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(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)   Freedom is truly on the wane in this country: Alaska town considers banning public defecation   (newsminer.com) divider line 52
    More: Sad, Alaska, Alaska town, town, Alaska Natives, decency  
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2897 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Apr 2013 at 6:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-04-05 12:08:27 AM
I thought it said public education.
 
2013-04-05 12:27:31 AM
The Brown, starring Liam Peeson
 
2013-04-05 12:30:22 AM
If it passes I guess Sarah Palin will really be up sh*t creek. She won't even be able to open her mouth without violating an ordinance like that.
 
2013-04-05 12:46:49 AM
What a load of crap.
 
2013-04-05 01:05:47 AM
The terrorists have won.
 
2013-04-05 01:24:04 AM
OK, poop not coming out
 
2013-04-05 01:31:52 AM
Poop thread?
 
2013-04-05 01:39:22 AM
Wouldn't your ass freeze up if you tried taking a crap outdoors in Alaska?
 
2013-04-05 01:56:00 AM
Who the fark poops outdoors in ass-freezing Alaska?
 
2013-04-05 02:03:05 AM

L.D. Ablo: Poop thread?


If you want the mods to take a giant dump on it, sure.

Oh, wait...

Bucky Katt: Wouldn't your ass freeze up if you tried taking a crap outdoors in Alaska?


I had a Scout Master way back who was (previously) in the Army and spent too much time stationed in Alaska, including long exercises on the barren plains in winter. He explained it along the lines of "build up pressure, drop pants, take care of business, and pull up pants, with quick wiping done as needed in a similar fashion".

At least, that's what he implied. Of course, you e-tool a hole first, and then fill it in, permafrost permitting. Protip: in arctic conditions the wiping is mandatory to remove any and all excess moisture from the surface of the skin. The buttocks normally contains enough fat to contract the blood vessels in the cold weather, enough that any "residue" might freeze and help cause further heat loss or frostbite.

30 below (actual) and really windy with no wind breaks? You better be goddamn careful exposing any skin for any length of time.

And if the area never thaws enough to dig with an e-tool? Well, it might be an eyesore, but no one will ever smell it again after a minute or so.
 
2013-04-05 02:03:45 AM

BarkingUnicorn: Who the fark poops outdoors in ass-freezing Alaska?


The Pope? But only in the woods.
 
2013-04-05 03:54:20 AM
Thanks, GOPers, you farking America hating scum.
 
2013-04-05 04:05:49 AM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-04-05 05:20:20 AM
www.paintballshop.com
 
2013-04-05 05:43:32 AM
There goes Palin's day job.
 
2013-04-05 06:26:41 AM

Speaker2Animals: I thought it said public education.


That's the other "A" states, silly!

Anyway...I guess I can just cross "Alaska trip" off my bucket list.
 
2013-04-05 06:36:48 AM
You think that's bad?  There are a number of Alaskan towns that have completely banned the sale of alcohol.  Not surprisingly they have a big problem with crime and bootlegging.  If only there were an example in American history showing those exact same problems occurring before when we tried to tell people they couldn't drink.
 
2013-04-05 06:38:08 AM

Speaker2Animals: I thought it said public education.


Well it is Alaska, so there's not much difference anyway.
 
2013-04-05 06:51:04 AM
So, just another way to ticket inebriates when even the public admits that pissing in the alley isn't such a big deal?

Bucky Katt: Wouldn't your ass freeze up if you tried taking a crap outdoors in Alaska?


Nah.  Exposed, the steam keeps the bum relatively warm and any outhouse (if you have the luxury) worth its salt comes equipped with insulating foam seating and if you're very lucky, a small electric heater.
 
2013-04-05 07:00:18 AM
So according to the city attorney, it's already illegal and it isn't a problem. Yeah, totally a good reason to pass a law.

What happens if you do cop a squat and get arrested? Do you get prosecuted twice for the same offense? If not, how can you be both guilty and not guilty of the same action in the eyes of the law? Any lawyers out there care to take a moment and address this?
 
2013-04-05 07:09:36 AM
What if one picks up afterwards with a pooper scooper? That's OK under my HOA rules here.

www.pet360.com
 
2013-04-05 07:30:42 AM
they can have my feces when they pry it from between my cold dead buttocks
 
2013-04-05 07:38:28 AM
People from Bethel, Alaska don't know squat.
 
2013-04-05 07:41:16 AM
Brown vs. The Board of Defecation.
 
2013-04-05 07:43:17 AM
I love how in this story the woman's all like " oh even when intoxicated people, are a bit shy about public urination" (not exact quote) but the story directly above this one on the main page proves otherwise
 
2013-04-05 07:52:53 AM

Devolving_Spud: Speaker2Animals: I thought it said public education.

That's the other "A" states, silly!

Anyway...I guess I can just cross "Alaska trip" off my bucket list.


Bucket... you may need one.
 
2013-04-05 07:59:00 AM

Speaker2Animals: I thought it said public education.


Second that one. It is way too goddamn early.
 
2013-04-05 08:03:40 AM

KrispyKritter: they can have my feces when they pry it from between my cold dead buttocks


Incontinentia?
 
2013-04-05 08:07:51 AM
aw sh*t.
 
2013-04-05 08:13:30 AM
DAMN YOU CRAPBAMA!  SAVE US SARAH, YOUR OUR ONLY HOPE!
 
2013-04-05 08:31:56 AM
I never thought I would get a chance to share a frozen-poo story online.  Fark is a wonderland.

Back in the early 1980's, I was a PFC in the US Army.  We were stationed in Erlangen, West Germany (there were two countries called "Germany" in those days, kids).  Someone with more brass on his hat than brains beneath it decided to schedule a field exercise in the dead of Winter.  And it gets pretty damn cold in that part of Germany.

It gets so cold that poo freezes pretty much upon contact with the ground.  Oh, it steams for a bit, but then you cover it up with some snow and never have to think about it again.  Which is OK if you're just one guy pooping one time in a relatively remote place.

Unfortunately, we were an entire battalion with over 300 men, and the venue for the field exercise was a ice rink parking lot somewhere outside of Munich.  They had negotiated the use of the bathroom and shower facilities, but being soldiers, we messed the place up so much that we got kicked out.  We couldn't just pack up and leave because we were a support battalion and the combat arms troops bivouacking down the road needed us.  So we had no place to go, and no place to GO.  And it was a six week field exercise.

No problem, right?  The poop freezes so fast there's no smell to worry about, and a little scoop of snow covers up any mess.  Problem solved.  We completed our field exercise, struck camp, and went back to our barracks in Erlangen.

We forgot about Spring.

According to the German papers, when the parking lot finally thawed, the stench was so bad that you couldn't go near the place.  They needed front loaders and dump trucks to haul away the accumulated soggy feces of 300 men pooping for six full weeks.  They needed a hazmat team and special equipment to disinfect the area.  The US Army got stuck with the bill.  Heads rolled, since as they say "shiat rolls downhill."  Our company commander and battalion commander were relieved of command (no pun in tended).  As for the rank and file, we just got yelled at a lot.

I transferred out of that unit to another one further north.  I went back to visit some friends and go skiing in the Alps, and we stopped off at the parking lot.  It was November, a year later, but it still had a distinct "fragrance."  I doubt it ever went away, fully.  And we used to wonder why the locals didn't like us...

/CPSB (Cold Poop Story, Bro)
 
2013-04-05 08:38:26 AM

bagumpity: As for the rank and file, we just got yelled at a lot.


No pun intended again, right?
 
2013-04-05 08:49:49 AM

Neondistraction: You think that's bad?  There are a number of Alaskan towns that have completely banned the sale of alcohol.  Not surprisingly they have a big problem with crime and bootlegging.  If only there were an example in American history showing those exact same problems occurring before when we tried to tell people they couldn't drink.


The native population has a severe problem with alcohol. The dry counties are for the best. If you have never seen it, you might not believe it.
 
2013-04-05 08:51:45 AM
Lol, Bethel. I knew it was gonna be Bethel.
 
2013-04-05 09:03:09 AM
shiat on that, I say.
 
2013-04-05 09:03:56 AM

bagumpity: /CPSB (Cold Poop Story, Bro)


It was cool until it melted.
 
2013-04-05 09:30:37 AM
FTA: If the law passes in Bethel, public excretion could be punishable by local fines as high as $200. It is already prohibited by state law, but if it is also adopted by the community, "the fine goes to the city instead of the state," City Attorney Patty Burley said Thursday.

City Council member Mary Sattler, who has lived in Bethel most of her life, said she has never witnessed anyone relieving themselves in public.
"There is, even among inebriated people, a desire to be modest about things like that," she said.


No problem with that:

Step 1. Hold a beer fest
Step 2. lock all the public urinals
Step 3.  Profit!
 
2013-04-05 09:34:52 AM
Have you seen Bethel? Not like you can just stop in at a restaurant or something to take a dump.
 
2013-04-05 10:11:52 AM
Does the new law apply to bears in the woods?
 
2013-04-05 10:23:37 AM

KrispyKritter: they can have my feces when they pry it from between my cold dead buttocks


I miss Oz.
 
2013-04-05 10:23:38 AM

bagumpity: According to the German papers, when the parking lot finally thawed, the stench was so bad that you couldn't go near the place. They needed front loaders and dump trucks to haul away the accumulated soggy feces of 300 men pooping for six full weeks.


This is why I am very, very glad to live in a century and a country where indoor flush toilets and public sanitation are fully developed and used.
 
2013-04-05 10:29:41 AM
This explains Sarah Palin's whole act. She's been shiatting in public for years.
 
2013-04-05 10:33:03 AM
This has nothing, nothing whatsoever to do with Taco Bell airlifting tacos into town.  Nothing, I tell you!

http://articles.latimes.com/2012/jul/03/business/la-fi-mo-taco-bell- al aska-20120703
 
2013-04-05 11:05:07 AM

earthworm2.0: Neondistraction: You think that's bad?  There are a number of Alaskan towns that have completely banned the sale of alcohol.  Not surprisingly they have a big problem with crime and bootlegging.  If only there were an example in American history showing those exact same problems occurring before when we tried to tell people they couldn't drink.

The native population has a severe problem with alcohol. The dry counties are for the best. If you have never seen it, you might not believe it.


They're still drinking and causing problems anyway.   The only ones the law prevents from drinking are the responsible drinkers, and they aren't a problem to begin with.  Meanwhile the illegal status provides a source of income for opportunistic criminals, and in the process breeds more crime than it actually prevents.
 
2013-04-05 11:27:33 AM
FTA: "There is, even among inebriated people, a desire to be modest about things like that," she said.

There is? Nobody told me: I just didn't want to get arrested because of it.

But y'all can't watch me have sex, that would be embarrassing. Sorry.

 
2013-04-05 11:31:57 AM
They ought to get the homeless advocates in San Francisco up there to defend people's right to shiat wherever, whenever.
 
2013-04-05 11:34:21 AM

bagumpity: I never thought I would get a chance to share a frozen-poo story online.  Fark is a wonderland.

Back in the early 1980's, I was a PFC in the US Army.  We were stationed in Erlangen, West Germany (there were two countries called "Germany" in those days, kids).  Someone with more brass on his hat than brains beneath it decided to schedule a field exercise in the dead of Winter.  And it gets pretty damn cold in that part of Germany.

It gets so cold that poo freezes pretty much upon contact with the ground.  Oh, it steams for a bit, but then you cover it up with some snow and never have to think about it again.  Which is OK if you're just one guy pooping one time in a relatively remote place.

Unfortunately, we were an entire battalion with over 300 men, and the venue for the field exercise was a ice rink parking lot somewhere outside of Munich.  They had negotiated the use of the bathroom and shower facilities, but being soldiers, we messed the place up so much that we got kicked out.  We couldn't just pack up and leave because we were a support battalion and the combat arms troops bivouacking down the road needed us.  So we had no place to go, and no place to GO.  And it was a six week field exercise.

No problem, right?  The poop freezes so fast there's no smell to worry about, and a little scoop of snow covers up any mess.  Problem solved.  We completed our field exercise, struck camp, and went back to our barracks in Erlangen.

We forgot about Spring.

According to the German papers, when the parking lot finally thawed, the stench was so bad that you couldn't go near the place.  They needed front loaders and dump trucks to haul away the accumulated soggy feces of 300 men pooping for six full weeks.  They needed a hazmat team and special equipment to disinfect the area.  The US Army got stuck with the bill.  Heads rolled, since as they say "shiat rolls downhill."  Our company commander and battalion commander were relieved of command (no pun in tended).  As for th ...


so...you're saying that the people of the town got horny? it was germany afterall.
 
2013-04-05 12:26:22 PM
I would say that public pooping would actually improve the shiathole that is Bethel.
 
2013-04-05 12:39:00 PM
www.websophist.com
 
2013-04-05 03:28:22 PM
But I like to poop.
 
2013-04-06 06:42:29 AM

Sid_6.7: BarkingUnicorn: Who the fark poops outdoors in ass-freezing Alaska?

The Pope? But only in the woods.


Hey it would be warm if you were freezing....

zazenlife.com
 
2013-04-07 03:39:48 PM
I wear boxers and eat enough fiber, so when I feel the urge I just slow my stride and shake it down the leg of my pants. Sometimes if I'm feeling saucy I'll kick it up onto the hood of a nearby car.
 
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