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(Athens Banner Herald)   "When the officer turned the man over chicken nuggets fell out of his shirt, and two packages of link sausages fell from his pants." / "The shoplifter asked the officer to kill him, 'which I refused to do,' the officer wrote in his report"   (onlineathens.com) divider line 52
    More: Amusing, chicken nuggets, police officers, sausages, package testing, shoplifting  
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4038 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Mar 2013 at 3:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-29 08:58:30 PM
good thing too.  cause god was watching
 
2013-03-30 03:09:20 AM
Did the shoplifter get stronger after the cop did not kill him or was that Nietzsche guy wrong about that?
 
2013-03-30 03:54:21 AM
What kind of sad mob makes a guy steal cheese and sausage from Kroger's?
 
2013-03-30 03:55:22 AM
Cops kill people for far less on regular basis.
 
2013-03-30 04:07:38 AM
"When Webb was searched, he was found to have stolen deodorant in his jacket pocket and two large blocks of cheese in his pants pockets, police said. As he was stood up, two packages of link sausages fell from his pants. "

Strong.

"Webb has a history of theft arrests, according to Clarke County Superior Court records, and last year was sentenced to five years on probation for stealing liquor from a package store then trying to punch a police officer. "

And now you are going to jail for stealing large blocks of cheese. Bet your mama is proud.
 
2013-03-30 04:08:08 AM
Where was the spaghetti?
 
2013-03-30 04:09:35 AM
The only way this is amusing is if the sad tag is huffing and drunk.
 
2013-03-30 04:19:39 AM
link aint workin.
 
2013-03-30 04:19:43 AM
All that but he forgot the loaf of bread, container of milk, and stick of butter?
 
2013-03-30 04:26:19 AM
 
2013-03-30 04:35:40 AM
I think the offer should have killed him and eaten his chicken nuggets...

oh I think that came out wrong...

/Just sayin
 
2013-03-30 04:37:07 AM
I was going to ask what his Fark handle is, but then I realized he had deodorant, too.
 
2013-03-30 04:41:17 AM
I'm confused. I see no way in which this is all the cop's fault. What is this site and what has it done with my Fark?
 
2013-03-30 04:43:05 AM
Considering the man is probably mentally ill and not receiving the help he needs, it's really more sad than funny. His actions could indicate he was drunk or high, but if that were so, he would most likely have been charged accordingly, and there was no mention of intoxication.
 
2013-03-30 04:45:32 AM
That bastard.  How dare he give up so easily.  I want my farking nuggets and sausage.

I'm gonna kill him.
 
2013-03-30 04:49:31 AM

Metalithic: Considering the man is probably mentally ill and not receiving the help he needs, it's really more sad than funny. His actions could indicate he was drunk or high, but if that were so, he would most likely have been charged accordingly, and there was no mention of intoxication.


DATURA
 
2013-03-30 04:49:43 AM
If he wanted the cop to kill him, all he'd have had to do was start pulling the sausage out of his pants like it was a gun.
 
2013-03-30 04:51:21 AM

Spaced Lion: If he wanted the cop to kill him, all he'd have had to do was start pulling the sausage out of his pants like it was a gun.


www.misterfadedglory.com

Knew I forgot something.
 
2013-03-30 05:21:48 AM
I have to commend the officer on his restraint.
 
2013-03-30 05:32:18 AM
*food falls out of shirt*
"Please kill me."

I'm tickled by the imagery.
 
2013-03-30 05:41:21 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: god was watching


from a distance
 
2013-03-30 05:41:37 AM

cygnusx13: All that but he forgot the loaf of bread, container of milk, and stick of butter?


+1 for the Sesame Street reference.
 
2013-03-30 05:50:13 AM

Spaced Lion: If he wanted the cop to kill him, all he'd have had to do was start pulling the sausage out of his pants like it was a gun.


02varvara.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-30 05:58:50 AM

LDM90: I'm confused. I see no way in which this is all the cop's fault. What is this site and what has it done with my Fark?


WTH? it's obvious that law enforcement are the criminal masterminds behind this plot. and they were plotting a tasty tasty breakfast, the most important meal of the day.
 
2013-03-30 06:24:50 AM

I Like Bread: *food falls out of shirt*
"Please kill me."

I'm tickled by the imagery.


Life without sausage just isn't worth living.
Just ask this guy.
imgross.org
 
2013-03-30 06:42:29 AM
Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.
 
2013-03-30 07:19:22 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: Metalithic: Considering the man is probably mentally ill and not receiving the help he needs, it's really more sad than funny. His actions could indicate he was drunk or high, but if that were so, he would most likely have been charged accordingly, and there was no mention of intoxication.

DATURA


datura is a hell of a thing, but you're way more apt to steal cheese when you're drunk.
 
2013-03-30 07:36:29 AM

nburghmatt: Jon iz teh kewl: Metalithic: Considering the man is probably mentally ill and not receiving the help he needs, it's really more sad than funny. His actions could indicate he was drunk or high, but if that were so, he would most likely have been charged accordingly, and there was no mention of intoxication.

DATURA

datura is a hell of a thing, but you're way more apt to steal cheese when you're drunk.


and imaginary cigarettes
 
2013-03-30 07:43:46 AM
I have the same problem when I wear shorts; my sausage and nuggets keep falling out.
 
2013-03-30 08:15:05 AM

Gyrfalcon: What kind of sad mob makes a guy steal cheese and sausage from Kroger's?


"You remember my Cheez Whiz?"
 
2013-03-30 08:19:47 AM
Mental illness is funny!
 
2013-03-30 08:23:18 AM
Stealing food from a grocery store is more tragic than funny.
 
2013-03-30 08:32:49 AM
how the hell can you refuse if someone asks you to kill him

isn't that the POINT of OWNING a RIFLE
 
2013-03-30 08:48:43 AM
Louis Winthorpe wanted for questioning.
 
2013-03-30 08:56:02 AM

Basily Gourt: Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.


If you have half a brain you would know why you shouldn't steal. The chance per theft is low, but do you know how often you have to shoplift to replace simply having a job and buying that food?

Enough pulls at that slot machine and you lose eventually.
 
2013-03-30 09:32:48 AM
I've heard of shirt pocket sausage, but not pants pocket sausage.


img.fark.net

"Pocket sausage, no hands necessary."
 
2013-03-30 09:40:55 AM

Basily Gourt: Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.


Your sister works in a retail store without security, do tell.  I know the Krogers up here have 'loss prevention' employees that move around to all the stores.  I know a couple by name (I am on their good side) and I sure that is who stopped this guy.  Being told to NOT STOP someone isn't letting them go.  Just means they got your plate and called the po-po.

One LP guy told me about busting a old woman on an power cart trying to steal a purse full of stuff and a cane from the pharmacy.  She tried telling him that 'money is tight since she got the AIDS'.  He has also busted a middle-class woman that had to be processed in the employees break room because she had her three kids and a cart of legally purchased stuff with her and they couldn't take all that up the stairs.
 
2013-03-30 10:16:13 AM

snowybunting: I've heard of shirt pocket sausage, but not pants pocket sausage.


[img.fark.net image 540x305]

"Pocket sausage, no hands necessary."


I was thinking of shaving myself to his level of bald and going as him for halloween this year.  Would not being morbidly obese and that short keep me from pulling it off?
 
2013-03-30 10:31:34 AM

Smackledorfer: Basily Gourt: Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.

If you have half a brain you would know why you shouldn't steal. The chance per theft is low, but do you know how often you have to shoplift to replace simply having a job and buying that food?

Enough pulls at that slot machine and you lose eventually.


i actually work in loss prevention and some of my regulars end up making much more than i do in a week
 
2013-03-30 10:34:51 AM
If the guy had been in houston, they would have been happy to help him out.
 
2013-03-30 10:37:22 AM
I thought my FarkName would be used on this one. Sausages falling out of pants is usually Florida thing
 
2013-03-30 11:05:55 AM
Smackledorfer:
I was thinking of shaving myself to his level of bald and going as him for halloween this year.  Would not being morbidly obese and that short keep me from pulling it off?


You could definitely pull it off. Frank's character is more attitude than physical.
 
2013-03-30 11:36:26 AM
"Kill me, if I can't have chicken nuggets, I have no reason to live!"
 
2013-03-30 01:37:09 PM
Cops never do what you want. It's a control thing.
 
2013-03-30 02:56:58 PM

Silentbob768768: Smackledorfer: Basily Gourt: Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.

If you have half a brain you would know why you shouldn't steal. The chance per theft is low, but do you know how often you have to shoplift to replace simply having a job and buying that food?

Enough pulls at that slot machine and you lose eventually.

i actually work in loss prevention and some of my regulars end up making much more than i do in a week


I call bullshiat.
 
2013-03-30 08:46:04 PM

Person: I have the same problem when I wear shorts; my sausage and nuggets keep falling out.


...and now there is diet soda all over the room.  thanks Person.
 
2013-03-30 10:06:53 PM
Read that as "The shopkeeper asked the officer to kill him," which was much more hilarious.
 
2013-03-30 10:49:08 PM

Smackledorfer: Silentbob768768: Smackledorfer: Basily Gourt: Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.

If you have half a brain you would know why you shouldn't steal. The chance per theft is low, but do you know how often you have to shoplift to replace simply having a job and buying that food?

Enough pulls at that slot machine and you lose eventually.

i actually work in loss prevention and some of my regulars end up making much more than i do in a week

I call bullshiat.


in a single day ive seen one shoplifter hit five stores in my retailer alone literally just driving in a loop around storea...each hit roughly $300...theyll get half that selling the merch cards they get so in just one day youre still looking at $550 in tax free cash for one day. this is not uncommon. i see much more of groups like these than i do large value theives.
 
2013-03-30 10:50:05 PM

Silentbob768768: Smackledorfer: Silentbob768768: Smackledorfer: Basily Gourt: Stealing cheese? By all means, send him to jail.

Crooked bankers and wall street execs? Bonus time!

I can't figure out why more people aren't stealing. Honestly, if you have half a brain, the chances of getting caught are nil. You can shoplift in most stores in the fancy suburbs and walk right out the door, nobody is going to touch you. They are told to call management, but DO NOT try and stop them.

/sister is in retail.

If you have half a brain you would know why you shouldn't steal. The chance per theft is low, but do you know how often you have to shoplift to replace simply having a job and buying that food?

Enough pulls at that slot machine and you lose eventually.

i actually work in loss prevention and some of my regulars end up making much more than i do in a week

I call bullshiat.

in a single day ive seen one shoplifter hit five stores in my retailer alone literally just driving in a loop around storea...each hit roughly $300...theyll get half that selling the merch cards they get so in just one day youre still looking at $550 in tax free cash for one day. this is not uncommon. i see much more of groups like these than i do large value theives.


$750*
 
2013-03-30 11:24:23 PM
I am drawing a slight parallel to the actions of Jean Valjean from les Miserables with the stealing of large bricks of cheese thing.  On second thought...  nah.
 
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