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(Huffington Post)   Roger Ebert's scathing reviews of movies everyone else seemed to love   (huffingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Roger Ebert, lovers, Suri Cruise, "First Time", Nicki Minaj, Lindsay Lohan  
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11953 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 04 Apr 2013 at 9:38 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



189 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-04-04 07:20:07 PM  
I wholeheartedly agree with him on Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I recently tried rewatching it and found it to be quite frankly, annoying.
 
2013-04-04 07:27:03 PM  

mikemoto: I wholeheartedly agree with him on Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I recently tried rewatching it and found it to be quite frankly, annoying.


Same here.
 
2013-04-04 07:34:27 PM  
De-Slide-ified, if anyone cares
 
2013-04-04 07:46:25 PM  

Earguy: De-Slide-ified, if anyone cares


Thank you.

Ebert really had a gift for language. Good points on all of them.
 
2013-04-04 07:54:44 PM  
They forgot Die Hard.

And  Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was awesome.
 
2013-04-04 08:15:53 PM  

Cyberluddite: mikemoto: I wholeheartedly agree with him on Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I recently tried rewatching it and found it to be quite frankly, annoying.

Same here.


It has not aged well.  I last saw it back in the 1990's and was constantly having problems paying attention to it.
 
2013-04-04 08:31:35 PM  
Agree on all of those except Leon and Full Metal Jacket.
Butch Cassidy I almost agree with.
 
2013-04-04 08:37:52 PM  
Blue Velvet was overrated.
 
2013-04-04 08:39:09 PM  
Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.
 
2013-04-04 08:49:52 PM  
I'm assuming nobody loved "North" then?
 
2013-04-04 08:56:32 PM  
Ebert reviews pretty matched my own opinions, with a few exceptions. But there were a a few things about him I could count on.

He would judge the film for it's own merits. Hence his dislike for a few popular films.
If the lead was a a spicy Latina or black woman, the movie would get at least three stars
If the movie endangered children, he would hate it.
Once Lucas brought in Digital Filming, Ebert never forgave him.
 
2013-04-04 09:03:15 PM  

tenpoundsofcheese: Agree on all of those except Leon and Full Metal Jacket.
Butch Cassidy I almost agree with.


In all fairness, "The Professional" released in the states wasn't "Leon" and Ebert reviewed the US release.  They cut out almost 45 minutes of the movie, and most of those minutes dealt with the problem of having a 12 year-old girl acting as a sidekick on murder for hire missions.  The full version is a much better movie.
 
2013-04-04 09:05:35 PM  

ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.


At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.
 
2013-04-04 09:17:22 PM  

Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.


Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.
 
2013-04-04 09:28:48 PM  

Earguy: De-Slide-ified, if anyone cares


I do, and thanks.
 
2013-04-04 09:42:56 PM  
I find that quote about Reservoir Dogs to be pretty apt.
 
2013-04-04 09:45:40 PM  
From that slideshow, he didn't like a lot of movies that are my favorites. But from his comment on "Leon/The Professional", I wonder if he ever saw the Director's Cut of that movie which definitely sexualizes Natalie Portman into a creepy pedo thing with Leon. Still is a good movie despite that angle.
 
2013-04-04 09:46:55 PM  
If the movie endangered children, he would hate it.

Because it's just about the laziest, cheapest trick there is, especially if it's a farking baby. There's nothing there to care about, it's just a blob.
 
2013-04-04 09:47:26 PM  
On FIGHT CLUB: "It's macho porn -- the sex movie Hollywood has been moving toward for years, in which eroticism between the sexes is replaced by all-guy locker-room fights. Women, who have had a lifetime of practice at dealing with little-boy posturing, will instinctively see through it; men may get off on the testosterone rush."

I'm tearing up a bit.  I am really going to miss Ebert.
 
2013-04-04 09:48:19 PM  
I like most of those movies and yet I don't find myself disagreeing with them.  As for Blue Velvet, Roger is telling us that the movie teased at darkness it never truly go to.  I wonder how dark he wanted it.

As a person who likes Fight Club, he's pretty spot on.  The biggest weakness of the film was its target audience.  Fortunately, it found a different one.
 
2013-04-04 09:49:55 PM  

TeDDD: On FIGHT CLUB: "It's macho porn -- the sex movie Hollywood has been moving toward for years, in which eroticism between the sexes is replaced by all-guy locker-room fights. Women, who have had a lifetime of practice at dealing with little-boy posturing, will instinctively see through it; men may get off on the testosterone rush."

I'm tearing up a bit.  I am really going to miss Ebert.


Yeah, there were some movies he really didn't understand.

RIP
 
2013-04-04 09:52:01 PM  
Clearly he doesn't like violence and that affected his reviews of Fight Club and Clockwork Orange, but that paragraph about Donnie Darko is absolute perfection. Even the pun about "trying to land it"
 
2013-04-04 09:53:22 PM  
I used to read his reviews after I saw a movie (in the days when I enjoyed movies), and I probably agreed with him 80% of the time.  When I disagreed with him, I usually still understood and appreciated his point.  And he wrote so well that his reviews were great reading regardless of whether I agreed or not.  He knew the ins and outs of filmmaking better than most reviewers, too, having had at least some minor experience on the other side of the review.

And while some other reviewers wrote some great thrashings of films, nobody did it as consistently well as Ebert.  His books of bad reviews are hilarious when taken in large sections.
 
2013-04-04 10:00:23 PM  
My jaw dropped when I heard this news.  He will indeed be missed.  Farewell to the creator of "Beyond the valley of Ultravixens."
 
2013-04-04 10:01:12 PM  
Just goes to show how irrelevant critics are.  This guy knew how to troll.
 
2013-04-04 10:01:14 PM  
It's probably a demographic thing, but I thought Donnie Darko was overrated.  I remember liking some of the photography but story-wise it just seemed like it was aping David Lynch land.
 
2013-04-04 10:04:44 PM  
I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.
 
2013-04-04 10:06:56 PM  
While disagreeing with some of the quotes represented here I didn't see much that was objectionable until I got to Harold and Maude.  Just, no.

Also, like a lot of people he seemed to miss the point of Fight Club.  None of that was supposed to be glorified, and of course a lot of the movie's "fans" missed that too, but I would have expected someone as intelligent as Ebert to have been able to make that distinction.
 
2013-04-04 10:07:09 PM  
I was looking forward to his review of the new Star Trek film.
 
2013-04-04 10:07:39 PM  
I've always been partial to his review of Black Dynamite:

I am happy to say it brings back an element sadly missing in recent movies, gratuitous nudity. Sexy women would "happen" to be topless in the 1970s movies for no better reason than that everyone agreed, including themselves, that their breasts were a genuine pleasure to regard -- the most beautiful naturally occurring shapes in nature, I believe. Now we see breasts only in serious films, for expressing reasons. There's been such a comeback for the strategically positioned bed sheet, you'd think we were back in the 1950s.
 
2013-04-04 10:08:56 PM  
Good, Donny Darko was absolutely  one of the most boring terrible pieces  of crap I've ever sat through, that and Eternal sunshine of the boring ass mind top my list of movies people like to seem edgy.
 
2013-04-04 10:11:36 PM  

Spanky_McFarksalot: Good, Donny Darko was absolutely  one of the most boring terrible pieces  of crap I've ever sat through, that and Eternal sunshine of the boring ass mind top my list of movies people like to seem edgy.


Ironically, this is one of the most try-hard edgy things I've read all week.
 
2013-04-04 10:14:10 PM  

ThunderPelvis: Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.

Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.


Is that how he lost his jaw?
 
2013-04-04 10:15:27 PM  
2.5 stars is hardly a "scathing" review.
 
2013-04-04 10:16:19 PM  

Valacirca: Ironically, this is one of the most try-hard edgy things I've read all week.


whatever you  sayAlanis.
 
2013-04-04 10:17:53 PM  
He took a shiat on Fear and Loathing.
Of course it's a jumbled mess without a consistent theme. Thats the whole point.

Then his review of Reservoir Dogs is fair.

Same as my first point on shiatting on FMJ.

And Leon was creepy.
 
2013-04-04 10:20:26 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I'm assuming nobody loved "North" then?


Geeze RE farking HATED it.


Rapmaster2000: I like most of those movies and yet I don't find myself disagreeing with them.  As for Blue Velvet, Roger is telling us that the movie teased at darkness it never truly go to.  I wonder how dark he wanted it.

As a person who likes Fight Club, he's pretty spot on.  The biggest weakness of the film was its target audience.  Fortunately, it found a different one.


I don't know about that.

And it's not that I necessarily disagree (or agree for that matter) with him but in reading these snippets it seems that he wanted movies to be more than what they are; as if they didn't meethim  imagined perfect version of what ever movie he was reviewing then there was something wrong with it.

As for 'Butch Cassidy' that was one of the dumbest comments I've ever read about movie.
 
2013-04-04 10:20:48 PM  

johnnieconnie: Earguy: De-Slide-ified, if anyone cares

Thank you.

Ebert really had a gift for language. Good points on all of them.


Of the hundreds of original, thoughtful, derisive reviews, we here on Fark get a greenlight thread on snippets and a horrible slide show?  It didn't even contain any of his controversial positions like Blade Runner.  Many were 2.5 star reviews.   uggh.
 
2013-04-04 10:21:13 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: North


Apparently, two people did, with the only stated reason being Bruce Willis in a bunny suit.
 
2013-04-04 10:23:01 PM  
Typo: 'as if they didn't meet his imagined'
 
2013-04-04 10:28:09 PM  
Oh, and how about the other direction. Did he have some glowing reviews for movies that totally sucked?
 
2013-04-04 10:28:33 PM  

Christian Bale: Clearly he doesn't like violence and that affected his reviews of Fight Club and Clockwork Orange, but that paragraph about Donnie Darko is absolute perfection. Even the pun about "trying to land it"


He must have changed his opinion after a rewatch. I first learned about that movie from him in some kind of "movies to rent that you never saw in the theater" segment.
 
2013-04-04 10:30:01 PM  

Gunderson: I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.


It was almost two different films spliced together.  If the final scene had been Joker packing up his gear and boarding a plane to Vietnam I'd ahve been good with it.

Also anyone else notice how they 'shopped over Phoebe Cates' boob?
 
2013-04-04 10:30:02 PM  
Tangentially, I feel bad for Bruce Willis.  I feel as if he's playing Old Bruce Willis in all his new films and you can almost taste the despair.
 
2013-04-04 10:37:57 PM  
North, 1994
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Stargate, 1994
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

B.A.P.S., 1997
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."

Armageddon, 1998
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

Godzilla, 1998
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."

Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."

Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film."

The Brown Bunny, 2003
"I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."

The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."

A Lot Like Love, 2005
To call A Lot like Love dead in the water is an insult to water."

Bucket List, 2007
"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2009
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

The Last Airbender, 2010
"The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented."

Seven Days In Utopia, 2011
"I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again."
 
2013-04-04 10:41:56 PM  

DonkeyDixon: Christian Bale: Clearly he doesn't like violence and that affected his reviews of Fight Club and Clockwork Orange, but that paragraph about Donnie Darko is absolute perfection. Even the pun about "trying to land it"

He must have changed his opinion after a rewatch. I first learned about that movie from him in some kind of "movies to rent that you never saw in the theater" segment.


Well look at what he says:

"In Jake Gyllenhaal, he finds an actor able to suggest an intriguing kind of disturbance; the character is more curious than frightened, more quixotic than eccentric, and he sets a nice tone for the movie. But somehow the control fades in the closing scenes, and our hands, which have been so full, close on emptiness. 'Donnie Darko' is the one that got away. But it was fun trying to land it."

He doesn't say the movie is bad; he basically says it's a good movie with an unsatisfying ending, and that the film has a lot to offer even if it's flawed.
 
2013-04-04 10:44:34 PM  
Agree with him 100% on Full Metal Jacket and A Clockwork Orange. Kubrick's most overrated films.
 
2013-04-04 10:47:34 PM  

Christian Bale: DonkeyDixon: Christian Bale: Clearly he doesn't like violence and that affected his reviews of Fight Club and Clockwork Orange, but that paragraph about Donnie Darko is absolute perfection. Even the pun about "trying to land it"

He must have changed his opinion after a rewatch. I first learned about that movie from him in some kind of "movies to rent that you never saw in the theater" segment.

Well look at what he says:

"In Jake Gyllenhaal, he finds an actor able to suggest an intriguing kind of disturbance; the character is more curious than frightened, more quixotic than eccentric, and he sets a nice tone for the movie. But somehow the control fades in the closing scenes, and our hands, which have been so full, close on emptiness. 'Donnie Darko' is the one that got away. But it was fun trying to land it."

He doesn't say the movie is bad; he basically says it's a good movie with an unsatisfying ending, and that the film has a lot to offer even if it's flawed.


I have to wonder if this was his original review, which I believe was made after seeing the original Sundance cut that was later released as the Director's Cut.

Never, ever watch the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko.
 
2013-04-04 10:47:44 PM  
I can never forgive him for his review of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.  The man simply did not know comedy.
 
2013-04-04 10:48:45 PM  

Mr. Eugenides: My jaw dropped when I heard this news.  He will indeed be missed.  Farewell to the creator of "Beyond the valley of Ultravixens."


You think your jaw dropped, his dropped a few years ago.
 
2013-04-04 10:49:55 PM  

Stridar: I can never forgive him for his review of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.


You're a man who holds some strange grudges.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:45 PM  
Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:57 PM  

Outshined_One: I've always been partial to his review of Black Dynamite:

I am happy to say it brings back an element sadly missing in recent movies, gratuitous nudity. Sexy women would "happen" to be topless in the 1970s movies for no better reason than that everyone agreed, including themselves, that their breasts were a genuine pleasure to regard -- the most beautiful naturally occurring shapes in nature, I believe. Now we see breasts only in serious films, for expressing reasons. There's been such a comeback for the strategically positioned bed sheet, you'd think we were back in the 1950s.


You gotta give props to a respected critic that is that vocal about loving big magnificent breasts. His Rapa Nui review is great.
 
2013-04-04 10:53:52 PM  
Armond White. A true film critic. That is all.
 
2013-04-04 10:54:06 PM  

TeDDD: Tangentially, I feel bad for Bruce Willis.  I feel as if he's playing Old Bruce Willis in all his new films and you can almost taste the despair.


I saw the new Die Hard. It wasn't terrible, fairly fun. Definitely had the spirit of the franchise when Bruce Willis jumps off a roof, flipping off the pilot of a Hind-D as he falls away from the explosion and the D crashes into the roof.
 
2013-04-04 10:54:16 PM  

Fano: Outshined_One: I've always been partial to his review of Black Dynamite:

I am happy to say it brings back an element sadly missing in recent movies, gratuitous nudity. Sexy women would "happen" to be topless in the 1970s movies for no better reason than that everyone agreed, including themselves, that their breasts were a genuine pleasure to regard -- the most beautiful naturally occurring shapes in nature, I believe. Now we see breasts only in serious films, for expressing reasons. There's been such a comeback for the strategically positioned bed sheet, you'd think we were back in the 1950s.

You gotta give props to a respected critic that is that vocal about loving big magnificent breasts. His Rapa Nui review is great.


the 70's really was the high point for breasts.
 
2013-04-04 10:59:07 PM  
His website is currently farked.
 
2013-04-04 11:22:00 PM  

Dr.Zom: North, 1994
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Stargate, 1994
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

B.A.P.S., 1997
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."

Armageddon, 1998
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

Godzilla, 1998
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."

Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."

Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film."

The Brown Bunny, 2003
"I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."

The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."

A Lot Like Love, 2005
To call A Lot like Love dead in the water is an insult to water."

Bucket List, 2007
"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2009
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

The Last Airbender, 2010
"The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented."

Seven Days In Utopia, 2011
"I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again."


Not exactly a shocker that he didn't like Godzilla, what with that really odd cheap shot taken at him and Siskel.

But Stargate? Come on, that's no where near as bad as anything Ed Wood did.
 
2013-04-04 11:22:55 PM  

funktilious_j: Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.


Full Metal Jacket is  not 2 separate movies.  Everything set up in the first half pays off in the second.

I mean, the second half of the movie is the confirmation of Sgt. Hartman telling Joker "You're a killer, not a writer!"
 
2013-04-04 11:36:55 PM  

funktilious_j: Mr. Eugenides: My jaw dropped when I heard this news.  He will indeed be missed.  Farewell to the creator of "Beyond the valley of Ultravixens."

You think your jaw dropped, his dropped a few years ago.


Um..I get it now..

// Puts hand under jaw.
 
2013-04-04 11:38:33 PM  

Dr.Zom: Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."


I'm not like an uberfan or anything, but thats an awesome insult.
 
2013-04-04 11:39:00 PM  

jake_lex: funktilious_j: Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.

Full Metal Jacket is  not 2 separate movies.  Everything set up in the first half pays off in the second.

I mean, the second half of the movie is the confirmation of Sgt. Hartman telling Joker "You're a killer, not a writer!"


That may be true, but it still felt like two different movies.
 
2013-04-04 11:39:03 PM  
I didn't know he had that view for Fast Times. Sad, because Spicoli would have offered him a J for comfort.
 
2013-04-04 11:42:56 PM  
There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?
 
2013-04-04 11:45:08 PM  
Oh, and Fight Club.  A movie with two great acts and then a third act that simply destroys all the good work that came before.
 
2013-04-04 11:45:17 PM  
Your_Huckleberry: But Stargate? Come on, that's no where near as bad as anything Ed Wood did.

I actually went and read his review of that, as I liked the movie, but he made some good points. One thing Ebert seemed to dislike is pulp for pulp's sake (Reservoir Dogs, for example).
 
2013-04-04 11:45:48 PM  

funktilious_j: Mr. Eugenides: My jaw dropped when I heard this news.  He will indeed be missed.  Farewell to the creator of "Beyond the valley of Ultravixens."

You think your jaw dropped, his dropped a few years ago.


really?  I think a "That's the joke" guy is forthcoming.
 
2013-04-04 11:49:40 PM  
People acting like this guy was a huge loss are lying to themselves. Anyone can review anything they want anywhere. Welcome to the internet, where Ebert isn't and never was essential to the process.
 
2013-04-04 11:58:47 PM  
Its odd, but no one is mentioning that prior to Gene Siskel's death Ebert played second fiddle.  Watch any interview with Siskel and Ebert; Carson, Letterman, morning shows.  Ebert was a fat joke who received little to no attention.  I remember him literally complaining in an interview with Letterman that no one invites him to their parties after Letterman invites Siskel over for dinner.  And even immediately after Siskel's death, Ebert's role on At the Movies seemed secondary to who ever was filling in that week.

But sometime after Gene Siskel's death but prior to his public battle with cancer, Ebert turned his image around and become a well respected voice.  I suspect this had a lot to do with two things; wider distribution of his writings on the internet as well as his public political statements.
 
2013-04-05 12:00:47 AM  
He was a very inconsistent reviewer. He would enjoy some movies for one reason, and hate others for the very same reason. Sometimes he like derivative stories, other times he hated them. However, I'm sure when you're watching 200+ movies a year as a job you're going to see a lot of movies when you're not in the right mind set. I've certainly seen my share of films on a first go and not liked them and then loved them upon a second viewing.

Here's some of the films he praised that were awful:

"Knowing" - 4 stars
"Junior" - 3.5 stars
"Speed 2: Cruise Control" - 3 stars
"The Happening" - 3 stars
"Anaconda" - 3.5 stars
"The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" - 3 stars
 
2013-04-05 12:02:51 AM  
img515.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-05 12:04:44 AM  

sat1va: "Knowing" - 4 stars


I liked Knowing, but I watched it after reading Ebert's review and could see what he saw in it.

/Plus the whiny woman died. That doesn't happen enough. I cheer when jerk jocks get their due, too.
//Also the only thing to save TWD season finale
 
2013-04-05 12:10:01 AM  

wildcardjack: Oh, and how about the other direction. Did he have some glowing reviews for movies that totally sucked?


Percy Jackson and the Olympians. He gave that wretched film three stars out of four. It was the most disappointing movie adaption since David Lynch's Dune.
 
2013-04-05 12:10:36 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: People acting like this guy was a huge loss are lying to themselves. Anyone can review anything they want anywhere. Welcome to the internet, where Ebert isn't and never was essential to the process.


He's no Plinkett, that's for sure.
 
2013-04-05 12:13:22 AM  
Even though I love a lot of those movies, the only one I think he is dead wrong on is Fast Times.

"How could they do this to Jennifer Jason Leigh? How could they put such a fresh and cheerful person into such a scuz-pit of a movie? Don't they know they have a star on their hands?"


So, yeah. Wrong.
 
2013-04-05 12:15:40 AM  
Honestly, Ebert was rarely wrong. His reviews in the Friday papers have saved me from wasting a lot of money on crappy movies over the years.
 
2013-04-05 12:18:14 AM  

gilgigamesh: Even though I love a lot of those movies, the only one I think he is dead wrong on is Fast Times.

"How could they do this to Jennifer Jason Leigh? How could they put such a fresh and cheerful person into such a scuz-pit of a movie? Don't they know they have a star on their hands?"


So, yeah. Wrong.


Not a star, but so very hot back in the day.
 
2013-04-05 12:29:46 AM  

Stridar: But sometime after Gene Siskel's death but prior to his public battle with cancer, Ebert turned his image around and become a well respected voice.


Siskel died in 1975?
 
2013-04-05 12:30:39 AM  

justinguarini4ever: Honestly, Ebert was rarely wrong. His reviews in the Friday papers have saved me from wasting a lot of money on crappy movies over the years.


Everyone has their own taste in music and films, half the videos he praised I thought were total crap. One film "Runaway Train" he said it sucked, I thought was a pretty awesome movie. I went to see the rankings few days ago on IMDB, its now 7.2.

If I think the movie looks interesting, I go see it, if I dont find it interesting i don't go. With ticket prices in movie theaters today, I pretty much wait for Netflick.

/42 is the only movie i will being seeing this year, Its a baseball film - with sex and drugs and bunch of hollywood crap added in
 
2013-04-05 12:31:18 AM  
Regarding Full Metal Jacket: "This is a strangely shapeless film from the man whose work usually imposes a ferociously consistent vision on his material."

Maybe because it was a strangely shapeless war.
 
2013-04-05 12:34:04 AM  

Stridar: Its odd, but no one is mentioning that prior to Gene Siskel's death Ebert played second fiddle.  Watch any interview with Siskel and Ebert; Carson, Letterman, morning shows.  Ebert was a fat joke who received little to no attention.  I remember him literally complaining in an interview with Letterman that no one invites him to their parties after Letterman invites Siskel over for dinner.  And even immediately after Siskel's death, Ebert's role on At the Movies seemed secondary to who ever was filling in that week.

But sometime after Gene Siskel's death but prior to his public battle with cancer, Ebert turned his image around and become a well respected voice.  I suspect this had a lot to do with two things; wider distribution of his writings on the internet as well as his public political statements.


They were complete equals in their old shows. Who cares who was more prominent in interviews?
 
2013-04-05 12:41:32 AM  

ThunderPelvis: Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.

Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.


Great band name there
 
2013-04-05 12:46:28 AM  

gilgigamesh: Even though I love a lot of those movies, the only one I think he is dead wrong on is Fast Times.

"How could they do this to Jennifer Jason Leigh? How could they put such a fresh and cheerful person into such a scuz-pit of a movie? Don't they know they have a star on their hands?"


So, yeah. Wrong.


The argument could be made that the reason she's not a star is that no one realized her potential. Except Ebert.

He had pretty good taste about that sort of thing.


Cameron Diaz is a true discovery in the film, a genuine sex bomb with a gorgeous face, a wonderful smile, and a gift of comic timing. This is her first movie role, after a brief modeling career.

It will not be her last. Her chemistry with the Carrey character holds together a plot that is every bit as derivative as it can be, and when she dances with the Mask the result is one of those scenes when movie magic really works.
 
2013-04-05 12:51:50 AM  

Misconduc: One film "Runaway Train" he said it sucked, I thought was a pretty awesome movie.


Interesting.  Ebert gave Runaway Train 4 stars (and it is a pretty awesome movie, also Danny Trejo's debut).  Sure you're not thinking of something else?

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19860117/R EV IEWS/601170304/1023
 
2013-04-05 12:53:36 AM  
You know what else Ebert hated?
Farking slideshows that suck.
 
2013-04-05 12:56:47 AM  

JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?


I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.
 
2013-04-05 01:00:58 AM  
I loved ya Roger..You told me to go see Yentl..I, in turn told my older brother to go check it out.
I totally forgot about this.Years later I asked him what movie sucked balls most..He did not hesitate.Yentl..I could still see the look in his eyes.30 yrs later he couldnt be more pissed.

//Siskel and you cracked me up.Thanks
 
2013-04-05 01:04:01 AM  

Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.


"Just give me my farkin' phone call."
 
2013-04-05 01:05:55 AM  

GypsyJoker: Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.

"Just give me my farkin' phone call."


Damn straight.  He's also great and kind of sad in the Year of Hell episode of Voyager.
 
2013-04-05 01:13:49 AM  

Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.


Really? I was always waiting for him to tell the biatches to leave.
 
2013-04-05 01:32:13 AM  
images.andrewsmcmeel.com
Before there was Tvtropes...
 
2013-04-05 01:56:37 AM  

wildcardjack: He took a shiat on Fear and Loathing.
Of course it's a jumbled mess without a consistent theme. Thats the whole point.


Came here to say the same thing.  The review surprised me; I assumed that Roger had read the book.

The book is an incoherent drug-addled mess that is very entertaining.

The movie is also an incoherent drug-addled mess that is very entertaining.

If you tried to impose some narrative structure on the movie, it would have been unfaithful to the source and, like you said, it would have entirely missed the point.

I agree that the movie might not be any fun unless you're read the book.  But everyone should read the book.  It's a glorious trainwreck.  Getting Terry Gilliam, Johnny Depp, Benecio del Toro, and all the cameos in on the movie just makes it even better.
 
2013-04-05 01:58:58 AM  

HaywoodJablonski: ThunderPelvis: Lsherm: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

At the time, and I think he mentioned this in his review, "epic" movies weren't being done any more.  I think he loved it more for the sheer scale of the spectacle than anything else.  He even dinged the stock characters if I remember correctly.

Nope, it's wall to wall blowjob.

Great band name there


The Time? It's already taken.
 
2013-04-05 02:29:29 AM  
 
2013-04-05 02:42:42 AM  

GypsyJoker: Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.

"Just give me my farkin' phone call."


Could Bobby fly was the real question.
 
2013-04-05 02:53:25 AM  

JosephFinn: Stridar: But sometime after Gene Siskel's death but prior to his public battle with cancer, Ebert turned his image around and become a well respected voice.

Siskel died in 1975?


Yes, but fortunately an up-and-coming Jeff Dunham was there to help ease us into Gene's death.
 
2013-04-05 02:54:00 AM  

Stridar: One last word on this.

http://www.pajiba.com/videos/watch-roger-ebert-was-a-total-dick-to-g en e-siskel.php


man.. farkin youtoob.. i remember when you had to know people to get videos like that..
mine came from a guy that worked in a chicago video transfer joint...
 
2013-04-05 03:07:56 AM  

The Billdozer: GypsyJoker: Ed Grubermann: JosephFinn: There are people who like Dead Poets Society, besides the parts about Robert Sean Leonard and his father?

I could never watch That 70's Show because I so wanted to kick that dad's balls out of his ears.

"Just give me my farkin' phone call."

Could Bobby fly was the real question.


Only if he'd burnt the farkin' money.
 
2013-04-05 03:08:16 AM  

gunther_bumpass: Stridar: One last word on this.

http://www.pajiba.com/videos/watch-roger-ebert-was-a-total-dick-to-g en e-siskel.php

man.. farkin youtoob.. i remember when you had to know people to get videos like that..
mine came from a guy that worked in a chicago video transfer joint...


I don't know a guy like that, but this guy's You Tube channel has a bunch of the Siskel & Ebert's appearances on Letterman.  I wish I'd been old enough to stay up to watch when they originally aired.  There are also quite a few of their reviews, but the Letterman videos are the gems.
 
2013-04-05 04:30:57 AM  
The extras on the "Blue Velvet" DVD were pretty anemic, but I thought it was pretty cool that they put the Siskel and Ebert review of it on there.
 
2013-04-05 05:41:54 AM  

Dr.Zom: The argument could be made that the reason she's not a star is that no one realized her potential. Except Ebert.


Jennifer Jason Leigh is a great actress. But there's a difference between being a great actor and a movie star. Sean Connery is a movie star, but not a great actor. JT Walsh was a great actor, but not a movie star. You sometimes get someone like Amy Adams or Anne Hathaway.

The reason why Mirror, Mirror is a poor film is that they picked a movie star to be the queen, rather than a great actress. Julia Roberts is a movie star. She appears on the posters for films, but just doesn't have the acting chops for such a part. Nicole Kidman or Sophie Marceau would have rocked it.
 
2013-04-05 07:00:22 AM  

Lsherm: tenpoundsofcheese: Agree on all of those except Leon and Full Metal Jacket.
Butch Cassidy I almost agree with.

In all fairness, "The Professional" released in the states wasn't "Leon" and Ebert reviewed the US release.  They cut out almost 45 minutes of the movie, and most of those minutes dealt with the problem of having a 12 year-old girl acting as a sidekick on murder for hire missions.  The full version is a much better movie.


Fully agree with you on "The Professional."  The full version "Leon" is a much stronger film.

And I can see and agree with his points on "Full Metal Jacket."  It is something of a wandering, formless movie.  It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy more than Ebert did, but it is a weakness in the movie.

Even at those times when I disagreed with Ebert's review, I could usually understand and accept his point of view.  He was still 100% wrong about "Kick Ass" and he was 100% wrong about video games could never be considered art.  But I also appreciated how he could say, "This movie is a big dumb action movie, but it's an enjoyable big dumb action movie, so 3 Stars."
 
2013-04-05 07:43:51 AM  
eh, i've found over the years that i rarely ever held the same viewpoint on a movie as ebert, even when it came to movies he rated well i didn't like it for the same reason he liked it

but that's ok, nobody has to have the same viewpoint on everything (i mean, look at Pauline Kael), and you gotta respect the guy for backing up his opinion with some great writing (without boring anybody)
 
2013-04-05 08:03:42 AM  

Gunderson: I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.


I can't help but think that's almost the point, that to that end it mirrored Vietnam. Just a thought, though.
 
2013-04-05 08:17:55 AM  
 
2013-04-05 08:39:50 AM  

Dr.Zom: North, 1994
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Stargate, 1994
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

B.A.P.S., 1997
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."

Armageddon, 1998
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

Godzilla, 1998
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."

Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."

Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling ...


Now those are some scathing reviews, subby.
 
2013-04-05 08:57:05 AM  

I Ate Shergar: wildcardjack: Leon was creepy.

It came damn close to being a hell of a lot creepier.


While though creepy, if looked at from the lens of an artist it does add a hugely more dramatic impact on Leon's sacrifice and eventual death.
 
2013-04-05 08:57:54 AM  

Fano: [images.andrewsmcmeel.com image 200x289]
Before there was Tvtropes...


"WillisDuct. In all movies about a lone hero who battles terrorists
on a boat/building/plane, there is always oneduct which doesn't appear on the
terrorists' copy of the blueprints but which the hero immediately locates and uses."
 
2013-04-05 08:58:40 AM  

CigaretteSmokingMan: Regarding Full Metal Jacket: "This is a strangely shapeless film from the man whose work usually imposes a ferociously consistent vision on his material."


Of course this review was written before Eyes Wide Shut.
 
2013-04-05 08:59:52 AM  

Earguy: De-Slide-ified, if anyone cares


Gratitude.
 
2013-04-05 09:07:11 AM  

Handsome B. Wonderful: I find that quote about Reservoir Dogs to be pretty apt.


A lot of his reviews are spot on.  A lot of his 'complaints' seems to be the point of the movies he was reviewing, and this is true of a lot of his successors, too.

Donnie Darko -  In Jake Gyllenhaal, he finds an actor able to suggest an intriguing kind of disturbance; the character is more curious than frightened, more quixotic than eccentric, and he sets a nice tone for the movie. But somehow the control fades in the closing scenes, and our hands, which have been so full, close on emptiness.

That seems to me to be the exact journey we were intended to go on. At the end everything we thought was substantial is vapor.
 
2013-04-05 09:13:07 AM  

JosephFinn: Oh, and Fight Club.  A movie with two great acts and then a third act that simply destroys all the good work that came before.


Just like the book. A lot of writers seem to be able to make most of a good novel these days.
 
2013-04-05 09:13:26 AM  

Valacirca: Stridar: I can never forgive him for his review of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

You're a man who holds some strange grudges.


Watched it last week for the first time in years. Holy shiat I forgot how great Jim Carey was then. I laughed harder than I probably should have.
 
2013-04-05 09:26:19 AM  
List fails without Die Hard. I mean, c'mon, that's far and away the one people biatch about the most.

/also needs Raising Arizona
 
2013-04-05 09:27:05 AM  

beerrun: Now those are some scathing reviews, subby.


But they aren't of movies most people loved, which was the point of the article.
 
2013-04-05 09:29:21 AM  

drewogatory: If the movie endangered children, he would hate it.

Because it's just about the laziest, cheapest trick there is, especially if it's a farking baby. There's nothing there to care about, it's just a blob.


Except it was Siskel who felt that way. I'm sure Ebert didn't care for it either but it was always something Gene biatched about.

/spent last night watching their old reviews
 
2013-04-05 09:33:28 AM  

gunga galunga: Except it was Siskel who felt that way. I'm sure Ebert didn't care for it either but it was always something Gene biatched about.


Roger would at least look at it objectively when kids were placed in harms way,  If the Sun Times ever decides to finally wake up, his review of Cape Fear shows that. Siskel was always "Nope thats a cheap trick" black and white kind of guy when it came to that sort of thing. And come to think of it I cannot honestly think of any review where he genuinely didn't biatch about it.
 
2013-04-05 09:34:29 AM  
Of these reviews, the only one Ebert really missed on was Fast Times at Ridgemont High. A better film than Ferris Bueller (way overrated) and the John Hughes/Molly Ringwald NerdGasms a few years later....

Also I think Sean Penn and Forrest Whittaker would beg to differ on Jennifer Jason Leigh "becoming a big star" after FT
 
2013-04-05 09:43:15 AM  

Valacirca: Christian Bale: DonkeyDixon: Christian Bale: Clearly he doesn't like violence and that affected his reviews of Fight Club and Clockwork Orange, but that paragraph about Donnie Darko is absolute perfection. Even the pun about "trying to land it"

He must have changed his opinion after a rewatch. I first learned about that movie from him in some kind of "movies to rent that you never saw in the theater" segment.

Well look at what he says:

"In Jake Gyllenhaal, he finds an actor able to suggest an intriguing kind of disturbance; the character is more curious than frightened, more quixotic than eccentric, and he sets a nice tone for the movie. But somehow the control fades in the closing scenes, and our hands, which have been so full, close on emptiness. 'Donnie Darko' is the one that got away. But it was fun trying to land it."

He doesn't say the movie is bad; he basically says it's a good movie with an unsatisfying ending, and that the film has a lot to offer even if it's flawed.

I have to wonder if this was his original review, which I believe was made after seeing the original Sundance cut that was later released as the Director's Cut.

Never, ever watch the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko.


He gave 2 1/2 stars to the original theatrical cut, then upgraded it to 3 stars with the director's cut, saying it explained enough of the mystery for him o enjoy it more.

Personally, I'm with you on the director's cut.
 
2013-04-05 09:47:15 AM  

RoyFokker'sGhost: I saw the new Die Hard. It wasn't terrible, fairly fun. Definitely had the spirit of the franchise when Bruce Willis jumps off a roof, flipping off the pilot of a Hind-D as he falls away from the explosion and the D crashes into the roof.


It was definitely spiritually closer to Die Hard than Live Free or Die Hard, but it was still pretty mediocre.  I did laugh a few times though, non-ironically, and there were a ton of throwbacks to the original.  It didn't really get going until the car chase was over, which admittedly was a pretty decent chase.
 
2013-04-05 09:57:56 AM  

Dr.Zom: The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."


My God... it's... beautiful.
 
2013-04-05 10:07:55 AM  

rcantley: Dr.Zom: The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."

My God... it's... beautiful.


I went to a midnight screening of The Village. I have never walked out of a movie so angry before or since. When I read the review the next morning, it put a huge smile on my face.

/never paid to see another M Night Shyamalan movie again
 
2013-04-05 10:10:46 AM  
FIGHT CLUB: "It's macho porn -- the sex movie Hollywood has been moving toward for years, in which eroticism between the sexes is replaced by all-guy locker-room fights. Women, who have had a lifetime of practice at dealing with little-boy posturing, will instinctively see through it; men may get off on the testosterone rush."

This makes me think he didn't actually watch the movie, but only the trailer.
 
2013-04-05 10:12:45 AM  

gunga galunga: I went to a midnight screening of The Village. I have never walked out of a movie so angry before or since. When I read the review the next morning, it put a huge smile on my face.


I don't claim to be smart about mystery stories. I never guess the killer on NSIC or Psych but I guessed the "twist" in The Village based on the trailer and that it was an M Night film. Ebert was right on that one.
 
2013-04-05 10:13:43 AM  
NCIS that is.
 
2013-04-05 10:18:00 AM  
Another couple of "...dafuq?" reviews from Ebert:

He gave "Aliens" a bad review because the multiple cliffhangers at the end "upset"  and "wore [him] out."

He gave "Diner" a glowing review as if it were a deep, meaningful coming-of-age film instead of a movie about a bunch of douchebags being douchebags.

I'm surprised Aliens wasn't listed in TFA.
 
2013-04-05 10:21:08 AM  

SurfaceTension: Gunderson: I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.

I can't help but think that's almost the point, that to that end it mirrored Vietnam. Just a thought, though.


that's kind of how stanley kubrick made all of his movies tho, in a way most movies are like 2 hours of forcing a square peg character through a round hole, kubrick's are like the price is right's Plinko game - you watch the character bounce around until they hit a wall

probably why he loved to do movies about soldiers, ciminals and crazy people so much
 
2013-04-05 10:24:16 AM  

Mugato: gunga galunga: I went to a midnight screening of The Village. I have never walked out of a movie so angry before or since. When I read the review the next morning, it put a huge smile on my face.

I don't claim to be smart about mystery stories. I never guess the killer on NSIC or Psych but I guessed the "twist" in The Village based on the trailer and that it was an M Night film. Ebert was right on that one.


Apart from the "fark you, audience" twist, that movie contained the worst performances of William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Joaquim Pheonix, and Adrien Brody's careers. It ended up being a breakout role for the always bland Bryce Dallas Howard, but only because she didn't suck as much as everybody else.  Really, the only saving grace of that cast was Judy Greer.
 
2013-04-05 10:25:06 AM  

L.D. Ablo: wildcardjack: He took a shiat on Fear and Loathing.
Of course it's a jumbled mess without a consistent theme. Thats the whole point.

Came here to say the same thing.  The review surprised me; I assumed that Roger had read the book.

The book is an incoherent drug-addled mess that is very entertaining.

The movie is also an incoherent drug-addled mess that is very entertaining.

If you tried to impose some narrative structure on the movie, it would have been unfaithful to the source and, like you said, it would have entirely missed the point.

I agree that the movie might not be any fun unless you're read the book.  But everyone should read the book.  It's a glorious trainwreck.  Getting Terry Gilliam, Johnny Depp, Benecio del Toro, and all the cameos in on the movie just makes it even better.


Ebert's philosophy was always to have the film stand on its own merits.  He wasn't the sort to read a book a movie was coming out for unless it was something he was going to read anyway.  Hunger Games had to stand on its own without reading the book first, etc.  It's fine if the movie caters mostly to those who read the book to fill in gaps that the movie doesn't bother to show, but a film critic is going to call that out and it does harm the film.
 
2013-04-05 10:25:16 AM  
i enjoy and respect Ebert, but he didn't like gladiator and I thought it was one of the best I had ever seen.
 
2013-04-05 10:40:21 AM  

jake_lex: funktilious_j: Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.

Full Metal Jacket is  not 2 separate movies.  Everything set up in the first half pays off in the second.

I mean, the second half of the movie is the confirmation of Sgt. Hartman telling Joker "You're a killer, not a writer!"


Except Joker loses his crap when he actually comes under fire , drops his gun and has to be saved by Raptorman (or whatever his sidekick's name was).
 
2013-04-05 10:42:01 AM  

HallsOfMandos: jake_lex: funktilious_j: Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.

Full Metal Jacket is  not 2 separate movies.  Everything set up in the first half pays off in the second.

I mean, the second half of the movie is the confirmation of Sgt. Hartman telling Joker "You're a killer, not a writer!"

Except Joker loses his crap when he actually comes under fire , drops his gun and has to be saved by Raptorman (or whatever his sidekick's name was).


Nevermind - forgot that he pulls the trigger to put the sniper out of her misery after Raptorman shot her.
 
2013-04-05 10:45:20 AM  
 
2013-04-05 10:46:12 AM  

ltdanman44: i enjoy and respect Ebert, but he didn't like gladiator and I thought it was one of the best I had ever seen.


He didn't like it because he felt it was too easy of a movie, in so far as it used every grand scape film trick in the book to either tug at your heart or open awe. I took tread that had been treaded by so many films before it and mashed it together. His dislike was not of the movie but for the director going the easy route.

Much like his Fast Times review, he thought the movie had more potential and that the talent and scope were wasted.
 
2013-04-05 10:47:56 AM  

ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.


stoplikingwhatidontlike.jpg
 
2013-04-05 10:51:01 AM  

AdamK: SurfaceTension: Gunderson: I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.

I can't help but think that's almost the point, that to that end it mirrored Vietnam. Just a thought, though.

that's kind of how stanley kubrick made all of his movies tho, in a way most movies are like 2 hours of forcing a square peg character through a round hole, kubrick's are like the price is right's Plinko game - you watch the character bounce around until they hit a wall

probably why he loved to do movies about soldiers, ciminals and crazy people so much


Someone once described the cinematography of his films as "watching a movie of a movie" or something along those lines. I like that, and it really describes the distance and coldness slow pace that pervades all his films.
 
2013-04-05 10:51:50 AM  

farkingismybusiness: Is that how he lost his jaw?


He got cancer in 2006

Snakes on a Plane came out in 2006

....make your associations appropriately
 
2013-04-05 10:55:11 AM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: ltdanman44: i enjoy and respect Ebert, but he didn't like gladiator and I thought it was one of the best I had ever seen.

He didn't like it because he felt it was too easy of a movie, in so far as it used every grand scape film trick in the book to either tug at your heart or open awe. I took tread that had been treaded by so many films before it and mashed it together. His dislike was not of the movie but for the director going the easy route.

Much like his Fast Times review, he thought the movie had more potential and that the talent and scope were wasted.


gunga galunga: ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.

stoplikingwhatidontlike.jpg


both gladiator and titanic are bland period pieces with high production values, tho i think gladiator was saved by way better side characters and a great soundtrack
 
2013-04-05 11:00:34 AM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: ltdanman44: i enjoy and respect Ebert, but he didn't like gladiator and I thought it was one of the best I had ever seen.


He didn't like it because he felt it was too easy of a movie, in so far as it used every grand scape film trick in the book to either tug at your heart or open awe. I took tread that had been treaded by so many films before it and mashed it together. His dislike was not of the movie but for the director going the easy route.

Much like his Fast Times review, he thought the movie had more potential and that the talent and scope were wasted.


IIRC, he didn't like the treatment of of the Jennifer Jason Leigh character. There he really missed the point. All the other teen comedies were showing sex as all fun and games. For this girl, sex was a painful deflowering in a baseball dugout and a premature spurting in the pool house followed by "Ding! Dong! You're pregnant!" Which is what sex ends up being like for many teens. It was supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.
 
2013-04-05 11:05:07 AM  

gunga galunga: IIRC, he didn't like the treatment of of the Jennifer Jason Leigh character. There he really missed the point. All the other teen comedies were showing sex as all fun and games. For this girl, sex was a painful deflowering in a baseball dugout and a premature spurting in the pool house followed by "Ding! Dong! You're pregnant!" Which is what sex ends up being like for many teens. It was supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.


I agree with him to some degree though, there was potential lost in character development for all involved. Granted, part of this was the demographic the film was aimed at, and that was part of the charm of those movies was that they accurately captured the teen essence of that day, but I agree with him that a much deeper and more meaningful message was lost in that movie.

It was good, I'm not arguing that I just think it could have been SO much better.

AdamK: both gladiator and titanic are bland period pieces with high production values, tho i think gladiator was saved by way better side characters and a great soundtrack


James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!  ego your argument is invalid.
 
2013-04-05 11:10:06 AM  

SurfaceTension: AdamK: SurfaceTension: Gunderson: I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.

I can't help but think that's almost the point, that to that end it mirrored Vietnam. Just a thought, though.

that's kind of how stanley kubrick made all of his movies tho, in a way most movies are like 2 hours of forcing a square peg character through a round hole, kubrick's are like the price is right's Plinko game - you watch the character bounce around until they hit a wall

probably why he loved to do movies about soldiers, ciminals and crazy people so much

Someone once described the cinematography of his films as "watching a movie of a movie" or something along those lines. I like that, and it really describes the distance and coldness slow pace that pervades all his films.


yeah his movies are definitely very coldly framed and efficient, probably because they were constantly re-shooting scenes so actors would become desensitized to what they were doing, with the goal basically being that his movies should feel like the audience is a fly on the wall watching un-aware characters do what they do
 
2013-04-05 11:12:41 AM  

Handsome B. Wonderful: I find that quote about Reservoir Dogs to be pretty apt.


Yes, and IMHO could apply to any Tarantino film.
 
2013-04-05 11:13:12 AM  
I didn't know he was dead until I clicked on this thread. I'll leave this here though:
 
2013-04-05 11:15:41 AM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: gunga galunga: IIRC, he didn't like the treatment of of the Jennifer Jason Leigh character. There he really missed the point. All the other teen comedies were showing sex as all fun and games. For this girl, sex was a painful deflowering in a baseball dugout and a premature spurting in the pool house followed by "Ding! Dong! You're pregnant!" Which is what sex ends up being like for many teens. It was supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.

I agree with him to some degree though, there was potential lost in character development for all involved. Granted, part of this was the demographic the film was aimed at, and that was part of the charm of those movies was that they accurately captured the teen essence of that day, but I agree with him that a much deeper and more meaningful message was lost in that movie.


And I can see that point. There really wasn't much more to her than "I wanna have sex. Oh, it turns out that sex is Serious Business. Okay, I'll be fine with a platonic relationship with somebody I care about."
 
2013-04-05 11:19:54 AM  

johnnieconnie: Earguy: De-Slide-ified, if anyone cares

Thank you.

Ebert really had a gift for language. Good points on all of them.


Except he was wrong on almost all of them, reservoir dogs is a masterpiece, as was the professional if only for oldmans performance alone.
 
2013-04-05 11:19:55 AM  
Ebert never saw The Sound of Music.

He never specifically explained why, but suggested in other reviews that he thought it was/would be treacly and overblown.  Ebert: "Since 'The Sound of Music,' unhappily, musicals have been locked into the reserved-seat format. That, in turn, apparently means they have to be long, expensive, weighed down with unnecessary production values and filled with pretension."
 
2013-04-05 11:22:03 AM  

gunga galunga: And I can see that point. There really wasn't much more to her than "I wanna have sex. Oh, it turns out that sex is Serious Business. Okay, I'll be fine with a platonic relationship with somebody I care about."


Exactly, it bordered on vapidity, but was rescued by the charm
 
2013-04-05 11:30:17 AM  

Mugato: They forgot Die Hard.

And  Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was awesome.


agreed, everyone else can go to hell.
 
2013-04-05 11:34:08 AM  

Dog Welder: Lsherm: tenpoundsofcheese:

Even at those times when I disagreed with Ebert's review, I could usually understand and accept his point of view.  He was still 100% wrong about "Kick Ass" and he was 100% wrong about video games could never be considered art.  But I also appreciated how he could say, "This movie is a big dumb action movie, but it's an enjoyable big dumb action movie, so 3 Stars."


Agree about Kick-Ass. His review was pretty venomous but I thought it delivered. It was a fun action movie.
 
2013-04-05 11:37:03 AM  
Fear and Loathing was one of the most boring movies I've ever seen - like being trapped in a room with someone telling bad half remembered bullshiat stories from their college days for two hours.
 
2013-04-05 11:42:39 AM  

Wadded Beef: Agree about Kick-Ass. His review was pretty venomous but I thought it delivered. It was a fun action movie.


That one always threw me for a loop, given his critical reaction to Shoot Em Up

"That I liked "Shoot 'em Up" is a consequence of a critical quirk I sometimes notice: I may disapprove of a movie for going too far, and yet have a sneaky regard for a movie that goes much, much farther than merely too far. This one goes so far, if you even want to get that far, you have to start half-way there, which means you have to be a connoisseur of the hard-boiled action genre and its serio-comic subdivision (or sub-basement). "
 
2013-04-05 12:04:09 PM  

Rocket To Russia: FIGHT CLUB: "It's macho porn -- the sex movie Hollywood has been moving toward for years, in which eroticism between the sexes is replaced by all-guy locker-room fights. Women, who have had a lifetime of practice at dealing with little-boy posturing, will instinctively see through it; men may get off on the testosterone rush."

This makes me think he didn't actually watch the movie, but only the trailer.


I'd like to think he was far too professional to do that, but yeah, no mention of its satire, social commentary, anti-everything messages is odd. Yes, i love to that movie, will not deny it.

Agree that Gladiator, Titanic, and Donnie Darko are way too overblown.
 
2013-04-05 12:05:56 PM  

Wadded Beef: Dog Welder: Lsherm: tenpoundsofcheese:

Even at those times when I disagreed with Ebert's review, I could usually understand and accept his point of view.  He was still 100% wrong about "Kick Ass" and he was 100% wrong about video games could never be considered art.  But I also appreciated how he could say, "This movie is a big dumb action movie, but it's an enjoyable big dumb action movie, so 3 Stars."

Agree about Kick-Ass. His review was pretty venomous but I thought it delivered. It was a fun action movie.


Read his review of Kick Ass and then read his gushing over Kill Bill. Exact same concept, but it's an 11-year-old girl instead of a woman in her mid 30s. It kind of reminded me of Bill Hicks' "love list" bit, where he observes that when a massive tragedy occurs and many deaths result from it, people say "oh, those poor children." Yeah, but what about the adults? At what age does a person go off your love list.

Same thing with Kick Ass. At what age does it stop being inappropriate to brandish a sword and kill an entire room of people? I asked him that on his blog but didn't get a response. Yeah, I understand he couldn't respond to every single post.
 
2013-04-05 12:28:37 PM  

Gunderson: I have to agree with him on "Full Metal Jacket".  Boot camp was amazing.  After boot camp were snippets that were barely organized and the film just ran out of gas.


Sort of like the war itself.
 
kab
2013-04-05 12:45:47 PM  

doyner: Blue Velvet was overrated.


I'd agree.   Interesting cinematic moments wrapped in a rather aimless story.  Lost Highway suffered from the same thing.
 
2013-04-05 01:18:32 PM  

kab: doyner: Blue Velvet was overrated.

I'd agree.   Interesting cinematic moments wrapped in a rather aimless story.  Lost Highway suffered from the same thing.


Blue Velvet is the sort of movie film students love, and I mean that without any snark. There's a lot of artistry that went into it and plenty of lessons that a film student can take away from it, so it's not surprising that it's well received by cinephiles.

But you're perfectly correct that, as a narrative exercise, it gets thoroughly lost in itself. It's a movie that always feels like it's going to be on the verge of gelling but it just never quite gets there.

A bit like Prometheus, in that way, come to think of it.
 
2013-04-05 01:37:46 PM  

kab: I'd agree. Interesting cinematic moments wrapped in a rather aimless story. Lost Highway suffered from the same thing.


I contend that Lynch is a horrible film maker, but a remarkable and very talented scene maker. There are moments in his film where if that were the only part of the movie you saw, would want you to immediately see the rest. But when woven together often make this mismatched patchy narrative that distracts at times from the scenes even themselves.
 
2013-04-05 01:41:51 PM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: kab: I'd agree. Interesting cinematic moments wrapped in a rather aimless story. Lost Highway suffered from the same thing.

I contend that Lynch is a horrible film maker, but a remarkable and very talented scene maker. There are moments in his film where if that were the only part of the movie you saw, would want you to immediately see the rest. But when woven together often make this mismatched patchy narrative that distracts at times from the scenes even themselves.


I'm currently watching Mulholland Drive. It's intriguing.
 
2013-04-05 01:43:01 PM  
I had no idea a film critic could be so endearing to so many people. Not trying to be snarky whatsoever.
 
2013-04-05 01:44:26 PM  
Obviously you're all waiting for me to weigh in, so here we go. You're welcome in advance.

1, 4, 5. None of these movies are as good as their books. Maybe Ebert shouldn't have held them to that standard, but he did, and to that extent he's right.

2. This doesn't actually sound like a negative review, and the original  Donnie Darko (not the re-cut version you've probably seen) is kind of a hot mess. It got re-cut precisely because of comments like his.

3. Everybody loved  Dead Poets Society when it came out. Now, though, don't you agree with Ebert? Schmaltzy, preachy, precious.

6. Barely negative, and the context there is that Ebert was basically the world's first Tarantino fan.

7. He calls the film "strangely shapeless" and he's right. Fifteen awesome minutes of R. Lee Ermey make it easy to forget the rest of the film, which is Matthew Modine whispering platitudes into the soundtrack while random shiat happens on the screen.

8, 9.  Straw Dogs and  Blue Velvet are easy movies to love but very hard to like. Ebert was always less about Film and  Cinema and more about movies.

11. Like  DPSHarold and Maude can be a little bit heavy-handed with its IMPORTANT LIFE MESSAGES.

I've never seen  Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and I guess I thought The Professional was a pretty good movie, but whatever.

The only truly inexplicable item on this list is  Fast Times at Ridgemont High.Not because I think it's a good movie--most of it is kind of meh, in my opinion. But I cannot, under any circumstances, account for Roger Ebert not liking a movie that had this scene in it:

cdn0.hark.com

Ebert was the most unabashed horndog of his generation. He gloried in his attraction to hot women, to the point where it came off as strangely classy, in a way. The only way a negative review of this movie makes sense is if he ran out to get some Junior Mints during this scene. Far less explicit and aggressively sexual nudity redeemed far worse films for him.
 
2013-04-05 01:52:11 PM  

keepitcherry: I had no idea a film critic could be so endearing to so many people. Not trying to be snarky whatsoever.


It helps if you grew up watching him and Gene Siskel. There was nothing like them before or since.

Here is a great way to spend any free time you have this weekend:
http://siskelandebert.org/

You're welcome.
 
2013-04-05 02:21:53 PM  
I can't be the only person who doesn't give a fark what "critics" think, can I? I prefer to watch, read, listen or try things myself and then form my own opinions. Sorry the guy died and all but I give zero farks about his opinions on anything.
 
2013-04-05 02:31:36 PM  

jake_lex: Full Metal Jacket is  not 2 separate movies.  Everything set up in the first half pays off in the second.

I mean, the second half of the movie is the confirmation of Sgt. Hartman telling Joker "You're a killer, not a writer!"


I agree that it's a single movie. The problem is that the 1st act was so much stronger than the 2nd and 3rd acts largely because R. Lee Ermey brought way more to the role than anyone, including Kubrick, expected.

Largely because of Ermey's all-too-authentic performance, the rest of the movie seems a bit lackluster by comparison.
 
2013-04-05 02:39:39 PM  

ThunderPelvis: Out of curiosity, I just read Ebert's review of Titanic.  He gave it a literary blowjob, and that movie was the biggest, most overrated piece of sh*t I've ever had the misfortune of gagging my way halfway through and turning off in disgust.  So, you'll have to pardon me if I don't take this list too seriously.

/RIP, anyway.  Seemed like a good guy.


Titanic was visually beautiful (It could do without the blue filter Cameron constantly uses) but the story was shiat. The evil rich fiance paradigm was done better in Caddyshack 2. But Cameron's a billionaire, I'm not so what do I know.
 
2013-04-05 02:42:35 PM  

Dr.Zom: North, 1994
"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Stargate, 1994
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

Mad Dog Time, 1996
"Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

B.A.P.S., 1997
"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."

Armageddon, 1998
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

Godzilla, 1998
"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica."

Battlefield Earth, 2000
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
"I've seen audits that were more thrilling."

Freddy Got Fingered, 2001
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, 2003
"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film."

The Brown Bunny, 2003
"I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."

The Village, 2004
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."

A Lot Like Love, 2005
To call A Lot like Love dead in the water is an insult to water."

Bucket List, 2007
"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2009
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

The Last Airbender, 2010
"The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented."

Seven Days In Utopia, 2011
"I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again."


I would happily read review excerpts like this all damned day.
 
2013-04-05 02:48:46 PM  

Mr. Chainsaw: Agree with him 100% on Full Metal Jacket and A Clockwork Orange. Kubrick's most overrated films.


2001: A Space Odyssey is what I imagine experiencing a stroke is like.
 
2013-04-05 03:04:10 PM  

ltdanman44: i enjoy and respect Ebert, but he didn't like gladiator and I thought it was one of the best I had ever seen.


Was he not entertained?
 
2013-04-05 03:13:12 PM  

Angry Buddha: I would happily read review excerpts like this all damned day.



ecx.images-amazon.com
ecx.images-amazon.com

Don't know how much redundancy there is between them, but it might be fun to find out.
 
2013-04-05 03:23:19 PM  

Crewmannumber6: I'm currently watching Mulholland Drive. It's intriguing.


One of his few that is actually watchable to a degree.
 
2013-04-05 03:38:55 PM  

Christian Bale: Clearly he doesn't like violence and that affected his reviews of Fight Club and Clockwork Orange, but that paragraph about Donnie Darko is absolute perfection. Even the pun about "trying to land it"


He did re-review Donnie Darko later on and upped the review to 3 stars, I think.
 
2013-04-05 03:47:23 PM  
I liked the guy, but that list is just damning. His taste was pedestrian in the extreme, despite his ability to write.
 
2013-04-05 04:37:26 PM  
2.5 stars actually means he rather liked the movie, subby.  Ebert actually uses his grading system like a rational person, out of four stars, two stars is "neutral", anything less is disliked, and anything above is liked.

2.5 or 3 means it's a good movie but just not a great one you'll remember forever.  This isn't video game rating here.

If he really doesn't like a movie, he'd give it one star.  If he thought it was a blight on humanity to the point where we need to invent time travel solely for the purpose of sending a bomb back to the delivery room where the writer or director was born, he'd give it a zero.

//That's actually what I'm going to miss most, the dude actually making use of his entire grading scale.
 
2013-04-05 04:40:40 PM  

Jim_Callahan: If he really doesn't like a movie, he'd give it one star. If he thought it was a blight on humanity to the point where we need to invent time travel solely for the purpose of sending a bomb back to the delivery room where the writer or director was born, he'd give it a zero.


One of my favorite reviews is from HellRaiser 2, it an awesome review because he basically rails on the audience who keep giving people money to make shiatty movies

"That makes Hellbound: Hellraiser II an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here. You're welcome."
 
2013-04-05 04:40:42 PM  
I'm surprised he came down on Clockwork Orange for it's glorification of violence and then later went on to treat Tarantino like the movie messiah for doing the same thing, only stupider.
 
2013-04-05 05:09:52 PM  

Rocket To Russia: I'm surprised he came down on Clockwork Orange for it's glorification of violence and then later went on to treat Tarantino like the movie messiah for doing the same thing, only stupider.


I also thought his argument that the movie is fascist because Kubrick uses a wide-angle lens on Alex was a weak argument.

I loved the guy but he didn't bat a thousand.
 
2013-04-05 05:17:11 PM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: One of my favorite reviews is from HellRaiser 2, it an awesome review because he basically rails on the audience who keep giving people money to make shiatty movies


Damn, another movie he was dead wrong about.
 
2013-04-05 06:37:50 PM  

Phil Moskowitz: I liked the guy, but that list is just damning. His taste was pedestrian in the extreme, despite his ability to write.


He wrote for the Sun-Times, the pedestrian paper in Chicago.
 
2013-04-05 06:41:34 PM  

gunga galunga: Wadded Beef: Dog Welder: Lsherm: tenpoundsofcheese:

Even at those times when I disagreed with Ebert's review, I could usually understand and accept his point of view.  He was still 100% wrong about "Kick Ass" and he was 100% wrong about video games could never be considered art.  But I also appreciated how he could say, "This movie is a big dumb action movie, but it's an enjoyable big dumb action movie, so 3 Stars."

Agree about Kick-Ass. His review was pretty venomous but I thought it delivered. It was a fun action movie.

Read his review of Kick Ass and then read his gushing over Kill Bill. Exact same concept, but it's an 11-year-old girl instead of a woman in her mid 30s. It kind of reminded me of Bill Hicks' "love list" bit, where he observes that when a massive tragedy occurs and many deaths result from it, people say "oh, those poor children." Yeah, but what about the adults? At what age does a person go off your love list.

Same thing with Kick Ass. At what age does it stop being inappropriate to brandish a sword and kill an entire room of people? I asked him that on his blog but didn't get a response. Yeah, I understand he couldn't respond to every single post.


I was willing to give him a pass on his panning of Kick-Ass, because it was mostly a matter of personal taste, and he readily admitted that. The whole joke of a little girl being a ruthless, blood-soaked assassin isn't for everyone (or even most people, really). And it seems he was at least consistent, since he had the same qualms about The Professional.

I was way more pissed that he spoiled the ending in the review.
 
2013-04-05 08:35:40 PM  

Bukharin: He wrote for the Sun-Times, the pedestrian paper in Chicago.


You don't even know what that means.
 
2013-04-05 09:20:23 PM  

Internet Meme Rogers: Bukharin: He wrote for the Sun-Times, the pedestrian paper in Chicago.

You don't even know what that means.


If you say so.
 
2013-04-05 09:48:28 PM  
Clearly you can't even begin to justify the statement.
 
2013-04-05 09:57:50 PM  
The body is not even cold yet, let's do a negative piece about his reviews (what he did for a living).  What pieces of shiat we are, truly.
 
2013-04-05 10:10:20 PM  

zunkus: I can't be the only person who doesn't give a fark what "critics" think, can I? I prefer to watch, read, listen or try things myself and then form my own opinions. Sorry the guy died and all but I give zero farks about his opinions on anything.


But do you love to debate other people about movies, music, sports?  Isn't it fun to have an opinion about something, then to read someone else's opinion and have a little discussion in your head about what you just read?

Good critics don't tell you what to like or dislike.  They provoke debate about art, entertainment and sports.  I loved watching a movie, then reading Ebert's review.  I didn't view him as a authority figure, I loved shooting the shiat with him in my mind about movies and politics.
 
2013-04-05 10:34:37 PM  
His review of Fast Times is rather bipolar because after that opening salvo, he closes with comments of other good performances in it. (Penn, Cates, Reinhold, Walston)
 
2013-04-06 01:25:54 AM  
From what seems to be Ebert's last panning (below 2 stars) of a film:

A Film is a terrible thing to waste.  For Roman Coppola to waste one on "A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III" is a pity.  I'll go further: For Charlie Sheen to waste a role in it is also a great pity.

I stop not: For Bill Murray to occupy his time in this dreck sandwich is a calamity.  Of Charlie Sheen, we've seen more than enough, at least until he gets his act together.  But there's a sad shortage of Bill Murray performances, and his work here is telephoned in as if Thomas Alva Edison had never been born".
 
2013-04-06 11:42:11 PM  

funktilious_j: Clockwork Orange was a good movie about a distopian society. But I love movies about distopian societies. And I agree that Full Metal Jacket was 2 seperate movies. But I like it as well.

But c'mon, he made The Shining, which Stephen King doesn't like, which automatically makes it good.


Hmmm... I think it's closer to just being a movie about the 50s and 60s. You think brainwashing people for being violent is bad? We used to lobotomize kids for being hyperactive. And Ebert's right on about it being a right-wing fantasy. What kind of screwy movie tries to make you sympathize with a sociopathic murderer and rapist?
 
2013-04-07 12:37:34 AM  

Brokenseas: zunkus: I can't be the only person who doesn't give a fark what "critics" think, can I? I prefer to watch, read, listen or try things myself and then form my own opinions. Sorry the guy died and all but I give zero farks about his opinions on anything.

But do you love to debate other people about movies, music, sports?  Isn't it fun to have an opinion about something, then to read someone else's opinion and have a little discussion in your head about what you just read?

Good critics don't tell you what to like or dislike.  They provoke debate about art, entertainment and sports.  I loved watching a movie, then reading Ebert's review.  I didn't view him as a authority figure, I loved shooting the shiat with him in my mind about movies and politics.



I understand what you are saying. But when it comes to my closest friends and I it is more of a situation where I take recommendations and if I like it we will discuss at length what makes it great, doesn't matter if it's music, movies, literature or art. I know all things of this nature are subjective, then again, a friends opinion has made me re-listen, rewatch, reread something and completely changed my opinion. I guess what I am saying is I give very little creedance to "professional" reviewers. I would rather take one of my friends opionion knowing that I understand their thought process a lot better than some random ass who watches films/listens to music/reads books, all day everyday for money, even if he is consideresd one of the best, I just trust those I know over those I do not. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, I'm kind of drunk.
 
2013-04-08 10:34:15 AM  
People forget about the (first) reviews of ET.   I was a kid then, but I remember them saying that it was going to be one of Speilberg's greatest failures.    A month later, the second review was much kinder

I don't listen to anyone when it comes to movie reviews.   Most don't think about movies as I do or enjoy the same thing as I.
 
2013-04-08 01:57:43 PM  

immrlizard: People forget about the (first) reviews of ET.   I was a kid then, but I remember them saying that it was going to be one of Speilberg's greatest failures.    A month later, the second review was much kinder

I don't listen to anyone when it comes to movie reviews.   Most don't think about movies as I do or enjoy the same thing as I.


I like listening to the Filmspotting guys argue about movies I will never see
 
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