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(Florida Today)   God makes himself known -- on a Goldfish cracker   (floridatoday.com) divider line 83
    More: Florida, goldfish, god, goldfish crackers, Pepperidge Farm, Holy Week, Presbyterian Church of Wales, Florida Today, eternal life  
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6048 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2013 at 10:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-04 09:55:17 AM
God...#2 phillips screw backing out of the cracker mold....nary a difference.
 
2013-04-04 10:06:39 AM

UberDave: God...#2 phillips screw backing out of the cracker mold....nary a difference.


Yeah, that's what it looked like to me as well.
 
2013-04-04 10:16:27 AM
I thought plus or multiplication.  It's a school fish.
 
2013-04-04 10:19:00 AM
Patti Burke claims cracker is a sign from God

Patti Burke admits that the cracker she's holding in her hands has more sense than she does.
 
2013-04-04 10:21:27 AM

I_Am_Weasel: I thought plus or multiplication.  It's a school fish.


I've got to make it through three strange days.
 
2013-04-04 10:22:59 AM
I know I should not eat thee.
 
2013-04-04 10:28:00 AM
Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week

Does she live in her mom's basement, too?
 
2013-04-04 10:36:52 AM
OH FFS
 
2013-04-04 10:36:58 AM
I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.
 
2013-04-04 10:37:00 AM
Doesn't a goldfish cracker already look like a religious symbol?
 
2013-04-04 10:37:13 AM
Is it a requirement to be insane or braindead to be a Christian these days or is it just strongly recommended?
 
2013-04-04 10:38:23 AM

Sybarite: I know I should not eat thee.


I think it would be ok if you ate it with wine and remembered Jesus.

/symbolically of course
 
2013-04-04 10:38:28 AM
DIAF, lady
 
2013-04-04 10:38:48 AM
"I believe that it's a sign, a sign from God, that ... he is still in our life every day and he wants to show that to his people," Burke said of the baked cheddar cracker.

...

Apparently Pat Robertson is wrong, not everyone is too educated for miracles.
 
2013-04-04 10:39:54 AM
2 fish are in a tank talking.

one fish says to the other fish, I'll drive and you man the guns.
 
2013-04-04 10:40:30 AM
Religion is for the *weak* minded.
 
2013-04-04 10:40:31 AM
He had to Subby, Mary was toast.
 
2013-04-04 10:40:59 AM

Ennuipoet: I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.


That's not how you're supposed to eat goldfish!  You have to take each one individually, and 'swim' it around in front of you before you chomp down on it.  Bonus points for speaking in the fish's voice - something along the lines of "Oh no! A shark!" just before you eat it.  Note that the voice should be high pitched and sound frightened.
 
2013-04-04 10:42:15 AM
i45.tinypic.com
 
2013-04-04 10:44:11 AM
"Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week..."

Lady, I think when they spoke of feeding the multitudes, it doesn't mean it all went to one person.

/Ah, Melbourne. Local news is best news.
 
2013-04-04 10:44:28 AM
Jesus Christ are there some stupid people out there.
 
2013-04-04 10:44:43 AM
"Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week, one by one, looking for the saltiest of the snacks."
 
2013-04-04 10:44:50 AM
Oy... Lady...

The mold used to press the uncooked crackers misaligned. What you're seeing is a phillips screw imprint. I'm a Christian and all I can think here is "These stupid Christians"
 
2013-04-04 10:44:54 AM
 Patti Burke later found staring at a street sign, "Its a sign from God, he's still in our everyday lives. See it makes a cross at the top."
 
2013-04-04 10:47:06 AM
That's nothing. Jesus was spotted on an Easter egg earlier this week: http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=464964
 
2013-04-04 10:47:41 AM
Screw her and that goldfish.
 
2013-04-04 10:47:50 AM
Cross?  That's a pentacle.
www.clickorlando.com
/exorcising nemo
 
2013-04-04 10:48:33 AM
She should just stick anchovies instead of crackers if she's looking for salty.

Is God Screw a band name yet?
 
2013-04-04 10:49:24 AM
FAKE. As I eat an assload of goldfish crackers, there's nothing about that one which looks real. Nice try on your replica tho, probably playdoh.
 
2013-04-04 10:51:09 AM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-04 10:51:12 AM
That's not a cross, it's an X.  That is a straight-edge goldfish.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:33 AM
It's not a sign from Jesus. It's a sign from St. Phillips.
-Jesus, I could use a screw.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:33 AM
The right way to eat Goldfish is similar to eating sunflower seeds. Pop them one at a time into your month, flip them on end and split them into two equal halves, then finish crunching them down.
 
2013-04-04 10:52:47 AM
Wow, that article was entirely too long for a dumb ass story.
 
2013-04-04 10:53:23 AM
I love these stories.  Jesus once appear to me in a pancake.  He was delicious with some butter and maple syrup!
 
2013-04-04 10:54:16 AM
FTFA:
"The reason the fish became a symbol is unknown,"

It's a vagina.  The yoni is an ancient symbol.
 
2013-04-04 10:54:31 AM
How about a round of applause for the sharp marketing guy from Pepperidge Farms?

From the article:

------------------------------------------------------------
"I called Pepperidge Farm and said, 'Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I've got the lucky fish,'" she said. "They called me back and said there's no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. ... They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don't know how it happened."
-------------------------------------------------------------

"Yup, definitely a miracle.  A miracle from GOD!  ON EASTER!!  You should totally call the news, everyone in the country needs to hear about this.  And remember to tell them that's Pepperidge Farm Goldfish! The snack that smiles back!"
 
2013-04-04 10:56:36 AM
Also looks like it could be the tread off the bottom of a shoe... as in, it was on the floor, someone stepped on it, and later threw it in the oven to fire...
 
2013-04-04 10:56:39 AM
I saw jesus on a burrito.  I ate him.
 
2013-04-04 10:58:04 AM

blatz514: Wow, that article was entirely too long for a dumb ass story.


That was my thoughts exactly. Did they really need that many paragraphs to say, "Crazy woman with no life finds deformed cracker, claims miracle."
 
2013-04-04 11:13:42 AM
www.clickorlando.com
 And while we're on the subject. Eating three pounds of salt per week seems to be depleting the moisture from your fingertips. If she gave you a 'handy' she'd peel back the skin on your pecker like a 400 pound Bulgarian welder wearing a Brillo mitten while clutching a rolled-up shiat of 100 grit sandpaper.


Yummmy. Eczema and dead skin flakes. Now that's snackin'
 
2013-04-04 11:14:18 AM
And that's why Florida has a tag.
 
2013-04-04 11:14:18 AM
While shoveling snow from the end of my driveway the plow truck came by and tossed more snow and dirty slush onto my already large pile of snow.

I was presented with what appears to be the face of Jesus in a hunk of snow and slush.

Then I looked closer and realized it looked more like that actor from "My Name is Earl" and shoveled it out of the way.
 
2013-04-04 11:14:48 AM
Holy fark, I couldn't finish reading her first quote's sentence before I overdosed on crazy

/seriously, the only thing missing in a church is padded walls and big bolt locks on the doors
 
2013-04-04 11:16:48 AM

Tharkin: How about a round of applause for the sharp marketing guy from Pepperidge Farms?

From the article:

------------------------------------------------------------
"I called Pepperidge Farm and said, 'Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I've got the lucky fish,'" she said. "They called me back and said there's no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. ... They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don't know how it happened."
-------------------------------------------------------------

"Yup, definitely a miracle.  A miracle from GOD!  ON EASTER!!  You should totally call the news, everyone in the country needs to hear about this.  And remember to tell them that's Pepperidge Farm Goldfish! The snack that smiles back!"


Why God? Is Chuthlu no capable of miracles?

Just asking,
 
2013-04-04 11:16:56 AM
www.bible.ca
 
2013-04-04 11:17:22 AM
mysteryhistory.tv
 
2013-04-04 11:19:53 AM

eKonk: Ennuipoet: I think the bigger question here is why anyone looks at their goldfish before eating it?  The whole idea of the damn snack is to shove a fistful at a time right in your pie hole.

That's not how you're supposed to eat goldfish!  You have to take each one individually, and 'swim' it around in front of you before you chomp down on it.  Bonus points for speaking in the fish's voice - something along the lines of "Oh no! A shark!" just before you eat it.  Note that the voice should be high pitched and sound frightened.


Your jib. I enjoy the cut of it.

I like to think of my hand as a fishing net, scraping the bottom of the ocean (box) collecting tuna. Deliciously salted cheese tuna.
 
2013-04-04 11:22:14 AM
Not one of SMBC's better skits...but it is relevent
 
2013-04-04 11:25:49 AM

Metal: FAKE. As I eat an assload of goldfish crackers, there's nothing about that one which looks real. Nice try on your replica tho, probably playdoh.


I didn't think about that.  The eye and mouth indentations are much deeper than usual.  Unless the photographer is looking to win awards for his HDR-laden piece on snack food miracles.

/Food for thought I suppose
//That pun was completely intended
 
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