sethen320: ChipNASA: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.htmlBlocked at work....can someone post or is it TLFF?? (Too long For Fark?)An open letter to a fruitflyDear Fruitfly,I understand your proclivity to hang around the office. Things can get pretty messy around here and when it gets busy it's pretty likely a banana or apple will sit too long and be a haven for you and your hundred other friends that have infested the office.And I hope you enjoyed your stay up until the past few days when I cleaned things up a bit and you probably saw you and your offsprings lifespan come to a grinding halt.I know we have been at odds, and nothing was more obvious than when I took a swipe at you as you dive-bombed the hot cup of coffee I'd just poured for myself. I was potecting my livelihood, my coffee and you were drawn to the heat...or whatever. Either way we were at odds again and I really felt it was a nice setup for us; my non-caffeinated swipes were artfully dodged. Indeed, you probably had the upper hand.But drowning yourself in my coffee was uncalled for you farking prick. By the time I saw your carcass make the tiny splashdown to my unsuccessful attempts to fish your cadaver out with my finger I realized you'd made a crucial step in our relationship with little to no consideration for what my recourse could possibly be.As the Father of a newborn I operate on a few very vital elements these days; coffee and mostly bad Discovery Channel reruns. The reruns can come and go. But the coffee...oh you're farking with something sacred now.Consider the family you know and love in this office dead. You'll be meeting them in Fruitfly heaven. Ask them how I nuked the kitchen with Bleach and then put up no-fly strips. Ask them about the WD-40 and the lighter.You worthless prick...death is too farking good for you. Even though I dumped your cadaver down the sink I'm half tempted to turn t ...
Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Picking up chicks with a Ouija board. This is a new strategy.
Skyday: She can't say "No..."/At least he had the respect to not defile her body while she watched from above.
enderthexenocide: i've considered using missed connections before, but i figure it's a waste of time. has anyone ever tracked down a missed connection through craigslist? it seems like the odds would be ridiculously high that the person you're looking for would happen to stumble upon your craigslist ad and you could find them that way.
Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html
Vodka Zombie: To the bastard who killed my father and my family,I understand you had your reasons for doing what you did. You see us as pests. You believe you live above us in a vast world that teams with so much life, it is possible that you will never be able to fully grasp all that exists around you. But, I need you to know that those you murdered were loved and held dear to me.We were happy when father moved us from our dumpster-dwelling life in this city's back alleys to a sweet, climate-controlled office gig. We were so proud of him for finally achieving the executive status we knew he deserved. The food was much fresher as office scraps tend to be when people of your station eat in haste with their busy lives. Indeed, there was more to go around than our large family could consume, and, many times, I thought about going back to the dumpster of my youth to tell my friends that we had found our little slice of heaven. Mother, on the other hand, told us not to share. "They'll come in droves, and they'll have this place fumigated if you invite everyone you know," she always said.So, we kept our secret, and we were happy in our lives behind Janice's desk. Our family grew with our father's success. We grew by so many. So many children, I can't even count them all. I don't know how father managed it. It must have taken a toll. Raising thousands of offspring is no small feat, as I'm sure you're well aware. After all, as a father yourself, I'm sure your one or two children take a lot out of you.My father wasn't a perfect fruit-fly. He had his demons, but he kept them from inferring with his love for us. There was the time he found some crumbs of Janice's rum cake from the holiday party where you photocopied your face. He wasn't the same after that. The monkey was on his back, and with so many children, he had no choice but to turn to coffee. It started with a few drops that Paul was always dripping by the machine, but soon that wasn't enough.I'm surpri ...
scottydoesntknow: Mikey1969: I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?Yep. Pretty soon people will be wanting to marry dead bodies!
pravetz8c: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.htmlToo long. Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.
Mikey1969: I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?
Vodka Zombie: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Picking up chicks with a Ouija board. This is a new strategy.They always seemed kind of flimsy to me. If you're really going to want to knock her off her feet, you're going to need to use something with a little more heft to it. Two-by-fours are a solid choice, but it's way too easy to over swing with them, and then that date you were so looking forward to having has suddenly turned into a body dump.
Mole Man: [i.imgur.com image 850x562]/hot link!
phaseolus: enderthexenocide:Yeah, kinda. Once upon a time a cashier and I flirted a little bit, and being really mad at my then-wife I wrote cashier a cute note in Missed Connections thanking her for making my day.Next time I stopped in the store she let me know she got the message and started to act CREEPY AS ALL HELL. I ran away as fast as I could.
blatz514: violetvolume: I love missed connections so much. I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.Like this one: http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.htmlI read that in Bruce's voice[steeshes.files.wordpress.com image 850x639]
shiate: was she hot?
Vodka Zombie: To the bastard who killed my father and my family,
phaseolus: shiate: was she hot?Try to picture a female Joe Lieberman.
walkerhound: Wonder if the author lost his wife, and wrote this as an outlet to grieve. And here you all are making light of it.
UncleStumpy: walkerhound: Wonder if the author lost his wife, and wrote this as an outlet to grieve. And here you all are making light of it.welcome to fark
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