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(Smithsonian Magazine)   Subby refuses to apologize for this article that says not apologizing actually makes people feel more empowered. NOT SORRY   (blogs.smithsonianmag.com) divider line 113
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4145 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2013 at 10:41 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-01 02:56:43 PM

Tigger: All it meant was that Kissinger was responsible for war crimes. Which he was. There's a reason he doesn't vacation in the Netherlands.


The words 'war crimes' carry a lot of weight.
So, I was wondering why you chose to use those in connection with that one man versus so many other culpable of similar acts.  After doing a little bit of research, I realize that you were likely repeating a phrase that has been circulated a lot about Kissinger.  Though I would argue that singling him out for American foreign policy of the mid 20th century is scapegoating.

If we start naming names to be put on trial for 'War Crimes' my vote is Dick Cheney.
 
2013-04-01 03:43:21 PM

MrBallou: ACunningPlan: maram500:

Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness.

Capt Nathan Brittles: the origin of "Never apologise, it's a sign of weakness" [She wore a yellow ribbon, 1949 John Ford]

Refusing to apologize when you're wrong is a flashing neon sign of weakness. How insecure do you have to be to be afraid to man up and say "I farked up"?

Sorry, Duke and what-ever-Harmon's-character-is-called (I only know him as that guy who smacks the other guy in the head in the commercials for NSCINCS or whatever it's called.)


Oh I agree with you completely.  Although to my mind, saying sorry is not nearly as important as truly being sorry; "I'm sorry" ranks up there with "I love you" as the some of the easiest manipulation tools out there.  Abusive spouses will nearly always apologize; rarely stops them from doing it again.
 
2013-04-01 04:05:48 PM
An ex helped define this line for me a few years back.

There's a big difference between an apology and simply saying you're sorry.  Making choices that don't warrant apologies means you don't have to say you're sorry.  In this happiness is found.

I know people who say "sorry" far too frequently with no reason for doing so, and now it pisses me off.
 
2013-04-01 04:30:10 PM

Raptop: Saying sorry is supposed to sting... That helps reinforce the lesson of not doing that which you are apologizing for.


"But what about forgive and forget?"
"Oh, she's forgiven and forgotten all right.  She just doesn't want you to forget that she's forgiven and forgotten!"
 
2013-04-01 05:41:06 PM
In my experience people generally tend to over apologize a lot.  Seems like I'm always hearing "sorry" and thinking "for what?" "Excuse me" seems to often be a meaningless pre-apology to justify some otherwise easily avoidable minor rudeness.

While there are times when a sincere heartfelt apology is appropriate, in my experience most apologies reflect either an ingrained social fear or an inappropriate and deliberate social aggression.

and yes, either way you sound weak and creepy
 
2013-04-01 05:42:28 PM
"Sorry doesn't fix it"   Remember that?  The lesson behind that, which a great many people seem to have lost, was Don't do shiat you aren't supposed to do, doubly so when it might injure or otherwise bother someone else.

My favorite version of this was a school yard bully being forced to apologize for kicking another kid so hard he had to go to the doctor.  The bully says "I'm SOOOOOOORRRRRYYY".  The other kid says "No problem" and kicks the guy in the nuts so hard he left the ground.  Then this kid turns to the teach and says "sorry" "can I go?".
 
2013-04-01 06:18:43 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-04-01 06:28:26 PM
www.granitegrok.com
 
2013-04-01 06:32:47 PM

NostroZ: Tigger: All it meant was that Kissinger was responsible for war crimes. Which he was. There's a reason he doesn't vacation in the Netherlands.

The words 'war crimes' carry a lot of weight.
So, I was wondering why you chose to use those in connection with that one man versus so many other culpable of similar acts.  After doing a little bit of research, I realize that you were likely repeating a phrase that has been circulated a lot about Kissinger.  Though I would argue that singling him out for American foreign policy of the mid 20th century is scapegoating.

If we start naming names to be put on trial for 'War Crimes' my vote is Dick Cheney.


You took a throwaway line massively insanely way too seriously.
 
2013-04-01 07:53:26 PM

screwzloos: How about exhibit some self-control and don't do things you'll be expected/required to apologize for later?
It's really not difficult to learn to exercise little patience, manage your time better, and control your impulses.
I haven't apologized in years. I'm also a bit of an apathetic asshole, though.


I'm sorry you have no spontaneity in your life.  Sorry, nothing personal.
 
2013-04-01 08:04:38 PM

AgentBang: I don't know if I'm making up a trend, but I feel more and more often when I'm out at the store, or just walking down the street, even if I'm walking next to someone or stepping near someone (not even bumping into them) they are always quietly and meekishly saying "sorry!" It can be as simple as when someone is looking at a shelf of books in a store, and the person behind them is waiting or trying to see a particular item, the first person notices, and then says "sorry!" and steps out of the way. Why is that person apologizing? They aren't doing anything wrong. You don't have to say "I'm sorry" for every single interaction with someone that has a semblance of momentary inconvenience to someone else.


Why be annoyed by one of the last shreds of politeness left out there? I typically say that or 'excuse me' because chances are good that i'm spaced out reading the ingredients of the pasta-o's trying to pronounce WTF is in the can.
 
2013-04-01 08:07:18 PM

NostroZ: If you are not in the ball-crushing-vice of retail/insurance then acting like a human being and accepting a some blame where it's due can be beneficial or everyone involved.


I currently work for a guy whose mission in life is finding and removing scapegoats. Any acceptance of any tiny mote of blame is seen as equivalent to accepting full responsibility, even if all they did was use the wrong tool the first time, but found the right one, and the ultimate cause of failure had nothing to do with that anyway. (Last week's blow up.) He has never made an error of judgment in his life, on the other hand.

/Can't wait for this contract to end.
 
2013-04-01 08:46:46 PM

cryinoutloud: screwzloos: How about exhibit some self-control and don't do things you'll be expected/required to apologize for later?
It's really not difficult to learn to exercise little patience, manage your time better, and control your impulses.
I haven't apologized in years. I'm also a bit of an apathetic asshole, though.

I'm sorry you have no spontaneity in your life.  Sorry, nothing personal.


I'm not sure I could have it any other way. I suppose living a dull and reclusive life isn't for everyone.
 
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