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(Craigslist)   The comedy gold that is "missed connections"   (houston.craigslist.org) divider line 32
    More: Weird, missed connection  
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20367 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2013 at 11:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-03-29 11:33:50 AM
15 votes:
My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html
2013-03-29 01:16:46 PM
13 votes:
To the bastard who killed my father and my family,

I understand you had your reasons for doing what you did.  You see us as pests.  You believe you live above us in a vast world that teams with so much life, it is possible that you will never be able to fully grasp all that exists around you.  But, I need you to know that those you murdered were loved and held dear to me.

We were happy when father moved us from our dumpster-dwelling life in this city's back alleys to a sweet, climate-controlled office gig.  We were so proud of him for finally achieving the executive status we knew he deserved.  The food was much fresher as office scraps tend to be when people of your station eat in haste with their busy lives.  Indeed, there was more to go around than our large family could consume, and, many times, I thought about going back to the dumpster of my youth to tell my friends that we had found our little slice of heaven.  Mother, on the other hand, told us not to share.  "They'll come in droves, and they'll have this place fumigated if you invite everyone you know," she always said.

So, we kept our secret, and we were happy in our lives behind Janice's desk.  Our family grew with our father's success.  We grew by so many.  So many children, I can't even count them all.  I don't know how father managed it.  It must have taken a toll.  Raising thousands of offspring is no small feat, as I'm sure you're well aware.  After all, as a father yourself, I'm sure your one or two children take a lot out of you.

My father wasn't a perfect fruit-fly.  He had his demons, but he kept them from inferring with his love for us.  There was the time he found some crumbs of Janice's rum cake from the holiday party where you photocopied your face.  He wasn't the same after that.  The monkey was on his back, and with so many children, he had no choice but to turn to coffee.  It started with a few drops that Paul was always dripping by the machine, but soon that wasn't enough.

I'm surprised he chose you.  Father always spoke very well of you.  Maybe he thought you were friendlier than you really are.  With the smack in his system, his judgment was probably off.  When he decided to dive into your coffee mug, please know that he was a desperate fly toward the end there.

I can't apologize enough for what he did.  But, please, please.  I'm begging you.  Please stop killing my family, Skarekrough.
2013-03-29 01:25:42 PM
8 votes:
i.imgur.com

/hot link!
2013-03-29 11:53:43 AM
6 votes:
I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html
2013-03-29 04:49:48 PM
4 votes:

Vodka Zombie: To the bastard who killed my father and my family,



My name is Inigo Fruitfloya....
2013-03-29 01:29:27 PM
3 votes:

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Picking up chicks with a Ouija board. This is a new strategy.


They always seemed kind of flimsy to me.  If you're really going to want to knock her off her feet, you're going to need to use something with a little more heft to it.  Two-by-fours are a solid choice, but it's way too easy to over swing with them, and then that date you were so looking forward to having has suddenly turned into a body dump.
2013-03-29 11:48:54 AM
3 votes:
SSsssst! SSssst! .......Licorice?

content6.flixster.com
2013-03-29 11:37:44 AM
3 votes:
Lowered Expectations
2013-03-29 11:11:07 AM
3 votes:
collider.com
2013-03-29 02:08:32 PM
2 votes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KLMqy7EsRE

Best missed connection collection ever.
2013-03-29 01:55:08 PM
2 votes:
All you have to do is kill the deceased's family member, and chances are the same people will show up to mourn.

/thought everyone knew that
2013-03-29 12:31:54 PM
2 votes:
imgs.xkcd.com
2013-03-29 12:14:31 PM
2 votes:

pravetz8c: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Too long.  Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.


You mean....like a fruit fly?

[mcbainthatsthejoke.jpg]
2013-03-29 11:25:55 AM
2 votes:
I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?
2013-03-29 11:20:56 AM
2 votes:
It's sad when even dead people won't react to brushing their hand briefly
2013-03-29 03:43:06 PM
1 votes:
Then of course, there was the Frenchman who was had up in court on a charge of necrophilia.

When asked to plead, he said, "Not guilty your honor. I thought she was English!"
2013-03-29 02:15:01 PM
1 votes:
2013-03-29 01:49:59 PM
1 votes:

scottydoesntknow: Mikey1969: I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?

Yep. Pretty soon people will be wanting to marry dead bodies!


Just get the Supreme Court to redefine marriage and it's a done deal!  If an unborn fetus is a "human" then why isn't fresh corpse meat likewise a viable person, especially since some people rise from the dead after three days?
/Happy Easter!
2013-03-29 01:46:58 PM
1 votes:
enderthexenocide:

Yeah, kinda. Once upon a time a cashier and I flirted a little bit, and being really mad at my then-wife I wrote cashier a cute note in Missed Connections thanking her for making my day.

Next time I stopped in the store she let me know she got the message and started to act CREEPY AS ALL HELL. I ran away as fast as I could.
2013-03-29 01:36:35 PM
1 votes:

Skyday: She can't say "No..."

/At least he had the respect to not defile her body while she watched from above.


I don't know.  That sounds kind of hot to me.

Way better than the webcams I have set up, at least.
2013-03-29 01:25:22 PM
1 votes:
It's okay.  Sex with her was going to be decidedly unspectacular.
2013-03-29 01:14:57 PM
1 votes:
He was that guy at the funeral.  You know, the one in the dark suit.
2013-03-29 12:47:12 PM
1 votes:

2chris2: This is a joke, and he's writing about the dead woman at the funeral. I think everyone is not getting that.


It's craigslist.  Always hard to tell.
2013-03-29 12:37:03 PM
1 votes:
best one i saw had the headline "TO THE DEAF GIRL THAT BLEW ME FRI NITE"

didn't read the message though.
2013-03-29 12:19:54 PM
1 votes:
I was talked about in a missed connections once, so I"m getting a kick/stabbin....
2013-03-29 12:11:28 PM
1 votes:

violetvolume: I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html



Since some of you jackholes are at work....

to the dealer i gave head to sat night - w4m - 23 (rivers casino)I waited for you until you got done with work and gave you a blowjob in your car. You were a horny little fella and came quick in my mouth. I just wanted to let you know I am not a women, but if you are ok with it, I would love to put my machine gun in your ass, but if your not its ok, it will be our little secret. I hope you see this.
2013-03-29 11:49:06 AM
1 votes:
Dead girls are easy.
2013-03-29 11:41:43 AM
1 votes:

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Farking GENIUS!
2013-03-29 11:39:56 AM
1 votes:
Wonder if the author lost his wife, and wrote this as an outlet to grieve.  And here you all are making light of it.
2013-03-29 11:37:53 AM
1 votes:

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Too long.  Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.
2013-03-29 11:31:53 AM
1 votes:
I replied and let him down easy.
2013-03-29 11:30:08 AM
1 votes:
cf.drafthouse.com
 
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