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(KSL Salt Lake City)   Snoring spouse? You could c) LIGHT HER CLOTHES ON FIRE   (ksl.com) divider line 65
    More: Dumbass, snoring, Deseret News, KSL  
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3961 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2013 at 3:16 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-29 01:33:08 PM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-29 01:52:11 PM  
So she's a liar then?
 
2013-03-29 01:55:48 PM  
All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring
 
2013-03-29 02:02:17 PM  
So, that's an option?
 
2013-03-29 02:46:37 PM  
Are we sure this is about her snoring? It very well could be about her "stuff".
 
2013-03-29 03:12:06 PM  
maybe she shouldnt have been wearing clothes.
 
2013-03-29 03:17:34 PM  
COSPLAY ENTHUSIASTS.
 
2013-03-29 03:18:20 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring


my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.
 
2013-03-29 03:22:53 PM  
Napalm, more thorough.
 
2013-03-29 03:27:28 PM  

Lurk sober post drunk: MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring

my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.


Restless leg syndrome?
 
2013-03-29 03:28:00 PM  

Lurk sober post drunk: MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring

my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.


My wife and I just tug on each other's pillow cases.  It causes us to turn our heads just slightly or to roll over, it usually solves the problem, and it normally doesn't wake us up (or if it does wake us up, we get back to sleep so fast we don't remember it in the morning).

But now I'll consider the boob-grabbing idea, that could be just as good.  Of course, I should think about what kind of retaliation that might provoke...
 
2013-03-29 03:28:14 PM  

Lurk sober post drunk: MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring

my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.


The angriest I've ever been when being woken up was when my SO jabbed her fingers right in between my ribs on my side with the force of an angry god. Farked up thing is, she managed to have that precision and power, and do that while she was sleeping.

I just went and slept on the couch for the rest of the night.
 
2013-03-29 03:29:17 PM  

bdub77: maybe she shouldnt have been wearing clothes.


I know I've thought about lighting my lady-friend's flannels on fire before.
 
2013-03-29 03:30:45 PM  
Does fire work?  'Cause I'm desperate.  My husband's snoring is just getting worse and worse.  It's bad enough that we're looking at homes with four and five bedrooms so that I can have my own room to sleep in, far away from his snoring.
 
2013-03-29 03:30:55 PM  
To be fair, if she inhaled enough smoke it would stop the snoring.
 
2013-03-29 03:31:07 PM  
I'm not saying I condone it...but I understand.

/SO snores like a buzzsaw.
 
2013-03-29 03:33:36 PM  

FizixJunkee: Does fire work?  'Cause I'm desperate.  My husband's snoring is just getting worse and worse.  It's bad enough that we're looking at homes with four and five bedrooms so that I can have my own room to sleep in, far away from his snoring.


The first stage is a subtle jab to the ribs. The second would be a vicious elbow. Personally, I'd rather take a knee to the nads than have you burn my stuff if I'm still not getting the hint, but, hey, you do need your sleep.
 
2013-03-29 03:34:32 PM  

Vermicious Knids: I'm not saying I condone it...but I understand.

/SO snores like a buzzsaw.


As do I. Apparently, all it takes is a light poke in the forehead (if a college several-night stand can be believed) to get me to stop. I feel bad; I told the current gf to banish me to the couch if it gets bad, but half the reason she keeps me around is for the 8,000,000 BTUs/min I put out (she's always cold, even under a comforter).

// also, have him sleep on his side - won't end it, but it'll cut down
 
2013-03-29 03:35:08 PM  
Also, snoring not required.
 
2013-03-29 03:36:14 PM  
I find that a dutch oven works quite well in stopping the SO from snoring.
 
2013-03-29 03:40:45 PM  
My ex's snoring lulled me to sleep.
If she was snoring, she wasn't being abusive.
 
2013-03-29 03:41:06 PM  
He was just getting nostalgic for when he first met her, cute as a button and decked out in a pair of hot pants.
 
2013-03-29 03:41:09 PM  
CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom. And we have an extra apparatus.
 
2013-03-29 03:42:04 PM  

RoxtarRyan: Lurk sober post drunk: MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring

my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.

The angriest I've ever been when being woken up was when my SO jabbed her fingers right in between my ribs on my side with the force of an angry god. Farked up thing is, she managed to have that precision and power, and do that while she was sleeping.

I just went and slept on the couch for the rest of the night.


i sympathize with my gf.  i'm a very deep sleeper, a very loud snorer, and i always fall asleep first.  she's used our guest room more than any guests.
 
2013-03-29 03:43:58 PM  

Jekylman: CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom. And we have an extra apparatus.


yeah, my gf wants me to look into that.  two guys i work with use them.
 
2013-03-29 03:44:38 PM  

Dr Dreidel: As do I. Apparently, all it takes is a light poke in the forehead (if a college several-night stand can be believed) to get me to stop. I feel bad; I told the current gf to banish me to the couch if it gets bad, but half the reason she keeps me around is for the 8,000,000 BTUs/min I put out (she's always cold, even under a comforter).

// also, have him sleep on his side - won't end it, but it'll cut down


Cold under the comforter? Are you sure she's not dead?
 
2013-03-29 03:46:00 PM  

Jekylman: CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom.  And we have an extra apparatus.


You might want to consider Viagra instead.  Unless of course your into having an inanimate third party involved with your bedroom activities.
 
2013-03-29 03:46:23 PM  
I nudge my bf with my elbows. He'll usually roll over and stop snoring long enough for me to fall asleep. Once I am asleep, his snoring doesn't wake me. He also wears nose strips sometimes. They look funny but work well. They eliminate, or at least reduce the noise level, of his snoring.
 
2013-03-29 03:47:15 PM  
The spouse.... the spouse.... the spouse is on fire....
 
2013-03-29 03:48:29 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

"I not saying what he did was right, ....but I understand."
 
2013-03-29 03:50:39 PM  
The soothing sound of the fire truck sirens help me get to sleep.
 
2013-03-29 03:50:45 PM  

FizixJunkee: Does fire work?  'Cause I'm desperate.  My husband's snoring is just getting worse and worse.  It's bad enough that we're looking at homes with four and five bedrooms so that I can have my own room to sleep in, far away from his snoring.


That's what the D1vwife and I ended up doing.  We get along so much better now that both of us are getting rest.

Also, now that the kids are grown and moved out, we have a third room dedicated for "fun", if you know what I mean.

/and I think you do
 
2013-03-29 03:52:35 PM  

Skyd1v: Also, now that the kids are grown and moved out, we have a third room dedicated for "fun", if you know what I mean.

/and I think you do


You can have a sex dungeon when you have kids.  Just get a good padlock.  They're no more expensive than all the freaky chains and whips you keep in there anyways.
 
2013-03-29 03:55:52 PM  

tylerdurden217: Cold under the comforter? Are you sure she's not dead?


Gives better head than a dead girl, that's for sure.

// um, not that I've ever gotten a beej from a corpse...
// it's weird, because she's warm to the touch
 
2013-03-29 03:58:05 PM  

farm machine: I find that a dutch oven works quite well in stopping the SO from snoring.


That may be, but is the pain from the cock punch really worth it?
 
2013-03-29 04:00:12 PM  

blatz514: farm machine: I find that a dutch oven works quite well in stopping the SO from snoring.

That may be, but is the pain from the cock punch really worth it?


That's icing on the cake.
 
2013-03-29 04:02:27 PM  
In case nobody bothers to RTFA, she wasn't wearing the clothes when he set them on fire.  He put a pair of her pants in a box and lit it on fire.  Fortunately for Subby his headline is pretty much as misleading as the original headline FTFA.
 
2013-03-29 04:04:01 PM  

Grobbley: In case nobody bothers to RTFA, she wasn't wearing the clothes when he set them on fire.  He put a pair of her pants in a box and lit it on fire.  Fortunately for Subby his headline is pretty much as misleading as the original headline FTFA.


Hence my Weeners being wickedly accurate.
 
2013-03-29 04:04:55 PM  

FizixJunkee: Does fire work?  'Cause I'm desperate.  My husband's snoring is just getting worse and worse.  It's bad enough that we're looking at homes with four and five bedrooms so that I can have my own room to sleep in, far away from his snoring.


Your husband hasn't had a sleep study done? Snoring is a symptom of sleep apnea and that's something that shouldn't remain untreated. A CPAP machine would probably help both of you.

My sister was prescribed a CPAP but has never really tried it, so her snoring is unbelievably loud. I never get any sleep when I visit her.

I hate to say it, but along with smoking, snoring is probably one of the few things that would make me automatically exclude a woman from a serious romantic relationship.
 
2013-03-29 04:05:41 PM  

blatz514: Hence my Weeners being wickedly accurate.


It's okay to be proud, but there's no need to brag.
 
2013-03-29 04:05:58 PM  

blatz514: Grobbley: In case nobody bothers to RTFA, she wasn't wearing the clothes when he set them on fire.  He put a pair of her pants in a box and lit it on fire.  Fortunately for Subby his headline is pretty much as misleading as the original headline FTFA.

Hence my Weeners being wickedly accurate.


www.petside.com
 
2013-03-29 04:10:08 PM  
I just love tHEADLINES THAT END IN CAPS
 
2013-03-29 04:12:28 PM  
Hubby and I both snoore, I wish I could say that it just cancels it out, but unfortunately that's not the case. I sleep on the couch because i'm more of a night owl than he, plus our couch is super comfy..
 
2013-03-29 04:14:32 PM  

Scruffinator: blatz514: Hence my Weeners being wickedly accurate.

It's okay to be proud, but there's no need to brag.


Wow, I got pwned
 
2013-03-29 04:18:12 PM  

Scruffinator: blatz514: Hence my Weeners being wickedly accurate.

It's okay to be proud, but there's no need to brag.


gonna see if it happens again:

  Boobies
 
2013-03-29 04:19:55 PM  

Jekylman: CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom. And we have an extra apparatus.


I think i have it too, but haven't been diagnosed. My mother-in-law noticed me stopping breathing/snoring a few times when i was there for a cpl weeks. I also wake up feeling dead tired still and often with a headache.
 
2013-03-29 04:35:45 PM  

FizixJunkee: Does fire work?  'Cause I'm desperate.  My husband's snoring is just getting worse and worse.  It's bad enough that we're looking at homes with four and five bedrooms so that I can have my own room to sleep in, far away from his snoring.


Gently roll him over on his side or tummy. Those Breathe Right things help as well - although not a cure-all.

Work with him a little on this. It will help.

I should know. My husband could rattle the plaster off the walls.
 
2013-03-29 05:12:27 PM  

Super Chronic: Lurk sober post drunk: MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring

my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.

My wife and I just tug on each other's pillow cases.  It causes us to turn our heads just slightly or to roll over, it usually solves the problem, and it normally doesn't wake us up (or if it does wake us up, we get back to sleep so fast we don't remember it in the morning).

But now I'll consider the boob-grabbing idea, that could be just as good.  Of course, I should think about what kind of retaliation that might provoke...


I'm actually surprised Lordfortuna hasn't done that to me, considering how he has no issue doing that when I'm awake (forcing me to restrain myself from retaliating with spousal abuse...) - last week, however, he got me some breath-right strips, and my GOD the difference they make. If not for the cosmetic oddness of them, I'd probably wear them all the time... I'm starting to think I must have a deviated septum in addition to this cold/allergy thing that won't quit.
 
2013-03-29 05:18:52 PM  
"Okay, I, I, I'm going to set the wife on fire. I tell her, if she doesn't stop snoring...
 
2013-03-29 05:22:53 PM  

Jekylman: CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom. And we have an extra apparatus.


Another one?
 
2013-03-29 05:27:33 PM  

ladyfortuna: Super Chronic: Lurk sober post drunk: MaudlinMutantMollusk: All I had to do to make my ex quit snoring was grab one of her boobs

/she'd wake up and punch me, but she would stop snoring

my gf knees and elbows me.  hard.  i consider it quite rude.

My wife and I just tug on each other's pillow cases.  It causes us to turn our heads just slightly or to roll over, it usually solves the problem, and it normally doesn't wake us up (or if it does wake us up, we get back to sleep so fast we don't remember it in the morning).

But now I'll consider the boob-grabbing idea, that could be just as good.  Of course, I should think about what kind of retaliation that might provoke...

I'm actually surprised Lordfortuna hasn't done that to me, considering how he has no issue doing that when I'm awake (forcing me to restrain myself from retaliating with spousal abuse...) - last week, however, he got me some breath-right strips, and my GOD the difference they make. If not for the cosmetic oddness of them, I'd probably wear them all the time... I'm starting to think I must have a deviated septum in addition to this cold/allergy thing that won't quit.


I had a deviated septum corrected surgically, and unfortunately it didn't do a damn thing for my breathing, either asleep or awake.  All it did was make me miserable for several days.  The Breathe Right strips do work pretty well, though.
 
2013-03-29 05:31:45 PM  

earthworm2.0: Jekylman: CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom. And we have an extra apparatus.

Another one?


We had to rearrange some things, but there's room for it now.
 
2013-03-29 05:40:21 PM  
When I was preggers, we bought an air matresses and put it in the living room, and I would sleep on it and let him have the marital bed. I would snore so loud the neighbors could hear. Went back to normal after the baby was born. Divorced him, and now I sleep alone, so even if I did snore, no one notices anymore.
 
2013-03-29 05:49:29 PM  
What r options A and B?
 
2013-03-29 06:08:56 PM  

dopekitty74: Hubby and I both snoore,


You both snore in Swedish?
 
2013-03-29 06:11:59 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: dopekitty74: Hubby and I both snoore,

You both snore in Swedish?


I think that would be spelled snøøre
 
2013-03-29 06:22:12 PM  

Jekylman: earthworm2.0: Jekylman: CSB/

Wife and I slept in separate bedrooms for five years because of my snoring "like a chainsaw". I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on CPAP. Now, there is no snoring problem and we are back in the same bedroom. And we have an extra apparatus.

Another one?

We had to rearrange some things, but there's room for it now.


Use it for role play?  You be the fighter pilot from Top Gun?

/It has to make kissing and mouth play a little harder.
 
2013-03-29 06:24:11 PM  

Grobbley: In case nobody bothers to RTFA, she wasn't wearing the clothes when he set them on fire.  He put a pair of her pants in a box and lit it on fire.  Fortunately for Subby his headline is pretty much as misleading as the original headline FTFA.


I did, and since the woman wasn't in the clothes, the guy is clearly a total dumbass. If your goal is to stop someone's snoring, they should be IN whatever it is you set ablaze. Or at the very least, you shouldn't go wake them up and say "Honey, I set your clothes on fire and now the house is burning down. We need to escape."
 
2013-03-29 07:10:31 PM  

FizixJunkee: Does fire work?  'Cause I'm desperate.  My husband's snoring is just getting worse and worse.  It's bad enough that we're looking at homes with four and five bedrooms so that I can have my own room to sleep in, far away from his snoring.


http://www.snoreeze.com/products/snoreeze-oral-strips/ keep me quiet long enough for SO to get to sleep. Failing that the spare room.
 
2013-03-29 09:17:41 PM  
I bought a Wedge Pillow which pretty much killed my snoring.
 
2013-03-29 09:41:48 PM  
I snored pretty badly for a number of years. My wife was more concerned (most nights) than annoyed, because I would stop breathing.

Solution? I dropped 40 lbs.

Bonus? She never set me on fire.
 
2013-03-29 09:55:06 PM  
I SPIT HOT FIRE
 
2013-03-29 11:48:25 PM  
Time for a PSA. Sleep Apnea is not some trivial matter. I was diagnosed with it around a dozen years ago, got a CPAP, but it was just too uncomfortable to use so I stopped trying. However, more recently I was forced into dealing with it, as the excessive daytime sleepiness resulting from the apnea became such a problem that I couldn't ignore it any longer: I was falling asleep while driving and at work. So, back for another sleep study on Jan 29th, and I was informed that I was having 80-100 apnea episodes per hour. Which means that in addition to never sleeping well, alienating my wife, and posing a risk to mankind, my brain was sending out a jolt of adrenalin several hundred times per night. I believe I have some heart damage and I am arranging for more tests to determine the extent. I am using a CPAP machine again, and there are great improvements to mask design which make it much more comfortable to wear.

I could go on in much more detail, but the message is that you should not ignore the risks associated with sleep apnea. While there are certain measures that can be taken to reduce apnea, such as controlling weight, reducing or stopping the use of alcohol, caffeine and tobacco, you do not want to assume that your problem will improve as time goes on, because it almost certainly won't.
 
2013-03-29 11:50:17 PM  
I need to show this headline to my wife!
 
2013-03-30 04:38:10 AM  
Misread one of the lines in the article and I thought the snoring ladies box was lit on fire.
 
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