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(The New York Times)   I don't have any kids. But I'm a condescending urban douchebag who writes for the New York Times, so I know more about how you should be raising your kids than you do   (nytimes.com) divider line 80
    More: Asinine, Honey Boo Boo, helicopter parenting, The Modern Parents, chicken fingers, ultimatum, Super Bowl rings, anthems  
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23316 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2013 at 8:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-04-01 08:19:51 PM  
15 votes:
i105.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 09:15:23 PM  
12 votes:
Cool story: Kids from 3 doors down, 4 and 6 years old, routinely wonder around the neighborhood including through my garage and backyard.  On occaision, they have ended up watching me work on my truck, none of which bothers me at all.  However, one of the benefits to being childless is the ability to use whatever language I like, while in my own garage.  As a result, the little nose-miners get an expanded vocabulary.  After one of them went home and called their mom "twatwaffle," mom herself comes storming over, furious with me.  I told her that curseless babysitting was $20 per hour, and curse-full was free.  They haven't been back.
2013-04-01 08:20:32 PM  
12 votes:
i105.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 08:01:29 PM  
8 votes:
Just face it, children are evil.

i105.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 08:04:32 PM  
7 votes:

GAT_00: The problem on planes is usually the kid kicking the seat while the parent doesn't give a fark, or other versions of the kid not leaving you the hell alone.


You turn around once and ask that they restrain their child.  If it continues, you turn around and tell the kid that Santa isn't real.  Now he's the parent's problem.
2013-04-01 08:44:13 PM  
6 votes:

ArcadianRefugee: May be a condescending urban douchebag, but not having children doesn't prevent one from knowing better than some people who do, any more than a research scientist needs to inject himself with Drug X to study its effect on people.

It's a little thing called "observation" and, over time, it enables you to realize who the shiatty parents are, and why.


Oh, no, no, no....

Until you have a child....

Until you have a child... you do not and cannot understand

I don't care if you're a 50 year old childcare professional with 25 years of experience dealing with hundreds of children, just none of them your own. I'm a 16 year girl who got teen pregnant and that makes me infinitely more mature and responsible than you.
2013-04-01 09:45:50 PM  
5 votes:
i216.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 09:04:18 PM  
5 votes:
My Dad knew a guy who had lost his arm in a construction accident. Any time we got out of line and needed a lesson, he'd stage some elaborate scene where the guy would "lose" his arm. Fake blood, prosthetic arm yanked/ smashed off, etc. Scared the hell out of us but we learned some really valuable lessons.

Always leave a note.
2013-04-01 08:19:16 PM  
5 votes:
i105.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 08:17:34 PM  
5 votes:
i105.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 09:13:29 PM  
3 votes:
During the screaming, though, I got lots of nasty looks from other passengers. Well, what the hell was I supposed to do? I wasn't ignoring him; I was comforting him and trying to get him to take some formula. But you can't spank a 3-month-old for bad behavior.

Stow him in the overhead compartment bin.
2013-04-01 08:44:35 PM  
3 votes:
I was once a condescending douchebag with more ideas about how you should raise kids while not having kids.

Then I had kids, and realized damn, I was a real douchebag with no farking clue about how to raise kids.

//Ad lib it.  It's the only way.
2013-04-01 07:40:25 PM  
3 votes:
If you don't have kids, you can't comment on parenting.

If you didn't serve in the armed forces, you can't have an opinion on the war.

This is fun...
2013-04-01 07:15:13 PM  
3 votes:

The_Sponge: Voiceofreason01: Not as big of a douchbag as people who try to negotiate with their screaming toddler in the middle of a restaurant.


Truth.


"Jayden, your grandmother will take away your bonds"
2013-04-01 06:41:46 PM  
3 votes:
Not as big of a douchbag as people who try to negotiate with their screaming toddler in the middle of a restaurant.
2013-04-02 12:38:53 AM  
2 votes:

RenownedCurator: Not to mention that we also have family in Puerto Rico, and there's no car in the world that will drive you to San Juan from the mainland.



San Juan's farther than Cuba, so you might have to stop for gas in the Virgin Islands.

1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-04-01 10:21:42 PM  
2 votes:

cptjeff: You are expected to act appropriately to the setting. If you child is not capable of acting appropriately in that setting, you should not be bringing them into that setting.


The owner of the plane determines what is appropriate for the setting, so you should just fly the airline that bans kids you should be fine. Whats that? No airline bans kids? Huh, that's odd. It's almost like the market of sensitive-eared self-important douchebags isn't big enough for even a single company to cater to.
2013-04-01 09:13:54 PM  
2 votes:
img89.imageshack.us
2013-04-01 08:51:58 PM  
2 votes:
Children should be beaten not heard.
2013-04-01 08:49:18 PM  
2 votes:

Voiceofreason01: Not as big of a douchbag as people who try to negotiate with their screaming toddler in the middle of a restaurant.


You don't negotiate with terrorists.
2013-04-01 08:48:10 PM  
2 votes:
It's like all those New Yorker articles written by a guy who never left the city until the age of 42 when he buys a house in Connecticut and does 2000 words on the joys of hammering a nail.
2013-04-01 08:44:23 PM  
2 votes:

Doc Daneeka: I saw that article. People without kids really shouldn't presume to give parenting advice to anyone.  Bruni is like someone trying to give aviation tips to pilots based on the fact that he loves near an airport and sees planes flying overhead often.

I, too, knew everything about proper parenting, before actually becoming a parent. It looks a lot different from the inside.


Loving near the airport, watching the planes come in...there's no loving like airport loving....
2013-04-01 08:44:04 PM  
2 votes:
media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com

"That Buford's a sly one, he already knows his A-B-Cs"
2013-04-01 08:41:35 PM  
2 votes:
All I know is, I can parent better than Susan Smith. So there.
2013-04-01 08:41:32 PM  
2 votes:
Tips for Waitress.
Screaming kids running about?
Well just advise their parents of all that hot coffee that you carry and it sure would be a shame if their little shiats were to run into you and get all burny.


child like standing on the seats and staring down the next booth?
The next booth can start talking loudly as you snap a photo(pretend or be a perv) of the little one and how the website spoiled little shiatheads will love the photo of the kid.
Caution: May contain death threats from the little turds parents.
Or if you are eating dessert? Oh the temptation as you hover the dessert near their little faces and just out of their reach.
2013-04-01 08:40:15 PM  
2 votes:
Cousin's wedding.  Flower girl was 2.5 years old.  She wasn't cooperating.

Daddy's response, when the usher charged with making sure she did her job walked up with the screaming kid: "Just reason with her."

It did not go well.
2013-04-01 08:10:49 PM  
2 votes:
i105.photobucket.com
2013-04-01 07:48:18 PM  
2 votes:
Oh look, it's THIS thread again.
2013-04-01 07:23:51 PM  
2 votes:

Voiceofreason01: Not as big of a douchbag as people who try to negotiate with their screaming toddler in the middle of a restaurant.


This.

GAT_00: Most of the time, I really don't give a shiat about your kid.  But if they're being a screaming little shiat while I'm trying to eat, or running around a store while you ignore them, there it very much is my interest how you are raising your kid.


And this.  It seems more and more that people in general (i.e. including adults) have NO farkING CONCEPT of not being in other people's way.  And it gets passed even worse one generation to the next.  My wife and I were in a really busy grocery store on Saturday, and this one kid (had to be at least 12) was all over the place sometimes practically sprinting, cutting weird angles and getting in people's way.  Later on this random guy in the checkout line behind us is talking to us a lot, and the kid comes out of nowhere looking to cut in BETWEEN THE MAN AND HIS CART at the same time the man was gesturing with his hand.  Smacked the kid right in the face.  The guy apologized profusely and checked on the kid, but the kid just had a pissy angry biatch look on his face.  My wife told him he needed to apologize for running into the man and to watch where he was going.  He ran off.  It made my day.

/cool farking story, bro
2013-04-01 07:17:09 PM  
2 votes:

Barfmaker: This is not about that.

GAT_00: You know what you could have done? Not flown with a 3 month old. Seriously, what the fark?


Heh, well, apparently this is about that.
2013-04-01 07:00:15 PM  
2 votes:
While I have no kids of my own, I have many I can (and sometimes do) lease for the weekend: 11 actual nieces and nephews, whom I'll be with this Easter Sunday, and perhaps twice that number of honorary ones. I have put in my time around tots and teens, and enjoy them. I have seen my share of parenting, and am not certain what to make of it.

Until you actually raise one or are actively raising one, your anecdotal 'I spent a Sunday holiday with them' means nothing to me or any other parent out there.

God what a horrible article.
2013-04-02 02:55:08 AM  
1 votes:

the ha ha guy: zippie26: A lot of these threads never take into consideration...the love you feel for your kid. There's nothing like it. No, it's not the same as what you feel for your nieces, nephews, dog, cat, or spouse. That's why people with kids tell people without them that they have no idea what they are talking about. Nothing comes close. The way you love your kid and the way they love you, like you are everything in their little world, is a very powerful thing.


What a lot of parents fail to take into consideration in these threads is that asshole kids and their parents do more than just cry for a few minutes in a confined area.

But since I'm incapable of being a parent, I can never know what 'real love' is, so I'll have to settle for a type of love that doesn't require praising a kid for knocking a cripple to the floor in the middle of Walmart.


According to the logic in this thread, that cripple needed to stay the hell out of Walmart lest he get knocked on his ass. People who get in the way of the Cheetos display should know they got it coming.
2013-04-02 02:33:07 AM  
1 votes:
If your kid annoys me on an airplane, expect them to know every swear word from ass to c*nt to sh*t and f*ck by the time the flight lands.  I've found little kids honestly LOVE the swear word lesson.
2013-04-02 01:30:52 AM  
1 votes:
This guy should have a kid and then come back and write a column apologizing to all parents everywhere.

It was really easy to be a perfect parent before I had a kid. Once you have a kid, being a parent is like repairing a plane in mid-flight, you're just trying to keep everything from crashing to the ground.
2013-04-02 12:27:04 AM  
1 votes:

BarkingUnicorn: Airlines don't provide pillows anymore?


They should provide 'screaming helmets' for the kiddies.  And maybe all-enclosing 'asshole suits'--like hazmat suits, but with spikes on the inside--for idiots who can't hold their liquor.
2013-04-02 12:02:00 AM  
1 votes:

Doc Daneeka: I saw that article. People without kids guns really shouldn't presume to give parenting  gun control advice to anyone.  Bruni is like someone trying to give aviation tips to pilots based on the fact that he loves near an airport and sees planes flying overhead often.



 I saw that article. People without kids military experience really shouldn't presume to give parenting  war advice to anyone. Bruni is like someone trying to give aviation tips to pilots based on the fact that he loves near an airport and sees planes flying overhead often.

That works surprisingly well.
2013-04-01 11:59:21 PM  
1 votes:

cptjeff: huge chunk of us completely lack any self awareness


*snicker*ya don't say
www.lolroflmao.com
2013-04-01 11:50:22 PM  
1 votes:

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: I bet anyone dollars to doughnuts that if/when the author of TFA has kids he will do most of the things he whines about and then possibly go on to write an article about how unfriendly the world is to parents.


Cute, except then you made the bet unworkable with the word, "probably". Put your money where your mouth is. I'll bet you US$1000, AND I'll pay for the escrow service to hold the money, that Frank Bruni DOES NOT publish an article about how unfriendly the world is to parents in the next 10 years. I'll even agree to cancel the bet if he has no acknowledged children by April 1, 2023 but then you pay me back for the escrow fee. Deal?

I've known many people with the same attitude of TFA, including myself, and not one of them has changed as you suggest after having kids. Instead, they raised well-behaved, responsible kids.
2013-04-01 11:39:00 PM  
1 votes:

Milo Minderbinder: Nana's Vibrator: Milo Minderbinder: Nana's Vibrator: Milo Minderbinder: Nana's Vibrator: cptjeff: cs30109: What are you supposed to do, stay home for 3 years and never fly anywhere?

See, there are these things known as "cars". They are sized so one family unit can travel in them, making whatever noises they please, without disturbing other people.

You are expected to act appropriately to the setting. If you child is not capable of acting appropriately in that setting, you should not be bringing them into that setting. Inconvenient for you? Tough. You're the one who made the decision to have the kid.

And this is why most kids who fly do behave.  I warn my kids that people such as yourself are terrible people in that you condescend in an attempt to prove yourself to be better than a toddler.  And when my kids behave better than someone such as yourself, you are proven to be worse than a child.  We all remove our top hats and monocles and have a good laugh at your expense.  But alsa, as one of us checks our pocket watch, we notice it's time for tea.

I imagine your seven naked filthy house apes are shiating all over your trailer as you type half-witicisms on fark.

I'll let that ape comment go because I don't have a profile picture, ignorant f*ck.

Who needs a picture? I know a crappy parent when I see one.

All you see is rage when your surroundings aren't whatever it is to which you think you're entitled.  Keep living that way.  Always good to have people to laugh at.

It's not rage, it's pity, particularly when your baby-momma brings home Wild Turkey and breath mints in an obscene attempt to create another snot-nosed little bastard with you.


I'm fine layin' the pain train down on that chunnel.  It makes it OK when we name him Milo, Jr. after her limp husband, who for some reason pities me.  Part of me thinks he's got a point, since it makes me a tard wifef*cker.  But then I think...nah.  farkin' tard wife is my business.  And business is potato.
2013-04-01 11:30:21 PM  
1 votes:

Mimic_Octopus: it has long been obvious that with little exception, those stupid enough  to get pregnant without planning to and stupid enough to birth an unplanned child are by far the least likely to actually be good parents.


Neither one of my kids were planned and I'm a damn good parent. My kids are smart, respectful, and well behaved (as well behaved as an 8 year old and a 6 year old can be, that is).

So you can kiss my big fat ass.
2013-04-01 11:23:20 PM  
1 votes:

arghyematey: Bose noise canceling headphones are a godsend.

That is all.


I wish that Bose would make an an asshole-cancelling virtual reality helmet.  It would make airplane trips, bus rides, and other public events a lot more tolerable...
2013-04-01 11:10:52 PM  
1 votes:
i can't say my esses (irl) and somebody must have found out, lol
2013-04-01 10:57:23 PM  
1 votes:
Fuggin Bizzy:


I think he's trolling us though. What day is it again?
Tend to lean towards this. Either that or the Fark Admins for green lighting. Or Subby. I don't read NYT enough to know which of their staff may have an unstated sense of humor or death wish.

That said, let little kids make their clothing choices. Especially picture day at school. They'll catch on much easier than rationalization and you get great material when they hit the teenage dating scene or want that insanely expensive prom dress. It's about when to play the consequences of their choices once they are old enough to absorb the idea.  "Wait, you insisted on wearing a Shazam shirt all through middle
 school and now you want a $500 dress? Get that shirt out. Ima gonna sew it to a skirt for you instead..."


/has 3 kids and great picture day memories
2013-04-01 10:56:50 PM  
1 votes:

Aigoo: ... I guarantee you that ... my ... children ... did ... my mother ... in ... the ... ass...


Dude.
2013-04-01 10:54:05 PM  
1 votes:

WhyteRaven74: cptjeff: When somebody is advocating something that benefits society at large

A child crying on an airplane does no harm to society.


Neither does smothering the little maggot with apillow.
2013-04-01 10:47:47 PM  
1 votes:

cs30109: cptjeff: cs30109: What are you supposed to do, stay home for 3 years and never fly anywhere?

See, there are these things known as "cars". They are sized so one family unit can travel in them, making whatever noises they please, without disturbing other people.

You are expected to act appropriately to the setting. If you child is not capable of acting appropriately in that setting, you should not be bringing them into that setting. Inconvenient for you? Tough. You're the one who made the decision to have the kid.

Cars are not practical for cross-country travel with a young kid.   Since all airlines allow kids, YOU are the one who will just have to deal with it.

Planes are for travel.  They aren't designed to provide you perfect peace and quiet towatch movies, or work on your laptop, or read books.  Those are nice diversions, but providing the perfect environment for your little activities isn't their purpose; their only purpose is to get you where you need to go.  Expecting never to be annoyed by a baby on group transportationis totally unreasonable.


You say "cars are not practical for cross-country travel with a young child." I read "I don't wish to be stuck in a car with my own child."
2013-04-01 10:25:26 PM  
1 votes:

rustypouch: There's sure a lot of defensive breeders in this thread.


And apparently at least one asshole who uses the term "breeders".
2013-04-01 10:17:45 PM  
1 votes:

cptjeff: cs30109: What are you supposed to do, stay home for 3 years and never fly anywhere?

See, there are these things known as "cars". They are sized so one family unit can travel in them, making whatever noises they please, without disturbing other people.

You are expected to act appropriately to the setting. If you child is not capable of acting appropriately in that setting, you should not be bringing them into that setting. Inconvenient for you? Tough. You're the one who made the decision to have the kid.


I knew there was a reason your posts all show up as bright green in my browser.
2013-04-01 10:16:15 PM  
1 votes:

noitsnot: Actually flying with a personal air supply sounds like a great idea for lots of reasons.

(Not these guys tho):
[assets.rollingstone.com image 304x304]


I never knew Jeff Daniels was in Air Supply.
2013-04-01 10:14:21 PM  
1 votes:

Nana's Vibrator: Milo Minderbinder: Here's a rule for all the parents out there: if the restaurant has actual silverware, keep your little ankle-biters at home. Save your crappy parenting displays for McDonalds.

That part where you grit your teeth and can't enjoy your meal...makes a parent's meal that much more enjoyable.  Get a job and go to a good restaurant, welfare boy.


That's why no one wants to be near you.
2013-04-01 10:12:00 PM  
1 votes:

Milo Minderbinder: Here's a rule for all the parents out there: if the restaurant has actual silverware, keep your little ankle-biters at home. Save your crappy parenting displays for McDonalds.


That part where you grit your teeth and can't enjoy your meal...makes a parent's meal that much more enjoyable.  Get a job and go to a good restaurant, welfare boy.
2013-04-01 10:08:52 PM  
1 votes:
MadAzza:

Article is dead-on. Suck it, child spoilers.

I just pictured a child with a car spoiler.
2013-04-01 10:06:19 PM  
1 votes:

cptjeff: namegoeshere: Surpheon: Sorta like how I can have an asthma attack if I'm on a plane with too many cats in the cabin

Is this a thing? Because I've flown with screamers and drunks and fatties and snort-laughers and perfumeatics and sweaty-smellies and overly-friendly-midwesterners but I don't think I've ever had a problem with too many cats in the cabin.

I'm imagining a snakes on a plane scenario with cats instead of snakes.

Somehow, it's not very scary.


I have had it with these motherfarking CATS on this motherfarking PLANE...
2013-04-01 10:00:43 PM  
1 votes:
I think it's funny when people say "You don't know what it's like until you have a child of your own".

That's is a complete bullshiat copout.

I used to be child. I know exactly what it's like.
2013-04-01 09:50:46 PM  
1 votes:

Banned on the Run: ourbigdumbmouth: If you don't have kids, you can't comment on parenting.

If you didn't serve in the armed forces, you can't have an opinion on the war how to fight a war.

This is fun an accurate analogy


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

You have no right to judge!
2013-04-01 09:44:19 PM  
1 votes:

Babbs: puppypants: Babbs: KiwDaWabbit: Babbs: You don't know shiat about parenting until you have one. Period. And all you assholes that say "How your kid wouldn't do this and that" are full of shiat. I had a friend who liked to tell me how to raise my toddlers before she had kids. I laugh at her now because she has 3 of the most god awfully behaved kids that ever walked the face of the earth. It's like karma. So shut your mouths about how other people parent their kids before you have 'em, because I've seen this happen over and over.

I don't have children, but would agree with you on your point that you can't fully understand an experience until you experience it for yourself. In some ways, a person without a child giving a person with a child parenting advice is akin getting sex advice from a virgin.

However, as others have pointed out, you don't have to experience something to learn some lessons from others' misfortunes during said experience. If that experience is shooting heroin, you might not have to be an information recipient or even a spectator for long before you decide that it's not for you. Getting back to the topic at hand, even people who don't have children have some type of idea how they would raise children. But, as the saying goes "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." There are just so many variables with having and raising children, from congenital issues to disposition, you can't know for sure what you're going to deal with, both good and bad...a lot of unpredictability.

I don't want to sound like I'm defending the author, as he comes off as pompous to me, but it is also amusing to me just how much ire he is drawing out. That type of reaction tells me that he has some valid points. Maybe it will make some people sit back and reflect a little bit, which is never a bad thing.

And actually, I totally agree with you. But the ONE thing people don't understand when they don't have kids (and I know those of you with kids will agree wit ...


Ya. These same people complain for ages on how their kid wakes up all the time during the night and they can't get more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. Where as, my kid has been sleeping from 7pm to 6am since she was about 4 months. She doesn't fuss when going to sleep, and if she wakes up she isn't crying bloody murder but sings herself back to sleep if it still sleepy time or until I get up and get her out of her crib if it is wake up time. I'm sure a 2 year old that wakes up singing has been traumatized for life.
2013-04-01 09:38:29 PM  
1 votes:

Surpheon: Moopy Mac: So in other words, your kids have carte blanche to annoy others?

No, they just have as much right as you do. I've been far more annoyed by drunk 20-somethings laughing like hyenas on a plane than a kid crying, but both have carte blanche to be their annoying selves. I don't know what your mom taught you, but mine taught me that tolerating others is part of living in society.


Wow, so much THIS.
2013-04-01 09:33:07 PM  
1 votes:
I have a lot more sympathy for a three-month-old dealing with ear problems during a flight than I do for an overweight Aspie neckbeard whining about how they had to endure hearing something they didn't wish to for a few hours before moving on with their lives.
2013-04-01 09:31:43 PM  
1 votes:
Bonzo_1116:
We started an epic food fight....bowls of chocolate pudding, french fries everywhere, ketchup. I still remember the bowl of pudding winging towards my head, 35 years later. It was magnificent.

You gotta do this stuff as a kid, because it's fun, and usually illegal to do as an adult.

walkingtall:
lilplatinum: Not be a cockbag and forgoe flying with your child until it is old enough to be able to behave in public.

The person flying with a small child to be with family during the holidays isnt the cockbag. Not since that person isnt the cockbag that kind of leaves your position weak. Why I do believe YOU are the cockbag in this little tale. Yeah....Im pretty sure of it. .


www.conservativedailynews.com
2013-04-01 09:31:34 PM  
1 votes:

solitary: Abortions and contraception should be free at every drug store.
Women who get abortions should receive a thank you note from the planet.


Can you email me your mother's address in case she decides to have a retroactive abortion? I'd like to send flowers.
2013-04-01 09:26:15 PM  
1 votes:

Cobataiwan: Rules for dealing with children in public places:

1) You used to be a kid too, and probably bothered people. This is part of life.

2) It helps to imagine that screaming kid as the doctor who cures your cancer or be paying for your retirement.

3) Since all of our entitlements are based on the next generation paying for the last, perhaps we should tax extra those people who are too greedy of free time to not have children of their own to support their generation. I mean we tax rich people who are too greedy, so why not tax those who are spending more than their alottment of leisure time? use industrial diamond manufacturing technology to compress the next generation into 20 carat diamonds to sell to the highest international bidder, thereby financing everything baby boomers desire while bringing new meaning to the term "blood diamonds" and solving overpopulation issues overnight.


FTFY
2013-04-01 09:24:44 PM  
1 votes:
We were all babies once. We've all been screaming bloody bastards that could do nothing but eat and shiat ourselves.

It's true that you can't understand what it is to be a parent until you've been one, much like how you can't understand what it is to be in a war unless you've actually been in one.

You can have opinions on this without raising kids, but raising kids is a lot like Vietnam. You can talk about the causes, what should and shouldn't be done, and come up with some very good theories and practices of the way things could and should be handled, but  you weren't there man, you weren't THERE.

Feel free to tell me how you'd control your kids with an iron fist and they'd be perfect little angels. Tell me how you'd raise your kids if you had them. You can do all of that.

Tell me how to raise  my kid though, and  I'll cut you.
2013-04-01 09:17:45 PM  
1 votes:
This thread is the usual turd-snorkeling mess.
2013-04-01 09:15:26 PM  
1 votes:

timujin: treecologist: I must go to the right restaurants - I never hear or see screaming kids. How often does this really happen, and is it worth biatching about? My family and I eat out once a week, on a average, and screaming kids are never part of the equation.

It hasn't happened to me often, but a few years ago I was in a restaurant and the parents were having after dinner coffee with another couple.  Three friends and I were the only other people in that section of the restaurant, which was a lowered area on the other side of the kitchen from the main part of the restaurant.  Their three kids were running around the section, climbing on chairs, running across the tops of tables, climbing over booths.  At one point one of the kids started emptying a ketchup bottle on a table and then poured an entire shaker of salt on it.  The parents never batted an eye.

I still don't know why the people running the restaurant didn't say anything, but my friends and I put up with it for about ten minutes, saw that it wasn't going to get any better, and left.

I've seen kids wailing and being ornery, but that was the single worst bit of acting out I've ever witnessed.


When I was little (maybe 6 or 7)  my mom and my aunt took me, my brother, and a bunch of my cousins to KMart.  This was back in the day when the KMart by my aunt's house had a full service cafeteria, with trays and real dishes.  After we got our food, my mom and aunt left us kids at the cafeteria in the "care" of the oldest cousin who was about 12 at the time.  So cousin Mary is there with about 6 kids ranging from 6 year old me to 12.  And in this pack of monsters is my cousin Jeff, the bad one who should have gone to jail and somehow never has.

We started an epic food fight....bowls of chocolate pudding, french fries everywhere, ketchup.  I still remember the bowl of pudding winging towards my head, 35 years later.  It was magnificent.
2013-04-01 09:04:44 PM  
1 votes:
farm4.staticflickr.com
2013-04-01 09:01:59 PM  
1 votes:

ourbigdumbmouth: If you don't have kids, you can't comment on parenting.

If you didn't serve in the armed forces, you can't have an opinion on the war.

This is fun...


Might as well just create a paradox while we're here:

If you haven't lived your whole life without kids, you can't have an opinion on the right of non-parents to comment of on your ineptitude at parenting.
2013-04-01 08:57:12 PM  
1 votes:
There's sure a lot of defensive breeders in this thread.
2013-04-01 08:56:54 PM  
1 votes:

gingerjet: Nadie_AZ: While I have no kids of my own, I have many I can (and sometimes do) lease for the weekend: 11 actual nieces and nephews, whom I'll be with this Easter Sunday, and perhaps twice that number of honorary ones. I have put in my time around tots and teens, and enjoy them. I have seen my share of parenting, and am not certain what to make of it.

Until you actually raise one or are actively raising one, your anecdotal 'I spent a Sunday holiday with them' means nothing to me or any other parent out there.

God what a horrible article.

Oh - so your one of those condescending urban douchebag parents ... gotcha.


Exactly. FTA: "They're toddlers, not Pakistan."

Article is dead-on. Suck it, child spoilers.
2013-04-01 08:51:04 PM  
1 votes:

Doc Daneeka: I saw that article. People without kids really shouldn't presume to give parenting advice to anyone.  Bruni is like someone trying to give aviation tips to pilots based on the fact that he loves near an airport and sees planes flying overhead often.

I, too, knew everything about proper parenting, before actually becoming a parent. It looks a lot different from the inside.


Sure, except the advice is "remember to put your landing gear down before landing," and the response is, "fark you, I'll land on the fuselage if I want to; my passengers, my rules!"
2013-04-01 08:49:29 PM  
1 votes:
You don't know shiat about parenting until you have one. Period. And all you assholes that say "How your kid wouldn't do this and that" are full of shiat. I had a friend who liked to tell me how to raise my toddlers before she had kids. I laugh at her now because she has 3 of the most god awfully behaved kids that ever walked the face of the earth. It's like karma. So shut your mouths about how other people parent their kids before you have 'em, because I've seen this happen over and over.
2013-04-01 08:48:57 PM  
1 votes:

another cultural observer: Doc Daneeka: I saw that article. People without kids really shouldn't presume to give parenting advice to anyone.  Bruni is like someone trying to give aviation tips to pilots based on the fact that he loves near an airport and sees planes flying overhead often.

I, too, knew everything about proper parenting, before actually becoming a parent. It looks a lot different from the inside.

Loving near the airport, watching the planes come in...there's no loving like airport loving....


you enjoyed that a little too much.
2013-04-01 08:48:25 PM  
1 votes:
if parents knew what they were doing we wouldn't have articles like these.
2013-04-01 08:47:24 PM  
1 votes:
I rather admire the Don Juan Matus school of parenting (or at least of dealing with an obstreperous kid).

Take him to the morgue.

Let a total stranger grab him and give him a fright.

But that's just me.

/Teacher, no kids. Explains a lot
2013-04-01 08:42:43 PM  
1 votes:
When it is in the New York Times you know it is true
2013-04-01 08:42:19 PM  
1 votes:
Ya know the one thing worse than a whiney, crying baby on a flight?

A whiney, crying grownup complaining about a baby on the flight.

Sorry your watching Downton Abbey on your iPad is slightly disturbed, old snowflake.

Jeebus Crikes people, don't your brains have an "ignore" setting?

/ I guess mine doesn't either, at the moment.

Also, writer of the article: You parents did a bad job too.  They should have told you "Type less - say more.  Miss deadline if you have to."
2013-04-01 08:39:21 PM  
1 votes:
arrogance is mankinds folly. to think you have to be a parent blah blah blah. we are all surrounded by evidence of parents that did little to no parenting, horrible parenting and miserable parenting every day. if i was able i would have had most of you sterilized long ago. few parents do the job well, most are passing on all the miseries of their own farked upbringing, poor genetics and adult stupidity.
2013-04-01 08:34:36 PM  
1 votes:

Voiceofreason01: Not as big of a douchbag as people who try to negotiate with their screaming toddler in the middle of a restaurant.


You're right.  Children should be taught that retribution is swift and absolute, and that their parents are short tempered tyrants with a fuse somewhat shorter than that of Genghis Khan.  They actually should never, ever be taught how to be reasonable, or shown how an adult expects them to behave in public, and should never, ever be given the opportunity to screw it up.  Because, you know, someone at the next table may notice them, give them the vapors, and send them running to twitter to complain to their 12 followers about the audacity some parents have bringing their children into public.  The twitter post may be accompanied by a picture.

FTA: "Above all I'm confounded by the boundless fretting, as if ushering kids into adulthood were some newfangled sorcery dependent on a slew of child-rearing books and a bevy of child-rearing blogs. The counsel keeps coming, from every possible corner and from unexpected shamans."

Know what the person I quoted and the author I quoted have in common?  Yep.  Both douchebags.
2013-04-01 08:20:19 PM  
1 votes:

GAT_00: Sensei Can You See: GAT_00:
[snip]

You know what you could have done?  Not flown with a 3 month old.  Seriously, what the fark?


Jesus, Mary, and Joseph:  THIS.
2013-04-01 08:08:52 PM  
1 votes:

FloydA: Just face it, children are evil.

[i105.photobucket.com image 500x312]


I think that's my niece.
2013-04-01 06:48:11 PM  
1 votes:
Why let your kids pick out what to wear themselves? Because it doesn't really freaking matter what a young kid wears and it is an easy way  them develop self-efficacy. Why you would fight a kid over what they want to put on is the part that makes no sense.
 
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