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(Washington Post)   National Zoo once again takes the turkey baster to panda   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 40
    More: Obvious, Mei Xiang, zoos, Zoo Vet, turkey baster, pandas  
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1846 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Mar 2013 at 5:21 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-30 03:46:01 PM
Maybe it's time to give it up with the panda already. The species obviously doesn't want to propagate. If the panda was some manner of lizard and not an adorable carnival prize looking creature, no one would care.
 
2013-03-30 03:54:28 PM
I'll take some dark meat
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2013-03-30 04:53:57 PM
Why all of this hate for the gay and lesbian Panda community. Go look for some Easter eggs or something, and leave them alone.

/Oh, wait. ..Never-mind.
 
2013-03-30 05:22:39 PM
If it takes sticking a turkey baster up Sandoval's ass to get him to lose a few pounds, I'm OK with it.
 
2013-03-30 05:25:17 PM

Mugato: Maybe it's time to give it up with the panda already. The species obviously doesn't want to propagate. If the panda was some manner of lizard and not an adorable carnival prize looking creature, no one would care.


This. If a species can't get the hang of farking, they probably just need to go extinct until we figure out how to cline them with an actual sex drive.
 
2013-03-30 05:27:17 PM

brainiac-dumdum: I'll take some dark meat


If the Daily Show has taught us anything, it's to wait for the sequestration-induced, mad-max-style dystopia to emerge, then head over to the zoo with a crossbow.  Getting the order right is critical.
 
2013-03-30 05:27:23 PM

Mugato: Maybe it's time to give it up with the panda already. The species obviously doesn't want to propagate. If the panda was some manner of lizard and not an adorable carnival prize looking creature, no one would care.


Maybe they keep sticking it up the wrong hole?
I mean, all we know about panda reproduction is that they suck at it.
 
2013-03-30 05:29:08 PM

Mugato: Maybe it's time to give it up with the panda already. The species obviously doesn't want to propagate. If the panda was some manner of lizard and not an adorable carnival prize looking creature, no one would care.


(In scruffy the janitor voice) second
 
2013-03-30 05:36:02 PM
 
2013-03-30 05:44:20 PM
Anyone ever try having a polar bear fark a black bear to see what happens?
 
2013-03-30 05:48:39 PM
Species do go extinct naturally. As long as humans aren't the cause it's time to let them go.
 
2013-03-30 05:49:13 PM

Oldiron_79: Anyone ever try having a polar bear fark a black bear to see what happens?


www.jaunted.com

Yep
 
2013-03-30 05:50:43 PM
did she consent to this?
/zoorape
 
2013-03-30 06:06:40 PM

Mateorabi: brainiac-dumdum: I'll take some dark meat

If the Daily Show has taught us anything, it's to wait for the sequestration-induced, mad-max-style dystopia to emerge, then head over to the zoo with a crossbow.  Getting the order right is critical.


But it's finger-Ling Ling good!
 
2013-03-30 06:15:30 PM

Mugato: Maybe it's time to give it up with the panda already. The species obviously doesn't want to propagate. If the panda was some manner of lizard and not an adorable carnival prize looking creature, no one would care.


So much This.

- The spend the bulk of their time eating, sleeping, and shiatting because they choose the most nutritionally deficient item on the planet as an almost exclusive diet
- They don't like to fark
- The female only goes into heat once per year for only 2 to 3 days
- A successful pregnancy results in (almost always) a single cub
- If a pregnancy results in twins, one of the cubs is usually abandoned and left to die

As a species, these farkers just don't want to survive!

/emo panda is emo
 
2013-03-30 06:18:06 PM

Just_a_Bear: did she consent to this?
/zoorape


Or panda immaculate conception.
 
2013-03-30 06:21:55 PM
If anyone's interested, panda's have cool evolutionary thumbs.

http://faculty.washington.edu/lynnhank/Gould.pdf

/pdf warning, duh
 
2013-03-30 06:31:32 PM

Oldiron_79: Mugato: Maybe it's time to give it up with the panda already. The species obviously doesn't want to propagate. If the panda was some manner of lizard and not an adorable carnival prize looking creature, no one would care.

(In scruffy the janitor voice) second


I've been thinking this for a while about the spotted owl. If you're going to be such a farking picky eater don't be surprised if your species dies off.
 
2013-03-30 06:44:19 PM
You mean they didn't accidentally kill their animals?

Again?
 
2013-03-30 06:51:24 PM
I wanna try.   I don't need a turkey baster and she certainly won't get pregnant, but it'll be more action than she's had from her own species.
 
2013-03-30 06:54:55 PM
Look! It's the Easter panda!

WARNING! Not safe for ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.
DO NOT OPEN AT WORK NSFW
May prevent Easter Bunny from coming and Jesus from waking up!
You have been warned.
Happy Keester!
 
2013-03-30 07:03:07 PM
DigitalCoffee:
As a species, these farkers just don't want to survive!

/emo panda is emo


Ya pretty much. We need to stop with this idea that every species can, or should, be saved. Species have been going extinct since long before we were around, they'll keep going extinct. We should make sure we aren't driving species extinct, of course  we should make sure that our actions aren't the problem. However is a species just sucks at evolution and is dying off, well that is nature. Let it happen. It really seems that the Panda dying off would not be some massive tragedy, but rather nature taking its course.
 
2013-03-30 07:08:48 PM
DIE, THEY MUST DIE; THE PANDAS MUST DIE

/ YAY
 
2013-03-30 07:18:15 PM
Gonna taste gamey.
 
2013-03-30 07:22:23 PM
If I recall correctly, Ed Norton's character mentioned shooting all the pandas in his monologue rant in Fight Club. :P
 
2013-03-30 07:26:13 PM
Screw the panda. Where's my wooly mammoth?
 
2013-03-30 07:26:48 PM

sycraft: DigitalCoffee:
As a species, these farkers just don't want to survive!

/emo panda is emo

Ya pretty much. We need to stop with this idea that every species can, or should, be saved. Species have been going extinct since long before we were around, they'll keep going extinct. We should make sure we aren't driving species extinct, of course  we should make sure that our actions aren't the problem. However is a species just sucks at evolution and is dying off, well that is nature. Let it happen. It really seems that the Panda dying off would not be some massive tragedy, but rather nature taking its course.



I don't know, but maybe they are still money makers for zoos, and that's why they are so keen to keep the species going.
 
2013-03-30 07:48:36 PM
I can never ever see anything about a panda without thinking of Ricky Gervais and promptly pissing myself.
 
2013-03-30 08:15:51 PM
Imagine the fugliest person of the opposite sex you can. Now imagine that the future of the species depends on you doing it with that person, and you just can't because they are so horrific.

Maybe they put the fugliest ever panda in with the poor female panda. Or maybe the female panda is the fugliest panda. They might look alike to us, but presumably to other pandas they look different.
 
2013-03-30 08:19:23 PM
"They were put together for a couple of hours last evening," said Baker-Masson. "No successful breeding took place. They were separated."

I think we all know at least one human couple this accurately describes.
 
2013-03-30 08:21:56 PM

Dahnkster: Look! It's the Easter panda!

WARNING! Not safe for ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.
DO NOT OPEN AT WORK NSFW
May prevent Easter Bunny from coming and Jesus from waking up!
You have been warned.
Happy Keester!


What was it? WHAT THE HELL WAS IT?! WHAT DO I HAVE IN MY BROWSER HISTORY?!
 
2013-03-30 08:33:13 PM
The Panda. Natures version of that kid in school who by 14 doesn't understand not running into walls, only talks in a guttural
grunting, and will only eat dog turds.
 
2013-03-30 10:00:48 PM

Solid State Vittles: If it takes sticking a turkey baster up Sandoval's ass to get him to lose a few pounds, I'm OK with it.


THIS
/Go Giants!
 
2013-03-30 10:03:41 PM
Red Pandas are cuter anyway. Even Koalas cannot out-cute a red panda.

www.tehcute.com
 
2013-03-30 10:09:02 PM
TV's Vinnie: Red Pandas are cuter anyway. Even Koalas cannot out-cute a red panda.

[www.tehcute.com image 636x580]


If they ever figure out a way to get those fellas to breed fast enough to not be endangered they will be the next pet domesticated. Old and busted LOL cats. Teh new hotness LOL pandas
 
2013-03-30 10:42:58 PM

Oldiron_79: TV's Vinnie: Red Pandas are cuter anyway. Even Koalas cannot out-cute a red panda.

[www.tehcute.com image 636x580]

If they ever figure out a way to get those fellas to breed fast enough to not be endangered they will be the next pet domesticated. Old and busted LOL cats. Teh new hotness LOL pandas


i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-03-30 10:53:49 PM

sycraft: DigitalCoffee:
As a species, these farkers just don't want to survive!

/emo panda is emo

Ya pretty much. We need to stop with this idea that every species can, or should, be saved. Species have been going extinct since long before we were around, they'll keep going extinct. We should make sure we aren't driving species extinct, of course  we should make sure that our actions aren't the problem. However is a species just sucks at evolution and is dying off, well that is nature. Let it happen. It really seems that the Panda dying off would not be some massive tragedy, but rather nature taking its course.


How are we not the driving cause? Just because they suck at breeding in captivity does not mean they have problems doing the nasty in the wild.  The reason there are few is that they are from the most populated country on earth, and to boot, a country known for poaching. They are down to a tiny fraction of their historic range because people have destroyed the rest of it.  The fact they are having trouble in the wild has nothing to do with their lack of interest in procreating and everything to do with the fact that there is hardly any places for them left to live.

In fact, China's panda breeding program has been criticized for its interest in releasing Pandas into the wild because all of the Panda habitat is already occupied.
 
2013-03-30 11:44:14 PM
www.techfleece.com
 
2013-03-31 09:46:10 AM

Nidiot: Just_a_Bear: did she consent to this?
/zoorape

Or panda immaculate conception.


You mean without original sin?
 
2013-03-31 05:28:37 PM
"The difference between facilitated reproductive medicine and getting roofied and raped with a turkey baster is all in the eye of the beholder."
 
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