If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(FleshEatingZipper)   Has your loved one died? Will there be so few funeral attendees that people assume they were a shut-in basement dweller? Here's the solution: Rent-a-Mourner - sending strangers to funerals since 2012   (flesheatingzipper.com) divider line 34
    More: Strange, basement dweller  
•       •       •

1135 clicks; posted to Business » on 31 Mar 2013 at 7:21 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-03-31 05:25:11 PM
Don't waste your time coming to my funeral (if I even have one). Go do something fun or creative. Hell, take a nap.
 
2013-03-31 07:30:07 PM
Isn't this practice as old as time itself?
 
2013-03-31 07:34:28 PM
I want my eyeballs to be used in a hilarious salad bar related prank.

Fark Headline: "Shriners convention shuts down as elderly woman finds human eyeball in blue cheese dressing"

It's my way of giving back.
 
2013-03-31 07:36:56 PM

lewismarktwo: Isn't this practice as old as time itself?


At least two octogenarians have told me that 'at least there'll be someone at my funeral' is the primary reason they go to Masonic Lodge meetings and pay their dues.
 
2013-03-31 07:38:56 PM
The Romans had 'em.
 
2013-03-31 07:53:05 PM
a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
 
2013-03-31 08:03:57 PM
lewismarktwo: Isn't this practice as old as time itself?

At least as old as Roman times
 
2013-03-31 08:04:34 PM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I want my eyeballs to be used in a hilarious salad bar related prank.

Fark Headline: "Shriners convention shuts down as elderly woman finds human eyeball in blue cheese dressing"

It's my way of giving back.


Hah! Brilliant! One intarwebs to you, good sir.
 
2013-03-31 08:06:28 PM
Hold on, is Fark picking up stories AFTER they've been on "Wait, wait, don't tell me"??  I always thought it was the other way around.
 
2013-03-31 08:08:06 PM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I want my eyeballs to be used in a hilarious salad bar related prank.

Fark Headline: "Shriners convention shuts down as elderly woman finds human eyeball in blue cheese dressing"

It's my way of giving back.


Eyeballs don't really hold up after you die.  They kinda dessicate into little raisin like things.  I guess if you got them into the dressing right away they might retain their shape tho.
 
2013-03-31 08:12:11 PM
I'm at work right now, but could someone find a clip of Eddie Izzard doing his piece on this subject?
 
2013-03-31 08:22:36 PM
Just fill the empty seats up with these:

a1.vsoh.com
 
2013-03-31 08:35:01 PM

Oldiron_79: lewismarktwo: Isn't this practice as old as time itself?

At least as old as Roman times


Sumer.
 
2013-03-31 08:47:36 PM
Wander out in the woods I shall, I think I'm gonna dig my own grave by hand set up some kinda rube goldberg burial system.  I'll inform my brother and son, tell them not to answer the phone anymore because my bill collectors will be looking for them.
 
2013-03-31 10:12:54 PM
There is a group of women that attend funerals at Arlington National Cemetery so that no veteran is buried alone.

One time a widow refused to get out of the hearse because she thought they were the "other" women.
 
2013-03-31 10:45:21 PM
We  are turning into the Roman Empire.
 
2013-03-31 10:48:43 PM
When I die I expect hundreds to show up just to make sure the bastard really is dead
 
2013-03-31 11:04:08 PM

Krymson Tyde: Don't waste your time coming to my funeral (if I even have one). Go do something fun or creative. Hell, take a nap.

 
Why can't I take a nap at your funeral?  It doesn't have to be one or the other you know.
 
Hell, I'll even nap for free!  No worries.
 
2013-03-31 11:26:28 PM
Is there one here that does this? I would love to work for them.
 
2013-03-31 11:28:36 PM
Here's a joke:
 
B3vets, SkinHead,  G@toNegro, EnviroDud, NeonAnderthal  go to a funeral, he leaves the funeral on  his bicycle.
 
2013-04-01 01:07:35 AM
Aha! So that's what Levi who is called Biff has been doing all this time. Setting up his mourner business.
 
2013-04-01 01:36:20 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2uCS95HcSY
 
Eddie Izzard covered this one.
 
2013-04-01 01:45:25 AM
spacebison.com
 
2013-04-01 04:02:26 AM

Britney Spear's Speculum: Here's a joke:
 
B3vets, SkinHead,  G@toNegro, EnviroDud, NeonAnderthal  go to a funeral, he leaves the funeral on  his bicycle.


Careful, that boy is an army of one. Or is it a navy? Navy works better.
 
Ship of fools and all that.
 
2013-04-01 07:20:26 AM

lewismarktwo: Isn't this practice as old as time itself?

 

Oldiron_79: At least as old as Roman times

 
I think the Chinese put it even farther back than that.
 
This guy was a Farker:
media.screened.com
/ The guy in back with the 'stache is a policeman investigating his murder
// If you haven't seen Charade you haven't lived and I pity you
 
2013-04-01 07:25:46 AM
angrymacface:
 
We  are turning into the Roman Empire.

We have been since 1940.
 
And hey, "shut-in basement dweller" is NOT a bad thing. It beats being Madonna's homeless brother who's too stupid to go anywhere warmer than northern Michigan.
 
2013-04-01 09:01:28 AM

lewismarktwo: Isn't this practice as old as time itself?


At least as old as civilization and social consciousness.
 
2013-04-01 09:02:28 AM

Gough: Hold on, is Fark picking up stories AFTER they've been on "Wait, wait, don't tell me"??  I always thought it was the other way around.


It's not news, you know.
 
2013-04-01 09:38:27 AM

bingo the psych-o: Krymson Tyde: Don't waste your time coming to my funeral (if I even have one). Go do something fun or creative. Hell, take a nap.
 
Why can't I take a nap at your funeral?

 
You don't want to risk being buried alive?
 
2013-04-01 09:49:07 AM

Oldiron_79: lewismarktwo: Isn't this practice as old as time itself?

At least as old as Roman times


But did they twang him into a tree? </Izzard>
 
// once went as a stand-in at a funeral - they needed a quorum of 10 men to say some prayers, so I went (late December; the day before winter break)
// a very depressing day, but his friends clearly and dearly loved him, which is all I want at my funeral (and a good roast)
 
2013-04-01 11:35:36 AM
Put out food.  Long lost friends will come out of nowhere.
 
2013-04-01 02:25:26 PM
Over a hundred years ago people hired 'criers' to appear at funerals for loved ones so that when onlookers saw the long procession, they would think that the deceased was of great importance.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090427092739AAFSR7l
 
2013-04-01 04:22:10 PM

Dr Dreidel: // once went as a stand-in at a funeral - they needed a quorum of 10 men to say some prayers,


That's not being a hired mourner, it's helping your co-religionists hold a funeral ceremony.  I suppose Catholics would call it a rudimentary form of lay ministry.
 
2013-04-01 06:41:53 PM

bingo the psych-o: Krymson Tyde: Don't waste your time coming to my funeral (if I even have one). Go do something fun or creative. Hell, take a nap.
 
Why can't I take a nap at your funeral?  It doesn't have to be one or the other you know.
 
Hell, I'll even nap for free!  No worries.


I'm okay with that. Maybe partake in your favorite substance as well.
 
Displayed 34 of 34 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report