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(Uproxx)   20 Things More Likely To Happen Than North Korea Nuking The U.S   (smokingsection.uproxx.com) divider line 52
    More: Misc, North Korea, Lil Kim, Billy Dee Williams, Lupe Fiasco, Ja Rule, Suge Knight, Dennis Rodman, B.I.G.  
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18628 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2013 at 12:03 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-30 08:33:12 PM  
12 votes:
I now pronounce this link deslidefied!
2013-03-30 10:24:06 PM  
7 votes:
Hmm, looks like there's a reason "people finding any of this funny" didn't make the list.
2013-03-31 12:07:23 AM  
6 votes:
You know, its rare that I read something from fark so unfunny as to actually make me angry to have wasted 3 minutes. But there you have it, my easter gift from fark.
2013-03-31 12:28:10 AM  
5 votes:
This has to go up as the worst greenlight of the year, maybe the century.
2013-03-31 12:23:18 AM  
4 votes:
That was so insightful and witty - great list. Found myself nodding my head in agreement at every slide. Oh wait. That's not true. It was terrible and dull. The person who wrote it should read this post, and feel horrible. First they will think I liked it, and then their hopes are crushed by my bitter disapproval! Then, if my plans work out right, they will live out the rest of their existence on a daily balance of antidepressants, anxiolytics and lithium, until one day it all becomes just too much and they have to beg an understanding relative for airfare so they can make their way to Switzerland where Dignitas can put them out of my misery.
2013-03-31 12:09:59 AM  
4 votes:
Sure this isn't just a list of random rappers?
2013-03-31 12:08:41 AM  
4 votes:
Uproxx - the next Fark.com Sponsored Partner Links.
2013-03-31 01:22:39 AM  
3 votes:
The list was dumb.  However, this .gif made me LOL:

i63.photobucket.com
2013-03-31 01:08:25 AM  
3 votes:

TheTranceFan: I'm not part of the TF super-race, so I'm kinda over here wondering how stuff like this gets greenlighted. Anyway care to shed some light?


This site has some sort of agreement with Fark that requires the modmins to post their shiatty articles. Drew would apparently rather the anonymous submitter collective take the blame for inflicting these links instead of Fark announcing that these are paid placements.
2013-03-31 01:07:16 AM  
3 votes:
Submitter, what you've just linked to is one of the most insanely un-funny links I have ever read. At no point in that rambling, incoherent slide show was it close to anything that could be considered creatively witty or humorous. Everyone in this forum is now dumber for having read it. You are awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
2013-03-31 12:12:59 AM  
3 votes:
Well, that was tarded.
2013-03-31 12:05:47 AM  
3 votes:
Smanging Sofia Vergara

I must be old, because I have no idea what that word means.
2013-03-31 07:07:43 AM  
2 votes:
cdn.ebaumsworld.com
2013-03-31 02:23:59 AM  
2 votes:

Fista-Phobia: The Bestest: Maximum range does not also imply accuracy

Agreed.I call it... semi-ballistic!


cdn.theatlantic.com

"Today, a day which will live in infamy, North Korea accidently nuked a 250 sq mi section of the Pacific Ocean in a location we've confirmed to be the safest, most distant from any populated area possible.

The President has ordered an immediate retaliation of 'lol cat' emails at the regime and to show his concern for the situation, is flying to Hawaii for a week of vacation with his family.

Secretary of Defense ordered construction of additional anti-missle batteries along the Pacific Ocean repeating over and over again "this has nothing to do with long term strategies vs the Russian and Chinese and we are totally concerned about North Korea""

/And that really is, the way it is.
2013-03-31 01:29:02 AM  
2 votes:

Cagey B: JonZoidberg: How many times does N Korea get to make threats before we pre-emptively carpet bomb Pyongyang?  If a real country made those kinds of gestures, wouldn't we respond?

1. Everyone knows North Korea isn't actually going to nuke the US. For many, already discussed reasons.
2. We don't generally go to war because someone "made some threats".
3. We're not going to go to war with North Korea for a host of tactical and strategic reasons, which have been discussed at length.
4. While we have kind of a history of being dicks to the world, I don't think even the US would initiate an armed conflict because a guy hurt our collective feelings in a press release.
5. "Pre-emptive" wars haven't worked out too well for us in the recent past.
6. Indiscriminately bombing Pyongyang would not do anything to harm North Korea's nuclear capacity (in this case, the fictional launch capability they have to supposedly nuke us). It would, however, be certain to ensure the enmity of every regional power (including South Korea), except maybe Japan.


7. North Korea does not have oil.
2013-03-31 01:06:38 AM  
2 votes:
3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-03-31 01:03:47 AM  
2 votes:

JonZoidberg: How many times does N Korea get to make threats before we pre-emptively carpet bomb Pyongyang?  If a real country made those kinds of gestures, wouldn't we respond?


1. Everyone knows North Korea isn't actually going to nuke the US. For many, already discussed reasons.
2. We don't generally go to war because someone "made some threats".
3. We're not going to go to war with North Korea for a host of tactical and strategic reasons, which have been discussed at length.
4. While we have kind of a history of being dicks to the world, I don't think even the US would initiate an armed conflict because a guy hurt our collective feelings in a press release.
5. "Pre-emptive" wars haven't worked out too well for us in the recent past.
6. Indiscriminately bombing Pyongyang would not do anything to harm North Korea's nuclear capacity (in this case, the fictional launch capability they have to supposedly nuke us). It would, however, be certain to ensure the enmity of every regional power (including South Korea), except maybe Japan.

In conclusion, you should probably feel bad about that post, Doctor.
2013-03-31 01:00:57 AM  
2 votes:

JonZoidberg: How many times does N Korea get to make threats before we pre-emptively carpet bomb Pyongyang?  If a real country made those kinds of gestures, wouldn't we respond?


www.wc-news.com
2013-03-31 12:45:24 AM  
2 votes:

TV's Vinnie: It's hard to take Best Korea seriously when you've seen those "Squirrel and Hedgehog" propaganda cartoons they've been putting out. The fine upstanding citizens have been having a field day drawing fan art of "WOLFMURRICA!" (the American bad guys in the cartoon are portrayed as wolves) and have latched onto "Lt. Fox Vixen" as if she were the new Derpy.

[rule34-data-002.paheal.net image 588x729]


It's like really reallllly shiatty Winger art, with added propoganda!
2013-03-31 12:45:12 AM  
2 votes:
(Featured Partner)
2013-03-31 12:24:09 AM  
2 votes:
I didn't get it, probably because it was full of black people I don't know.
2013-03-31 12:23:05 AM  
2 votes:

fusillade762: Smanging Sofia Vergara

I must be old, because I have no idea what that word means.


Smanging: the fusion of smashing and banging born in the catalyst of aggressive farking.

In other words, it's completely meaningless made up crap.
2013-03-31 12:07:21 AM  
2 votes:
That list was very successful and attractive.
2013-03-31 04:01:37 PM  
1 votes:
What's with all the farking rappers?
2013-03-31 07:36:14 AM  
1 votes:

Blackthorn: [cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 850x576]


I don't know who put that pic together, but I thought carrier fleets ran in a reverse order to that. A few smaller ships ahead of the carrier, always out there to feel the bottom or sea mines.  I don't know if the B-2 Spirit and the Hornets are a composite but the scale's great, 40' wide Hornets and 172' wide Spirit.

That being said, our intelligence agencies completely missed The Arab Spring.

upload.wikimedia.org

Rara avis in terris nigroque simillima cygno.  It's common knowledge that something isn't going to happen, so it's said to be a bird rare as a black swan, i.e. doesn't exist or doesn't happen. But it's only a truism until the event happens.

On that note I'm going to see if Sofia Vergara is actually worth pursuing and then seeing if I can't bang her by year end.
2013-03-31 02:28:05 AM  
1 votes:
Really?
Who?
Who?
Right!
Sure...
OK Then.
Who?
Yowza!!
Who?
Who?
Who?

etc. etc. etc...

/No owls were harmed in the production of this post
2013-03-31 02:13:53 AM  
1 votes:

The Bestest: Maximum range does not also imply accuracy


Agreed.I call it... semi-ballistic!
2013-03-31 02:03:04 AM  
1 votes:
N.Korea just needs to have mouths to feed and a means of production to trade ANYTHING for consumer tech. The people have their Prince King and he has a ring of generals around him happy to wait out their last days to play out the game theories of which their entire lives and careers were predicated. There are billboards warning its citizens a defensive ground war is imminent-- that's how committed the lunacy is, but it doesn't HAVE to escalate.

But China doesn't want a mass migration when the cake falls and nobody can blame them for that. Assimilating so great a mass into the economic stream of investment and development and the God Savior FSM is not a domain of the weak.
2013-03-31 01:59:38 AM  
1 votes:

Lee Jackson Beauregard: Cagey B: JonZoidberg: How many times does N Korea get to make threats before we pre-emptively carpet bomb Pyongyang?  If a real country made those kinds of gestures, wouldn't we respond?

1. Everyone knows North Korea isn't actually going to nuke the US. For many, already discussed reasons.
2. We don't generally go to war because someone "made some threats".
3. We're not going to go to war with North Korea for a host of tactical and strategic reasons, which have been discussed at length.
4. While we have kind of a history of being dicks to the world, I don't think even the US would initiate an armed conflict because a guy hurt our collective feelings in a press release.
5. "Pre-emptive" wars haven't worked out too well for us in the recent past.
6. Indiscriminately bombing Pyongyang would not do anything to harm North Korea's nuclear capacity (in this case, the fictional launch capability they have to supposedly nuke us). It would, however, be certain to ensure the enmity of every regional power (including South Korea), except maybe Japan.

7. North Korea does not have oil.


Oil is so 1990.

North Korea may well be sitting on 6 TRILLION dollars worth of rare earth elements.
2013-03-31 01:48:18 AM  
1 votes:

Maus III: (Featured Partner)


(Sponsored link)

Fista-Phobia: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 520x408]


Maximum range does not also imply accuracy

Lee Jackson Beauregard: 7. North Korea does not have oil.


they actually do have an abundance of untapped mineral wealth in the form of rare earth
2013-03-31 01:27:43 AM  
1 votes:

alwaysjaded: I now pronounce this link deslidefied!


I appreciate your effort, but a deslidefied list of shiat is, in essence, still composed of shiat.
2013-03-31 01:08:14 AM  
1 votes:

DemDave: That list might be funny if I actually understood the many rap references.


At first I thought that, then I realized it would probably be just as lame if I knew who half those people were or what the reference meant.

Do people still listen to rap music? Has there actually been any original rap since 1989?
2013-03-31 12:54:05 AM  
1 votes:
That list might be funny if I actually understood the many rap references.
2013-03-31 12:52:57 AM  
1 votes:
Kim Jung Un knows how to throw a party. Of course his version is when the cops(U.S.A) breaks down the door, they help fix up the place.

Oh and since its Sunday Sunday Sundayyyyy.

i.imgur.com
2013-03-31 12:51:39 AM  
1 votes:
I love nothing better than a poorly written slideshow. Seriously, I'd much rather have nothing.
2013-03-31 12:48:49 AM  
1 votes:

wambu: 21. FARKers get laid.


22. China nukes NK and everyone pretends NK accidentally did it to themselves.
2013-03-31 12:46:37 AM  
1 votes:
If I have hot sex with Sophia Vergara (or how ever she spells her name) and Billie Dee Williams is standing outside the hotel room to high five me, then yeah, nuke the nation because there isn't shiat left for me to do that could top it.
2013-03-31 12:43:07 AM  
1 votes:
It's hard to take Best Korea seriously when you've seen those "Squirrel and Hedgehog" propaganda cartoons they've been putting out. The fine upstanding citizens have been having a field day drawing fan art of "WOLFMURRICA!" (the American bad guys in the cartoon are portrayed as wolves) and have latched onto "Lt. Fox Vixen" as if she were the new Derpy.

rule34-data-002.paheal.net
2013-03-31 12:39:11 AM  
1 votes:

ArcadianRefugee: How about things less likely?

* Cracked.com publishing an article on a single page
* Gizmodo.com publishing 100% original material
* FarkTV making a comeback

...


It was almost funnier than the entire slideshow. Except, for the love of Cthulhu, don't joke about FarkTV coming back. That's just not cool.
2013-03-31 12:38:56 AM  
1 votes:
Christ, the slippery slope this site is on is getting steeper and more slippery by the day. What a gargantuan pile of crap.
2013-03-31 12:36:16 AM  
1 votes:
Number 15 (Sallie Mae forgiving student loan debt) just needs happen regardless of whether or not North Korea has nukes. Imagine what it would do for the economy...
2013-03-31 12:35:42 AM  
1 votes:
Wait is this a black thing?
2013-03-31 12:30:32 AM  
1 votes:
fark So Lonely Jr., anyone in charge of pressing the big button should have a calm head and a quiet mouth. but hey for all I know we're just fed alarmist propaganda. i'm not over there, you're not over there, we don't sit in on their meetings. news churners do seem to like scaring the shiat out of the USA public on a steady eddy basis.
2013-03-31 12:29:51 AM  
1 votes:

3rdtimearound: That was so insightful and witty - great list. Found myself nodding my head in agreement at every slide. Oh wait. That's not true. It was terrible and dull. The person who wrote it should read this post, and feel horrible. First they will think I liked it, and then their hopes are crushed by my bitter disapproval! Then, if my plans work out right, they will live out the rest of their existence on a daily balance of antidepressants, anxiolytics and lithium, until one day it all becomes just too much and they have to beg an understanding relative for airfare so they can make their way to Switzerland where Dignitas can put them out of my misery.


I lol'd then nodded in agreement
2013-03-31 12:28:14 AM  
1 votes:

alwaysjaded: I now pronounce this link deslidefied!


Don't bother, it's a really dumb list. At least it's correct in that NK won't be nuking us (or South Korea) any time soon.
2013-03-31 12:17:39 AM  
1 votes:

JosephFinn: Look, sue me, but the Bille Dee Williams line was funny.


I'm going to need some contact information for your lawyer.
2013-03-31 12:11:41 AM  
1 votes:
Slide show...

data.whicdn.com
2013-03-31 12:00:49 AM  
1 votes:
Making a clever list of things more likely to happen than North Korea nuking the US strangely absent.
2013-03-30 11:57:30 PM  
1 votes:
[Actually views slideshow]

Wow.

Dat's wasis,
2013-03-30 11:21:32 PM  
1 votes:
ok i should have come in here before clicking... the first slide is so dumb
2013-03-30 10:54:35 PM  
1 votes:

Baldrick's Cunning Plan: alwaysjaded: I now pronounce this link deslidefied!

Thanks.


it wasnt that interesting of an article/headline to start with. Then I saw it was a slideshow? forget it. even deslided
2013-03-30 10:06:22 PM  
1 votes:
21. FARKers get laid.
 
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