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(Huffington Post)   Roger Ebert's scathing reviews of movies everyone else seemed to love   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 27
    More: Amusing, Roger Ebert, lovers, Suri Cruise, "First Time", Nicki Minaj, Lindsay Lohan  
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11948 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 04 Apr 2013 at 9:38 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-05 12:02:51 AM
5 votes:
img515.imageshack.us
2013-04-04 10:14:10 PM
4 votes:

ThunderPelvis: Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.

Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.


Is that how he lost his jaw?
2013-04-04 10:00:23 PM
4 votes:
My jaw dropped when I heard this news.  He will indeed be missed.  Farewell to the creator of "Beyond the valley of Ultravixens."
2013-04-05 02:42:42 AM
2 votes:

GypsyJoker: Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.

"Just give me my farkin' phone call."


Could Bobby fly was the real question.
2013-04-04 10:52:45 PM
2 votes:
Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.
2013-04-04 10:47:44 PM
2 votes:
I can never forgive him for his review of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.  The man simply did not know comedy.
2013-04-04 10:37:57 PM
2 votes:
North, 1994
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Stargate, 1994
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

B.A.P.S., 1997
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."

Armageddon, 1998
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

Godzilla, 1998
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."

Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."

Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film."

The Brown Bunny, 2003
"I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."

The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."

A Lot Like Love, 2005
To call A Lot like Love dead in the water is an insult to water."

Bucket List, 2007
"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2009
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

The Last Airbender, 2010
"The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented."

Seven Days In Utopia, 2011
"I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again."
2013-04-04 10:11:36 PM
2 votes:

Spanky_McFarksalot: Good, Donny Darko was absolutely  one of the most boring terrible pieces  of crap I've ever sat through, that and Eternal sunshine of the boring ass mind top my list of movies people like to seem edgy.


Ironically, this is one of the most try-hard edgy things I've read all week.
2013-04-05 03:04:10 PM
1 votes:

ltdanman44: i enjoy and respect Ebert, but he didn't like gladiator and I thought it was one of the best I had ever seen.


Was he not entertained?
2013-04-05 09:57:56 AM
1 votes:

Dr.Zom: The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."


My God... it's... beautiful.
2013-04-05 08:57:54 AM
1 votes:

Fano: [images.andrewsmcmeel.com image 200x289]
Before there was Tvtropes...


"WillisDuct. In all movies about a lone hero who battles terrorists
on a boat/building/plane, there is always oneduct which doesn't appear on the
terrorists' copy of the blueprints but which the hero immediately locates and uses."
2013-04-05 08:39:50 AM
1 votes:

Dr.Zom: North, 1994
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Stargate, 1994
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

B.A.P.S., 1997
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."

Armageddon, 1998
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

Godzilla, 1998
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."

Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."

Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling ...


Now those are some scathing reviews, subby.
2013-04-05 01:58:58 AM
1 votes:

HaywoodJablonski: ThunderPelvis: Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.

Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.

Great band name there


The Time? It's already taken.
2013-04-05 01:32:13 AM
1 votes:
images.andrewsmcmeel.com
Before there was Tvtropes...
2013-04-05 01:13:49 AM
1 votes:

Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.


Really? I was always waiting for him to tell the biatches to leave.
2013-04-05 01:04:01 AM
1 votes:

Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.


"Just give me my farkin' phone call."
2013-04-05 12:53:36 AM
1 votes:
You know what else Ebert hated?
Farking slideshows that suck.
2013-04-05 12:41:32 AM
1 votes:

ThunderPelvis: Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.

Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.


Great band name there
2013-04-05 12:29:46 AM
1 votes:

Stridar: But sometime after Gene Siskel's death but prior to his public battle with cancer, Ebert turned his image around and become a well respected voice.


Siskel died in 1975?
2013-04-05 12:13:22 AM
1 votes:
Even though I love a lot of those movies, the only one I think he is dead wrong on is Fast Times.

"How could they do this to Jennifer Jason Leigh? How could they put such a fresh and cheerful person into such a scuz-pit of a movie? Don't they know they have a star on their hands?"


So, yeah. Wrong.
2013-04-04 11:45:08 PM
1 votes:
Oh, and Fight Club.  A movie with two great acts and then a third act that simply destroys all the good work that came before.
2013-04-04 10:54:06 PM
1 votes:

TeDDD: Tangentially, I feel bad for Bruce Willis.  I feel as if he's playing Old Bruce Willis in all his new films and you can almost taste the despair.


I saw the new Die Hard. It wasn't terrible, fairly fun. Definitely had the spirit of the franchise when Bruce Willis jumps off a roof, flipping off the pilot of a Hind-D as he falls away from the explosion and the D crashes into the roof.
2013-04-04 10:49:55 PM
1 votes:

Stridar: I can never forgive him for his review of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.


You're a man who holds some strange grudges.
2013-04-04 10:48:45 PM
1 votes:

Mr. Eugenides: My jaw dropped when I heard this news.  He will indeed be missed.  Farewell to the creator of "Beyond the valley of Ultravixens."


You think your jaw dropped, his dropped a few years ago.
2013-04-04 10:16:19 PM
1 votes:

Valacirca: Ironically, this is one of the most try-hard edgy things I've read all week.


whatever you  sayAlanis.
2013-04-04 08:56:32 PM
1 votes:
Ebert reviews pretty matched my own opinions, with a few exceptions. But there were a a few things about him I could count on.

He would judge the film for it's own merits. Hence his dislike for a few popular films.
If the lead was a a spicy Latina or black woman, the movie would get at least three stars
If the movie endangered children, he would hate it.
Once Lucas brought in Digital Filming, Ebert never forgave him.
2013-04-04 08:49:52 PM
1 votes:
I'm assuming nobody loved "North" then?
 
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