If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   Why you should hold onto your grudges. You hear that, modmins? Those were some awesome headlines of mine you redlit this morning, you bastards   (slate.com) divider line 67
    More: Interesting, Simon Doonan, Mark David Chapman, joey, Oscar Pistorius, Amy Fisher  
•       •       •

4910 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2013 at 12:50 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



67 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-04-04 12:36:17 PM  
They probably didn't have spelling errors or were completely accurate in their headline describing the article with no signs of trolling
 
2013-04-04 12:51:14 PM  
biatches....ALL OF YOU!....
/pussies.
 
2013-04-04 12:53:00 PM  
Eh, I'm not good at holding grudges. I'd like to say it's for high-minded 'I'd like to forgive them!" stuff, but, really...

IT'S EXHAUSTING. It just seems to take so much EFFORT for me to hold a grudge! Anger, sure, I can be angry at folks, but that's different. A grudge is just... *draining* for me. So, eh, fark it.
 
2013-04-04 12:55:25 PM  
You, obviously, need to make references to better movies.
 
2013-04-04 12:58:53 PM  
Personally, I never got over the redesign.
 
2013-04-04 12:59:55 PM  
I would hold grudges, but my memory sucks.
 
2013-04-04 01:03:51 PM  
still pissed at that farker from about 5 years ago who anagramed my name into clown poo.
 
2013-04-04 01:10:14 PM  
last week a man bumped into me on Fifth Avenue. "Out of the way, tutti-frutti!" he boomed, eliciting shocked glances from passersby. As I scanned for a cop, I thought,

Sounds like his assessment of you was dead on
 
2013-04-04 01:10:14 PM  
Don't forgive someone because someone says you have to but don't dwell on the fact that you are holding a grudge. I have people that I will never help or see again but I don't think about it or get myself worked up about what they did.

Some people don't deserve forgiveness.
 
2013-04-04 01:13:02 PM  
What a hateful person.
 
2013-04-04 01:13:25 PM  

colon_pow: still pissed at that farker from about 5 years ago who anagramed my name into clown poo.


Sorry, but I think "clown poo" makes a better fark handle, and I would call dibbs on it, but you'd probably sue me for trademark infringement.
 
2013-04-04 01:16:42 PM  
I still hate the Philadelphia Eagles because of Buddy Ryan

That was in the late 80's
 
2013-04-04 01:16:53 PM  
FTA: The plight of pachyderms: I am beyond enraged at the people who unforgivably decimate the elephant population in order to feed the unforgivable Chinese appetite for ivory. Ditto rhino horns. .... etc

Forgiveness is more for people who have done something, not people who are currently doing something.

last week a man bumped into me on Fifth Avenue.

Tell me again of the heinous crimes you have endured.
 
2013-04-04 01:17:12 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com

"Hate keeps a man alive."
 
2013-04-04 01:19:38 PM  
i'm a lot faster to just write people out of my life than hold a grudge.  either i want them in my life, and i don't hold a grudge, i solve the problem.  or, they are a problem and i don't want them in my life.  i just live like they don't exist.  pretty easy really.  of course, not since high school has any one ever gone out of the way to fark with me*

* except homeless people, criminals, drunk asswipes, and wondering crazies... but, if you hold a grudge against these people, then you're the real crazy one.
 
2013-04-04 01:22:48 PM  

Felgraf: Eh, I'm not good at holding grudges. I'd like to say it's for high-minded 'I'd like to forgive them!" stuff, but, really...

IT'S EXHAUSTING. It just seems to take so much EFFORT for me to hold a grudge! Anger, sure, I can be angry at folks, but that's different. A grudge is just... *draining* for me. So, eh, fark it.


For me it is pretty much the same. The principle of "out of sight, out of mind" comes to mind in these cases. If I am not reminded of how I was wronged it will fade away but it might come back as a low level dislike/anger in certain situations.

Also: if my mother forgave the person who raped me I'd have to have a very serious talk with my mother. Especially considering the time scale.

/Never been raped
//Farkers do not have sex of any kind.
 
2013-04-04 01:24:27 PM  
 
2013-04-04 01:25:22 PM  
Wow. So that's Slate, huh? Wow.
 
2013-04-04 01:26:09 PM  

colon_pow: still pissed at that farker from about 5 years ago who anagramed my name into clown poo.


I'm sure your anger was of the "why didn't I think of it first" variety.

/clown poo... hehehe
 
2013-04-04 01:30:38 PM  

DanZero: They probably didn't have spelling errors or were completely accurate in their headline describing the article with no signs of trolling


They probably didn't link to The Daily Mail, Buzzfeed, Slate, or Cracked.
 
2013-04-04 01:35:13 PM  
I'm still mad at the doctor for slapping my ass when I popped out of my mom....
 
2013-04-04 01:39:23 PM  

Cheops: What a hateful person.


Seriously.  And as an added bonus he says

In days gone by it was only the Man Upstairs who could pardon and absolve. Now everybody is taking a crack at it.

I think, and I could be wrong here, that if you read the book that involves the entity I think he is referencing there, it actually has a good deal to say about how to deal with those who have wronged you.  Of particular note would be the parts in the second half...
 
2013-04-04 01:42:42 PM  

SpdrJay: I'm still mad at the doctor for slapping my ass when I popped out of my mom....


I have just barely restrained myself from 37 different, terrible 'your mom' responses....
 
2013-04-04 01:45:32 PM  
It's easy to "forgive" someone when you know the culprit is beyond your wrath and is in any case guaranteed to face life in prison with no hope of ever knowing liberty or happiness.  If the guy was ever released from prison and allowed to walk the streets, I bet these people would quickly rescind their "forgiveness".
 
2013-04-04 01:48:49 PM  

DanZero: They probably didn't have spelling errors or were completely accurate in their headline describing the article with no signs of trolling


Done in one.
 
2013-04-04 01:52:56 PM  
I do not like this article because it does not do any substantial to demonstrate, whether by philosophy or by science, that holding a grudge is genuinely healthier for you.  The author only writes about how distasteful he finds it.
 
2013-04-04 02:05:07 PM  
Anger can be a great motivator.   When I'm working out, I think of my ex.  Makes me work harder -- I'll show you, biatch.  All she did is bring a guy back to my place.  I forgi.... for.... forgiiiii....  nope, not happening.
 
2013-04-04 02:16:45 PM  
People confuse forgiveness with forgetting.  If a dog bites me, he's just being a dog and I can forgive him.  But I'm not going to forget and extend my hand to him again.  Same thing if someone hurts me.  I will forgive them, but I will not allow myself to be hurt in that same way again.  I will put them out of my life and move on.
 
2013-04-04 02:17:33 PM  

Assimilate This: I will put them out of my life and move on.


That ain't forgiving.
 
2013-04-04 02:21:31 PM  
I never forget and I never forgive.

I recall that quote, but can't recall where it's from.

I carry grudges. I carry resentment. I used to ponder the 'forgive and forget' set and later decided that they're full of shiat. Some things I can forgive and some things I can't.

I still recall that kid in school who made my life a living hell. I aint gonna forgive him. I also recall the physical education coach who stopped me from beating his arse after I had finally generated enough rage to do so. It had taken years.

I'm not forgiving the coach either.

I'm not going to forgive those two drunk cowboys who rearranged my face because the counter girl at a 7-11 wouldn't sell them beer after hours. (However, I am proud of throwing the best punch of my life which knocked the biggest of the two right out through the double doors.) He attacked me first, as I happened to be within reach.
I still recall the stitches, the fractured sinus cavities, broken nose and broken jaw and the pain I went through. I don't think the $150 he got fined for assault was sufficient.

I don't think the human being is psychologically geared to forgive and forget. That's one reason why we have all of these laws which prevent us from going after someone who harmed us and bouncing a cement brick off their head.

The guy who broke into my 1967 GTO yeaqrs ago and ripped out my CB radio didn't know I wasn't making much money at my job, probably didn't know that tearing it out screwed up my dash wiring and cost me money and time to repair.

Still, had I caught him I probably would have used the switchblade I carried to express my outrage at being 'violated'. I figure he'd have walked away with enough scars to remember me each time he looked in a mirror.

About the time home invasions started taking the place of the night time burglar, I fully understood when home owners started buying guns and blowing their shiat away.

When we get emotionally injured, it goes deeper than an actual physical hurt. It activates buried frustrations and feelings of helplessness if we can't strike back. Not good to dwell on, but you're not going to just say 'well, that's OK. You were having a bad day when you cracked my skull.'

Having them arrested and convicted is one way to handle it. Suing the krap out of them is another. Still, the anger is hard to let go of and many of us want them to feel pain equal to or greater than they inflicted on us.

I think it's a basic survival instinct. Some folks find it much easier to forgive after they've whacked the offender across the head with a baseball bat.

That's why we have a rather complex assortment of laws. Some things you can forgive and some things, IMO, you can't. Some of it depends on how powerless the incident made you feel. Some attacks can even change your personality. I've known nice, trusting folks who got taken advantage of badly, turn later into suspicious, paranoid, rather unpleasant people.

The implementation of various laws have kept a whole lot of abused folks from taking severe revenge by the simple threat of winding up in prison.

BTW, forgiving a stone cold killer who took a loved one from you might seem cool, but I seriously doubt if it makes much difference to the human rabid animal who is more pi$$ed off that he got caught than anything else. At least 9 out of 10 times.

Healthier for you to forgive? Maybe, sometimes. At other times, holding a grudge can drive you to higher levels of performance. Often, what you learned from being attacked will keep you from having the same thing happen again.
 
2013-04-04 02:33:18 PM  
Forgiveness or its withholding does fark-all for or to the forgiven or unforgiven.  The purpose of forgiveness is to make the forgiver feel better.
 
2013-04-04 02:44:47 PM  

pute kisses like a man: i'm a lot faster to just write people out of my life than hold a grudge.  either i want them in my life, and i don't hold a grudge, i solve the problem.  or, they are a problem and i don't want them in my life.  i just live like they don't exist.  pretty easy really.  of course, not since high school has any one ever gone out of the way to fark with me*

* except homeless people, criminals, drunk asswipes, and wondering crazies... but, if you hold a grudge against these people, then you're the real crazy one.


I agree  -- I tend to just walk away.  Don't stay angry, don't look for revenge, just walk away.
 
2013-04-04 02:56:54 PM  

Rik01: I never forget and I never forgive.

I recall that quote, but can't recall where it's from.

I carry grudges. I carry resentment. I used to ponder the 'forgive and forget' set and later decided that they're full of shiat. Some things I can forgive and some things I can't.

I still recall that kid in school who made my life a living hell. I aint gonna forgive him. I also recall the physical education coach who stopped me from beating his arse after I had finally generated enough rage to do so. It had taken years.

I'm not forgiving the coach either.

I'm not going to forgive those two drunk cowboys who rearranged my face because the counter girl at a 7-11 wouldn't sell them beer after hours. (However, I am proud of throwing the best punch of my life which knocked the biggest of the two right out through the double doors.) He attacked me first, as I happened to be within reach.
I still recall the stitches, the fractured sinus cavities, broken nose and broken jaw and the pain I went through. I don't think the $150 he got fined for assault was sufficient.

I don't think the human being is psychologically geared to forgive and forget. That's one reason why we have all of these laws which prevent us from going after someone who harmed us and bouncing a cement brick off their head.

The guy who broke into my 1967 GTO yeaqrs ago and ripped out my CB radio didn't know I wasn't making much money at my job, probably didn't know that tearing it out screwed up my dash wiring and cost me money and time to repair.

Still, had I caught him I probably would have used the switchblade I carried to express my outrage at being 'violated'. I figure he'd have walked away with enough scars to remember me each time he looked in a mirror.

About the time home invasions started taking the place of the night time burglar, I fully understood when home owners started buying guns and blowing their shiat away.

When we get emotionally injured, it goes deeper than an actual physical hurt. It activates buried frustrations and feelings of helplessness if we can't strike back. Not good to dwell on, but you're not going to just say 'well, that's OK. You were having a bad day when you cracked my skull.'

Having them arrested and convicted is one way to handle it. Suing the krap out of them is another. Still, the anger is hard to let go of and many of us want them to feel pain equal to or greater than they inflicted on us.

I think it's a basic survival instinct. Some folks find it much easier to forgive after they've whacked the offender across the head with a baseball bat.

That's why we have a rather complex assortment of laws. Some things you can forgive and some things, IMO, you can't. Some of it depends on how powerless the incident made you feel. Some attacks can even change your personality. I've known nice, trusting folks who got taken advantage of badly, turn later into suspicious, paranoid, rather unpleasant people.

The implementation of various laws have kept a whole lot of abused folks from taking severe revenge by the simple threat of winding up in prison.

BTW, forgiving a stone cold killer who took a loved one from you might seem cool, but I seriously doubt if it makes much difference to the human rabid animal who is more pi$$ed off that he got caught than anything else. At least 9 out of 10 times.

Healthier for you to forgive? Maybe, sometimes. At other times, holding a grudge can drive you to higher levels of performance. Often, what you learned from being attacked will keep you from having the same thing happen again.


Well said.

Think about it: Throughout our whole existence as a species, how have we typically dealt with a murderer of a loved one? By killing the perp ourselves. This whole "lock them up for a few years then release" thing is relatively new, let alone "forgive"! We are wired to seek revenge for heinous crimes - and there is probably an evolutionary advantage to this.
 
2013-04-04 02:57:31 PM  

doubled99: last week a man bumped into me on Fifth Avenue. "Out of the way, tutti-frutti!" he boomed, eliciting shocked glances from passersby. As I scanned for a cop, I thought,

Sounds like his assessment of you was dead on


heh. no shiat.  "as i scanned for a cop"

jesus h. christ, just go shoot yourself already.
 
2013-04-04 03:04:24 PM  
I guess the only grudges I have are against people who owe me money. I quit trying to help people years ago.
 
2013-04-04 03:12:54 PM  

The Muthaship: Assimilate This: I will put them out of my life and move on.

That ain't forgiving.


Call it what you will.  Forgiveness is more for yourself than the other person.  It's about letting go of the anger and pain control your life.  I am no longer angry at them, but I will not allow them to hurt me again.  If that means putting them out of my life, then so be it.
 
2013-04-04 03:19:41 PM  

doubled99: last week a man bumped into me on Fifth Avenue. "Out of the way, tutti-frutti!" he boomed, eliciting shocked glances from passersby. As I scanned for a cop, I thought,

Sounds like his assessment of you was dead on


This.  I pretty much agree with the queen that today's "You killed my mother last night...oh well, no point in holding a grudge" attitude is really stupid...but WTF was up with that?  If there are laws in NYC about comments like that then just maybe they've carried homosexuals as a protected class just a bit too far.
 
2013-04-04 03:35:14 PM  

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: doubled99: last week a man bumped into me on Fifth Avenue. "Out of the way, tutti-frutti!" he boomed, eliciting shocked glances from passersby. As I scanned for a cop, I thought,

Sounds like his assessment of you was dead on

This.  I pretty much agree with the queen that today's "You killed my mother last night...oh well, no point in holding a grudge" attitude is really stupid...but WTF was up with that?  If there are laws in NYC about comments like that then just maybe they've carried homosexuals as a protected class just a bit too far.


Out of my way, breeder.
 
2013-04-04 04:07:39 PM  
First we're not supposed to apologize.
Now we're supposed to hold grudges.
What's next, "Mental health means sniping your neighbor?"
 
2013-04-04 04:26:30 PM  
I really prefer to let karma handle some stuff.  Like seeing my old boss doing a job that he hated, that was rich, because he had made that particular assignment a part of my job description.  Then, when he decided a family member who could work for free was a better deal, I was fired.  Apparently, the free help was worth exactly what he was paying.  Forgive him for blaming me for his poor decisions, never.  Enjoy seeing him reap the consequences of his decisions, absolutely.
 
2013-04-04 04:33:10 PM  
There was nothing in the article to support the premise that it's a good idea to hang on to a grudge aside from "it's what I do".  Wast of digital space.
 
2013-04-04 04:49:43 PM  
Criminals love forgiving people. They can rape, murder, and steal all they want, no matter what happens, they know they'll be forgiven and let to live their lives to the fullest even though they just destroyed somebody's future. Isn't that beautiful?
 
2013-04-04 04:53:30 PM  
Teal'c: One day others may try to convice you they have forgiven you. That is more about them than you. For them, imparting forgiveness is a blessing.

Tomin: How do you go on?

Teal'c: It is simple. You will never forgive yourself. Accept it. You hurt others... many others. That cannot be undone. You will never find personal retribution. But your life does not have to end. That which is right, just, and true can still prevail. If you do not fight for what you believe in, all may be lost for everyone else. But do not fight for yourself. Fight for others - others that may be saved through your effort. That is the least you can do.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-04 05:53:16 PM  
Forgive internally but only fools forget.

Some situations deserve second chances and some don't. Some deserve locking up and throwing the key away.

Forgiveness is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card.
 
2013-04-04 06:06:23 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: Forgiveness or its withholding does fark-all for or to the forgiven or unforgiven.  The purpose of forgiveness is to make the forgiver feel better.


What you "feel" is irrelevant.  What you do is all that matters.

Forgiveness is the measure of a man's soul.  We've all committed misdeeds, and God will judge each of us according to our behavior.  The yardstick He chooses to use is forgiveness--we will only be forgiven for the harm we've done to the extent that we've forgiven those who've harmed us.  It's the only judgment a righteous God can make.
 
2013-04-04 06:18:05 PM  

Mouser: God will judge each of us according to our behavior.


What a coincidence. I plan on judging him according to his behavior, too.


/He gets an F
 
2013-04-04 06:48:10 PM  

colon_pow: still pissed at that farker from about 5 years ago who anagramed my name into clown poo.


Is "clown poo" really that big a step down from "colon pow," seriously?
 
2013-04-04 07:08:12 PM  
Forgiveness only "works" if the perpetrator regrets what he/she did.
 
2013-04-04 07:24:25 PM  

ciberido: colon_pow: still pissed at that farker from about 5 years ago who anagramed my name into clown poo.

Is "clown poo" really that big a step down from "colon pow," seriously?


to me it is.
 
2013-04-04 07:37:26 PM  

Ishkur: Mouser: God will judge each of us according to our behavior.

What a coincidence. I plan on judging him according to his behavior, too.


/He gets an F


to be fair, he can't give everyone a big weiner.
 
Displayed 50 of 67 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report