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(io9)   Why movie reboots fail. Reason number 8 is obvioOHGODTHEBEES GETTHEMOFFME   (io9.com) divider line 193
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9252 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Apr 2013 at 11:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-03 04:53:52 PM

PanicMan: Pepperjack: PanicMan: Two things:

As a Star Trek fan, I thought the reboot was great.

I hate Julia Roberts.  She can barely act and she is disturbing to look at.

Agreed on both counts. I think she is disturbing to look at because her mouth appears to be upside down.

Maybe that's it.  I don't know but whatever it is, she creeps me out.


It is the mouth, but not because it looks upside down.  It's because it looks like it goes about 270 degrees around her head, and that she could unhinge her jaw if necessary.  I have always found Julia Roberts to be a deeply, disturbingly unattractive person.
 
2013-04-03 05:02:26 PM

Witty_Retort: I think that was the smartest thing JJ did in new Trek was the alternate-timeline so that ToS, Next Gen etc. still "happened" and all his movies happen in their own pocket.


I think my only problem with the alternate timeline was that it was acknowledged by the original timeline's Spock. I think I would've preferred that the story had existed on its own terms.

I otherwise like the film despite some obvious plotholes. I seem to recall Fark really loving the movie when it came out, but that opinion has apparently changed.
 
2013-04-03 05:40:27 PM

PanicMan: As a Star Trek fan, I thought the reboot was great.


Are you sure you're a Star Trek fan?  I don't understand.

I like star trek because the show is a morality play in space.  In almost each version of the show the writing is invariably well-done and it's a story-driven show.  The movie was...just...how can anyone call themselves a Star Trek fan and actually like the reboot?  It's not even Star Trek.
 
2013-04-03 05:51:14 PM

FeedTheCollapse: I seem to recall Fark really loving the movie when it came out, but that opinion has apparently changed.


People who liked the film liked the film but people who hated the film really really hated the film. That passion will make you post every time and with threads like this make you drag the carcass out and beat it some more.

So they are over sampled.
 
2013-04-03 05:51:51 PM

namegoeshere: unlikely: "They mock you for liking the original" should be on there somewhere.

That's mostly movies rebooting TV shows, but it should still be on there.

Yes, yes, yes. I'd much rather my favorite shows from the past be left unsullied in memory than turned into stupid unfunny comedies.

DO NOT TOUCH EMERGENCY!  OR ADAM 12 you dolts!


But bring back The Fall Guy
 
2013-04-03 05:54:36 PM

give me doughnuts: That was a lot more wirds than needed to say, "Remakes usually suck because they don't fix what was wrong, and they mess up what was right."


Indubitably
 
2013-04-03 05:56:53 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Movies that need remakes or reboots:
Krull
Flash Gordon
Battle Beyond the Stars
Logan's Run
Time Bandits
Ice Pirates
Space Hunter
Dragonslayer
Buck Rogers
Beast Master
Red Sonja
West World
Andromeda Strain
Dark Star
Short Circuit
War Games
The Rocketeer
Dreamscape
Night of the Comet
Megaforce


Remo Williams
 
2013-04-03 06:01:09 PM

JNowe: Remo Williams


the adventure must continue
 
2013-04-03 06:03:00 PM

extroverted_suicide: SurfaceTension: Am I the only one that enjoyed the Star Trek reboot?

I liked it a lot, and still pop it in the DVD player every now and again.  It was a good movie.  I just don't like that they erased all of Star Trek history (except Enterprise) to tell their story.  That was arrogant to the 17th power.

I don't buy the "alternate timeline" explanation.  It every time travel episode of Trek ever, they were always desperate to undo whatever damage the time traveler had wrought.  In Trek '09, Nero goes back in time, destroys most of Starfleet, blows up a Federation founding race, and everyone is just sorta like, "meh".  That didn't sit well with me.  On it's own though, it's a good, fun movie.


That could be the "final" of the new Trek line. They go back and stop Nero and save the Kelvin. Timeline restored.
 
2013-04-03 06:21:12 PM

Witty_Retort: extroverted_suicide: SurfaceTension: Am I the only one that enjoyed the Star Trek reboot?

I liked it a lot, and still pop it in the DVD player every now and again.  It was a good movie.  I just don't like that they erased all of Star Trek history (except Enterprise) to tell their story.  That was arrogant to the 17th power.

I don't buy the "alternate timeline" explanation.  It every time travel episode of Trek ever, they were always desperate to undo whatever damage the time traveler had wrought.  In Trek '09, Nero goes back in time, destroys most of Starfleet, blows up a Federation founding race, and everyone is just sorta like, "meh".  That didn't sit well with me.  On it's own though, it's a good, fun movie.

That could be the "final" of the new Trek line. They go back and stop Nero and save the Kelvin. Timeline restored.


Into Darkness could be the direction they are going. How cool would it be that, at the end of the 2nd movie, BC's super agent guy has really hurt Star Fleet. In a few years, another ship finds Khan and he actually gets control of it and finds others of his people in stasis and awakens them and 3rd movie is Khan and his genetically modified super soldiers wrecking havoc.
By the end of 3, either Star Fleet or just Kirk decides that this timeline really sucks and spend a movie or 2 getting the McGuffins together to time travel to stop Nero and preemptively collapse the star that will go hyper-nova. (pre-stopping Nero in the prime future)
A final scene where new Kirk sacrifices himself to save his father would be awesome.
/or maybe I'm really over-thinking it
 
2013-04-03 06:26:10 PM

Witty_Retort: /or maybe I'm really over-thinking it


Bob Orci is still a writer on these, so unless it's a pop-up book you're pitching, you're over-thinking it.
 
2013-04-03 06:26:27 PM

Witty_Retort: /or maybe I'm really over-thinking it


I'd love that. That could be the best idea for Star Trek that I ever read.
 
2013-04-03 06:37:22 PM
I love a bunch of the Coen Brothers movies, but they should be ashamed that they ever thought they could top the original of this:

www.movieguide.org

by having the character played by the incredible Alec Guinness done by milquetoast Tom Hanks. Also, Peter Sellers.
/Obi Wan who?
 
2013-04-03 06:41:02 PM
Wow, look at that, almost entirely Sci-Fi/Comic Book movies...listen, people who like that stuff are usually OCD cases who have little else to do but see those movies, you imagine they have a choice?  they are sitting ducks for marketing pros, hand over your money, see the movie, hate it and then give it free advertising by blogging relentlessly about it.

And the best part?  If we do a half assed job on them, you will crave a new re-boot to 'fix it'...only we won't fix it, we will release another botch job, that you will pay to see, then hate, and crave a reboot to 'fix it', which we will botch, which you will see, which you will hate, which you will want fixed, which we will botch, which you will see.............wash rinse repeat until you die.

Like we care.,.
 
2013-04-03 07:38:22 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Movies that need remakes or reboots:
Time Bandits


You bastard. I'll sooner let you do my mom!
 
2013-04-03 08:54:11 PM
I'm holding out for the Max Headroom reboot...
 
2013-04-03 09:49:03 PM
d.ratingmovies.com

Add this to the list of good remakes.
 
2013-04-03 09:58:54 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Movies that need remakes or reboots:
Krull
Flash Gordon
Battle Beyond the Stars
Logan's Run
Time Bandits
Ice Pirates
Space Hunter
Dragonslayer
Buck Rogers
Beast Master
Red Sonja
West World
Andromeda Strain
Dark Star
Short Circuit
War Games
The Rocketeer
Dreamscape
Night of the Comet
Megaforce


Jurassic Park is technically a reboot of West World
 
2013-04-03 10:36:46 PM

Lee's_Austin: The Evil Dead remake/reboot looks all kinds of awesome.




Going to a movie marathon tommorrow night, first showing the originals then the new one.
 
2013-04-03 10:49:15 PM

scottydoesntknow: Ohh wait, I also enjoyed the Star Trek reboot. Suck it, haters.


Star Trek wasn't really a reboot, though. It didn't do any of the things a reboot traditionally does--tell the original story but "grittier" or "more realistic" or whatever. Instead, it told the original story but with a "surprise twist" at the beginning instead of the end. Kind of a "what if" scenario: What if Kirk, instead of being a paragon of morality and heroism, was really a slacker dick? What if Spock, instead of being a conflicted logical/emotional being, was open about his emotions AND his logic, and really didn't like Kirk much? What if Scotty was a goofball nerd?

Next, JJ Abrams will be asking "What if Khan was really a half-human, half-Gorn hybrid whose loyal followers were time-traveling Mongol hordes?" That one should be good.
 
2013-04-03 11:13:10 PM
The one that pisses me off the most is Karate Kid. It was such an unnecessary movie that they were afraid to call it "Kung Fu Kid" or leave out spoilers in the trailer, because they needed every marketing trick they could use to bring people to the theater.
 
2013-04-03 11:23:14 PM

Gyrfalcon: Star Trek wasn't really a reboot, though. It didn't do any of the things a reboot traditionally does--tell the original story but "grittier" or "more realistic" or whatever.


Well that's not really the definition of a "reboot". Although it was "grittier" in that Spock was a total dick who hated Kirk and McCoy was an even more sarcastic prick than  he was in the originals and Uhura was a slut sexualty liberated. So yeah, I think everything was "edgier" in the new Trek film.
 
2013-04-03 11:25:17 PM

Ennuipoet: (Cinches onion tightly on belt) People these days can't be bothered to create, they can only remake.  Hollywood reboots a franchise rather than search for the next franchise, it's safe, cheap and they've taught people this is what they want.  Yet, when you look at the big movers on television, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, they are breaking new ground and people are eating it up.  Is this what we have to look forward at the theater in 20 years, a Game of the Throne reboot and Holo 3D Don Drapers?


Which days are you talking about?  Remakes, sequels, reboots, rewrites, have been around forever.  Invasion of the Body Snatchers in 1978, West Side Story in 1961, Heck, they made a sequel to King Kong in 1933.  Shakespeare was famous for borrowing from Greek sources; the Ancient Greeks did all the same things -- trilogies, rewrites, borrowing of others' stories, etc. -- in their stage plays.
 
2013-04-03 11:32:28 PM

meanmutton: Which days are you talking about?  Remakes, sequels, reboots, rewrites, have been around forever.  Invasion of the Body Snatchers in 1978, West Side Story in 1961, Heck, they made a sequel to King Kong in 1933.  Shakespeare was famous for borrowing from Greek sources; the Ancient Greeks did all the same things -- trilogies, rewrites, borrowing of others' stories, etc. -- in their stage plays.


No, it wasn't like it is now. Unless you're talking about movies like Dracula or the Universal monster movies in the 50's, 60's and 70's but those were iconic movie characters. That's not the same thing. There hasn't been a Renaissance of cash grab reboots and remakes of random movies from less than 25, 10, sometimes 7 years ago ever.
 
2013-04-04 12:31:09 AM

Henry Holland: I love a bunch of the Coen Brothers movies, but they should be ashamed that they ever thought they could top the original of this:

[www.movieguide.org image 509x755]

by having the character played by the incredible Alec Guinness done by milquetoast Tom Hanks. Also, Peter Sellers.
/Obi Wan who?


I completely agree and I thought it was rather funny seeing Clouseau and Dreyfuss on the same side for once.
 
2013-04-04 01:03:54 AM
It was hard to find the actual points the author was trying to make buried in all of the crying in that article.


aendeuryu: The one that pisses me off the most is Karate Kid. It was such an unnecessary movie that they were afraid to call it "Kung Fu Kid" or leave out spoilers in the trailer, because they needed every marketing trick they could use to bring people to the theater.



The movie itself might be shiat. But I don't care what anyone says. It was some of Jackie Chans best acting.
 
2013-04-04 01:39:14 AM
The comments in the article had a lot of praise for the King Kong remake, which was an abomination. There is probably 90 minutes of decent movie trapped in a bloated 4-hour Peter Jackson CGI wankfest. Sadly the Hobbit seems to be following suit. He needs an editor with a spine to stand up to him and force him to cut half the action sequences out of his films.
 
2013-04-04 02:15:33 AM

Mugato: Gyrfalcon: Star Trek wasn't really a reboot, though. It didn't do any of the things a reboot traditionally does--tell the original story but "grittier" or "more realistic" or whatever.

Well that's not really the definition of a "reboot". Although it was "grittier" in that Spock was a total dick who hated Kirk and McCoy was an even more sarcastic prick than  he was in the originals and Uhura was a slut sexualty liberated. So yeah, I think everything was "edgier" in the new Trek film.


Oh please. These rants against the new ST series are worse than your GENERATIONS rants.

Uhura has a relationship with one man, Spock, and suddenly she's a slut? Just WTF man.
 
2013-04-04 02:44:37 AM

meanmutton: Ennuipoet: (Cinches onion tightly on belt) People these days can't be bothered to create, they can only remake.  Hollywood reboots a franchise rather than search for the next franchise, it's safe, cheap and they've taught people this is what they want.  Yet, when you look at the big movers on television, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, they are breaking new ground and people are eating it up.  Is this what we have to look forward at the theater in 20 years, a Game of the Throne reboot and Holo 3D Don Drapers?

Which days are you talking about?  Remakes, sequels, reboots, rewrites, have been around forever.  Invasion of the Body Snatchers in 1978, West Side Story in 1961, Heck, they made a sequel to King Kong in 1933.  Shakespeare was famous for borrowing from Greek sources; the Ancient Greeks did all the same things -- trilogies, rewrites, borrowing of others' stories, etc. -- in their stage plays.


The Dawn Patrol came out in 1930, starring Douglas Fairbanks.  The more famous remake, starring Errol Flynn came out in 1938.  The real kicker is that they reused most of the aerial footage from the first one.
 
2013-04-04 05:31:48 AM
OK, but the rest of the film is terrible. The script has holes, it's not very well directed.

Henry Holland: by having the character played by the incredible Alec Guinness done by milquetoast Tom Hanks. Also, Peter Sellers.
/Obi Wan who?


I don't hate on Hanks' performance (although it's not as good). I just thought it was a really unnecessary film. There's 5 Ealing Comedies that cannot be remade, because they are pretty much flawless: The Lavender Hill Mob, The Man in the White Suit, Whisky Galore, Kind Hearts and Coronets and The Ladykillers. They are movies with no fat.
 
2013-04-04 06:03:20 AM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: And one more picture:
img825.imageshack.us

'cause I can


Wow, her plastic surgery is awful.  Bad nose job, and horrible obvious botox or fillers in her upper lip, and there are dents developing in her cheek fillers.  These two could be on a poster for "bad plastic surgery / good plastic surgery" because Kate looks great (although I think only her tits are fake.  She hasn't even had her teeth "fixed").

peterthx: Uhura has a relationship with one man, Spock, and suddenly she's a slut? Just WTF man.


Misogynist logic. A women having sex with someone other than me = slut.   And she not only has sex, she pursues it and enjoys it.  Shameless slapper, doesn't she know that's the man's job?

Also, the assumption is that the orginal Uhura wasn't having sex?  Come on now.  Just because she didn't straddle everything in front of half the crew like the manwhore who ran the ship, doesn't mean she was a nun.  Oh right, good girls don't have sex.  Original Uhura was a good girl, so no sex, obviously.

Gyrfalcon: What if Kirk, instead of being a paragon of morality and heroism, was really a slacker dick?


Weird, I always thought Kirk was a dick.  In his day he was probably fine, but watching it in the 80s and 90s?  The guy came off as a self-aggrandizing sleaze.  I don't really know how to explain it.  He seemed like a caricature of the living embodiment of dumb jock worship.  All bravado and excessive overt displays of masculinity.  He certainly was a poor excuse for a noble man compared to Picard.  There are classy ways to stick your dick in any available moist hole (Captain Jack).  Kirk was not classy.

I don't get how we're supposed to like NuKirk either.  Mostly I sit there hoping Spock will beat the crap out of him.  Happily, we get to Harrison do so in STiD.

Welfare Peanut Butter: See also: Zachary Quinto. Part of me is sort of hoping that the one that's coming out this year devolves into a Quinto/Cumberbatch slashfic on screen.


Will this still apply if it turns out Harrison is Sybok like some people think?  They're only half brothers so it would barely be incest at all.
 
2013-04-04 07:32:31 AM

FeedTheCollapse: Witty_Retort: I think that was the smartest thing JJ did in new Trek was the alternate-timeline so that ToS, Next Gen etc. still "happened" and all his movies happen in their own pocket.

I think my only problem with the alternate timeline was that it was acknowledged by the original timeline's Spock. I think I would've preferred that the story had existed on its own terms.


It was a genius "reboot tactic".  Older fans can still enjoy all of the older shows and movies unscathed; the new movie literally reboots the franchise and separates it from any old baggage, allowing total freedom going forward without treading on precious previous canon.  I'm frankly amazed they pulled it off as well as they did.

I otherwise like the film despite some obvious plotholes. I seem to recall Fark really loving the movie when it came out, but that opinion has apparently changed.

A very vocal, and in my opinion anal retentive minority.  Most people recognize it for the terrific movie that it is.  You don't get 95% on Rotten Tomatoes for sucking ass.
 
2013-04-04 08:47:22 AM
Some movies that could be remade:

WAG THE DOG (1998)
Sphere (1998) (seriously could we have a good adaption of Sphere)
Contact (1997) (Could we have a good version of this movie?)
Starship Troopers (1997) (Could we have a good adaption of this?)
The Postman (1997) (Read the book: A better movie is in there then what Kevin Costner gave us... and that movie wasn't BAD)
Tank Girl (1995)(Can we have a good adaption of this?)
PCU (1994)(The send off of politically correct college culture could be modernized)
The Mask (1994) (Can we have a good adaption made)
The Meteor Man (1993)(This could have been a far better movie)
Freejack (1992)(Interesting concept, could have been done much better)
HERO (1992) (You could make an interesting remake with a twist here)
Tremors (1990)(It could get a reboot and be huge)
She-Devil (1989)
 
2013-04-04 08:56:16 AM

peterthx: Mugato: Gyrfalcon: Star Trek wasn't really a reboot, though. It didn't do any of the things a reboot traditionally does--tell the original story but "grittier" or "more realistic" or whatever.

Well that's not really the definition of a "reboot". Although it was "grittier" in that Spock was a total dick who hated Kirk and McCoy was an even more sarcastic prick than  he was in the originals and Uhura was a slut sexualty liberated. So yeah, I think everything was "edgier" in the new Trek film.

Oh please. These rants against the new ST series are worse than your GENERATIONS rants.

Uhura has a relationship with one man, Spock, and suddenly she's a slut? Just WTF man.


Well I was being whimsical with the last post but what about Generations was I wrong about?
 
2013-04-04 09:18:07 AM
More Remake Ideas:

The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen (1988)
Dead Heat (1988) ((seriously with the zombie craze why has this not been remade already))
Moon over Parador (1988) (Only instead of a Latin American Dictator, I would totally set it in north Korea)
Alien Nation (1988)
Adventures in Babysitting (1987)
The Running Man (1987)(ONLY if its more like King's original story)
Nomads (1986)
The Manhattan Project (1986) (a lot of things that have changed related to nukes could be VERY interesting now as a movie)
The Golden Child (1986)
Real Genius (1985)
Remo Williams (1985)(needs a good adaption)
The Last Starfighter (1984)(though an adaption here would be tough)
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension! (1984)
Dreamscape (1984)
Dr Detroit (1983)(also... Fran Drescher was in it)
Scanners (1981)(could be huge with a reboot)
 
2013-04-04 09:39:36 AM

karasoth: The Running Man (1987)(ONLY if its more like King's original story)


The main character flies a plane into a highrise. That will go over well.
 
2013-04-04 09:50:02 AM

Mugato: karasoth: The Running Man (1987)(ONLY if its more like King's original story)

The main character flies a plane into a highrise. That will go over well.


Its not to soon anymore, people need to get over it
 
2013-04-04 01:41:49 PM

ExpressPork: PanicMan: As a Star Trek fan, I thought the reboot was great.

Are you sure you're a Star Trek fan?  I don't understand.

I like star trek because the show is a morality play in space.  In almost each version of the show the writing is invariably well-done and it's a story-driven show.  The movie was...just...how can anyone call themselves a Star Trek fan and actually like the reboot?  It's not even Star Trek.


Because what you're describing is a fine 42-44 minute TV show but a damn boring movie.  I give The Motion Picture big props for following very closely to the vision of the show.  It's by far the closest movie to do so.  But my god, I'd rather watch paint dry.  The NOMAD episode did not need to be almost 3 hours long.
 
2013-04-04 01:45:42 PM

Witty_Retort: Witty_Retort: extroverted_suicide: SurfaceTension: Am I the only one that enjoyed the Star Trek reboot?

{clipped}

/or maybe I'm really over-thinking it


I'd watch that.
 
2013-04-04 01:50:53 PM

peterthx: Mugato: Gyrfalcon: Star Trek wasn't really a reboot, though. It didn't do any of the things a reboot traditionally does--tell the original story but "grittier" or "more realistic" or whatever.

Well that's not really the definition of a "reboot". Although it was "grittier" in that Spock was a total dick who hated Kirk and McCoy was an even more sarcastic prick than  he was in the originals and Uhura was a slut sexualty liberated. So yeah, I think everything was "edgier" in the new Trek film.

Oh please. These rants against the new ST series are worse than your GENERATIONS rants.

Uhura has a relationship with one man, Spock, and suddenly she's a slut? Just WTF man.


She cashed in her sexual favors with Spock to get posted on Enterprise.  Since she got something out of it, I guess technically she's a whore, not a slut.
 
2013-04-04 04:58:34 PM

Mugato: Well I was being whimsical with the last post but what about Generations was I wrong about?


Nearly everything. It isn't the strongest of the films, not by a long shot, but it isn't a bad movie by any means. It had balls at least. Data got his emotions. The 1701-D bit the dust in a spectacular way. The cinematography and VFX work are top notch.  It killed Kirk. I find most people who dislike the film hated that fact and are still butthurt about it.

And every chance you get you let us know you hated it. Let it go dude.
 
2013-04-04 05:01:18 PM

extroverted_suicide: She cashed in her sexual favors with Spock to get posted on Enterprise.  Since she got something out of it, I guess technically she's a whore, not a slut.


Hardly. She was supposed to be posted on Enterprise but Spock put her on the Farragut to avoid the appearance of favoritism, and she embarrassed him about that. She deserved to be on the 1701. Whores get stuff they don't deserve, especially if they're named Kardashian or Hilton.
 
2013-04-05 03:07:10 AM

peterthx: Mugato: Well I was being whimsical with the last post but what about Generations was I wrong about?

Nearly everything. It isn't the strongest of the films, not by a long shot, but it isn't a bad movie by any means. It had balls at least. Data got his emotions. The 1701-D bit the dust in a spectacular way. The cinematography and VFX work are top notch.  It killed Kirk. I find most people who dislike the film hated that fact and are still butthurt about it.

And every chance you get you let us know you hated it. Let it go dude.


It's not Kirk's death that riled us it how he died this pissed us off. He died from some lame ass railing death.
 
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