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(Telegraph)   Do you need to dump your SO? Here's how you do it   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 133
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16028 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2013 at 10:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



133 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-29 05:26:06 PM  
If only there were a song that could offer some ideas.


/dnrtfa
 
2013-03-29 08:20:42 PM  
Khitbash
 
2013-03-29 08:25:34 PM  

AbbeySomeone: If only there were a song that could offer some ideas.


/dnrtfa


I'd like to know 50 ways to leave my lover.
 
2013-03-29 08:26:33 PM  

AbbeySomeone: If only there were a song that could offer some ideas.


/dnrtfa


You can't slip out the back and just comment Abbey, without reading the article. That's just another way to leave your Fark.

/or something
 
2013-03-29 08:38:01 PM  
You'll need at least three friends you REALLY trust, a windowless van, lots of plastic sheeting and duct tape. Brainstorm with your friends on where to dump her.

Then take her to a really nice dinner, be charming, but turn the conversation to the problems you've been having mid-meal. Explain that you're sorry, but find it best to part ways. Get her a cab home and say goodbye.

Then go pick up your three friends and murder a hooker to celebrate your newly single status.
 
2013-03-29 08:53:27 PM  
This may be relevant to my interests...
 
2013-03-29 09:11:47 PM  
Wow, this article gives excellent guidance on breaking up with your SO. Nice find there, Submitter.

/Wish my ex-girlfriends had used some of this stuff.
//Headgames are such a pain.
 
2013-03-29 10:09:05 PM  
marry her?
 
2013-03-29 10:30:35 PM  
given her herpes?
 
2013-03-29 10:31:32 PM  
Put something in HIS butt.
 
2013-03-29 10:33:06 PM  
I usually just say "something suddenly came up"
 
2013-03-29 10:33:15 PM  
First, you need a car battery and a banana...
 
2013-03-29 10:33:53 PM  
Jodie Arias is the undisputed master of this. Consult her.
 
2013-03-29 10:34:03 PM  
I don't have anything against my Sheriff's Office.
 
2013-03-29 10:34:16 PM  
Best ways to get back at a girl for dumping you would be to fark either her sister, bff, or mom, or some combonation therof.
 
2013-03-29 10:34:23 PM  
Welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: you.

/oblig/
 
2013-03-29 10:34:56 PM  

megarian: Put something in HIS butt.


I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.
 
2013-03-29 10:36:25 PM  

TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.


I want that watch back.
 
2013-03-29 10:36:51 PM  
So pasting/shopping photos of porn queens bodies on pictures of her with only her head showing is wrong way to break up?

/Or put porn dudes anatomy if you are really desperate to get the fark out.
 
2013-03-29 10:37:29 PM  
It's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie.
Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand.
Things you shouldn't understand. You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me.
I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
 
2013-03-29 10:38:31 PM  
I would just wait for a closing statement and respond with an affirmative negative.

"My lease is up next month.... if you're thinking of moving in together?"

"When are you going to make an honest woman of me?"

"OMG! I wanna have your baby!"

I've actually heard all three.  "No," "never," and "no more lap dances" did the trick.
 
2013-03-29 10:38:51 PM  
dilbert.com
 
2013-03-29 10:39:01 PM  
Well, you don't have to stoop so low as to have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
 
2013-03-29 10:40:18 PM  

megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.


That's why you should NEVER wear a watch during sex.
 
2013-03-29 10:40:43 PM  

Liquid_Bacon: given her herpes?


I dont know, if someone gave ME herpes, it seems it would be a lot easier to stay with them than to find someone who is open to my herpes.
 
2013-03-29 10:40:45 PM  
Ask to borrow money.

/always works for me
 
2013-03-29 10:40:52 PM  

AbbeySomeone: If only there were a song that could offer some ideas.


Yeah, but they don't write 'em like that anymore.
 
2013-03-29 10:42:10 PM  

HempHead: Ask to borrow money.

/always works for me


If you date court TV fans.
 
2013-03-29 10:42:39 PM  

megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.


You'll get that watch back the day you finally ruin every semblance to the human being I once was before you destroyed my soul. So TRY HARDER. I've trained my dog to hate you,too.
 
2013-03-29 10:43:32 PM  

ciberido: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.

That's why you should NEVER wear a watch during sex.


I was TRYING to improve your TIME.

You're welcome, ya jerk.
 
2013-03-29 10:44:48 PM  

TinyFist: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.

You'll get that watch back the day you finally ruin every semblance to the human being I once was before you destroyed my soul. So TRY HARDER. I've trained my dog to hate you,too.


So....we're still together. Right?
 
2013-03-29 10:45:59 PM  
I actually just was going to buy TF to submit an advice thread about how to get my SO to understand that yes, I really want her to leave. Any advice interenet a**holes?
 
2013-03-29 10:46:54 PM  
"Steve makes more money than you," worked just fine for a college girlfriend. *POOF!* Instant freedom.
 
2013-03-29 10:47:11 PM  

Holy Carp: I actually just was going to buy TF to submit an advice thread about how to get my SO to understand that yes, I really want her to leave. Any advice interenet a**holes?


Look at it the other way round. Aren't you supposed to leave?
 
2013-03-29 10:50:15 PM  
Say "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee," then throw dog poop on her shoes.
 
2013-03-29 10:52:16 PM  

Holy Carp: I actually just was going to buy TF to submit an advice thread about how to get my SO to understand that yes, I really want her to leave. Any advice interenet a**holes?


Man up and leave.
 
2013-03-29 10:52:41 PM  

I sound fat: Liquid_Bacon: given her herpes?

I dont know, if someone gave ME herpes, it seems it would be a lot easier to stay with them than to find someone who is open to my herpes.


that might could be the most disturbing thing I ever read on fark
/thats the joke?
//hopefully
//one million troll points either way!!
 
2013-03-29 10:52:53 PM  

Holy Carp: I actually just was going to buy TF to submit an advice thread about how to get my SO to understand that yes, I really want her to leave. Any advice interenet a**holes?


Is it your house?  Tell her "We're done, I want you to leave."

Is it a shared house?  Just pack your shiat and move.  It's easier that way.
 
2013-03-29 10:53:32 PM  

megarian: TinyFist: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.

You'll get that watch back the day you finally ruin every semblance to the human being I once was before you destroyed my soul. So TRY HARDER. I've trained my dog to hate you,too.

So....we're still together. Right?


I could never quit you. I know I get out of line sometimes and I'm sorry. But it's getting harder and harder to explain the bruises. But you still love me, right?
 
2013-03-29 10:56:41 PM  
"It's not you, it's me."
 
2013-03-29 10:58:00 PM  

TinyFist: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.

You'll get that watch back the day you finally ruin every semblance to the human being I once was before you destroyed my soul. So TRY HARDER. I've trained my dog to hate you,too.

So....we're still together. Right?

I could never quit you. I know I get out of line sometimes and I'm sorry. But it's getting harder and harder to explain the bruises. But you still love me, right?


OMG YES!!!

Matching tattoos! Tomorrow!!!!

And the bruises really tie the room together, donchathink!?!
 
2013-03-29 11:00:51 PM  
"Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville, population: you. P.S. I am gay."
 
2013-03-29 11:03:41 PM  
I always thought boiling a bunny on their stove was the best action
 
Esn
2013-03-29 11:06:23 PM  
Hm, very good advice. Similar to the advice in this Dr. Nerdlove article, which I made sure to follow in my first-ever break-up two weeks ago (after over a year in a relationship). Not that it was very easy - it was very emotional for me as well, and I had to remind myself that there was a reason I came to do this and that I would likely feel comfortable with the decision later, in the days/weeks to come, after the initial shock was over.

She called me afterwards to thank me for doing it the right way, saying that it helped her keep her sanity.

So guys, there's a practical and selfish reason for doing it right, as well - it probably significantly reduces the risk of crazy-ex behaviour.
 
2013-03-29 11:07:41 PM  

jankyboy: "It's not you, it's me."


It's not me,It you.
 
2013-03-29 11:08:14 PM  
megarian:

So....we're still together. Right?


Matching tattoos! Tomorrow!!!!


I don't know... I keep hearing you SAY you love me, but I can't FEEL that you love me. I mean, a tattoo? I'll do anything to make you happy but I'm a little scared that you're not as into this relationship as I need you to be.
 
2013-03-29 11:08:55 PM  

W.C.fields forever: jankyboy: "It's not you, it's me."

It's not me,It you.


I'll pick it up.
 
2013-03-29 11:10:52 PM  

megarian: TinyFist: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: TinyFist: megarian: Put something in HIS butt.

I still haven't forgiven you. And tell your friends to quit posting on my wall.

I want that watch back.

You'll get that watch back the day you finally ruin every semblance to the human being I once was before you destroyed my soul. So TRY HARDER. I've trained my dog to hate you,too.

So....we're still together. Right?

I could never quit you. I know I get out of line sometimes and I'm sorry. But it's getting harder and harder to explain the bruises. But you still love me, right?

OMG YES!!!

Matching tattoos! Tomorrow!!!!

And the bruises really tie the room together, donchathink!?!


And Jennie just came by for the watch. I gave it to her to give to you because I always thought it looked beautiful on you. I had it cleaned, too.
 
2013-03-29 11:12:13 PM  
That hack didn't even list moving to another city for school and not writing or picking up the phone. For shame.
 
2013-03-29 11:12:57 PM  
I didn't read TFA, but what happened to just walking out the door? As long as you don't have kids, what's the problem. You just leave, Steve. Get on the bus, Gus. You don't have to be coy, Roy. Just let yourself free.

/not an accurate quote of the song, but close enough.
 
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