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(Craigslist)   The comedy gold that is "missed connections"   (houston.craigslist.org) divider line 94
    More: Weird, missed connection  
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20368 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2013 at 11:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-29 11:00:14 AM  
Did he get her phone number?  I need details!
 
2013-03-29 11:11:07 AM  
collider.com
 
2013-03-29 11:20:56 AM  
It's sad when even dead people won't react to brushing their hand briefly
 
2013-03-29 11:25:31 AM  
Funerals and family reunions: always a great place to meet women.
 
2013-03-29 11:25:55 AM  
I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?
 
2013-03-29 11:25:57 AM  
Came for Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-03-29 11:27:24 AM  
He wasn't invited to the funeral, I bet.  Just crashed it for free food and chicks.
 
2013-03-29 11:28:02 AM  
He saw dead people.
 
2013-03-29 11:29:19 AM  

Mikey1969: I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?


Yep. Pretty soon people will be wanting to marry dead bodies!
 
2013-03-29 11:30:08 AM  
cf.drafthouse.com
 
2013-03-29 11:31:53 AM  
I replied and let him down easy.
 
2013-03-29 11:33:50 AM  
My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html
 
2013-03-29 11:37:44 AM  
Lowered Expectations
 
2013-03-29 11:37:53 AM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Too long.  Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.
 
2013-03-29 11:38:08 AM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


I applaud you, you magnificent son of a biatch.
 
2013-03-29 11:39:56 AM  
Wonder if the author lost his wife, and wrote this as an outlet to grieve.  And here you all are making light of it.
 
2013-03-29 11:41:43 AM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Farking GENIUS!
 
2013-03-29 11:45:23 AM  

automaticman: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Farking GENIUS!


Agreed.
 
2013-03-29 11:46:39 AM  
Well, we shared a quick glance
Saturday at the mall
I never took a chance
Never approached you at all

You were a blonde half-Asian with a bad case of gas
I was wearin' red Speedos and a hockey mask
Come on, let's find that love connection that we missed
 
2013-03-29 11:48:20 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Mikey1969: I hope they have keyboards in heaven so you can write me back.

Is he writing this to the corpse, or something?

Yep. Pretty soon people will be wanting to marry dead bodies!


Isn't it in France where they can (sometimes) marry their dead fiances?
 
2013-03-29 11:48:54 AM  
SSsssst! SSssst! .......Licorice?

content6.flixster.com
 
2013-03-29 11:49:06 AM  
Dead girls are easy.
 
2013-03-29 11:53:43 AM  
I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html
 
2013-03-29 11:55:47 AM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Blocked at work....can someone post or is it TLFF?? (Too long For Fark?)
 
2013-03-29 12:00:26 PM  

ChipNASA: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Blocked at work....can someone post or is it TLFF?? (Too long For Fark?)


An open letter to a fruitflyDear Fruitfly,

I understand your proclivity to hang around the office. Things can get pretty messy around here and when it gets busy it's pretty likely a banana or apple will sit too long and be a haven for you and your hundred other friends that have infested the office.

And I hope you enjoyed your stay up until the past few days when I cleaned things up a bit and you probably saw you and your offsprings lifespan come to a grinding halt.

I know we have been at odds, and nothing was more obvious than when I took a swipe at you as you dive-bombed the hot cup of coffee I'd just poured for myself. I was potecting my livelihood, my coffee and you were drawn to the heat...or whatever. Either way we were at odds again and I really felt it was a nice setup for us; my non-caffeinated swipes were artfully dodged. Indeed, you probably had the upper hand.

But drowning yourself in my coffee was uncalled for you farking prick. By the time I saw your carcass make the tiny splashdown to my unsuccessful attempts to fish your cadaver out with my finger I realized you'd made a crucial step in our relationship with little to no consideration for what my recourse could possibly be.

As the Father of a newborn I operate on a few very vital elements these days; coffee and mostly bad Discovery Channel reruns. The reruns can come and go. But the coffee...oh you're farking with something sacred now.

Consider the family you know and love in this office dead. You'll be meeting them in Fruitfly heaven. Ask them how I nuked the kitchen with Bleach and then put up no-fly strips. Ask them about the WD-40 and the lighter.

You worthless prick...death is too farking good for you. Even though I dumped your cadaver down the sink I'm half tempted to turn the garbage disposal on for a good ten minutes just to let you know how I feel.

You may have shuffled off your mortal coil....but this shiat isn't over. Not by a longshot.

Posting ID: 98847227
 
2013-03-29 12:01:29 PM  

sethen320: automaticman: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Farking GENIUS!

Agreed.


Golf clap!
 
2013-03-29 12:03:02 PM  

violetvolume: I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html


LMAO!
 
2013-03-29 12:07:36 PM  

ChipNASA: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Blocked at work....can someone post or is it TLFF?? (Too long For Fark?)


to the dealer i gave head to sat night - w4m - 23 (rivers casino)I waited for you until you got done with work and gave you a blowjob in your car. You were a horny little fella and came quick in my mouth. I just wanted to let you know I am not a women, but if you are ok with it, I would love to put my machine gun in your ass, but if your not its ok, it will be our little secret. I hope you see this.Location: rivers casinoit's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
I just threw up in my mouth. A lot.
 
2013-03-29 12:10:05 PM  

violetvolume: I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html


I read that in Bruce's voice

steeshes.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-29 12:10:23 PM  

sethen320: ChipNASA: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Blocked at work....can someone post or is it TLFF?? (Too long For Fark?)

An open letter to a fruitflyDear Fruitfly,

I understand your proclivity to hang around the office. Things can get pretty messy around here and when it gets busy it's pretty likely a banana or apple will sit too long and be a haven for you and your hundred other friends that have infested the office.

And I hope you enjoyed your stay up until the past few days when I cleaned things up a bit and you probably saw you and your offsprings lifespan come to a grinding halt.

I know we have been at odds, and nothing was more obvious than when I took a swipe at you as you dive-bombed the hot cup of coffee I'd just poured for myself. I was potecting my livelihood, my coffee and you were drawn to the heat...or whatever. Either way we were at odds again and I really felt it was a nice setup for us; my non-caffeinated swipes were artfully dodged. Indeed, you probably had the upper hand.

But drowning yourself in my coffee was uncalled for you farking prick. By the time I saw your carcass make the tiny splashdown to my unsuccessful attempts to fish your cadaver out with my finger I realized you'd made a crucial step in our relationship with little to no consideration for what my recourse could possibly be.

As the Father of a newborn I operate on a few very vital elements these days; coffee and mostly bad Discovery Channel reruns. The reruns can come and go. But the coffee...oh you're farking with something sacred now.

Consider the family you know and love in this office dead. You'll be meeting them in Fruitfly heaven. Ask them how I nuked the kitchen with Bleach and then put up no-fly strips. Ask them about the WD-40 and the lighter.

You worthless prick...death is too farking good for you. Even though I dumped your cadaver down the sink I'm half tempted to turn t ...


Very very nice......you're a natural born Fark poet....and F*UCK Fruit Flies.
 
2013-03-29 12:11:28 PM  

violetvolume: I love missed connections so much.  I read them all the time-- there are some real gems.

Like this one:  http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/mis/3675480392.html



Since some of you jackholes are at work....

to the dealer i gave head to sat night - w4m - 23 (rivers casino)I waited for you until you got done with work and gave you a blowjob in your car. You were a horny little fella and came quick in my mouth. I just wanted to let you know I am not a women, but if you are ok with it, I would love to put my machine gun in your ass, but if your not its ok, it will be our little secret. I hope you see this.
 
2013-03-29 12:14:31 PM  

pravetz8c: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Too long.  Don't have the attention span necessary to read it.


You mean....like a fruit fly?

[mcbainthatsthejoke.jpg]
 
2013-03-29 12:15:13 PM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Newsletter. Subscription. Stat.
 
2013-03-29 12:19:54 PM  
I was talked about in a missed connections once, so I"m getting a kick/stabbin....
 
2013-03-29 12:23:15 PM  

Pair-o-Dice: sethen320: automaticman: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Farking GENIUS!

Agreed.

Golf clap!


Bravissimo!
 
2013-03-29 12:24:25 PM  
This is a joke, and he's writing about the dead woman at the funeral. I think everyone is not getting that.
 
2013-03-29 12:31:54 PM  
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-03-29 12:37:03 PM  
best one i saw had the headline "TO THE DEAF GIRL THAT BLEW ME FRI NITE"

didn't read the message though.
 
2013-03-29 12:47:12 PM  

2chris2: This is a joke, and he's writing about the dead woman at the funeral. I think everyone is not getting that.


It's craigslist.  Always hard to tell.
 
2013-03-29 12:55:29 PM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


That is farking awesome. Roomie and i were in stitches. :)
 
2013-03-29 12:56:04 PM  

ChipNASA: sethen320: ChipNASA: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

Blocked at work....can someone post or is it TLFF?? (Too long For Fark?)

An open letter to a fruitflyDear Fruitfly,

I understand your proclivity to hang around the office. Things can get pretty messy around here and when it gets busy it's pretty likely a banana or apple will sit too long and be a haven for you and your hundred other friends that have infested the office.

And I hope you enjoyed your stay up until the past few days when I cleaned things up a bit and you probably saw you and your offsprings lifespan come to a grinding halt.

I know we have been at odds, and nothing was more obvious than when I took a swipe at you as you dive-bombed the hot cup of coffee I'd just poured for myself. I was potecting my livelihood, my coffee and you were drawn to the heat...or whatever. Either way we were at odds again and I really felt it was a nice setup for us; my non-caffeinated swipes were artfully dodged. Indeed, you probably had the upper hand.

But drowning yourself in my coffee was uncalled for you farking prick. By the time I saw your carcass make the tiny splashdown to my unsuccessful attempts to fish your cadaver out with my finger I realized you'd made a crucial step in our relationship with little to no consideration for what my recourse could possibly be.

As the Father of a newborn I operate on a few very vital elements these days; coffee and mostly bad Discovery Channel reruns. The reruns can come and go. But the coffee...oh you're farking with something sacred now.

Consider the family you know and love in this office dead. You'll be meeting them in Fruitfly heaven. Ask them how I nuked the kitchen with Bleach and then put up no-fly strips. Ask them about the WD-40 and the lighter.

You worthless prick...death is too farking good for you. Even though I dumped your cadaver down the sink I'm half tempte ...


Thank you, but that wasn't me.  I was reposting it for someone upthread who said they couldn't view it.  Your compliment should be aimed at Skarekrough.
 
2013-03-29 12:57:56 PM  
You guys want some meatloaf?
 
2013-03-29 01:13:25 PM  

Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html


Another Faulkner is born.
 
2013-03-29 01:14:57 PM  
He was that guy at the funeral.  You know, the one in the dark suit.
 
2013-03-29 01:16:46 PM  
To the bastard who killed my father and my family,

I understand you had your reasons for doing what you did.  You see us as pests.  You believe you live above us in a vast world that teams with so much life, it is possible that you will never be able to fully grasp all that exists around you.  But, I need you to know that those you murdered were loved and held dear to me.

We were happy when father moved us from our dumpster-dwelling life in this city's back alleys to a sweet, climate-controlled office gig.  We were so proud of him for finally achieving the executive status we knew he deserved.  The food was much fresher as office scraps tend to be when people of your station eat in haste with their busy lives.  Indeed, there was more to go around than our large family could consume, and, many times, I thought about going back to the dumpster of my youth to tell my friends that we had found our little slice of heaven.  Mother, on the other hand, told us not to share.  "They'll come in droves, and they'll have this place fumigated if you invite everyone you know," she always said.

So, we kept our secret, and we were happy in our lives behind Janice's desk.  Our family grew with our father's success.  We grew by so many.  So many children, I can't even count them all.  I don't know how father managed it.  It must have taken a toll.  Raising thousands of offspring is no small feat, as I'm sure you're well aware.  After all, as a father yourself, I'm sure your one or two children take a lot out of you.

My father wasn't a perfect fruit-fly.  He had his demons, but he kept them from inferring with his love for us.  There was the time he found some crumbs of Janice's rum cake from the holiday party where you photocopied your face.  He wasn't the same after that.  The monkey was on his back, and with so many children, he had no choice but to turn to coffee.  It started with a few drops that Paul was always dripping by the machine, but soon that wasn't enough.

I'm surprised he chose you.  Father always spoke very well of you.  Maybe he thought you were friendlier than you really are.  With the smack in his system, his judgment was probably off.  When he decided to dive into your coffee mug, please know that he was a desperate fly toward the end there.

I can't apologize enough for what he did.  But, please, please.  I'm begging you.  Please stop killing my family, Skarekrough.
 
2013-03-29 01:21:35 PM  

dopekitty74: Skarekrough: My claim to fame is having one of my posts become a "Best Of."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/98847227.html

That is farking awesome. Roomie and i were in stitches. :)


Seemed like tired banalities to me. What did I miss?
 
2013-03-29 01:22:43 PM  

migueldelascervezas: He was that guy at the funeral.  You know, the one in the dark suit.


Because nobody else in the family wears dark suits to a funeral.
 
2013-03-29 01:23:31 PM  
Picking up chicks with a Ouija board. This is a new strategy.
 
2013-03-29 01:25:22 PM  
It's okay.  Sex with her was going to be decidedly unspectacular.
 
2013-03-29 01:25:42 PM  
i.imgur.com

/hot link!
 
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