the nearest house, waved some money around, and took whatever clothes looked suitably "native" -- or just brought some over on the flight. (Funadhoo's just 42 miles from the nearest airport.)

Remote, my ass. Survival skills, my ass. Everything about it drips fakeness.
 
2013-04-06 01:08:20 AM  
i.imgur.com

Yo so stupid
 
2013-04-06 01:22:05 AM  
Still a better love story than Twilight.
 
2013-04-06 01:24:31 AM  

gweilo8888: Mentat: *ahem*

It's a promo shot.  She's wearing flip-flops and has bottled water.

Let me repeat the quote, shall I?

"'Naked and Afraid' participants Alison Teal-Blehert Koehn and Jonathan Klay found clothing"

Note: FOUND. How much clothing do you think there is to "find" on the typical deserted island?

Except, they're not really on a deserted island. They're on Funadhoo Island in the Maldives, population 2,900 plus film crew (says Wikipedia) in an area of just 0.3 square miles (says the United Nations). So I'd imagine finding clothes was pretty easy. The producer strolled over to the nearest house, waved some money around, and took whatever clothes looked suitably "native" -- or just brought some over on the flight. (Funadhoo's just 42 miles from the nearest airport.)

Remote, my ass. Survival skills, my ass. Everything about it drips fakeness.

________________________________________________________


There are three atolls in the Maldives that are commonly referred to as "Funadhoo":  Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani. Confusing, I know. But the island they're on may be uninhabited.
 
2013-04-06 01:48:51 AM  
^^^


(Missing words in that sentence)

There are three different atolls in the Maldives that have islands that are commonly referred to as "Funadhoo" (which is a common place name in the Maldives): Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani Atoll. Confusing, I know. But the island they're on may be uninhabited.
 
2013-04-06 01:59:38 AM  

AAlumni: There are three atolls in the Maldives that are commonly referred to as "Funadhoo":  Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani. Confusing, I know. But the island they're on may be uninhabited.


Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani are all populated, according to Wikipedia and other sources. And even if they're on an uninhabited island in one of those atolls, the fact remains that they are absolutely surrounded by inhabited atolls, many of them covered in tourists. It is by no stretch of the imagination remote.

As for the "uninhabited" Olorua Island (where Naked Castaway takes place), btw, it's just ten miles from the nearest Panoramio photo, on the inhabited Komo Island. There are at least three other populated islands within less than 20 miles of Olorua. Again, it is hardly remote.  And I don't believe for one second the guy in that programwas alone and unaided, either.

"There were eight feral goats on the island,"  he says in another Daily Fail  press release "article". And he goes on to say the only water on this 0.36 x 0.5 mile island (area approximately 0.1 - 0.15 square miles courtesy of Photoshop's analysis tool) was a "wet rock" from which he could collect one drop of water every 45 seconds. That's 14 days to get one gallon of water, based on 15,140 drips per gallon. (He claims he had to live off coconuts until it rained; of course, goats can't open coconuts.)

Yet an adult goat needs on average 1.75 gallons of water per day, and if you assume half that for the kids, that's 10.5 gallons the goats need every day to survive, or 147 times what was available to them before he arrived and started drinking it. So either he's lying about the availability of water, or he's lying about them being feral goats, when they were placed there specifically to give him a food source.

Or more likely, he's lying about both.

These programs are completely fictitious, and I'm amazed after the Bear Grylls exposés that anybody falls for this shiat any more.
 
2013-04-06 02:00:14 AM  
Err, that should say surrounded by inhabited islands.
 
2013-04-06 02:25:14 AM  

another cultural observer: Virtuoso80: Okay, can we just skip to the real-life Hunger Games already? Except let people volunteer for it. As George Carlin observed, tons of people will sign up as long as you promise them a small appliance of some kind. In fact, nowadays people will do just about anything to be famous so you don't even need that.

It's called "the inner city", and it's great reading.  Are you a Gangster Disciple, or a 438th Street Blood?  You'd better pick before they're all killed by the 38th Avenue Crew or the Traveling Vice Lords!


Hmm, you're right. There's no need to fly people to the middle of nowhere, or create artificial wastelands for battlegrounds - we already have Detroit, or Rio De Janeiro. Hook up each gang with a corporate sponsor, rig everything with wireless cameras...I think we might have a gold mine on our hands.
 
2013-04-06 02:39:18 AM  

whither_apophis: Fallout Boy: Whore.

Lure


C'mon, say it. She's a hooker
 
2013-04-06 04:25:57 AM  
I got an idea.

Take an ordinary guy no training whatsoever, and throw him in the amazon/desert/whatever. Don't even pretend the production crew isn't there to bail him out. Make a survival show out of this guy LEARNING and putting into practice all the shiat the production team already knows. They'd tell him stuff, he'd have a consultant telling him how to survive, but in the end he'd be the one actually doing all the survival stuff. And actually DOING IT, not staying in a hotel between shootings.

Maybe even make a game show out of it, and they win a prize if they go a full week without giving up or getting injured. Call it the $10,000 Survival Challenge.

I'd watch it. Hell, I'd go on it.
 
2013-04-06 04:31:29 AM  

AAlumni: I would watch this if they put them naked with the gigantic coconut crabs on Nikumaroro Island.  Give them coconut-scented sun block and pina coladas and let the circle of life unfold before our eyes. Now THAT would be must see TV.


[www.svnereida.com image 518x389]


"Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?"
 
2013-04-06 05:14:40 AM  

DanZero: DerAppie: DanZero: [img.photobucket.com image 231x130]

What's it called the film? And please tell me that that is a normal Japanese movie and not some weird porn.

It's not my image, I stole it from a Fark thread about a year ago. Even reverse image doesn't tell me much about it. But you know Japan and their "normal" stuff.


Yes, Japanese normal gives us masterpieces like RoboGeisha where buildings bleed. If the movie from the image is even half as much fun to watch It would be worth it.
 
2013-04-06 07:09:25 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: 'Survival shows are so common now that it's gotten more and more difficult to convince the audience that what they're watching is something extreme.  Having no clothes just takes it to the next level. It's the ultimate test and makes survival exponentially more difficult.'


Which it doesn't, of course, because we know that there is a film crew there who will step in if any of the participants (who have lawyers, or can get 'em) approach real danger.
 
2013-04-06 07:09:38 AM  
At what point do people at the Discovery Channel start getting embarrassed about what they're programming?

//History Channel, too.
 
2013-04-06 08:16:56 AM  
So "If it smells like fish, take the dish" works on fish as well?
 
2013-04-06 08:18:33 AM  

Wolf892: AAlumni: I would watch this if they put them naked with the gigantic coconut crabs on Nikumaroro Island.  Give them coconut-scented sun block and pina coladas and let the circle of life unfold before our eyes. Now THAT would be must see TV.


[www.svnereida.com image 518x389]

"Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?"


"Did a chick" is about right.

Now I know how Roland really lost those fingers
 
2013-04-06 08:21:33 AM  

bigworld2000: At what point do people at the Discovery Channel start getting embarrassed about what they're programming?

//History Channel, too.


When idiots stop tuning in and buying shiat the advertisers promote.
 
2013-04-06 08:22:59 AM  
A red snapper trapper.
 
2013-04-06 09:26:20 AM  
I thought she looked familiar.
 
2013-04-06 10:00:17 AM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: BarkingUnicorn: 'Survival shows are so common now that it's gotten more and more difficult to convince the audience that what they're watching is something extreme.  Having no clothes just takes it to the next level. It's the ultimate test and makes survival exponentially more difficult.'

Next season:  "Survival of the Handicapped"

Followed by "Survival of the Mentally Handicapped"


I can see how that would turn out:
"Durrhurrhuurr, teddy bear. Me want pet big teddy bear duhhh."
"Oww, fire hot. Me burning."
"Drink wawa from puddle. Now no feel good. Poopey all squishy and red."
"Hurrhurr bees. Me throw rock at."
 
2013-04-06 10:13:17 AM  
bigworld2000

At what point do people at the Discovery Channel start getting embarrassed about what they're programming?
//History Channel, too.



The Onion has your answer: http://www.theonion.com/articles/science-channel-refuses-to-dumb-down - science-any-f,2897/
 
2013-04-06 10:37:13 AM  
i.imgur.com

/I see we've got everything covered already
 
2013-04-06 10:38:58 AM  

gweilo8888: AAlumni: There are three atolls in the Maldives that are commonly referred to as "Funadhoo":  Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani. Confusing, I know. But the island they're on may be uninhabited.

Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani are all populated, according to Wikipedia and other sources.


_______________

 There are uninhabited islands within the Baa Atoll and Kaafu Atoll named Funadhoo.
 
2013-04-06 10:39:45 AM  
Did she catch two in the pink and one in the stink?
 
2013-04-06 10:49:52 AM  
Ann Coulter write an autobiography?
 
Ab3
2013-04-06 11:59:18 AM  
"Looks like they're takin' the skin boat to tunatown."
 
2013-04-06 12:16:32 PM  
Just adapted the technique for hunting men.
 
2013-04-06 12:21:14 PM  

Honest Bender: Is that why your lady parts always smell so fishy?


Looks to me like they're on fire
 
2013-04-06 12:43:31 PM  
AAlumni:There are uninhabited islands within the Baa Atoll and Kaafu Atoll named Funadhoo.

Try reading my post (and the immediate followup correction to a brain fart) next time.

I said myself that "even if they're on an uninhabited island in one of those atolls, the fact remains that they are absolutely surrounded by inhabited atolls islands, many of them covered in tourists."

I stand by my earlier assertion: it is by no stretch of the imagination remote. If it was, then you know what? I've been on plenty of desert islands myself, too. Just because you find a small strip of sand and shrub that's a short kayak trip from the tourist resort and camp on it for a few weeks, that doesn't mean you've camped on a desert island. That means you've camped on a beach nobody else noticed at the tourist resort.
 
2013-04-06 01:24:42 PM  
If you walk without rhythm, you won't attract the worm
 
2013-04-06 01:31:28 PM  

gweilo8888: AAlumni:There are uninhabited islands within the Baa Atoll and Kaafu Atoll named Funadhoo.

Try reading my post (and the immediate followup correction to a brain fart) next time.

I said myself that "even if they're on an uninhabited island in one of those atolls, the fact remains that they are absolutely surrounded by inhabited atolls islands, many of them covered in tourists."

I stand by my earlier assertion: it is by no stretch of the imagination remote. If it was, then you know what? I've been on plenty of desert islands myself, too. Just because you find a small strip of sand and shrub that's a short kayak trip from the tourist resort and camp on it for a few weeks, that doesn't mean you've camped on a desert island. That means you've camped on a beach nobody else noticed at the tourist resort.


___________________

Try reading your posts? lmao!

* I read your original post (the one that definitively stated that they were on a populated island of 2900 and the producer could walk over to a house and buy some clothes, etc).

* I ALSO read your post where you replied to my comment and informed me that Kaafu, Baa, and Shaviyani are all populated.

To both, my only comment to you was that THERE ARE UNINHABITED ISLANDS IN THE MALDIVES NAMED FUNADHOO. There are at least two. It's a common name there.

Now, to your assertion on whether or not being dropped on an uninhabited island, naked and without  supplies, that is a kayak ride away from civilization is difficult, the answer is...it depends: Does the island have the following:  (1) potable water, (2) good weather, and (3) communication/contact with the outside? If the answer is 'yes' to all of those questions, then odds are it isn't as much of a life-and-death experience as the producers would want you believe - but make no mistake: it could still be miserable.


/Been to the Maldives
//Beautiful
///Won't watch the show
 
2013-04-06 01:32:54 PM  

Fano: If you walk without rhythm, you won't attract the worm


Fear is the mind-killer.
 
2013-04-06 03:25:52 PM  
ch3guest.files.wordpress.com

Laughs at your shenanigans.

If you can't walk the walk, GTFO.
 
2013-04-06 06:12:16 PM  
Comment thread too boring and pic-less: Better drink my piss!
 
2013-04-07 09:19:11 AM  
If I never see anything on FARK again, it will all have been worth it to hear the "Grandma's shrimp" joke
 
2013-04-08 11:23:08 AM  
What is the point of these shows? Most people around the world have no training and wouldn't last more than a few days "in the wild" even after watching these shows, those of us that have had survival training do not really care to relive the experience? What do I care anymore since I no longer have TV service?
 
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