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(The Atlantic Wire)   Today's Fark-ready headline: Alcohol Boosts the Human Brain - if You Drink a Lot   (theatlanticwire.com) divider line 37
    More: Interesting, News & Notes  
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37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-04-04 10:02:27 AM  
\o/
 
2013-04-04 10:20:10 AM  
I must be a freakin genius
 
2013-04-04 11:00:46 AM  
It's like a secret elixir that gives you super powers.
 
2013-04-04 11:48:09 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
Agrees
 
2013-04-04 11:48:23 AM  
Well, it certainly makes me sexier, stronger, and the women around me more beautiful. What CAN'T it do?!?!
 
2013-04-04 11:48:52 AM  
"Like a car that can switch to ethanol when it runs out of gasoline, heavy drinkers' brains could tap energy from an alternate fuel source."

I need to run out and get this tattoo:

www.coalitionfore85.org
 
2013-04-04 11:49:21 AM  
We need a new Fark filter....

Drunks = Successful and Attractive Alcoholic Americans.
 
2013-04-04 11:49:40 AM  
Challengeaccepted.jpg
 
2013-04-04 11:50:05 AM  

theknuckler_33: Well, it certainly makes me sexier, stronger, and the women around me more beautiful. What CAN'T it do?!?!


It also helps me refrain from ejaculating until after my girlfriend gets hers.

It is amazing stuff.

/totally serious
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-04-04 11:52:00 AM  
Well, that explains the witty and insightful comments that Fark is known for.
 
2013-04-04 11:54:14 AM  
Tomorrow's headline: Smartest brain in the world dies with the most toxic liver.
 
2013-04-04 11:59:00 AM  

ginko: Tomorrow's headline: Smartest brain in the world dies with the most toxic liver.


New smartest brain in the world is at risk of dying.
 
2013-04-04 11:59:03 AM  
Well, that explains how I became an Adonis-like genius.

Off to my Nobel Prize ceremony/photo-shoot.
 
2013-04-04 12:01:40 PM  
Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
Oh Alcohol, I still drink to your health
 
2013-04-04 12:08:35 PM  
I hardly drink anymore and I'm spiraling toward being retarded.  So, potato.
 
2013-04-04 12:09:53 PM  
That half of a fifth of whiskey last night makes me smrt today
 
2013-04-04 12:20:24 PM  
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-04-04 12:21:05 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: That half of a fifth of whiskey last night makes me smrt today


1/2 a fifth? That's only like 1/10! You'll never amount to anything if you only do things half-way!
You've got to commit! Grab a handle and join Mensa.
 
2013-04-04 12:27:32 PM  
s3.amazonaws.com

Agrees
 
2013-04-04 12:31:51 PM  
I WIN!
 
2013-04-04 12:32:38 PM  
Pretty sure I saw a very similar article here about 3 weeks ago
 
2013-04-04 12:32:39 PM  
This news comes out the day after Wil and Drew start brewing their own beer?
Coincidence?
 I think not.
Also  would be a really great marketing idea for the new brew too!
 
2013-04-04 12:34:07 PM  
They say 8 drinks per week qualifies a person as a "heavy drinker"
 
2013-04-04 12:37:19 PM  

spamky: They say 8 drinks per week qualifies a person as a "heavy drinker"


I only have one drink a day, I just split it up into 8 separate portions.
 
2013-04-04 12:38:01 PM  
Let me guess, personally greenlighted by our illustrious leader of Farkistan who claimed he codes better while drunk.
 
2013-04-04 12:39:02 PM  

spamky: They say 8 drinks per week qualifies a person as a "heavy drinker"

 
2013-04-04 12:42:28 PM  

spamky: They say 8 drinks per week qualifies a person as a "heavy drinker"


Yay, I'm a drunk.

/alcoholics go to meetings
 
2013-04-04 12:46:43 PM  

DerAppie: spamky: They say 8 drinks per week qualifies a person as a "heavy drinker"

Yay, I'm a drunk.

/alcoholics go to meetings


It's a place called the bar
 
2013-04-04 12:48:37 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I must be a freakin genius


GENIOUS.  Pet peave.
 
2013-04-04 12:51:28 PM  
"Volunteers' drumming patterns became more intricate when they were represented by a more casually dressed, dark-skinned avatar, as compared to a formally dressed white-skinned character,

wat
lh3.ggpht.com
 
2013-04-04 12:51:39 PM  
NASA wants me for my booster brain.
 
2013-04-04 12:52:23 PM  
That would explain why after a week of having alcohol, but no weed, I get so "thinky".

Glass of wine or beer in my hand, researching all kinds of stuff at 11:30 at night, 20 tabs open, can't lay down because ideas keep coming to me and I HAVE to look it up...

/realizes this probably isn't healthy
 
2013-04-04 12:57:44 PM  

AcneVulgaris: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I must be a freakin genius

GENIOUS.  Pet peave.


What?...wait...I...get it?

That's either several levels of deep trolling, or not correct at all.

My head hurts.
 
2013-04-04 01:01:00 PM  
userserve-ak.last.fm
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-04 01:09:35 PM  

wildbill0712: [upload.wikimedia.org image 220x220]
Agrees


Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
 
2013-04-04 01:09:45 PM  
i834.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-04 01:13:08 PM  

spamky: They say 8 drinks per week qualifies a person as a "heavy drinker"


Thank FSM I imbibe spirits instead of drinks otherwise I'd be a fat drinker
 
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