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(Smithsonian Magazine)   Subby refuses to apologize for this article that says not apologizing actually makes people feel more empowered. NOT SORRY   (blogs.smithsonianmag.com) divider line 113
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4150 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2013 at 10:41 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-01 11:26:38 AM  

A Gentile in Boca: A Terrible Human: I have a habit of apologizing for everything even things that I have no control of what so ever.
/Aaah the life of a chronic worrier.

I am sorry you feel thay way.

/same affliction

 
 
Oops, I posted before i saw your post saying almost the exact same thing.
 
I beg your pardon!
 
2013-04-01 11:30:38 AM  
Better living through sociopathy. GFY society and people with souls. I wonder if the douchebag approach sometimes leads to the murderous rage counter approach? In that case the sense of empowerment might be fleating.
 
The last 5 years of world and national events have made peopl;e more of 'torch and pitchfork' guy than 'ignore that asswipe'.
 
2013-04-01 11:31:46 AM  
Today is April 1st.
 
Just sayin'.
 
2013-04-01 11:35:56 AM  
maram500:

Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness.
 
/Someone beat me to it
//Don't care
///If you're going to quote the greatness that is Gibbs, you could at least post his stunning photo

t2.gstatic.com

Capt Nathan Brittles: the origin of "Never apologise, it's a sign of weakness" [She wore a yellow ribbon, 1949 John Ford]
 
2013-04-01 11:37:31 AM  

namegoeshere: It is a sign of weakness.

 
Pretending you have no weaknesses is the biggest indicator of weakness.
 
2013-04-01 11:37:47 AM  
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize.
 
/have actually said this
 
2013-04-01 11:44:45 AM  
NOT.  SORRY.  ENOUGH.
 
2013-04-01 11:45:46 AM  

trappedspirit: NOT.  SORRY.  ENOUGH.


I'LL MAKE YOU SORRY!
 
2013-04-01 11:49:13 AM  

CapeFearCadaver: A Terrible Human: I have a habit of apologizing for everything even things that I have no control of what so ever.
 
Are you me? Actually, I started doing this about 3 years ago because it was easier to be sorry about everything and apologize immediately about any little thing before Master Justifyer make sure I knew anything and everything was my fault.
 
/became a Geisha for a bit there
//goddammit

 
I solved that problem by forgetting to come home. Sorry.
 
2013-04-01 11:51:12 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: Lots of infantile responses, today. 
Future press office speech writers for Democrat Party.
 
PS - Gibbs sucks. Faux man. Bluster, bluster, bluster. Mark Harmon should apologize for the character's utter lack of adult maturity.


Once more, with clarity.
 
2013-04-01 11:52:24 AM  
The problem isn't the apologizing part, it's the forgiving part.
 
2013-04-01 11:56:33 AM  
Love means never having to say you're sorry.
 
2013-04-01 11:56:51 AM  

cheap_thoughts: NumberFiveIsAlive: cheap_thoughts: I farked the guy my friend had a crush on. I really don't give a fark.

 
Apparently you did...
 
The dude in question said hell no to her. She already has a lover, so she was just a "oh I feel good about myself, because he flirted with me!"deal.
 
It was the bar tender for christ sakes. That's his job! Flirt with the undesirable, get money. She thought he wanted more.
 
Regarding the first boldfaced term (in light of the second):
 
www.agileproductdesign.com
 
2013-04-01 11:59:17 AM  
Saying sorry is supposed to sting... That helps reinforce the lesson of not doing that which you are apologizing for.
 
2013-04-01 12:01:09 PM  

abhorrent1: had98c: or if they say they're sorry, reply, "no you're not".
 
Are you my wife?
 
Her favorite thing to say. "No you're not, if you were you wouldn't have done it". WTF does that even mean?
 
/Also doesn't apply if I say it to her.
//Apparently only I am incapable of being sorry.
///mostly true though. I'm kind of an asshole

 
It means that you're about 2 years away from a divorce.
If you have kids, this might be extended a bit... but really... she hates your guts and thinks you're always in the wrong.  She now sees you as the father that can do no right, which is likely the father she grew up with.
 
Get a good lawyer and RUN DUDE!
 
2013-04-01 12:02:35 PM  
I make it a point not to apologize if it can be used against me in court, since apologizing can be taken as an admission of guilt in some scenarios.
 
2013-04-01 12:04:53 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: No shiat. Like when a girl dumps you, if you want to get her back jut act like you don't give a shiat.


and why, when I once tried to break up a girl and she went psycho, I then pretended to be over-the-top madly in love with her... which made her break up with me in about a week.  And then every time we talked I said I was miserable without her, etc. 
 
/2nd best thing that ever happened to me was her leaving...
//1st best was the girl right before her leaving...
///Forever Alone, like a boss.
 
2013-04-01 12:07:42 PM  

RoxtarRyan: I make it a point not to apologize if it can be used against me in court, since apologizing can be taken as an admission of guilt in some scenarios.


Life =/= Court
Hearsay =/= Admissible evidence

I'm assuming you're joking... but the sad thing is I've met people who actually think this.
 
2013-04-01 12:11:01 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: Lots of infantile responses, today. 
Future press office speech writers for Democrat Party.
 
PS - Gibbs sucks. Faux man. Bluster, bluster, bluster. Mark Harmon should apologize for the character's utter lack of adult maturity.


Clearly you aren't a fan of either Gibbs or NCIS. Gibbs is nothing but maturity in a sea of utterly juvenile humour (DiNozzo), nerddom (McGee), and whatever the hell Ziva represents (perhaps the femme fatale?), and that is without mentioning either Ducky or Abby...or Vance. Oh sure, Gibbs has his problems--building boats in a basement being one of them--but he is anything but bluster. If he makes a threat, he will carry it out.

And for fark's sake, what the hell do you mean by "future press office speech writers for the Democrat Party?" Have you even looked at the news lately? Infantile responses seem to be the specialty of the Republican Party. See: "legitimate rape," gay marriage, and Fox News. When a Republican finds him- or herself in a hole of his/her own creation, that same Republican will continue to dig him- or herself deeper. Sometimes, an apology isn't a bad thing and can show a level of humility in front of other people.

And in case you think I'm just an idiot in love with Gibbs, I do actually think his rule about "better to seek forgiveness than ask permission" is, sometimes, complete crap. Like when an oil man and another oil man drags an entire nation into a Vietnam-style war over--wait for it--oil.
 
2013-04-01 12:14:04 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: "So the next time you tell your kids that apologizing will make them feel better in the long run"
 
I never told my kid that.  I told him that learning from his mistakes would make him feel better in the long run.  The apology is a pop quiz.


Neither have I.  I teach my kids to apologize when they wrong someone else BECAUSE ITS THE RIGHT FARKING THING TO DO!
 
2013-04-01 12:17:56 PM  
i249.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-01 12:18:45 PM  

NostroZ: It means that you're about 2 years away from a divorce.
If you have kids, this might be extended a bit... but really... she hates your guts and thinks you're always in the wrong. She now sees you as the father that can do no right, which is likely the father she grew up with.

Get a good lawyer and RUN DUDE!


No kids but everything else is about right.
 
2013-04-01 12:20:24 PM  

Amos Quito: A Gentile in Boca: A Terrible Human: I have a habit of apologizing for everything even things that I have no control of what so ever.
/Aaah the life of a chronic worrier.

I am sorry you feel thay way.

/same affliction
 
 
Oops, I posted before i saw your post saying almost the exact same thing.
 
I beg your pardon!


No pardon required my friend.
I am sorry I posted before you.
I should have waited.
 
2013-04-01 12:26:03 PM  

A Gentile in Boca: Amos Quito: A Gentile in Boca: A Terrible Human: I have a habit of apologizing for everything even things that I have no control of what so ever.
/Aaah the life of a chronic worrier.

I am sorry you feel thay way.

/same affliction
 
 
Oops, I posted before i saw your post saying almost the exact same thing.
 
I beg your pardon!

No pardon required my friend.
I am sorry I posted before you.
I should have waited.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-04-01 12:26:54 PM  
Apologizing ALWAYS makes me feel better...

I'm sorry you're so ugly.
I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand.
I'm sorry you're such an insufferable coont.
 
2013-04-01 12:28:23 PM  

dustygrimp: BarkingUnicorn: "So the next time you tell your kids that apologizing will make them feel better in the long run"
 
I never told my kid that.  I told him that learning from his mistakes would make him feel better in the long run.  The apology is a pop quiz.

Neither have I.  I teach my kids to apologize when they wrong someone else BECAUSE ITS THE RIGHT FARKING THING TO DO!


QFT.
 
2013-04-01 12:28:31 PM  
Yesterday I lost my temper with a pharmacist who would not dispense a prescription as it was not dated.
After completing my other shopping I went back and apologied. I felt much better afterwards. Having the guts to say sorry *can* make you stronger.
 
2013-04-01 12:32:24 PM  

abhorrent1: NostroZ: It means that you're about 2 years away from a divorce.
If you have kids, this might be extended a bit... but really... she hates your guts and thinks you're always in the wrong. She now sees you as the father that can do no right, which is likely the father she grew up with.

Get a good lawyer and RUN DUDE!

No kids but everything else is about right.


Sorry to hear that man, it sucks living with someone who wants to pick away at you.

Good thing you don't have kids... whatever you do, DO NOT get them... they will only make things worse.

My advice is to start hoarding cash in a place your wife will never find.  This will be your shyat-hit-the-fan fund.
Next is to STOP APOLOGIZING for anything and everything... tell her this is 'who you are' and that if she does not like it "too bad".  Do not bring up your thoughts of divorce, this will tip your hand too early.

At this point, she will either regain respect for you or progressively get more annoyed with you... if she starts treating you like a man again, great!  Figure out what worked and continue living your life normally.  If she continues to rip you apart, hold your ground, continue to say that "this is who I am" and eventually you'll have to say to her that "you obviously don't like who I am... but, I do... so let's do this divorce painlessly".

Good luck man,
Hold your head high.
 
2013-04-01 12:32:25 PM  

jamspoon: Yesterday I lost my temper with a pharmacist who would not dispense a prescription as it was not dated.
After completing my other shopping I went back and apologied. I felt much better afterwards. Having the guts to say sorry *can* make you stronger.


People think responsibility is hard to bear. It's not. I think that sometimes it is the absence of responsibility that is harder to bear. You have a great feeling of impotence.
- Henry Kissinger
 
2013-04-01 12:58:25 PM  

gajillion: namegoeshere:

It is a sign of weakness.
 
Pretending you have no weaknesses is the biggest indicator of weakness.


Bingo.

"Yeah, I have a weakness or two. So what about it?!?"
 
2013-04-01 01:00:29 PM  

stonicus: Apologizing ALWAYS makes me feel better...

I'm sorry you're so ugly.
I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand.
I'm sorry you're such an insufferable coont.


You've met my mom, I see.
 
2013-04-01 01:04:14 PM  

NostroZ: I'm assuming you're joking... but the sad thing is I've met people who actually think this.


One of my first jobs was in retail.. quit after a month or two when I realized dealing with shoppers sucks. I remember very clearly that if there was ever a case where a customer gets injured, either by their own stupidity or the fault of the store, to never ever say "I'm sorry", since it is admission of guilt. And yes, if you contact your insurance company, they will be very specific in telling you that if you get into an accident to not apologize either, for the same reason, because as much as you don't like it, anything you do and say at a scene is admissible in court, especially if there are witnesses. Ask your insurance company if you feel otherwise.
 
2013-04-01 01:06:30 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: jamspoon: Yesterday I lost my temper with a pharmacist who would not dispense a prescription as it was not dated.
After completing my other shopping I went back and apologied. I felt much better afterwards. Having the guts to say sorry *can* make you stronger.

People think responsibility is hard to bear. It's not. I think that sometimes it is the absence of responsibility that is harder to bear. You have a great feeling of impotence.
- Henry Kissinger


And he's responsible for war crimes so he knows a bit about it.
 
2013-04-01 01:11:44 PM  

Galileo's Daughter: Love

Being an unrepentant asshole means never having to say you're sorry.

ftfy
 
2013-04-01 01:17:58 PM  
It doesn't surprise me that sociopaths don't get as upset as people capable of empathy.
 
2013-04-01 01:28:48 PM  
"Sorry is the Kool-Aid of all human emotions ... True sorrow is as rare as true love."

- Stephen King
 
2013-04-01 01:40:47 PM  

RoxtarRyan: NostroZ: I'm assuming you're joking... but the sad thing is I've met people who actually think this.

One of my first jobs was in retail.. quit after a month or two when I realized dealing with shoppers sucks. I remember very clearly that if there was ever a case where a customer gets injured, either by their own stupidity or the fault of the store, to never ever say "I'm sorry", since it is admission of guilt. And yes, if you contact your insurance company, they will be very specific in telling you that if you get into an accident to not apologize either, for the same reason, because as much as you don't like it, anything you do and say at a scene is admissible in court, especially if there are witnesses. Ask your insurance company if you feel otherwise.


Yes.
If you believe you will be sued and there are witnesses around, say nothing, do nothing, call your lawyer.

If you are not in the ball-crushing-vice of retail/insurance then acting like a human being and accepting a some blame where it's due can be beneficial or everyone involved.
 
2013-04-01 01:41:30 PM  

AgentBang: I don't know if I'm making up a trend, but I feel more and more often when I'm out at the store, or just walking down the street, even if I'm walking next to someone or stepping near someone (not even bumping into them) they are always quietly and meekishly saying "sorry!" It can be as simple as when someone is looking at a shelf of books in a store, and the person behind them is waiting or trying to see a particular item, the first person notices, and then says "sorry!" and steps out of the way. Why is that person apologizing? They aren't doing anything wrong. You don't have to say "I'm sorry" for every single interaction with someone that has a semblance of momentary inconvenience to someone else.


Teenage girls and the meek are always wasting sorry for the least little thing. It's like a reflex, whether they feel sorry or not.
 
2013-04-01 01:46:24 PM  
How about exhibit some self-control and don't do things you'll be expected/required to apologize for later?

It's really not difficult to learn to exercise little patience, manage your time better, and control your impulses.

I haven't apologized in years. I'm also a bit of an apathetic asshole, though.
 
2013-04-01 01:48:05 PM  

Tigger: CapeFearCadaver: jamspoon: Yesterday I lost my temper with a pharmacist who would not dispense a prescription as it was not dated.
After completing my other shopping I went back and apologied. I felt much better afterwards. Having the guts to say sorry *can* make you stronger.

People think responsibility is hard to bear. It's not. I think that sometimes it is the absence of responsibility that is harder to bear. You have a great feeling of impotence.
- Henry Kissinger

And he's responsible for war crimes so he knows a bit about it.


What does that mean?
Doesn't anyone and EVERYONE involved in the 19 year long Vietnam war responsible for war crimes?
This sensationalism to scapegoat one man is ridiculous...  America loves war and during war unpleasant things happen... I hate war, but to scapegoat one man to wash our hands clean of it is no better at preventing more war.
 
2013-04-01 01:48:31 PM  

NostroZ: If you are not in the ball-crushing-vice of retail/insurance then acting like a human being and accepting a some blame where it's due can be beneficial or everyone involved.


Yeah, but I was never talking about circumstances otherwise.
 
2013-04-01 01:49:22 PM  

ACunningPlan: maram500:

Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness.

Capt Nathan Brittles: the origin of "Never apologise, it's a sign of weakness" [She wore a yellow ribbon, 1949 John Ford]


Refusing to apologize when you're wrong is a flashing neon sign of weakness. How insecure do you have to be to be afraid to man up and say "I farked up"?

Sorry, Duke and what-ever-Harmon's-character-is-called (I only know him as that guy who smacks the other guy in the head in the commercials for NSCINCS or whatever it's called.)
 
2013-04-01 02:05:46 PM  

abhorrent1: I'll only apologize if I'm actually sorry. If I'm not, get over it. Though sometimes I will to the wife just so she'll shut the fark up.


Indeed, at home you have to take a slightly different tack than with all the rest of the assholes you interact with daily, as they can't really take a pair of scissors to your balls while you sleep.
 
2013-04-01 02:10:00 PM  
Thank god I'm never wrong so I don't have to apologize. Ever.

/very happy
 
2013-04-01 02:10:20 PM  

foxyshadis: abhorrent1: I'll only apologize if I'm actually sorry. If I'm not, get over it. Though sometimes I will to the wife just so she'll shut the fark up.

Indeed, at home you have to take a slightly different tack than with all the rest of the assholes you interact with daily, as they can't really take a pair of scissors to your balls while you sleep.


Yes, but constantly apologizing will make your balls fall off from disuse.
 
2013-04-01 02:12:27 PM  

screwzloos: How about exhibit some self-control and don't do things you'll be expected/required to apologize for later?

It's really not difficult to learn to exercise little patience, manage your time better, and control your impulses.

I haven't apologized in years. I'm also a bit of an apathetic asshole, though.


imageshack.us
 
2013-04-01 02:20:43 PM  
A Shambling Mound: [imgur.com image]

Hey... ur the guy from the Hamburger Train, right?
 
2013-04-01 02:38:48 PM  
On the large gray scale of psychopaths, the ones that are really uncaring and unfeeling of others, who are politicians, make empty apologies frequently.  It is so meaningless to them that they apologize on behalf of other people who would never apologize on their own, feeling they had done no wrong.

Things like apologizing on behalf of America to the Nazis and Japanese for fighting them in World War II.

Beware the apologies of a politician who does this, as their heart is cold, and they would sacrifice your life without a moment's hesitation.  They are even worse than those who make sneering "non-apology" apologies.
 
2013-04-01 02:43:08 PM  

NostroZ: Tigger: CapeFearCadaver: jamspoon: Yesterday I lost my temper with a pharmacist who would not dispense a prescription as it was not dated.
After completing my other shopping I went back and apologied. I felt much better afterwards. Having the guts to say sorry *can* make you stronger.

People think responsibility is hard to bear. It's not. I think that sometimes it is the absence of responsibility that is harder to bear. You have a great feeling of impotence.
- Henry Kissinger

And he's responsible for war crimes so he knows a bit about it.

What does that mean?
Doesn't anyone and EVERYONE involved in the 19 year long Vietnam war responsible for war crimes?
This sensationalism to scapegoat one man is ridiculous...  America loves war and during war unpleasant things happen... I hate war, but to scapegoat one man to wash our hands clean of it is no better at preventing more war.


I never mentioned Vietnam, never scapegoated one person and I'm pretty sure you're imagining a whole bunch of crazy shiat that I'm not thinking.

All it meant was that Kissinger was responsible for war crimes. Which he was. There's a reason he doesn't vacation in the Netherlands.
 
2013-04-01 02:43:46 PM  

blurr_grrl: "Sorry is the Kool-Aid of all human emotions ... True sorrow is as rare as true love."

- Stephen King


What a horribly meaningless quotation.
 
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