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(Craigslist)   The comedy gold that is "missed connections"   (houston.craigslist.org) divider line 13
    More: Weird, missed connection  
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20366 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2013 at 11:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-29 02:01:00 PM
2 votes:

Mikey1969: I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?




i356.photobucket.com
2013-03-29 01:16:46 PM
2 votes:
To the bastard who killed my father and my family,

I understand you had your reasons for doing what you did.  You see us as pests.  You believe you live above us in a vast world that teams with so much life, it is possible that you will never be able to fully grasp all that exists around you.  But, I need you to know that those you murdered were loved and held dear to me.

We were happy when father moved us from our dumpster-dwelling life in this city's back alleys to a sweet, climate-controlled office gig.  We were so proud of him for finally achieving the executive status we knew he deserved.  The food was much fresher as office scraps tend to be when people of your station eat in haste with their busy lives.  Indeed, there was more to go around than our large family could consume, and, many times, I thought about going back to the dumpster of my youth to tell my friends that we had found our little slice of heaven.  Mother, on the other hand, told us not to share.  "They'll come in droves, and they'll have this place fumigated if you invite everyone you know," she always said.

So, we kept our secret, and we were happy in our lives behind Janice's desk.  Our family grew with our father's success.  We grew by so many.  So many children, I can't even count them all.  I don't know how father managed it.  It must have taken a toll.  Raising thousands of offspring is no small feat, as I'm sure you're well aware.  After all, as a father yourself, I'm sure your one or two children take a lot out of you.

My father wasn't a perfect fruit-fly.  He had his demons, but he kept them from inferring with his love for us.  There was the time he found some crumbs of Janice's rum cake from the holiday party where you photocopied your face.  He wasn't the same after that.  The monkey was on his back, and with so many children, he had no choice but to turn to coffee.  It started with a few drops that Paul was always dripping by the machine, but soon that wasn't enough.

I'm surprised he chose you.  Father always spoke very well of you.  Maybe he thought you were friendlier than you really are.  With the smack in his system, his judgment was probably off.  When he decided to dive into your coffee mug, please know that he was a desperate fly toward the end there.

I can't apologize enough for what he did.  But, please, please.  I'm begging you.  Please stop killing my family, Skarekrough.
2013-03-29 12:31:54 PM
2 votes:
imgs.xkcd.com
2013-03-29 11:37:53 AM
2 votes:

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Too long.  Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.
2013-03-29 11:33:50 AM
2 votes:
My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html
2013-03-29 02:08:32 PM
1 votes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KLMqy7EsRE

Best missed connection collection ever.
2013-03-29 01:29:27 PM
1 votes:

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Picking up chicks with a Ouija board. This is a new strategy.


They always seemed kind of flimsy to me.  If you're really going to want to knock her off her feet, you're going to need to use something with a little more heft to it.  Two-by-fours are a solid choice, but it's way too easy to over swing with them, and then that date you were so looking forward to having has suddenly turned into a body dump.
2013-03-29 01:25:42 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

/hot link!
2013-03-29 12:14:31 PM
1 votes:

pravetz8c: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Too long.  Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.


You mean....like a fruit fly?

[mcbainthatsthejoke.jpg]
2013-03-29 11:53:43 AM
1 votes:
I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html
2013-03-29 11:37:44 AM
1 votes:
Lowered Expectations
2013-03-29 11:25:55 AM
1 votes:
I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?
2013-03-29 11:11:07 AM
1 votes:
collider.com
 
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