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(SFGate)   Why you probably suck at sex   (blog.sfgate.com) divider line 251
    More: Interesting, pleasure centers, Nora Ephron, baseball hat, IUD, Puritanism, sexual freedom, abstinence education  
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25676 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2013 at 2:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-03 10:41:11 AM
Talk to the hand.
 
2013-04-03 10:43:15 AM
Is "Because it's been so long, I've forgotten how" on the list?
 
2013-04-03 10:47:07 AM
I wish there was more sucking in my sex. And licking, and nibbling...
 
2013-04-03 10:59:34 AM
Ideally, subby, yes.
 
2013-04-03 01:56:00 PM
This is written like I should care.
 
2013-04-03 02:00:17 PM
I've been told many times it's because of my old tiny penis

/old tiny penis
 
2013-04-03 02:09:43 PM
Having read TFA, I feel that I should be safe because:
1. I'm not in college, and in fact went before the cell phone era
2. I'm a shameless flirt
3. I've never been in a rush to get into bed with strangers
4. I'm not heavy on teh pr0ns
5. I'm married and my wife remains happy after 9 years and three kids

It certainly doesn't paint a rosy picture of youth, though.  Students where my wife works report that they're unhappy with the hook-up thing... that men and women alike would prefer to actually date but the skill is lost for so many of them.  Plus, there's a reverse-China gender imbalance so the guys really don't have to work hard to get women.  That doesn't help.
 
2013-04-03 02:10:59 PM
Actually, for some people, a very select few of us, being "bad" at sex is deliberate. What the majority of people (who are actually quite bad at sex) don't realize is that there is a certain, great responsibility that comes from being an exceptionally well-endowed, generous, and skilled sexual partner. What you are doing, in essence, is creating in your partner a certain expectation, a "bar," so to speak, that they will likely never be able to again encounter in their lives. There have been cases, sadly, where one normal person's incredible sexual experience, her one magical night early on in her life, effectively ruins her sexual life from that point on. For when the relationship finally ends, as it generally must (and, seriously, how cruel would it be for people like us to limit ourselves to only one person?), the "normal person" will now be doomed to a series of less and less satisfying encounters, partners who can never live up to that one fleeting moment. This is a cruelty in which only the most callous of us would willingly engage, and so we do what we must: fake being bad. We fake being bad so that those who come after us have a chance to be slightly more than bad, so that those we leave behind never know what they must come to accept as their lot in life.

What it comes down to, really, is that with great power comes great responsibility. For example, I drive a sports car, a very expensive one. I could literally race anybody, anywhere, and win. But what would I be doing by engaging in this? Causing massive inferiority complexes in innocent people, inciting jealousy -- that's what. Again, it comes down to deliberate cruelty. And so I drive my sports car much more slowly than I could, sometimes doing, say, 50 mph on a country highway where the speed limit is 55. Allowing people to pass me, and in so doing giving them just that one, brief moment of feeling superior. I'm sure they'll never have the chance to feel that again, and so in my own way I'm helping them. Similarly, I do not allow my vast wealth to inspire negative feelings in others, and downplay it as much as I can. I'll often let other people pay bar tabs, for instance, knowing that if I were to take out my wallet, it have much the same effect as if I were to take home their girlfriends or race them on the road.

With great power comes great responsibility. That's truly the bottom line. Some people, unfortunately, take years to learn this lesson. I suppose I was one of the lucky ones. Or maybe just better, I'm not sure. I don't want to assume.
 
2013-04-03 02:15:48 PM
Not enough practice?
 
2013-04-03 02:17:01 PM
Does it matter if she's unconscious?
 
2013-04-03 02:18:22 PM
Tiny penis?
 
2013-04-03 02:20:00 PM
Porn bad, no way.
 
2013-04-03 02:20:07 PM

old_toole: I've been told many times it's because of my old tiny penis

/old tiny penis toole


ftfy
 
2013-04-03 02:20:35 PM

Pocket Ninja: Actually, for some people, a very select few of us, being "bad" at sex is deliberate. What the majority of people (who are actually quite bad at sex) don't realize is that there is a certain, great responsibility that comes from being an exceptionally well-endowed, generous, and skilled sexual partner. What you are doing, in essence, is creating in your partner a certain expectation, a "bar," so to speak, that they will likely never be able to again encounter in their lives. There have been cases, sadly, where one normal person's incredible sexual experience, her one magical night early on in her life, effectively ruins her sexual life from that point on. For when the relationship finally ends, as it generally must (and, seriously, how cruel would it be for people like us to limit ourselves to only one person?), the "normal person" will now be doomed to a series of less and less satisfying encounters, partners who can never live up to that one fleeting moment. This is a cruelty in which only the most callous of us would willingly engage, and so we do what we must: fake being bad. We fake being bad so that those who come after us have a chance to be slightly more than bad, so that those we leave behind never know what they must come to accept as their lot in life.

What it comes down to, really, is that with great power comes great responsibility. For example, I drive a sports car, a very expensive one. I could literally race anybody, anywhere, and win. But what would I be doing by engaging in this? Causing massive inferiority complexes in innocent people, inciting jealousy -- that's what. Again, it comes down to deliberate cruelty. And so I drive my sports car much more slowly than I could, sometimes doing, say, 50 mph on a country highway where the speed limit is 55. Allowing people to pass me, and in so doing giving them just that one, brief moment of feeling superior. I'm sure they'll never have the chance to feel that again, and so in my own way I'm helping them ...


Your posts are so good, it makes all the other commenters look bad :)
 
2013-04-03 02:20:41 PM
The only thing that sucks here is your article.
 
2013-04-03 02:20:51 PM
All you need to be good at sex is communication and all parties involved to be willing to try new things.
 
2013-04-03 02:21:23 PM

Pocket Ninja: Actually, for some people, a very select few of us, being "bad" at sex is deliberate. What the majority of people (who are actually quite bad at sex) don't realize is that there is a certain, great responsibility that comes from being an exceptionally well-endowed, generous, and skilled sexual partner. What you are doing, in essence, is creating in your partner a certain expectation, a "bar," so to speak, that they will likely never be able to again encounter in their lives. There have been cases, sadly, where one normal person's incredible sexual experience, her one magical night early on in her life, effectively ruins her sexual life from that point on. For when the relationship finally ends, as it generally must (and, seriously, how cruel would it be for people like us to limit ourselves to only one person?), the "normal person" will now be doomed to a series of less and less satisfying encounters, partners who can never live up to that one fleeting moment. This is a cruelty in which only the most callous of us would willingly engage, and so we do what we must: fake being bad. We fake being bad so that those who come after us have a chance to be slightly more than bad, so that those we leave behind never know what they must come to accept as their lot in life.

What it comes down to, really, is that with great power comes great responsibility. For example, I drive a sports car, a very expensive one. I could literally race anybody, anywhere, and win. But what would I be doing by engaging in this? Causing massive inferiority complexes in innocent people, inciting jealousy -- that's what. Again, it comes down to deliberate cruelty. And so I drive my sports car much more slowly than I could, sometimes doing, say, 50 mph on a country highway where the speed limit is 55. Allowing people to pass me, and in so doing giving them just that one, brief moment of feeling superior. I'm sure they'll never have the chance to feel that again, and so in my own way I'm helping them ...


Bravo sir, bravo.
 
2013-04-03 02:22:13 PM

Pocket Ninja: Actually, for some people, a very select few of us, being "bad" at sex is deliberate.


i3.ytimg.com
 
2013-04-03 02:23:06 PM
Because I'm married?
 
2013-04-03 02:23:27 PM
The trophy submitard's mom gave me last night speaks for itself...
 
2013-04-03 02:23:56 PM
Poorly written drivel.

I can't even decipher his point.   It's like reading Megan McArdle.
 
2013-04-03 02:24:33 PM
While Pocket Ninja stole my post, as usual, I may agree with parts of the article.  I'm actually pretty good when I care, but it's possible that porn has made me care less on average.  That, or it's just the "new" factor wears off more easily now.
 
2013-04-03 02:24:58 PM
Because all the women I want to penis drop me like a bad habit after two dates?
 
2013-04-03 02:25:28 PM
WTF did I just read?
 
2013-04-03 02:25:38 PM
Because you were raised Catholic?
 
2013-04-03 02:26:10 PM
I'm good enough in bed that no matter how big I fight I've been in with someone I'm dating, they've never accused me of being a lousy lay.
 
2013-04-03 02:27:48 PM
Those who suck (badly) at sex do so because they are focused more on doing things *to* someone, rather than on doing things *with* them.
 
2013-04-03 02:28:30 PM
Also, why is "baseball hat" one of the FARK tags for the article?
 
2013-04-03 02:28:45 PM
What's sex?
 
2013-04-03 02:29:23 PM

fearthebunnyman: WTF did I just read?


Came in to say exactly this... WTF was THAT all about?
 
2013-04-03 02:29:40 PM
Because you're Gay?
 
2013-04-03 02:30:20 PM
It can be a natural and zesty enterprise but there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men and nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy.
 
2013-04-03 02:30:27 PM

lennavan: All you need to be good at sex is communication and all parties involved to be willing to try new things.


But your mom is always busy when I call.
 
2013-04-03 02:30:33 PM
Because sex is just sex, a biological imperitave on the same level as taking a dump or sleeping?

Stop romanticizing it, and do it with someone you like, and laugh about it.
 
2013-04-03 02:30:39 PM

Pocket Ninja: Actually, for some people, a very select few of us, being "bad" at sex is deliberate. What the majority of people (who are actually quite bad at sex) don't realize is that there is a certain, great responsibility that comes from being an exceptionally well-endowed, generous, and skilled sexual partner. What you are doing, in essence, is creating in your partner a certain expectation, a "bar," so to speak, that they will likely never be able to again encounter in their lives. There have been cases, sadly, where one normal person's incredible sexual experience, her one magical night early on in her life, effectively ruins her sexual life from that point on. For when the relationship finally ends, as it generally must (and, seriously, how cruel would it be for people like us to limit ourselves to only one person?), the "normal person" will now be doomed to a series of less and less satisfying encounters, partners who can never live up to that one fleeting moment. This is a cruelty in which only the most callous of us would willingly engage, and so we do what we must: fake being bad. We fake being bad so that those who come after us have a chance to be slightly more than bad, so that those we leave behind never know what they must come to accept as their lot in life.

What it comes down to, really, is that with great power comes great responsibility. For example, I drive a sports car, a very expensive one. I could literally race anybody, anywhere, and win. But what would I be doing by engaging in this? Causing massive inferiority complexes in innocent people, inciting jealousy -- that's what. Again, it comes down to deliberate cruelty. And so I drive my sports car much more slowly than I could, sometimes doing, say, 50 mph on a country highway where the speed limit is 55. Allowing people to pass me, and in so doing giving them just that one, brief moment of feeling superior. I'm sure they'll never have the chance to feel that again, and so in my own way I'm helping them ...


You should feel bad about the sheer brilliance of this post.  It's like you're deliberately trying to make everyone else look stupid.  Even though they are.
 
2013-04-03 02:31:19 PM
Sex is great, but only when you are trying to make a child. There's something special about knowing what you are doing might create life. Otherwise it's just useless sweaty time which I could have used to clean out my truck/1,000 other tasks to be done.
 
2013-04-03 02:31:45 PM
Without sin, guilt and social morals we wouldn't have those every so naughty fetishes that we mustn't ever do.
 
2013-04-03 02:33:37 PM
"Because you're not Mark Morford.  Signed, Mark Morford."

There, i summarized one incredibly flaccid article for you.
 
2013-04-03 02:33:52 PM
Young people tend to be bad at sex, because they tend to not have had much yet.
So no matter *how* they're trying to do it -- hooking up vs seduction vs intimacy -- they're going to suck at it.
 The whole exercise is akin to pointing out how grade-school-aged children suck at basketball.

And then, rather than saying "they probably just need more practice and instruction", going off looking for excuses and assigning blame.
Like talking about how being exposed to the NBA can demoralize kids that can't dunk, or can confuse kids into thinking traveling is OK and sportsmanship is dead.
Or how watching SPACE JAM sets kids up with unrealistic expectations about how quickly they can learn, or how likely is their victory over space aliens.
Or blaming AIR BUD and WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP and highlight reels and trick shots on Youtube.

Get a brain, morans. 
They just need to: 1. practice, 2. communicate and 3. be allowed to fail without judgment and condemnation.
 
2013-04-03 02:34:30 PM
Actually my sucking at sex is constantly and consistently praised and begged for by my boyfriend.
So yea. It's a lot of fun! You should totally try it!

/CSS
 
2013-04-03 02:35:02 PM
I think that sex should be approached as something like a fight to the death: If you don't give it everything, then you won't get to fight to the death again. Also, have sex with someone you find attractive. That's all I got.
 
2013-04-03 02:35:11 PM

Pocket Ninja: Actually, for some people, a very select few of us, being "bad" at sex is deliberate. What the majority of people (who are actually quite bad at sex) don't realize is that there is a certain, great responsibility that comes from being an exceptionally well-endowed, generous, and skilled sexual partner. What you are doing, in essence, is creating in your partner a certain expectation, a "bar," so to speak, that they will likely never be able to again encounter in their lives. There have been cases, sadly, where one normal person's incredible sexual experience, her one magical night early on in her life, effectively ruins her sexual life from that point on. For when the relationship finally ends, as it generally must (and, seriously, how cruel would it be for people like us to limit ourselves to only one person?), the "normal person" will now be doomed to a series of less and less satisfying encounters, partners who can never live up to that one fleeting moment. This is a cruelty in which only the most callous of us would willingly engage, and so we do what we must: fake being bad. We fake being bad so that those who come after us have a chance to be slightly more than bad, so that those we leave behind never know what they must come to accept as their lot in life.

What it comes down to, really, is that with great power comes great responsibility. For example, I drive a sports car, a very expensive one. I could literally race anybody, anywhere, and win. But what would I be doing by engaging in this? Causing massive inferiority complexes in innocent people, inciting jealousy -- that's what. Again, it comes down to deliberate cruelty. And so I drive my sports car much more slowly than I could, sometimes doing, say, 50 mph on a country highway where the speed limit is 55. Allowing people to pass me, and in so doing giving them just that one, brief moment of feeling superior. I'm sure they'll never have the chance to feel that again, and so in my own way I'm helping them ...


Pocket, you have won the internet.
 
2013-04-03 02:35:30 PM
You mean that just watching to, listening or reading the wrong things can influence us and be harmful?

Stand back, you SS Reichsfuehrer book-burning censorious Nazi!
 
2013-04-03 02:35:35 PM

fearthebunnyman: WTF did I just read?


^THIS^
>THAT>
and of course
//the other

I can't understand how that piece of crap made it past the editor.  It is a garbage rant that belongs to a homeless man standing on a milk crate jabbering about why toast represents the end of civil society.
 
2013-04-03 02:36:43 PM

old_toole: I've been told many times it's because of my old tiny penis


I could've sworn you said "old timey penis" and now I can't get the image out of my head of a penis in a candy cane striped shirt playing the piano.
 
2013-04-03 02:37:04 PM

ModernLuddite: Because sex is just sex, a biological imperitave on the same level as taking a dump or sleeping?

Stop romanticizing it, and do it with someone you like, and laugh about it.


Some people like taking a dump or sleeping more than sex. And some people combine all three. I'm looking at you, Germany.
 
2013-04-03 02:38:11 PM

TDBoedy: fearthebunnyman: WTF did I just read?

^THIS^
>THAT>
and of course
//the other

I can't understand how that piece of crap made it past the editor.  It is a garbage rant that belongs to a homeless man standing on a milk crate jabbering about why toast represents the end of civil society.


Hit a nerve huh.
 
2013-04-03 02:38:17 PM
I am good at sex. You are bad at sex. I am good at sex. You are bad at sex.
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex.
 
2013-04-03 02:38:24 PM

phlegmmo: Talk to the hand.


Dear lord. I hurt myself laughing!
 
2013-04-03 02:38:50 PM

UltimaCS: old_toole: I've been told many times it's because of my old tiny penis

I could've sworn you said "old timey penis" and now I can't get the image out of my head of a penis in a candy cane striped shirt playing the piano.


Old Timey? Did you envision an onion on his belt?
 
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