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(Slate)   Dear Prudie: if gays weren't oppressed, my secretly lesbian grandmother wouldn't have gotten married so me and my homophobic siblings wouldn't be here. Should I tell them they're right?   (slate.com) divider line 164
    More: Amusing, matriarchs, Emily Yoffe, homophobic slurs, sexual interest, sexual fetish, surrogate mothers, lesbians, brothers  
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13975 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2013 at 4:05 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-02 03:17:26 PM
How about you give your dead grandmother one more right. The right to privacy.
 
2013-04-02 03:35:38 PM
Maybe she was Bi.
 
2013-04-02 03:36:03 PM
The "I wouldn't exist" argument is the stupidest argument ever. Somebody once tried to tell me I should be pro-life since I was an unwanted teenage pregnancy and had abortion been more easily attainable then I wouldn't exist so it would by hypocritical for me to be pro-choice.

I pointed out that if my dad had zigged when he zagged I wouldn't exist. Had they decided upon a blowjob I wouldn't exist. There are over a billion sperms who are now people who don't exist simply because the sperm that became me happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I can never understand the argument that never existing is the worst possible fate ever. The universe is over 15 billion years old. For the vast majority of that time I didn't exist and it did me no harm what-so-ever. It'll probably continue to exist for several trillion years more and I will not.
 
2013-04-02 03:37:38 PM
Forget you--your grandmother could have popped out at least 20 kids during her fertile years.  The fact that she didn't means she's a murderer that killed each and every one of your potential siblings.
 
2013-04-02 03:41:54 PM
I want to clarify that when I point out that this column is fake, I'm glad some MFAs have a job.
 
2013-04-02 03:42:24 PM
If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
 
2013-04-02 03:44:24 PM

Ghastly: The "I wouldn't exist" argument is the stupidest argument ever. Somebody once tried to tell me I should be pro-life since I was an unwanted teenage pregnancy and had abortion been more easily attainable then I wouldn't exist so it would by hypocritical for me to be pro-choice.

I pointed out that if my dad had zigged when he zagged I wouldn't exist. Had they decided upon a blowjob I wouldn't exist. There are over a billion sperms who are now people who don't exist simply because the sperm that became me happened to be in the right place at the right time.


So...what you're saying is, you're the only known case of a fart that lived?
 
2013-04-02 04:07:55 PM
My grandparents met in Europe in 1944, so I'd just like to say thanks Hitler, if it wasn't for you I'd never exist!

I sure hope he reads these things.
 
2013-04-02 04:10:06 PM

Ghastly: There are over a billion sperms who are now people who don't exist simply because the sperm that became me happened to be in the right place at the right time.


The rest were flushed down the drain or in that crusty sock I keep by the bed.
 
2013-04-02 04:10:28 PM
Every single egg produced by a woman that isn't brought to full term birth should result in caning as a punishment. This world is dangerously unpopulated.
 
2013-04-02 04:12:52 PM
Yes, more gays should stay in the closet so they can reproduce. Because more people is exactly what the world needs right now.
 
2013-04-02 04:13:20 PM
That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.
 
2013-04-02 04:13:23 PM
Whew!  Broke a months-long dry streak with this greenlight.  I was worried the admins were mad at me.

Prudie's advice: tell the haters, "So there."  Grandma would want you to.
 
2013-04-02 04:15:19 PM
(sponsored link)
 
2013-04-02 04:16:03 PM

Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.


And take with them those adopted kids whose all-wise parents knew weren't worth keeping. ;-)
 
2013-04-02 04:16:30 PM

Cagey B: (sponsored link)


BarkingUnicorn: Whew! Broke a months-long dry streak with this greenlight. I was worried the admins were mad at me.


Note to self: read thread more thoroughly. Though I'm still bored seeing this particular column show up repeatedly on the mainpage.
 
2013-04-02 04:17:13 PM

Link

Ghastly: The "I wouldn't exist" argument is the stupidest argument ever. Somebody once tried to tell me I should be pro-life since I was an unwanted teenage pregnancy and had abortion been more easily attainable then I wouldn't exist so it would by hypocritical for me to be pro-choice.

I pointed out that if my dad had zigged when he zagged I wouldn't exist. Had they decided upon a blowjob I wouldn't exist. There are over a billion sperms who are now people who don't exist simply because the sperm that became me happened to be in the right place at the right time.


I can never understand the argument that never existing is the worst possible fate ever. The universe is over 15 billion years old. For the vast majority of that time I didn't exist and it did me no harm what-so-ever. It'll probably continue to exist for several trillion years more and I will not.


GIF is too large
 
2013-04-02 04:18:48 PM
Pretty much everyone here would never have been born if Hitler hadn't risen to power.

Thank Hitler for your life.
 
2013-04-02 04:19:38 PM

WTF Indeed: How about you give your dead grandmother one more right. The right to privacy.


She's dead. And if she had wanted privacy, she could have destroyed the letters or left a note asking that they be destroyed.
 
2013-04-02 04:20:43 PM

Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.


Why only conservatives? I expect there are plenty of liberals/progressives who would start twitching at the thought that supporting gay marriage today would help bring about a 'no homo' future.
 
2013-04-02 04:20:57 PM

WTF Indeed: How about you give your dead grandmother one more right. The right to privacy.


Actually, legally, the dead don't have that right, or any other right for that matter...
Funny considering that the dead have always been and always will be the silent majority.
 
2013-04-02 04:21:23 PM

WTF Indeed: How about you give your dead grandmother one more right. The right to privacy.


seems like she left that box for a reason. if she wanted it to be private she would have disposed of it long before. its not like it was some sudden accident that got her, that was distinctly a legacy she left behind, probably with a wry grin.
 
2013-04-02 04:21:23 PM

BarkingUnicorn: Whew!  Broke a months-long dry streak with this greenlight.  I was worried the admins were mad at me.


Why does your headline have almost nothing to do with the Dear Prudie letter?
 
2013-04-02 04:22:53 PM
images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-04-02 04:23:30 PM
My grandfather was on the boat ready to invade japan.

Thanks Nuclear Bombs!
 
2013-04-02 04:25:20 PM
Jump'n shark
 
2013-04-02 04:26:15 PM
If the bank hadn't taken great. Grandmas house in Austria she never would have come here and I wouldn't exist. I am therefore hypocritical for telling those farkers to jump.
 
2013-04-02 04:27:15 PM

Cagey B: (sponsored link)


(sponsored jellybean)
 
2013-04-02 04:27:18 PM

Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.


Actually, I think the anti-SSM brigade wd spin this the other way - "If society hadn't pushed her into a PROPER marriage, none of us wd be here, therefore we should keep on stopping the gays"
 
2013-04-02 04:27:53 PM
Ghastly: I pointed out that if my dad had zigged when he zagged I wouldn't exist. Had they decided upon a blowjob I wouldn't exist. There are over a billion sperms who are now people who don't exist simply because the sperm that became me happened to be in the right place at the right time.

This.  This times 1000.

My great father just made it out of Ireland during the Famine.
My grand father fought in WWII.
My father is a combat wounded veteran of Vietnam.

We're all here thanks to a thousand instances of dumb luck.  So when ever a pro-lifer/anti-LGBT protester say "If your parents had done x/y/z you wouldn't exist."  I hear in my head them saying "I don't understand probability and I'm a bigot"
 
2013-04-02 04:28:07 PM
I shut down that "You wouldn't exist if.." bullshiat with a quick reply of "If I didn't exist I wouldn't even know it."
 
2013-04-02 04:28:25 PM
I take it this person subscribes to the Catholic dogma about sperm?
 
2013-04-02 04:30:42 PM

Ghastly: The "I wouldn't exist" argument is the stupidest argument ever. Somebody once tried to tell me I should be pro-life since I was an unwanted teenage pregnancy and had abortion been more easily attainable then I wouldn't exist so it would by hypocritical for me to be pro-choice.

I pointed out that if my dad had zigged when he zagged I wouldn't exist. Had they decided upon a blowjob I wouldn't exist. There are over a billion sperms who are now people who don't exist simply because the sperm that became me happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I can never understand the argument that never existing is the worst possible fate ever. The universe is over 15 billion years old. For the vast majority of that time I didn't exist and it did me no harm what-so-ever. It'll probably continue to exist for several trillion years more and I will not.


You can take it further, if you're willing to stray into Godwin territory. Since any miniscule change would have completely reshuffled which sperm hit which eggs in a very short span of time (due to the Butterfly effect), then its true that any variation in history would have done the same, ergo: let's all cheer a certain German regime for ensuring all of our existences.

Or, if we're sane, maybe not.
 
2013-04-02 04:31:48 PM
Not sure, but Secret Lesbian Grandmothers sounds like the title of a mediocre pr0n video.
 
2013-04-02 04:32:09 PM

Lumpmoose: Forget you--your grandmother could have popped out at least 20 kids during her fertile years.  The fact that she didn't means she's a murderer that killed each and every one of your potential siblings.


Though sadly it's true some people take the "be fruitful and multiply" thing a little too seriously....

www.ncregister.com
 
2013-04-02 04:32:29 PM
1. Write a book about her life, using the material you discovered.
2. Publish it (use Kickstarter if you have to).
3. Give each family member a copy for Christmas.
 
2013-04-02 04:33:16 PM

gerrymander: Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.

Why only conservatives? I expect there are plenty of liberals/progressives who would start twitching at the thought that supporting gay marriage today would help bring about a 'no homo' future.


What do you base that "expectation" on?
 
2013-04-02 04:34:55 PM
You would have existed.  There is a line of souls just waiting to come down from heaven until the Lord calls them back.  You would have existed, just with different parents.

/oh, and something about a stork
 
2013-04-02 04:36:07 PM

Slaxl: My grandparents met in Europe in 1944, so I'd just like to say thanks Hitler, if it wasn't for you I'd never exist!

I sure hope he reads these things.




www.smbc-comics.com
 
2013-04-02 04:37:20 PM

Slaxl: My grandparents met in Europe in 1944, so I'd just like to say thanks Hitler, if it wasn't for you I'd never exist!

I sure hope he reads these things.


Godwinned!
 
2013-04-02 04:39:08 PM

rufus-t-firefly: gerrymander: Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.

Why only conservatives? I expect there are plenty of liberals/progressives who would start twitching at the thought that supporting gay marriage today would help bring about a 'no homo' future.

What do you base that "expectation" on?


Well clearly the homo-liberal agenda to make us all gay homosexers.
 
2013-04-02 04:39:10 PM
Conservatives tend to be greedy, superstitious and have tiny, tiny, short-term, simple minds.  Oh and they farkin' LOVE war.

We need to start ignoring them if we want civilization to survive.
 
2013-04-02 04:44:09 PM

HailRobonia: Slaxl: My grandparents met in Europe in 1944, so I'd just like to say thanks Hitler, if it wasn't for you I'd never exist!

I sure hope he reads these things.

[www.smbc-comics.com image 460x1500]


I was conceived in April 1973, so I'm guessing it's one of these:

1st - John & Yoko form a new country with no laws or boundaries, called Nutopia, its national anthem is silence
5th NFL adopts jersey numbering system (ie QBs, 1-19)
6th - US launches Pioneer 11 to Jupiter & Saturn
7th - Doug Walters' best Test Cricket bowling, 5-66 v WI Georgetown
8th Thirty-two terrorist bombings in Cyprus take place.
19th - USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Kazakh/Semipalitinsk USSR
30th Nixon announces resignation of Haldeman, Ehrlichman, et al


I'm hoping it's the 1st or the 5th...but the 6th or 30th is OK too.
 
2013-04-02 04:44:19 PM
When we invent time travel and prove the multiverse theory, or that time can be altered that's when alternative timelines can be seriously considered.

What they say is true though.  They are here because their lesbian grandmother did the horizontal mambo.  And it was because of shame.  The past is the past, written in stone.  That's history. They are here because of shame, assuming they are correct.

But the future isn't written.  And the present is different.  Past performance is no guarantee of future action. And social norms change.  You cannot predict the future, you can only make best guesses.  And my best guess is that nothing is going to change when we allow gay marriage.  Aside from changes to insurance regulations and tax law.
 
2013-04-02 04:46:33 PM

rufus-t-firefly: 1. Write a book about her life, using the material you discovered.
2. Publish it (use Kickstarter if you have to).
3. Give each family member a copy for Christmas.


This. Seriously, a collection of correspondence and/or a diary has significant historical value for LGBT organizations, librarians, documentary film makers, etc. In 50 years, being gay may not be an issue to anyone -- but there does need to be some marking in the historical record that tolerance and openness did not always exist.
 
2013-04-02 04:47:20 PM

Ghastly: The "I wouldn't exist" argument is the stupidest argument ever.


Nope.  It's third.
1> The Stimulus didn't work because it wasn't big enough.  We needed to triple the ineffectivness.
2> Those galaxies that are obviously more than 6,000 light years away is just a test of our faith that the earth is 6000 years old.
3> You wouldn't exist if grandma was gay / dressed up as a man so she could be a Kamikazi pilot.
 
2013-04-02 04:48:37 PM

LowbrowDeluxe: rufus-t-firefly: gerrymander: Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.

Why only conservatives? I expect there are plenty of liberals/progressives who would start twitching at the thought that supporting gay marriage today would help bring about a 'no homo' future.

What do you base that "expectation" on?

Well clearly the homo-liberal agenda to make us all gay homosexers.


But if it's about a "no homo future," then that would mean they're going to wipe out all of humanity...

i48.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-02 04:51:58 PM
I know people will flame away, but it's an interesting point.  Remove all the drama from it, and the rigidity of the social taboo allows for reproduction to continue, thereby preserving the species (not to mention that the crotchfruit spawned thereof will be paying our future SSI/Medicaid Benefits).

Of course, it also leads to suicide, divorces, etc...AND we're at the technological point where removing the taboo entirely will allow gays who want to reproduce to reproduce, but like I said, it's just an interesting thing to think about from an anthropological viewpoint.

/Father-in-law is gay, so glad he reproduced.
 
2013-04-02 04:53:06 PM

rufus-t-firefly: gerrymander: Wellon Dowd: That's an argument to make conservative heads explode: if we let the gays marry each other they won't marry straights and pass their gay-gene onto their children. Thus, the gays will gradually disappear.

Why only conservatives? I expect there are plenty of liberals/progressives who would start twitching at the thought that supporting gay marriage today would help bring about a 'no homo' future.

What do you base that "expectation" on?


Probably an erroneous assumption that gays are a naturally left leaning voting bloc and their disappearance would be a serious blow to the liberals.

Now, anecdote isn't data but most of the gays I know are severely right wing and are only not Republican because of the whole denial of rights thing.
 
2013-04-02 04:53:25 PM

Nutsac_Jim: Ghastly: The "I wouldn't exist" argument is the stupidest argument ever.

Nope.  It's third.
1> The Stimulus didn't work because it wasn't big enough.  We needed to triple the ineffectivness.
2> Those galaxies that are obviously more than 6,000 light years away is just a test of our faith that the earth is 6000 years old.
3> You wouldn't exist if grandma was gay / dressed up as a man so she could be a Kamikazi pilot.


Except for the fact that quite a few economists say that yes, the stimulus SHOULD have been bigger (and had fewer, if any, tax cuts to boot), you've got a point.
 
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