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(TwinCities.com)   Apparently this bears repeating: If you're going to rob, decapitate and dump the body of a famous celebrity, DO NOT get in a car crash on the way to her house. If you do, get rid of the detailed written instructions of your well-thought-out plan   (twincities.com) divider line 82
    More: Dumbass, Joss Stone, vehicle accident, celebrity  
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20624 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2013 at 3:29 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-03 02:08:35 PM
What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?

I mean, if you're going to kill someone famous, you're probably only going to get one chance to really get your name on the board. You're gonna wanna go for someone either really popular (e.g., Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney, Beyoncé), or widely-detested (Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag, Snooki, etc.). Not that I'm suggesting anything, of course. Merely postulating a hypothetical.

Either way, shooting for the low-middle just makes no SENSE. Might as well hatch a dastardly plot to murder George Hamilton, or Nelly Furtado, or something. Who cares? Not worth the risk or effort.
 
2013-04-03 02:14:59 PM
I have to think idiots like this WANT to get caught.
 
2013-04-03 02:22:57 PM
I know once in a blue moon you get a seriously crazy stalker guy who wants to kill a celebrity.

But TWO guys who want to do it together? WTF? What are the chances?
 
2013-04-03 02:36:08 PM
i.imgur.com
You're taking notes on a criminal farkin' conspiracy?
 
2013-04-03 02:38:59 PM
famous celebrity?
 
2013-04-03 02:41:24 PM
"Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.
 
2013-04-03 03:33:40 PM

MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?

I mean, if you're going to kill someone famous, you're probably only going to get one chance to really get your name on the board. You're gonna wanna go for someone either really popular (e.g., Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney, Beyoncé), or widely-detested (Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag, Snooki, etc.). Not that I'm suggesting anything, of course. Merely postulating a hypothetical.

Either way, shooting for the low-middle just makes no SENSE. Might as well hatch a dastardly plot to murder George Hamilton, or Nelly Furtado, or something. Who cares? Not worth the risk or effort.


What are the odds of bagging a Kardashian or an Olson? Really?
Joss Stone: Important enough to get some press, but mediocre enough for you to actually pull it off.
It's all about setting reasonable goals.
 
2013-04-03 03:33:47 PM
Wait  a minute, they didnt have any handguns.  What would have caused them to want to kill someone?
 
2013-04-03 03:34:30 PM
Other than TV and movies... Who the hell writes down their devious plans?
 
2013-04-03 03:36:58 PM
How was that not Lindsey Lohan?
 
2013-04-03 03:37:25 PM

MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?


www.jossstonebrasil.com
static.guim.co.uk

Divorce is so much more appropriate when silly hats are involved.
 
2013-04-03 03:37:40 PM
"Liverpool was given a life sentence and ordered to serve a minimum of 10 years and eight months."
blog.angelatung.com
 
2013-04-03 03:38:40 PM
us.cdn003.fansshare.com

Like Jewel had a tall younger sister without the huge boobs.

/I'd kidnap it
 
2013-04-03 03:38:41 PM

MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?

I mean, if you're going to kill someone famous, you're probably only going to get one chance to really get your name on the board. You're gonna wanna go for someone either really popular (e.g., Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney, Beyoncé), or widely-detested (Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag, Snooki, etc.). Not that I'm suggesting anything, of course. Merely postulating a hypothetical.

Either way, shooting for the low-middle just makes no SENSE. Might as well hatch a dastardly plot to murder George Hamilton, or Nelly Furtado, or something. Who cares? Not worth the risk or effort.


If you're a murderous yobbo in England, none of those celebrities are in striking distance. Joss Stone is just down the road AND she's a really big star in the UK.
 
2013-04-03 03:40:58 PM
And get a car.... with a BIG TRUNK.

/and check the gas.
 
2013-04-03 03:41:35 PM

peterthx: [us.cdn003.fansshare.com image 850x1494]

Like Jewel had a tall younger sister without the huge boobs.

/I'd kidnap it


I'd murder her vagina.

/alternatively: "I'd murder her. Vagina."
 
2013-04-03 03:42:14 PM
Or the cops planted the note.
 
2013-04-03 03:44:21 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: "Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-03 03:44:35 PM
Odd, I didn't know the U.S. southern style was big in naming over in the U.K.

The name Junior brings to mind a beer belly, gap toothed, smoke smelling, barefoot, loudmouthed, thinks he's a woodsman but lives in an apartment in the suburbs, fat but only if you don't say it to his face, bouncer at a honkeytonk.

Hey, if I'm going stereotype, might as well think most of them when i hear the name "Junior" or "Juuunniahhh!!!"
 
2013-04-03 03:45:20 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: "Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G Eric Clapton white people don't have soul.



Joss Whothehell ?
 
2013-04-03 03:45:28 PM
White soul. So a less successful Adele? So what is her music like?
 
2013-04-03 03:45:40 PM
Fist of an angry god and all that.


i536.photobucket.com

i536.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-03 03:46:18 PM
ok, i get that for famous celebrities.  what about people like joss stone?
 
2013-04-03 03:46:57 PM

MaxxLarge: Either way, shooting for the low-middle just makes no SENSE. Might as well hatch a dastardly plot to murder George Hamilton, or Nelly Furtado, or something. Who cares? Not worth the risk or effort.


I swear to god if someone snuffed George Hamilton I would dress up as Zorro and murder every last farking one of their extended family's pets and children.

So, you know. I guess to each their own when it comes to celebrity?
 
2013-04-03 03:47:10 PM
Photo of the suspects
profile.ak.fbcdn.net
 
2013-04-03 03:47:25 PM
FTFA:  "and a further note said: "Once Jocelyn's dead ... find a river to dump her," "

What a well-planned assault!  Wouldn't you want to find the river in advance?  There is never a river right where you need one.
 
2013-04-03 03:47:59 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: "Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.


Are you seriously suggesting that Kenny G has soul, or even a soul? Really?
Now Dan Ackroyd and John Belushi on the other hand, they had soul to spare, and went on a mission from god to return that soul to the city of Chicago. They did such a good job of it, though, that John's soul got loosened up and soon shuffled loose the mortal coil. Ol Danny is still around, but i think his soul may have been slightly warped.

What was i talking about, again? Oh, yeah: Kenny G is so awful my bung itches just thinking about it. Also, i have no idea who joss stone is.
 
2013-04-03 03:48:14 PM

ferretman: "Liverpool was given a life sentence and ordered to serve a minimum of 10 years and eight months."
[blog.angelatung.com image 330x282]


Yeah, I don't get it either.  What if he dies two years into serving it?  They're required to keep his rotting corpse around for the next eight years and eight months?
 
2013-04-03 03:49:48 PM

BigMax: There is never a river right where you need one


static.tumblr.com

Unless Moffat's writing .
 
2013-04-03 03:50:34 PM
They were involved in a crash on their journey, and at one point got lost, asking a postman for directions to Stone's home.
... and a further note said: "Once Jocelyn's dead ... find a river to dump her," according to prosecutors.


shouldn't you probably research out the river ahead of time.  not just drive randomly around with a dead body in your trunk until you just happen to run into a river?

Also, did they have the good sense to hide the samurai sword from view when they asked the postman, or was it dangling out of the window?
 
2013-04-03 03:51:27 PM

MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?


I believe you're thinking of Taylor Dayne

Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. But I just have to tell you. I love your voice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwzYB545hY">http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=jSwzYB545hY
 
2013-04-03 03:52:00 PM
What's the going price for Justin Beiber's nutsack?
 
2013-04-03 03:52:17 PM

Yes please: ferretman: "Liverpool was given a life sentence and ordered to serve a minimum of 10 years and eight months."
[blog.angelatung.com image 330x282]

Yeah, I don't get it either.  What if he dies two years into serving it?  They're required to keep his rotting corpse around for the next eight years and eight months?


It means that after 10 years and 8 month he would potentially be eligible for release.  Obviosuly if he dies before that, his corpse would be used for "Mystery Meat Thursday".

/are you really so clueless as to think they'd keep the body?
 
2013-04-03 03:52:55 PM

jaytkay: So a less successful Adele?


exactly.  but thinner and hotter.
 
2013-04-03 03:54:11 PM

Crewmannumber6: MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?

I believe you're thinking of Taylor Dayne

Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. But I just have to tell you. I love your voice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwzYB545hY">http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=jSwzYB545hY


My speaking voice?
 
2013-04-03 03:55:32 PM

intotheabyss81: Photo of the suspects


Awesome reference. Voiced by Charlie Murphy and one Samuel L.
 
2013-04-03 03:56:12 PM

taliesinwi: Crewmannumber6: MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer? What the hell is the point of THAT?

I believe you're thinking of Taylor Dayne

Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. But I just have to tell you. I love your voice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwzYB545hY">http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=jSwzYB545hY

My speaking voice?


Yes.
 
2013-04-03 03:56:55 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.


i1168.photobucket.com

EEEEEXCELLENT.....

10/10

/would've got 20/10 if you'd included Michael Bolton
 
2013-04-03 03:57:24 PM

Lollipop165: once in a blue moon you get a seriously crazy stalker guy who wants to kill a celebrity.

But TWO guys who want to do it together? WTF?



Only one of them was the real brains behind the operation, while the other was his mildly retarded (albeit loyal and incredibly strong) sidekick.
 
2013-04-03 03:58:12 PM
I love how their defence lawyer portrayed them as "deluded incompetents" who never had any intent to kill. The "no intent" defence would have been a tad more convincing if the losers hadn't been caught with a car full of weapons after asking locals for directions to her house.
 
2013-04-03 04:00:36 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.


i1192.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-03 04:01:53 PM

mudpants: drjekel_mrhyde: "Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G Eric Clapton Stevie Ray Vaughn white people don't have soul.

 
2013-04-03 04:02:11 PM
Never heard of her but I like looking at her. But what an idiot. That would be like killing Yoko and not John Lennon.
 
2013-04-03 04:02:49 PM

TomD9938: Lollipop165: once in a blue moon you get a seriously crazy stalker guy who wants to kill a celebrity.

But TWO guys who want to do it together? WTF?


Only one of them was the real brains behind the operation, while the other was his mildly retarded (albeit loyal and incredibly strong) sidekick.


I read that book
 
2013-04-03 04:03:20 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: "Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.


Oh yeah?  Submitted for your approval:    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLD3CXXDnmk
 
2013-04-03 04:06:43 PM

Lollipop165: I know once in a blue moon you get a seriously crazy stalker guy who wants to kill a celebrity.

But TWO guys who want to do it together? WTF? What are the chances?


I thought I read another article awhile back where they were actually hire/ordered to do it by some guy who was in prison.  He wrote the notes and "contracted" it done.  I might just be making that up though.  Perhaps a better article.
 
2013-04-03 04:07:56 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: "Jocelyn Eve Stoker, better known by her stage name Joss Stone, is a British soul singer"  Besides Kenny G white people don't have soul.


ftfy.
 
2013-04-03 04:09:38 PM

Matthew Keene: What's the going price for Justin Beiber's nutsack?


A few years back, it was worth one record deal.
 
2013-04-03 04:10:39 PM

brandent: Lollipop165: I know once in a blue moon you get a seriously crazy stalker guy who wants to kill a celebrity.

But TWO guys who want to do it together? WTF? What are the chances?

I thought I read another article awhile back where they were actually hire/ordered to do it by some guy who was in prison.  He wrote the notes and "contracted" it done.  I might just be making that up though.  Perhaps a better article.


Try this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/22/justin-bieber-castration-pl ot -murderer_n_2935186.html
 
2013-04-03 04:15:12 PM

MaxxLarge: What perplexes me about this is...Joss Stone. Huh?!? A barely-known, somewhat-mediocre but largely-inoffensive has-been singer?


You sound like a 12 y.o. Belieber.
 
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