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(Florida Today)   God makes himself known -- on a Goldfish cracker   (floridatoday.com) divider line 83
    More: Florida, goldfish, god, goldfish crackers, Pepperidge Farm, Holy Week, Presbyterian Church of Wales, Florida Today, eternal life  
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6056 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2013 at 10:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-04 09:55:17 AM
God...#2 phillips screw backing out of the cracker mold....nary a difference.
 
2013-04-04 10:06:39 AM

UberDave: God...#2 phillips screw backing out of the cracker mold....nary a difference.


Yeah, that's what it looked like to me as well.
 
2013-04-04 10:16:27 AM
I thought plus or multiplication.  It's a school fish.
 
2013-04-04 10:19:00 AM
Patti Burke claims cracker is a sign from God

Patti Burke admits that the cracker she's holding in her hands has more sense than she does.
 
2013-04-04 10:21:27 AM

I_Am_Weasel: I thought plus or multiplication.  It's a school fish.


I've got to make it through three strange days.
 
2013-04-04 10:22:59 AM
I know I should not eat thee.
 
2013-04-04 10:28:00 AM
Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week

Does she live in her mom's basement, too?
 
2013-04-04 10:36:52 AM
OH FFS
 
2013-04-04 10:36:58 AM
I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.
 
2013-04-04 10:37:00 AM
Doesn't a goldfish cracker already look like a religious symbol?
 
2013-04-04 10:37:13 AM
Is it a requirement to be insane or braindead to be a Christian these days or is it just strongly recommended?
 
2013-04-04 10:38:23 AM

Sybarite: I know I should not eat thee.


I think it would be ok if you ate it with wine and remembered Jesus.

/symbolically of course
 
2013-04-04 10:38:28 AM
DIAF, lady
 
2013-04-04 10:38:48 AM
"I believe that it's a sign, a sign from God, that ... he is still in our life every day and he wants to show that to his people," Burke said of the baked cheddar cracker.

...

Apparently Pat Robertson is wrong, not everyone is too educated for miracles.
 
2013-04-04 10:39:54 AM
2 fish are in a tank talking.

one fish says to the other fish, I'll drive and you man the guns.
 
2013-04-04 10:40:30 AM
Religion is for the *weak* minded.
 
2013-04-04 10:40:31 AM
He had to Subby, Mary was toast.
 
2013-04-04 10:40:59 AM

Ennuipoet: I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.


That's not how you're supposed to eat goldfish!  You have to take each one individually, and 'swim' it around in front of you before you chomp down on it.  Bonus points for speaking in the fish's voice - something along the lines of "Oh no! A shark!" just before you eat it.  Note that the voice should be high pitched and sound frightened.
 
2013-04-04 10:42:15 AM
i45.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-04 10:44:11 AM
"Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week..."

Lady, I think when they spoke of feeding the multitudes, it doesn't mean it all went to one person.

/Ah, Melbourne. Local news is best news.
 
2013-04-04 10:44:28 AM
Jesus Christ are there some stupid people out there.
 
2013-04-04 10:44:43 AM
"Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week, one by one, looking for the saltiest of the snacks."
 
2013-04-04 10:44:50 AM
Oy... Lady...

The mold used to press the uncooked crackers misaligned. What you're seeing is a phillips screw imprint. I'm a Christian and all I can think here is "These stupid Christians"
 
2013-04-04 10:44:54 AM
 Patti Burke later found staring at a street sign, "Its a sign from God, he's still in our everyday lives. See it makes a cross at the top."
 
2013-04-04 10:47:06 AM
That's nothing. Jesus was spotted on an Easter egg earlier this week: http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=464964
 
2013-04-04 10:47:41 AM
Screw her and that goldfish.
 
2013-04-04 10:47:50 AM
Cross?  That's a pentacle.
www.clickorlando.com
/exorcising nemo
 
2013-04-04 10:48:33 AM
She should just stick anchovies instead of crackers if she's looking for salty.

Is God Screw a band name yet?
 
2013-04-04 10:49:24 AM
FAKE. As I eat an assload of goldfish crackers, there's nothing about that one which looks real. Nice try on your replica tho, probably playdoh.
 
2013-04-04 10:51:09 AM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-04 10:51:12 AM
That's not a cross, it's an X.  That is a straight-edge goldfish.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:33 AM
It's not a sign from Jesus. It's a sign from St. Phillips.
-Jesus, I could use a screw.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:33 AM
The right way to eat Goldfish is similar to eating sunflower seeds. Pop them one at a time into your month, flip them on end and split them into two equal halves, then finish crunching them down.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:47 AM
Wow, that article was entirely too long for a dumb ass story.
 
2013-04-04 10:53:23 AM
I love these stories.  Jesus once appear to me in a pancake.  He was delicious with some butter and maple syrup!
 
2013-04-04 10:54:16 AM
FTFA:
"The reason the fish became a symbol is unknown,"

It's a vagina.  The yoni is an ancient symbol.
 
2013-04-04 10:54:31 AM
How about a round of applause for the sharp marketing guy from Pepperidge Farms?

From the article:

------------------------------------------------------------
"I called Pepperidge Farm and said, 'Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I've got the lucky fish,'" she said. "They called me back and said there's no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. ... They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don't know how it happened."
-------------------------------------------------------------

"Yup, definitely a miracle.  A miracle from GOD!  ON EASTER!!  You should totally call the news, everyone in the country needs to hear about this.  And remember to tell them that's Pepperidge Farm Goldfish! The snack that smiles back!"
 
2013-04-04 10:56:36 AM
Also looks like it could be the tread off the bottom of a shoe... as in, it was on the floor, someone stepped on it, and later threw it in the oven to fire...
 
2013-04-04 10:56:39 AM
I saw jesus on a burrito.  I ate him.
 
2013-04-04 10:58:04 AM

blatz514: Wow, that article was entirely too long for a dumb ass story.


That was my thoughts exactly. Did they really need that many paragraphs to say, "Crazy woman with no life finds deformed cracker, claims miracle."
 
2013-04-04 11:13:42 AM
www.clickorlando.com
 And while we're on the subject. Eating three pounds of salt per week seems to be depleting the moisture from your fingertips. If she gave you a 'handy' she'd peel back the skin on your pecker like a 400 pound Bulgarian welder wearing a Brillo mitten while clutching a rolled-up shiat of 100 grit sandpaper.


Yummmy. Eczema and dead skin flakes. Now that's snackin'
 
2013-04-04 11:14:18 AM
And that's why Florida has a tag.
 
2013-04-04 11:14:18 AM
While shoveling snow from the end of my driveway the plow truck came by and tossed more snow and dirty slush onto my already large pile of snow.

I was presented with what appears to be the face of Jesus in a hunk of snow and slush.

Then I looked closer and realized it looked more like that actor from "My Name is Earl" and shoveled it out of the way.
 
2013-04-04 11:14:48 AM
Holy fark, I couldn't finish reading her first quote's sentence before I overdosed on crazy

/seriously, the only thing missing in a church is padded walls and big bolt locks on the doors
 
2013-04-04 11:16:48 AM

Tharkin: How about a round of applause for the sharp marketing guy from Pepperidge Farms?

From the article:

------------------------------------------------------------
"I called Pepperidge Farm and said, 'Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I've got the lucky fish,'" she said. "They called me back and said there's no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. ... They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don't know how it happened."
-------------------------------------------------------------

"Yup, definitely a miracle.  A miracle from GOD!  ON EASTER!!  You should totally call the news, everyone in the country needs to hear about this.  And remember to tell them that's Pepperidge Farm Goldfish! The snack that smiles back!"


Why God? Is Chuthlu no capable of miracles?

Just asking,
 
2013-04-04 11:16:56 AM
www.bible.ca
 
2013-04-04 11:17:22 AM
mysteryhistory.tv
 
2013-04-04 11:19:53 AM

eKonk: Ennuipoet: I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.

That's not how you're supposed to eat goldfish!  You have to take each one individually, and 'swim' it around in front of you before you chomp down on it.  Bonus points for speaking in the fish's voice - something along the lines of "Oh no! A shark!" just before you eat it.  Note that the voice should be high pitched and sound frightened.


Your jib. I enjoy the cut of it.

I like to think of my hand as a fishing net, scraping the bottom of the ocean (box) collecting tuna. Deliciously salted cheese tuna.
 
2013-04-04 11:22:14 AM
Not one of SMBC's better skits...but it is relevent
 
2013-04-04 11:25:49 AM

Metal: FAKE. As I eat an assload of goldfish crackers, there's nothing about that one which looks real. Nice try on your replica tho, probably playdoh.


I didn't think about that.  The eye and mouth indentations are much deeper than usual.  Unless the photographer is looking to win awards for his HDR-laden piece on snack food miracles.

/Food for thought I suppose
//That pun was completely intended
 
2013-04-04 11:33:57 AM
Well, give a man a fish and, uh, he teaches another how to eat it, or something
 
2013-04-04 11:34:46 AM
I'm eating goldfish crackers right now, so I'm getting a kick...

/seriously
 
2013-04-04 11:35:55 AM
One of the Hagfish crackers got in the wrong bin is all.

// It's already a band.
 
2013-04-04 11:38:02 AM
highrye:
i45.tinypic.com

OH MY GOD!!!

There's a cow on that spoon holder!
 
2013-04-04 11:48:38 AM

eKonk: Ennuipoet: I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.

That's not how you're supposed to eat goldfish!  You have to take each one individually, and 'swim' it around in front of you before you chomp down on it.  Bonus points for speaking in the fish's voice - something along the lines of "Oh no! A shark!" just before you eat it.  Note that the voice should be high pitched and sound frightened.


You're never gonna get 2-3 pounds of goldfish down your throat wasting time like that!
 
2013-04-04 11:53:47 AM
As the father of 2 children, 5 and 6 yrs old, I can tell you that there is a finite number of goldfish a person can eat in one lifetime. Once that number is reached, you simply cannot eat any more. The smell, the very presence of goldfish crackers, will immediately initiate a gag reflex that will not subside until the offending material is removed from the vicinity. The pretzel ones have a slightly longer half-life, but the shape still has an effect.

And God help you if you're on a long car trip and you kids spill a bag of goldfish in the back seat, then drop an open bottle of water. That combination creates a brick that could be used to build temples and survive for thousands of years.
 
2013-04-04 11:54:58 AM
This is our jingle for goldfish!
We wrote a song for goldfishia
the wholesome snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off!

You know they're made with real cheese,
These baked, not fried lil fishies.
The snack that smiles back, GOLDFISH!

/Don't ask me how I still remember that jingle.
//I'll sing you the Lucky Charms jingle also
 
2013-04-04 11:57:09 AM

Sol Herschberger: FTFA:
"The reason the fish became a symbol is unknown,"

It's a vagina.  The yoni is an ancient symbol.


Bingo. That's been pretty well-documented.

Lazy journalist is lazy.
 
2013-04-04 11:59:02 AM
I love how God half-asses all of his signs.
 
2013-04-04 12:03:19 PM
I see the image of a bloody flea in that saucepan!

// From the wiki: They are not nice to eat they have a bitter tangy taste and don't go well in soup unless you have ALOT of them.
// Really.
 
2013-04-04 12:09:01 PM
MaxxLarge

Lazy journalist is lazy.

Or a prude.
 
2013-04-04 12:13:19 PM
Could be a funky xtc tablet someone slipped her. That may or may not explain the God delusions.
 
2013-04-04 12:18:46 PM

eKonk: Ennuipoet: I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.

That's not how you're supposed to eat goldfish!  You have to take each one individually, and 'swim' it around in front of you before you chomp down on it.  Bonus points for speaking in the fish's voice - something along the lines of "Oh no! A shark!" just before you eat it.  Note that the voice should be high pitched and sound frightened.


I prefer the Whale Shark method of scooping an entire school right down the gullet, of course I am usually eating them at a bar while quite intoxicated.
 
2013-04-04 12:39:20 PM

MaxxLarge: Sol Herschberger: FTFA:
"The reason the fish became a symbol is unknown,"

It's a vagina.  The yoni is an ancient symbol.

Bingo. That's been pretty well-documented.

Lazy journalist is lazy.


In addition, there is the fact that some of the Twelve Apostles were fishermen, that Jesus called them to follow Him stating "I will make you fishers of men", and that fish featured prominently in some of Jesus' miracles (e.g. feeding the 5000 with a few loaves and fishes, telling Peter to catch a fish which had swallowed a coin with which Jesus paid the Temple tax).

Also, there is that (non-Biblical) acrostic "Jesus Fish",  ΙΧΘΥΣ (Greek for "fish")

ησοῦς - Jesus
Χριστός - Christ
Θεου - God's
Υἱός - Son
Σωτήρ  - Savior

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-04 12:45:16 PM

kid_icarus: blatz514: Wow, that article was entirely too long for a dumb ass story.

That was my thoughts exactly. Did they really need that many paragraphs to say, "Crazy woman with no life finds deformed cracker, claims miracle."


Somebody should forward this article to Pat Robertson.

It would gladden his heart that the curses of education and skepticism haven't yet polluted the minds of Floridians.
 
2013-04-04 12:47:46 PM
I think Christianity may be the only religion which has some followers that believe their god actually would send them signs on grilled cheese sandwiches etc.  I'm NOT saying all Christians are like this and I mean no offense.  It's just something that seems unique to Christianity.   I'm pretty sure 90% of Christians would probably agree with me that this lady is a nut.  I'm just saying that I'venever heard about a jew finding Moses on their kishka or something.
 
2013-04-04 12:49:11 PM

Monkey: As the father of 2 children, 5 and 6 yrs old, I can tell you that there is a finite number of goldfish a person can eat in one lifetime. Once that number is reached, you simply cannot eat any more. The smell, the very presence of goldfish crackers, will immediately initiate a gag reflex that will not subside until the offending material is removed from the vicinity. The pretzel ones have a slightly longer half-life, but the shape still has an effect.

And God help you if you're on a long car trip and you kids spill a bag of goldfish in the back seat, then drop an open bottle of water. That combination creates a brick that could be used to build temples and survive for thousands of years.


THIS and THIS and THIS.

/my kids are 5 and 8
//haven't been able to stomach goldfish for 3 years now
///now they're trying to spoil broccoli for me
////no, really
 
2013-04-04 12:51:32 PM
FTA The reason the fish became a symbol is unknown

It stands for the astrological sign pisces.

/another mystery solved
//*hops in mystery machine and drives off*
 
2013-04-04 12:54:40 PM
That's about 140 calories an ounce for goldfish crackers (assuming the traditional cheddar variety), and an ounce is roughly 55 crackers.

Thar's about 1760-2640 crackers.

That's about 4480-6720 calories.

In goldfish crackers.

Per week.

And I would go so far as to speculate that she hits the upper limit more often than not....
 
2013-04-04 12:55:43 PM

ExpressPork: I think Christianity may be the only religion which has some followers that believe their god actually would send them signs on grilled cheese sandwiches etc.  I'm NOT saying all Christians are like this and I mean no offense.  It's just something that seems unique to Christianity.   I'm pretty sure 90% of Christians would probably agree with me that this lady is a nut.  I'm just saying that I'venever heard about a jew finding Moses on their kishka or something.


f1.pepst.com

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net

www.beepworld.de


3.bp.blogspot.com

cominganarchy.com

ansary.de

www.dr-umar-azam.com

atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com
 
2013-04-04 12:56:42 PM
God is trying to tell her to stop eating 3 pounds of goldfish crackers every week.
 
2013-04-04 01:05:21 PM

FarkingReading: Monkey: As the father of 2 children, 5 and 6 yrs old, I can tell you that there is a finite number of goldfish a person can eat in one lifetime. Once that number is reached, you simply cannot eat any more. The smell, the very presence of goldfish crackers, will immediately initiate a gag reflex that will not subside until the offending material is removed from the vicinity. The pretzel ones have a slightly longer half-life, but the shape still has an effect.

And God help you if you're on a long car trip and you kids spill a bag of goldfish in the back seat, then drop an open bottle of water. That combination creates a brick that could be used to build temples and survive for thousands of years.

THIS and THIS and THIS.

/my kids are 5 and 8
//haven't been able to stomach goldfish for 3 years now
///now they're trying to spoil broccoli for me
////no, really


For me it's now any kind of "nugget" or "stick" food. I don't make it very often (it's horrible convenience food), but the smell of chicken nuggets or fish-sticks cooking in the oven makes me want to vomit. Broccoli is still ok for eating, but the smell of it cooking is starting to get to me. If it wasn't the healthiest thing they like to eat it would be banned.
 
2013-04-04 01:06:28 PM
By the way, a Google search for "Jewish pareidolia" yields nothing interesting.

I would guess that's because any Jew devout enough to see something with the Tetragrammaton inscribed upon it would hide it away for safekeeping, rather than put it on display.
 
2013-04-04 01:14:35 PM
The article says that nobody knows why the fish became the symbol of Christ, but it is, in fact, well known (which is to say, in Wikipedia) that the Greek word Icthos, meaning "fish" is a Greek acronym for "Jesus Christ, God, Son, Saviour".

Wikipedia goes on to quote Saint Augustine, who observed that numerically (and in gematria, or Cabalistic and Biblical numerology), the letters add up to 27, which is 3 x 3 x 3 (and the sum of the letters in decimal notation is also 9, which is 3 + 3 + 3, the number of the Devil, or the God of this World, the Earth being 4 (four-square) and 9 being 3 squared). Greek letters were also numbers.

This makes me think of magic squares which in their simplest form are 3 x 3 squares. These were magical amulets in Ancient and Medieval times because it amazed people that the horizontal and vertical rows could be made to add up to the same number. Perhaps this accounts for the belief in the "magic power" of magic squares.

Note the illustration: The letters in the word Ichthys can be made into a wheel shape (Eight points of the Compass, the Eight Fold Way of the Buddha, etc). Philip, by the way, is the name of one of the disciples, Saint Philip. (It means Lover of Horses in Greek).

In addition to crop circles, the children's game which involves chasing one another around a wheel, and the Wheel of Fortune, this wheel contains two types of cross, the Cross of Saint Andrew (X)and the Greek Cross (+). The Cross in a circle is the Sun Cross, a symbol of the Sun. This pun (Sun/Son) was already in use in Early Christian times because the famous statue of Nero near the Colisseum (later reworked to represent another Emperor) portraited Nero as the Sun (as in the case of the Sun King, Louis XIV, and may have inspired both the Beast and the Image of the Beast in the Book of Revelation.

Speaking of Greek letters being numbers, in English, a simple gematria code makes 666, the Number of the Beast in Revelation equal F - O - X, the Mouthpiece of the Beast, or Image of the Beast, speaking fearful blasphemies. I am not the first person to note this. Back in the 1700s, the British notables of this name, including Henry Fox Sr. (the Right Honourable and 1st Lord Holland), the liberal politican, Charles Fox (lover of the rich, beautiful fashion-plate, the Duchess of Devonshire, as seen in the movie Duchess), Fox's son, and Charles' military brother Henry, were considered anti-Christ by Tory foes for their "radical" Whig opinions.

General Foch was also not universally popular during WWI.

Fox Sr. failed to become Prime Minister, however, although many people expected this.

One of the peculiarities of the number 9 is that digits of numbers divisible by 9 always add to 9. 27 equals 2+7=9. Thus the number of Power, 27, is both the number of God or Jesus and the number of the Devil.

The Devil is always emulating God out of jealousy. Perhaps it is He who puts the image of Christ on ridiculous and mundane articles such as burnt pots

Symbolism is as tricky and incestuous (or cannibalistic) as conspiracy theory. And some of the higher critics of the Bible regard Revelation as basically an early Christian conspiracy theory-type interpretation of contemporary politics and religious struggles in the time of Nero or possibly as late as Domitianus (whose father and brother sacked Jerusalem during the Jewish Wars--there's a lot more historical evidence where that comes from). Some mainstream Christian readers of the book regard much of the "prophecy" as long-fulfilled by events in the First Century. They can point to a great deal of evidence for this, by the way, whether you assume the book was written before or after the events described in symbolic code.

The eight kings (first eight major Emperors of Rome), the city of seven hills (Rome), the fall of the star named Wormwood (a Jewish revolt was lead by a man whose name can be read as "star" or more cynically, as "liar"), and so forth--there's a whole network of contemporary references, including the two Beasts from the Land and the Sea respectively.

But I digress. Back to our fat fish-eating friend and her feeble miracle simulacrum.
 
2013-04-04 01:23:26 PM

brantgoose: The article says that nobody knows why the fish became the symbol of Christ, but it is, in fact, well known (which is to say, in Wikipedia) that the Greek word Icthos, meaning "fish" is a Greek acronym for "Jesus Christ, God, Son, Saviour".


Riiiiight. And I'm sure the coincidental placement of "Jesus' Birth" to line up perfectly with pagan solstice rituals is just a coincidence? And the whole bringing trees and wreaths into your house at the same time? What's THAT all about, huh?

No way early Christians would EVER have co-opted other religions. Except that they did it in more ways than you could possibly imagine.
 
2013-04-04 01:44:05 PM

Parthenogenetic: ExpressPork: I think Christianity may be the only religion which has some followers that believe their god actually would send them signs on grilled cheese sandwiches etc.  I'm NOT saying all Christians are like this and I mean no offense.  It's just something that seems unique to Christianity.   I'm pretty sure 90% of Christians would probably agree with me that this lady is a nut.  I'm just saying that I'venever heard about a jew finding Moses on their kishka or something.

[f1.pepst.com image 320x213]

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 641x490]

[sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 604x449]

[www.beepworld.de image 598x398]


[3.bp.blogspot.com image 850x616]

[cominganarchy.com image 499x322]

[ansary.de image 245x273]

[www.dr-umar-azam.com image 696x384]

[atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com image 460x322]


Wow, I stand corrected.
 
2013-04-04 01:49:40 PM
www.clickorlando.com
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

It's a Goddamn miracle.
 
2013-04-04 01:58:47 PM

MaxxLarge: brantgoose: The article says that nobody knows why the fish became the symbol of Christ, but it is, in fact, well known (which is to say, in Wikipedia) that the Greek word Icthos, meaning "fish" is a Greek acronym for "Jesus Christ, God, Son, Saviour".

Riiiiight. And I'm sure the coincidental placement of "Jesus' Birth" to line up perfectly with pagan solstice rituals is just a coincidence? And the whole bringing trees and wreaths into your house at the same time? What's THAT all about, huh?

No way early Christians would EVER have co-opted other religions. Except that they did it in more ways than you could possibly imagine.


CS Lewis in "The Weight of Glory":

"What light is really thrown on the truth of falsehood of Christian Theology by the occurrence of similar ideas in Pagan religion? . . . Supposing, for purposes of argument, that Christianity is true; then it could avoid all coincidence with other religions only on the supposition that all other religions are one hundred percent erroneous . . . The truth is that the resemblances tell nothing either for or against the truth of Christian Theology. If you start from the assumption that the Theology is false, the resemblances are quite consistent with that assumption. One would expect creatures of the same sort, faced with the same universe, to make the same false guess more than once. But if you start with the assumption that the Theology is true, the resemblances fit in equally well. Theology, while saying that a special illumination has been vouchsafed to Christians and (earlier) to Jews, also says that there is some divine illumination vouchsafed to all men . . . We should, therefore, expect to find in the imagination of great Pagan teachers and myth makers some glimpse of that theme which we believe to be the very plot of the whole cosmic story - the theme of the incarnation, death, and re-birth. And the difference between the Pagan Christs (Balder, Osiris, etc.) and the Christ Himself is much what we should expect to find. The Pagan stories are all about someone dying and rising, either every year, or else nobody knows where and nobody knows when. The Christian story is about a historical personage, whose execution can be dated pretty accurately, under a named Roman magistrate, and with whom the society that He founded is in a continuous relation down to the present day. It is not the difference between falsehood and truth. It is the difference between a real event on the one hand and dim dreams or premonitions of that same event on the other."

In other words, Christianity did not copy or assimilate elements of pagan religions - the pagans somehow stole ideas and themes from Christianity, because Jesus transcends time.  That, or Biff Tannen stole the TARDIS and gave a box of Jack Chick tracts to Gilgamesh Tannen in ancient Ur and told him to bet everything on Jesus.  Thankfully, Marty McFly, Rory Williams, and Amy Pond made sure that Gaius McFly loaned a hammer, a box of nails, and a freshly sharpened spear to his absentminded buddy Longinus on Good Friday in 30 AD, ensuring that Jesus was crucified and thereby restoring the timeline to its original state.
 
2013-04-04 02:10:10 PM

Parthenogenetic: In other words, Christianity did not copy or assimilate elements of pagan religions - the pagans somehow stole ideas and themes from Christianity, because Jesus transcends time.  That, or Biff Tannen stole the TARDIS and gave a box of Jack Chick tracts to Gilgamesh Tannen in ancient Ur and told him to bet everything on Jesus.  Thankfully, Marty McFly, Rory Williams, and Amy Pond made sure that Gaius McFly loaned a hammer, a box of nails, and a freshly sharpened spear to his absentminded buddy Longinus on Good Friday in 30 AD, ensuring that Jesus was crucified and thereby restoring the timeline to its original state.


Dammit, it occurs to me now that I should have made that 35 AD, which would fit the Back to the Future storyline much better (the events of which occur in 1985, 1955, 2015, and 1885)
 
2013-04-04 05:17:40 PM
I don't know, therefore god.
 
2013-04-04 05:20:19 PM
OK then, I'm convinced. I repent my godless ways, all hail the mighty goldfish.
 
2013-04-04 05:31:51 PM

victrin:  What you're seeing is a phillips screw imprint.


I thought they used nails.
 
2013-04-04 07:01:49 PM
You have to know how to read the signs.  Obviously it's a multiplication sign.  Therefore, God is telling her to get busy and multiply.
 
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