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(Discover)   "Here, we test the hypothesis that masturbation, or Firsthand Autonomous Pleasure (FAP), when performed on a daily basis, can directly lead to weight loss"   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) divider line 137
    More: Spiffy  
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17104 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2013 at 1:35 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



137 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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Archived thread
 
2013-04-01 01:20:37 PM
This thread is dildoes
 
2013-04-01 01:23:38 PM
One trip to a Fark meetup would disprove this theory.
 
2013-04-01 01:26:23 PM
Yeah if that were actually my mass would be so negative as to create a quantum singulairity
 
2013-04-01 01:37:59 PM
Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.
 
2013-04-01 01:38:07 PM
Cardinal Sin chastized for bishop bashing.
 
2013-04-01 01:38:55 PM
Where control group?
 
2013-04-01 01:39:50 PM
Well, a small amount of weight loss, anyway.
 
2013-04-01 01:39:59 PM
Oh cum on!
 
2013-04-01 01:40:04 PM
April Fools.
 
2013-04-01 01:41:24 PM
I find it disturbing that some of you will have to be in the no touch control group.

/Don't think of it as six months of no pleasure, think of it as six months of science.
// good luck,
 
2013-04-01 01:41:30 PM
Trolololololololo!
 
2013-04-01 01:42:12 PM
Happy April Fools day everyone! Every year on this day the news gets broken.
 
2013-04-01 01:42:29 PM
Wait wait wait...

It's an acronym?

/thought it was onomatopoeia
 
2013-04-01 01:42:55 PM
My BMI is 23.2 presently.
It's been higher.
 
2013-04-01 01:43:36 PM
Pretty soon, April Fool's Day will be the only day of the year when the news is truthful.
 
2013-04-01 01:44:37 PM
Results sadly negative for me.  I WILL TRY HARDER!
 
2013-04-01 01:45:21 PM
NuttierThanEver - Yeah, if that were true my mass would be so negative as to create a quantum singularity.

Hear Hear!!
 
2013-04-01 01:46:26 PM
I always get the placebo in these test.
 
2013-04-01 01:47:04 PM
If this were true I'd look like the incredible hulk
 
2013-04-01 01:47:43 PM
I'm all skin and boner.
 
2013-04-01 01:48:20 PM
If that was the case I'd look like a death camp refugee.
 
2013-04-01 01:49:23 PM
Also leads to early balding.
 
2013-04-01 01:50:05 PM
well if you do it long enough it could be cardio..


but ... ouch
 
2013-04-01 01:50:14 PM
Yep... About an ounce at a time.
 
2013-04-01 01:50:49 PM
Be sure she counts calories before swallowing.
 
2013-04-01 01:51:50 PM

reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.


Hey, there.  How YOU doin'?

/trying not to be creepy
//failing
 
2013-04-01 01:52:24 PM
6'3", 132 lbs. Yes, it really does work!
 
2013-04-01 01:52:27 PM
It burns calories but probably not many so I guess if you did it constantly you could lose some weight.
 
2013-04-01 01:52:45 PM

sgnilward: This thread is dildoes


i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-01 01:53:07 PM
Is this why I get blown away in a stiff wind?
 
2013-04-01 01:53:08 PM
I have to get to "the Gym" in 26 minutes!

/ need less than that
// man I wish this were true
 
2013-04-01 01:54:25 PM
shoot the goo, its there to shoot for you!
 
2013-04-01 01:54:46 PM

Dingleberry Dickwad: If that was the case I'd look like a death camp refugee.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-01 01:55:15 PM
Only if you do it standing up.
 
2013-04-01 01:56:22 PM
I've maintained my weight this way for the past 20 years - also it's the only time I ever seem to get my heart rate up.

/choke it for good health!
 
2013-04-01 01:57:34 PM
Beat it like it owes you *money*
 
2013-04-01 01:57:39 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-01 01:58:38 PM
If it us the only form of exercise ( i.e. increased heart rate, quick repetitive movement, increase in blood flow, extra calories being used ) that happens on a daily basis, then yes...this might just work.

/I'll be in my bunk
//for science
 
2013-04-01 02:01:40 PM
media.ebaumsworld.com
 
2013-04-01 02:01:48 PM
If you get so fat that you can not reach your junk then you must stop playing with yourself.
 
2013-04-01 02:02:28 PM

ChipNASA: Dingleberry Dickwad: If that was the case I'd look like a death camp refugee.

[i.imgur.com image 850x624]


holy fark I'm going to hell for laughing at that...
 
2013-04-01 02:05:33 PM
Are there any links today that aren't April fools jokes?
 
2013-04-01 02:06:15 PM
Burning calories, just like anything else.
 
2013-04-01 02:06:33 PM

reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.


Fap enough and your penis will be a size zero.
 
2013-04-01 02:06:46 PM
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-04-01 02:10:04 PM
A FAP a day keeps the weight away?
 
2013-04-01 02:11:33 PM
I shave once a day
/not saying where.
 
2013-04-01 02:12:17 PM

Madaynun: A FAP a day keeps the weight away a crusty residue on most of the unwashed towels?


FTFY
 
2013-04-01 02:12:32 PM

BarkingUnicorn: reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.

Fap enough and your penis will be a size zero.


You had better checked that profile ...
 
2013-04-01 02:16:54 PM

AGremlin: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 301x168]


Was there no lock on that frickin' door?
 
2013-04-01 02:17:54 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: well if you do it long enough it could be cardio..


but ... ouch


Try SSRIs. You'll be good for two, three hours if you can actually finish.

/ Never again
// All the work, none of the finish
 
2013-04-01 02:18:49 PM

farker99: I shave once a day
/not saying where.


But are you master of your domain?
 
2013-04-01 02:21:07 PM
www.blogcdn.com
Cat.  Fight.  CATFIGHTCATFIGHTCATFIGHT!  CAAAAAATTTTTT . . . . . FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

/catfight.
 
2013-04-01 02:21:29 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Madaynun: A FAP a day keeps the weight away a crusty residue on most of the unwashed towels?

FTFY


I've got a few socks that by this point could be used as tent stakes.
 
2013-04-01 02:22:00 PM

reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.


It's twue! I was actually 865 kg before I discovered the magic of masturbation!
 
2013-04-01 02:22:09 PM
Go away, 'batin!
 
2013-04-01 02:22:41 PM

OtherLittleGuy: AGremlin: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 301x168]

Was there no lock on that frickin' door?


I'll be in the bathroom, "working out" with the door locked.
 
2013-04-01 02:23:39 PM
For all your fat fappers who seem dumbfounded by the idea that you are still fat regardless of your amorous activities...  You would probably get fatter if you stopped.
 
2013-04-01 02:27:05 PM

RedTank: For all your fat fappers who seem dumbfounded by the idea that you are still fat regardless of your amorous activities...  You would probably get fatter if you stopped.


So, can the obese include the cost of lotion as a medical expense?
 
2013-04-01 02:27:46 PM
If that were true your average Fark party would look more like this:
images.fineartamerica.com
 
2013-04-01 02:28:04 PM
Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse has already done the math.
 
2013-04-01 02:28:42 PM
Too bad BIE's are a thing of the past this would've been the ideal place to ask for it.

/eip
 
2013-04-01 02:33:10 PM
Not an April fools joke.  FAP also helps you build muscle.  Warning: ponified to satisfy google's strict no orgasm policy.
 
2013-04-01 02:36:22 PM

reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.


Well... how YOU doing today?
 
2013-04-01 02:37:30 PM

farker99: I shave once a day
/not saying where.


In the bathroom?
 
2013-04-01 02:40:04 PM
southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com
 
2013-04-01 02:40:09 PM

FrancoFile: Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse has already done the math.


That has nothing to do with weight loss, only concentration (or did it?)
 
2013-04-01 02:42:09 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-01 02:43:11 PM
www.udel.edu

If you masturbate 20 times a day, you'll never get out the door.

You may try, but you'll grab hold of the doorknob and pass out.
=Smidge=
 
2013-04-01 02:43:12 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-01 02:44:07 PM

enry: FrancoFile: Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse has already done the math.

That has nothing to do with weight loss, only concentration (or did it?)


Go re-read the relevant sections of the book.  The thread should still be active in 4 days, right?
 
2013-04-01 02:45:17 PM
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

And if you use your non-dominant hand, it's like having sex with a clumsy stranger.

/can't go looking for the real quote but that's close.
//and she's hot.
 
2013-04-01 02:45:19 PM

BarkingUnicorn: reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.

Fap enough and your penis will be a size zero.


I should hope so since I'm a chick and all...
 
2013-04-01 02:46:00 PM
Masturbation? Weight loss?

This is my kind of thread.
 
2013-04-01 02:48:34 PM
This certainly explains Rush Limbaugh.
 
2013-04-01 02:51:43 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

/hot like a one-armed bandit
 
2013-04-01 02:55:24 PM

Mixolydian Master: [i.imgur.com image 470x300]


/thread
 
2013-04-01 02:56:49 PM
This is why I am skinny.
 
2013-04-01 02:57:09 PM
Puts a new spin on the phrase "she blinded me with science"
 
2013-04-01 02:57:44 PM

AbiNormal: If that were true your average Fark party would look more like this:
[images.fineartamerica.com image 850x567]


I doubt it, that looks too social.
 
2013-04-01 02:58:49 PM

Sword and Shield: The Stealth Hippopotamus: well if you do it long enough it could be cardio..


but ... ouch

Try SSRIs. You'll be good for two, three hours if you can actually finish.

/ Never again
// All the work, none of the finish


My doctor increased my dosage once because I complained about being more depressed than usual. The next night I started polishing the bishop, and two hours later...nothing. For a whole week couldn't finish the deed. Goddamn SSRIs.
 
2013-04-01 03:02:17 PM

Smidge204: If you masturbate 20 times a day, you'll never get out the door.

You may try, but you'll grab hold of the doorknob and pass out.
=Smidge=


I love that man. He's like my Plato or Aristotle.
 
2013-04-01 03:02:57 PM
AFD joke or not, you Farkettes might want to read the article this time.
 
2013-04-01 03:09:53 PM

gaslight: This is why I am skinny.


I for one will validate this as well. Go look at what I posted about my own measurements.
 
2013-04-01 03:11:18 PM
I thought it caused dehydration?
 
2013-04-01 03:12:37 PM

OtherLittleGuy: AGremlin: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 301x168]

Was there no lock on that frickin' door?

Doesn't anybody farking knock anymore?!
 
2013-04-01 03:12:48 PM
Firsthand, secondhand...  Whatever it takes.
 
2013-04-01 03:13:48 PM

FrancoFile: enry: FrancoFile: Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse has already done the math.

That has nothing to do with weight loss, only concentration (or did it?)

Go re-read the relevant sections of the book.  The thread should still be active in 4 days, right?


I believe it was concentration-related. If there were any weight fluctuations, it was due to his emotional state while celebate.
 
2013-04-01 03:15:17 PM
SSRI's suck. I took them and got to where I could not finish the deed. The wife just got pissed and quit having sex. It's been over 8 yrs. Between that and the menopause that she started in to pretty much messed things up.

/not taking the meds anymore
 
2013-04-01 03:18:57 PM

WTFDYW: SSRI's suck. I took them and got to where I could not finish the deed. The wife just got pissed and quit having sex. It's been over 8 yrs. Between that and the menopause that she started in to pretty much messed things up.

/not taking the meds anymore


4 effin hours the one time was enough for me to say fark off to them

not sure what that has to do with this thread though?
 
2013-04-01 03:19:11 PM
5'10" and 144#; that's somewhat underweight. But oddly enough my offhand is bigger/stronger than my main hand and I almost never use that one.
 
2013-04-01 03:20:43 PM

Billy Bathsalt: Where control group?


If "not getting any" makes you fat, I should outweigh Honey Boo Boo's mom by now

/I don't
//but I'm not
///sad slashies
 
2013-04-01 03:22:18 PM
i.imgur.com

I honor the man that invented "fap".

I feel so old...
 
2013-04-01 03:22:25 PM
too...too weak...to...ty...
 
2013-04-01 03:29:06 PM

WTFDYW: SSRI's suck. I took them and got to where I could not finish the deed. The wife just got pissed and quit having sex. It's been over 8 yrs. Between that and the menopause that she started in to pretty much messed things up.

/not taking the meds anymore



Had a similar experience with SSRI's. Wellbutrin was much better. Haven't taken either for years now.

As for the meno, I srsly thought the Mrs. was losing it. Slept with one eye open (and in another room) for a while.

/Creepy
//Scary
///Much better these days
 
2013-04-01 03:31:15 PM

weltallica: [i.imgur.com image 650x184]

I honor the man that invented "fap".

I feel so old...


I miss that twisted, farked up strip.
 
2013-04-01 03:37:25 PM

Gyrfalcon: Billy Bathsalt: Where control group?

If "not getting any" makes you fat, I should outweigh Honey Boo Boo's mom by now

/I don't
//but I'm not
///sad slashies



Methinks you're too picky


;-)
 
2013-04-01 03:42:02 PM
That's what it stands for?  I thought it was a request for funny animal pictures.  Oh my, I uh, I guess that explains some of the responses to texts I've sent.
 
2013-04-01 03:44:46 PM
Doesn't this also lead to hair regrowth? It's a 2-fer!
 
2013-04-01 03:46:48 PM

Haoie: Doesn't this also lead to hair regrowth? It's a 2-fer!


why would you regrow hair on your palms?  my aunt gladys told me so.
 
2013-04-01 03:49:48 PM
That's a pretty risque AFD joke. At least, I'm going to assume that's what it is.
 
2013-04-01 03:52:07 PM

sgnilward: This thread is dildoes


Weeners and I spewed Triscuit all over my monitor.
 
2013-04-01 03:53:27 PM
If this was true Id have a 6 pack
 
2013-04-01 03:56:43 PM

theesir: What's this now?


Ewwww!!! Eye bleach please!!! Can this guy even reach his junk?? No seriously, how do fat guys do it?? Lol...men are so gross btw...
 
2013-04-01 03:57:26 PM

OtherLittleGuy: AGremlin: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 301x168]

Was there no lock on that frickin' door?


"Are there no wanking prisons?" asked Scrooge. "And the Union faphouses?" demanded Scrooge. "Are they still in operation?"

/I don't know why.
 
2013-04-01 04:01:36 PM
I just lost .000005 pounds myself last night, thanks to Miss April 2013, Jaslyn Ome. I'd post a SFW pic, but I'm Farking on my mobile.
 
2013-04-01 04:10:10 PM
In my day, April Fool's Day used to mean something
 
2013-04-01 04:16:42 PM

jayphat: 6'3", 132 lbs. Yes, it really does work!


good God.....have you ever heard of FOOD?
 
2013-04-01 04:20:27 PM
Is that what they meant when they warned you could become obese if you didn't "take care of yourself?"
 
2013-04-01 04:21:27 PM
I think there's likely a difference between fapping in your computer chair and more elaborate, vigorous fapping activities. As a teen I developed muscles because of a certain technique I used at the time. Nowadays not so much, and no gym visit is...inspiring enough to lead to similar results.
 
2013-04-01 04:30:30 PM

Barnacles!: jayphat: 6'3", 132 lbs. Yes, it really does work!

good God.....have you ever heard of FOOD?


Yes. Unfortunately I have the metabolism of a horse.
 
2013-04-01 04:33:06 PM
There is usually a vas deference in testis like this, urethra accept them or not. These studies always rub me the wrong way because I usually get the shaft. Here cums my tip for you, take it all with a grain of salt. That's the essence of my thoughts.
I'm sleepy now, good night.
 
2013-04-01 04:34:17 PM

reklamfox: BarkingUnicorn: reklamfox: Without reading the article I can tell you from personal experience that this does not work. I should be a size zero by now.

Fap enough and your penis will be a size zero.

I should hope so since I'm a chick and all...


This is Fark.  We don't except anything without (dirty) pictures.

How you doin'? 

Sorry, we have to be sexist pigs.  It's Farklaw.
 
2013-04-01 04:36:33 PM

theesir: [home.mchsi.com image 500x639]
What's this now?


Damn I regret having my picture taken that day.
 
2013-04-01 04:42:22 PM
Dingleberry Dickwad:

If that was the case I'd look like a death camp refugee.

Me too. With a right arm as big around as Santa's belly.


Harry Freakstorm:

And if you use your non-dominant hand, it's like having sex with a clumsy stranger.

/can't go looking for the real quote but that's close.
//and she's hot.


No, it's more like getting bad handjob from a clumsy stranger.

By the way, y'all can fap to this:
 
2013-04-01 04:55:57 PM
Oh hell yeah. My new diet plan is in effect, starting right....mmmmmm
 
2013-04-01 04:59:52 PM
cdn.niketalk.com
 
2013-04-01 05:09:12 PM
"FAP?"
"Categorized under 'How is Babby Formed?'"

Ok, which one of you farkers wrote this?
 
2013-04-01 05:28:05 PM
and flicking the bean?
 
2013-04-01 05:35:13 PM
The best part of that article was the read more link.
 
2013-04-01 05:37:40 PM
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-01 05:57:03 PM
No, no it doesn't.

/years of intensive study
 
2013-04-01 05:59:38 PM
jayphat * * Smartest * Funniest 2013-04-01 01:52:24 PM 6'3", 132 lbs. Yes, it really does work!
-------------------------------------------------

Dude, you're a walking skeleton.

/I weigh 7 pounds less than you at 5'7" and /I/ am disturbingly skinny.
 
2013-04-01 06:03:42 PM

LowbrowDeluxe: OtherLittleGuy: AGremlin: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 301x168]

Was there no lock on that frickin' door?

"Are there no wanking prisons?" asked Scrooge. "And the Union faphouses?" demanded Scrooge. "Are they still in operation?"

/I don't know why.


I don't either, but the thought of a "Union faphouse" is killing me right now....
 
2013-04-01 06:20:26 PM

Harry Freakstorm: And if you use your non-dominant hand, it's like having sex with a clumsy stranger.


I use my right hand all the time (I'm left-handed), that way my arms are both at equal strength. It's not at all clumsy when you do it every day of your life.
 
2013-04-01 07:01:18 PM
Nope.
 
2013-04-01 07:09:28 PM

jake3988: jayphat * * Smartest * Funniest 2013-04-01 01:52:24 PM 6'3", 132 lbs. Yes, it really does work!
-------------------------------------------------

Dude, you're a walking skeleton.

/I weigh 7 pounds less than you at 5'7" and /I/ am disturbingly skinny.

before i started losing weight i was nearly twice the man he was...
 
2013-04-01 07:10:21 PM

Mixolydian Master: [i.imgur.com image 500x549]

[i.imgur.com image 245x137]

[i.imgur.com image 245x137]



http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/344/008/8ad.gif
 
2013-04-01 07:27:17 PM
When I want to change things up, I use the reverse overhand grip.
 
2013-04-01 08:47:28 PM

weltallica: [i.imgur.com image 650x184]

I honor the man that invented "fap".

I feel so old...


I had a dream once that the Swearing Friend cursed in British slang.
 
2013-04-01 10:29:08 PM
haven't read the thread... has anyone mentioned that the headline is technically correct, for about 1-2 oz. a day of weight loss?
 
2013-04-01 11:06:50 PM
staying thin....

i1164.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-02 02:11:16 AM
Done in one.
 
2013-04-02 09:29:44 AM
I swear to God, I knew a girl about 7 years ago who tried this idea and she lost over 40 lbs.  She rode the finger-man 6-10 times a day.  It was the only type of exercise that particular girl was EVER going to be willing to try, but it did get some results.
 
2013-04-02 12:00:15 PM

If this were true I would be so light I would need to be tethered to the ground like a balloon.



www.californiafirefighter.com


I call  BS.
 
2013-04-02 12:02:34 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-04-02 12:50:42 PM

Insaniteus: I swear to God, I knew a girl about 7 years ago who tried this idea and she lost over 40 lbs.  She rode the finger-man 6-10 times a day.  It was the only type of exercise that particular girl was EVER going to be willing to try, but it did get some results.


well yeah, you do it that much you're not going to have the time to eat as much as you were before, primarily snacking, which is what often leads to most weight gain.

so yeah, i can buy that.
 
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