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(Guardian)   Everything you never needed to know about Easter Creme Eggs   (guardian.co.uk) divider line 72
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9543 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Mar 2013 at 2:00 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-30 02:04:49 AM
Well that was pointless. Thank you for that invigorating graphic.

I dislike those eggs. Never liked them as a child either. So it's just filled with disappointment for me.
 
2013-03-30 02:08:16 AM
The creme ones are pretty good, but they also have caramel and chocolate filled ones now too!

/diabeeetus!
 
2013-03-30 02:12:05 AM
I like a bit of mystery in the amalgamation of chemicals that I shove down my gullet.  It makes the whole experience rather more sensual depending on what you eat.
 
2013-03-30 02:16:34 AM

gadian: I like a bit of mystery in the amalgamation of chemicals that I shove down my gullet.  It makes the whole experience rather more sensual depending on what you eat.


Amalgamation Gullet would be a great name for a band.
 
2013-03-30 02:17:42 AM
They left out the part about how they are vile.
 
2013-03-30 02:20:19 AM

Maggie_Luna: Well that was pointless. Thank you for that invigorating graphic.

I dislike those eggs. Never liked them as a child either. So it's just filled with disappointment for me.


Perhaps you're a Peeps person.
 
2013-03-30 02:25:26 AM

KrispyKritter: Maggie_Luna: Well that was pointless. Thank you for that invigorating graphic.

I dislike those eggs. Never liked them as a child either. So it's just filled with disappointment for me.

Perhaps you're a Peeps person.


No I never liked marshmallows or the taste of sugar (like I will eat it in things but things sprinkled with sugar? No.) so no dice. It's like those chocolate oranges too, there was much hype then much disappointment on my end. My taste buds suck.
 
2013-03-30 02:27:23 AM
They left out the reason for the eggs' fetish for self-mutilation.

Weirdest. Ads. Ever.

/ goo
 
2013-03-30 02:32:53 AM

snoproblem: They left out the reason for the eggs' fetish for self-mutilation.

Weirdest. Ads. Ever.

/ goo


media.tumblr.com

/precious goo
 
2013-03-30 02:33:12 AM
I like the caramel ones.  I'm always disappointed when I accidentally grab a creme one.

As for the headline, until the link includes a link to the peep, creme egg, chocolate bunny turducken it's not everything you need to know.
 
2013-03-30 02:38:29 AM
Random advice: Freeze them. They taste better frozen somehow. I suspect it has to do with the placebo effect.
 
2013-03-30 02:41:48 AM

KrispyKritter: Maggie_Luna: Well that was pointless. Thank you for that invigorating graphic.

I dislike those eggs. Never liked them as a child either. So it's just filled with disappointment for me.

Perhaps you're a Peeps person.


Peeps are the worst.  Even as a kid I thought those things were disgusting.
 
2013-03-30 02:51:50 AM
"Everything you never needed to know about Easter Creme Eggs"

i... i mean, stuff was all messed up back then. i was angry; i was confused. nothing made sense and it seemed like nothing could ever matter. and you think you never need to know, but i have to tell you - i touched one. i knew i shouldn't but at that point in my life i didn't care about what i should or shouldn't do. i wouldn't have admitted it, but at the time i probably would have welcomed someone shooting me for doing what i shouldn't have done. but they're all the same; you touch them and it just feels good. it feels right. you start rubbing the smooth curves down on their underside and it's so nice, and almost instantly it starts to get wet. not wet, really, so much as gooey. and you rub back and forth and it's like it's just squirting its thick milk-chocolately goo on you, til your fingers are a big sticky mess that smells like heaven. and once it's all wet like that, you suck the sweet stickiness off your finger and start working the egg with your mouth. your tongue starts to slip in and out of the small hole your finger found when it was working back and forth. in no time the sweet, sweet goo is shooting out into your mouth, a creamy sweetness so sublime that it seems like you're lucky to taste such an egg even just once a year. quickly, all to quickly, the sweet egg-juice squirts out into your mouth, flooding you with sensual satisfaction, and you suck that beautiful, tight, hairless chocolate egg until it melts into your face as nothing else ever has. sticky and sweaty, you emerge from the most blissful of encounters,  wash up, and go spend another $0.50 to do it all over again.
 
2013-03-30 02:58:20 AM
Fastest time to eat one is 8.65 seconds? I'm hoping that includes unwrapping it too, otherwise I could destroy that record (and I'd wager a few others here could too).
 
2013-03-30 03:26:03 AM

Iczer: Fastest time to eat one is 8.65 seconds? I'm hoping that includes unwrapping it too, otherwise I could destroy that record (and I'd wager a few others here could too).


exactly what i came here to say.
 
2013-03-30 03:31:44 AM
I loved them as a kid but find them way to sickly now.
 
2013-03-30 03:56:28 AM
Most interesting thing I noticed was that the UK version weighs in at 40 grams while the US version is 34 grams.

Why?  Why would they do that?
 
2013-03-30 04:10:02 AM
s22.postimg.org

Challenge accepted.

s13.postimg.org
 
2013-03-30 04:16:48 AM
8.65 for a single egg?

i could do it in just 1 minute
 
2013-03-30 04:17:11 AM
never really liked these eggs - too gooey

for anyone who has extra eggs, try making "tea eggs" - hard boiled, steeped in tea and spice
 
2013-03-30 04:21:49 AM
Eating more than one is gross. I'd say they were like Peeps in that regard, but eating even just one Peep is gross.
 
2013-03-30 04:27:35 AM
I like how the Brits have a record for eating one, while us Americans have a record for eating 50. God damn we're fat.
 
2013-03-30 04:32:25 AM

1000 Ways to Dye: I like how the Brits have a record for eating one, while us Americans have a record for eating 50. God damn we're fat.


how do you tell he ate it

cause i could put one in my mouth.  and 2 seconds later say that's all i'm finished kind gentlemen
 
2013-03-30 04:36:41 AM

twizzted: Iczer: Fastest time to eat one is 8.65 seconds? I'm hoping that includes unwrapping it too, otherwise I could destroy that record (and I'd wager a few others here could too).

exactly what i came here to say.


We await with excitement the video evidence :)
 
2013-03-30 04:42:25 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: 1000 Ways to Dye: I like how the Brits have a record for eating one, while us Americans have a record for eating 50. God damn we're fat.

how do you tell he ate it

cause i could put one in my mouth.  and 2 seconds later say that's all i'm finished kind gentlemen


Really? You could fit a whole one in your mouth and still enunciate?
 
2013-03-30 04:44:41 AM
Does anyone remember the orange creme filled eggs from about 5-10 years ago? Had them out here on the west coast. Really enjoyed them.
 
2013-03-30 04:51:02 AM

1000 Ways to Dye: Jon iz teh kewl: 1000 Ways to Dye: I like how the Brits have a record for eating one, while us Americans have a record for eating 50. God damn we're fat.

how do you tell he ate it

cause i could put one in my mouth.  and 2 seconds later say that's all i'm finished kind gentlemen

Really? You could fit a whole one in your mouth and still enunciate?


yeah wanna try it with a DICK?
 
2013-03-30 05:03:30 AM
Forget chocolate eggs. Go for a chocolate fondue

The best mix I've found is 50% milk chocolate and 50% dark

Sides: fresh orange cubes, strawberries, kiwi fruit slices, hard cheddar cheese cubes, quarters of marshmallows, grapes, potato crisps, sultanas, jelly babies, frozen banana slices
 
2013-03-30 05:04:48 AM
forgot macadamia nuts and Brazil nuts
 
2013-03-30 05:13:21 AM

Moonfisher: They left out the part about how they are vile.


THIS.

And I like candy as a rule.
 
2013-03-30 06:14:05 AM
I loved those creme eggs as a kid. Not they're way too sweet and make me gag. I'm more into robin's eggs, the really fancy caramel with a thin crunchy shell of chocolate and candy.

Also, I'm a bit more wary of peeps these days, because the only thing that dissolves them is...
 
2013-03-30 06:23:03 AM
Mini-eggs are the way to go. Damn those little bastards.
 
2013-03-30 06:54:12 AM
Well I'm not ashamed to admit it, I love these things.  Of course I can only eat maybe 5 in a season, but still, love 'em.
 
2013-03-30 07:00:45 AM
One of my finest hours was finding a 4-pack of these stuck on a shelf in a store somewhere, and they rang up for a penny at checkout.

If there had been a case of them, I'd have bought them all for that price. And probably would've filled the bathtub with them when I got home and just laid in there for the rest of the day.
 
2013-03-30 07:21:08 AM

ktybear: Forget chocolate eggs. Go for a chocolate fondue

The best mix I've found is 50% milk chocolate and 50% dark

Sides: fresh orange cubes, strawberries, kiwi fruit slices, hard cheddar cheese cubes, quarters of marshmallows, grapes, potato crisps, sultanas, jelly babies, frozen banana slices


Cheese? In chocolate? Eww. Also: How do you get marshmallow quarters? Even with the giant (aka, regular) ones, that is just ridiculous. Just put one on a stick, dunk in chocolately goodness, and consume.
 
2013-03-30 07:44:57 AM

HoratioGates: I like the caramel ones.  I'm always disappointed when I accidentally grab a creme one.


Honestly, how often does that happen to you?
 
2013-03-30 08:01:04 AM

the801: "Everything you never needed to know about Easter Creme Eggs"

i... i mean, stuff was all messed up back then. i was angry; i was confused. nothing made sense and it seemed like nothing could ever matter. and you think you never need to know, but i have to tell you - i touched one. i knew i shouldn't but at that point in my life... and almost instantly it starts to get wet. not wet, really, so much as gooey. and you rub... lucky to taste such an egg even just once a year. quickly, all to quickly, the sweet egg-juice squirts out into your mouth, flooding you with sensual satisfaction, and you suck that beautiful, tight, hairless* chocolate egg until it melts into your face as nothing else ever has. sticky and...


Interested in your newsletter.

//*hairless.
 
2013-03-30 08:08:36 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: 1000 Ways to Dye: Jon iz teh kewl: 1000 Ways to Dye: I like how the Brits have a record for eating one, while us Americans have a record for eating 50. God damn we're fat.

how do you tell he ate it

cause i could put one in my mouth.  and 2 seconds later say that's all i'm finished kind gentlemen

Really? You could fit a whole one in your mouth and still enunciate?

yeah wanna try it with a DICK?


Well, if you could put one in your mouth and 2 seconds later say "that's all I'm finished kind gentleman", either you're really good, he's really bad, or you'll both be disappointed.
 
2013-03-30 08:09:55 AM
I make my own creme eggs....


/special secret ingredient
 
2013-03-30 08:22:52 AM
 
2013-03-30 08:29:11 AM

SpdrJay: I make my own creme eggs....


/special secret ingredient


dr.xnlb.com
 
2013-03-30 08:34:12 AM

the801: "Everything you never needed to know about Easter Creme Eggs"

i... i mean, stuff was all messed up back then. i was angry; i was confused. nothing made sense and it seemed like nothing could ever matter. and you think you never need to know, but i have to tell you - i touched one. i knew i shouldn't but at that point in my life i didn't care about what i should or shouldn't do. i wouldn't have admitted it, but at the time i probably would have welcomed someone shooting me for doing what i shouldn't have done. but they're all the same; you touch them and it just feels good. it feels right. you start rubbing the smooth curves down on their underside and it's so nice, and almost instantly it starts to get wet. not wet, really, so much as gooey. and you rub back and forth and it's like it's just squirting its thick milk-chocolately goo on you, til your fingers are a big sticky mess that smells like heaven. and once it's all wet like that, you suck the sweet stickiness off your finger and start working the egg with your mouth. your tongue starts to slip in and out of the small hole your finger found when it was working back and forth. in no time the sweet, sweet goo is shooting out into your mouth, a creamy sweetness so sublime that it seems like you're lucky to taste such an egg even just once a year. quickly, all to quickly, the sweet egg-juice squirts out into your mouth, flooding you with sensual satisfaction, and you suck that beautiful, tight, hairless chocolate egg until it melts into your face as nothing else ever has. sticky and sweaty, you emerge from the most blissful of encounters,  wash up, and go spend another $0.50 to do it all over again.


I'm not a fan, and I'm diabetic, but even so...

You are now my official source for food porn.
 
2013-03-30 08:40:46 AM
Ugh.  They're not called oeuf-fondant in all of Canada.  Just Quebec, for fark's sake.
 
2013-03-30 08:42:43 AM
Sadly one of the only memories of my dad involves him telling me to wait to eat one of these eggs until we get home then him pulling over and whooping my ass for choking on the creme center and spitting it on the backseat.
 
2013-03-30 09:10:29 AM

Theory Of Null: Sadly one of the only memories of my dad involves him telling me to wait to eat one of these eggs until we get home then him pulling over and whooping my ass for choking on the creme center and spitting it on the backseat.


www.screeninsults.com
 
2013-03-30 09:24:58 AM
You can get them for Halloween now, too

www.candywarehouse.com
 
2013-03-30 09:35:41 AM

the801: "Everything you never needed to know about Easter Creme Eggs"

i... i mean, stuff was all messed up back then. i was angry; i was confused. nothing made sense and it seemed like nothing could ever matter. and you think you never need to know, but i have to tell you - i touched one. i knew i shouldn't but at that point in my life i didn't care about what i should or shouldn't do. i wouldn't have admitted it, but at the time i probably would have welcomed someone shooting me for doing what i shouldn't have done. but they're all the same; you touch them and it just feels good. it feels right. you start rubbing the smooth curves down on their underside and it's so nice, and almost instantly it starts to get wet. not wet, really, so much as gooey. and you rub back and forth and it's like it's just squirting its thick milk-chocolately goo on you, til your fingers are a big sticky mess that smells like heaven. and once it's all wet like that, you suck the sweet stickiness off your finger and start working the egg with your mouth. your tongue starts to slip in and out of the small hole your finger found when it was working back and forth. in no time the sweet, sweet goo is shooting out into your mouth, a creamy sweetness so sublime that it seems like you're lucky to taste such an egg even just once a year. quickly, all to quickly, the sweet egg-juice squirts out into your mouth, flooding you with sensual satisfaction, and you suck that beautiful, tight, hairless chocolate egg until it melts into your face as nothing else ever has. sticky and sweaty, you emerge from the most blissful of encounters,  wash up, and go spend another $0.50 to do it all over again.


Not sure if fap...
 
2013-03-30 09:39:31 AM
I'm surprised no one has mentioned it but ever since Hershey bought Cadbury they stopped importing them to the US from the UK and just make them here. The goo inside isn't as... Gooey since they moved production. It's more of a nougat consistency now. Could also account for them being lighter too.
 
2013-03-30 09:52:33 AM

AqueousBoy: Ugh.  They're not called oeuf-fondant in all of Canada.  Just Quebec, for fark's sake.


Came here to say that.

Also, I used to live near a Cadbury factory and on a warm summer day when the windows were open, the air would smell of chocolate. It was divine.
 
2013-03-30 10:34:10 AM
In the Philippines, they have Cadbury balut, where a miniature peep is stuffed inside a creme egg.
 
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