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(Fox News)   Shroud of Turin may not be a hoax after all. I'm not saying it's Jesus, but it's Jesus   (foxnews.com) divider line 52
    More: Interesting, Shroud of Turin, carbon datings  
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14919 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2013 at 8:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-29 08:57:37 AM  
9 votes:

Jon iz teh kewl: jesus or republican jesus??


www.blogos.org
Why, it's History Channel's Pantene Pro-V Jesus, my child.
2013-03-29 08:57:34 AM  
8 votes:

Point02GPA: PainInTheASP: Jesus was an alien.

I think he was Spanish, Mexico wasn't even a country at that time.


No, he was out picking onions.

dollarsandsense.org
2013-03-29 09:02:53 AM  
7 votes:
The Vatican has never confirmed the authenticity of the shroud, but a Vatican researcher in 2009 said that faint writing on the cloth proves it was used to wrap Jesus' body after his crucifixion.

[Inigo_Montoya.jpg]

What did the writing say? For best results, wash in cold water and tumble dry to ensure resurrection?
2013-03-29 08:45:44 AM  
6 votes:
ansnuclearcafe.org
2013-03-29 08:47:16 AM  
5 votes:
Yeah, and this might be true too.  But I doubt it.

upload.wikimedia.org
2013-03-29 08:32:29 AM  
5 votes:
How fortunate that Fox can get the Shroud of Turin in the news, just in time for Easter!
2013-03-29 08:52:11 AM  
4 votes:
i think they're just trying to get it to a point where pointing out their fantasy can be labeled 'The War on Shrouds'.
2013-03-29 08:22:19 AM  
4 votes:

PainInTheASP: Jesus was an alien.


Possibly, I mean we've shown just in the last 8 years that humans tend to lack any public empathy and compassion, so maybe he was alien to this world

...or maybe Americans are just aliens to this world

/study it out
2013-03-29 12:38:17 PM  
3 votes:
It's a Fanti see.
2013-03-29 10:27:34 AM  
3 votes:
farm4.static.flickr.com

The truth.  It's out there.  It couldn't be on the innertubes if it wasn't.
2013-03-30 10:55:35 AM  
2 votes:

Gunther: It's equivalent to someone holding up an apple and saying "This apple is one of Jesus's fossilized turds! Turds aren't normally apples, therefore we have proof that Jesus was divine!"


imageshack.us

The Holy Turd!!!
2013-03-29 03:02:32 PM  
2 votes:

Tom_Slick: Another Fun Fact, until the shroud was "Discovered" in the 1300s


One Dude:  "He ascended into heaven! He rose from the dead! He is truly the Lord! Maybe we should hold onto some stuff as a souvenir?"

Another Dude: "Oh, hell yeah. That cross, his sandals..."

Third Guy:  "Joseph of Aramathea, grab that burial cloth!"

Joseph:  "Oh, grody... no. He DIED in that thing. It's got blood and pus and dirt all over it. Plus, I think, down there... you know.. his bowels..."

ALL:  "Ewwwww....Christ Crap!"

First Dude:  "Just have Mary wash the thing. Mary!"

Mary:  "Oh for goodness sakes, get rid of that thing. I'm not putting it in with my unmentionables. Plus I already did whites yesterday."

Second Guy: "Okay, well, let's just leave it over here and we'll figure it out later."

1300 years later...

Knight of Crusades: "Hey, what's this thing?"

Wounded Arab: "Jesus's Burial cloth."

Knight of the Crusades:  "Is that..."

Wounded Arab:  "Yeah."

Knight of the Crusades:  "Ewww... Christ Crap. fark it. It's worth some gold either way. Take it with us."
2013-03-29 10:10:26 AM  
2 votes:

malfist: rpm: malfist: Seriously people. Carbon dating has a resolution of around 5,000 years. Something from 1 AD would appear the same age as something from today if you carbon dated both of them.

You dropped a 0. It's accurate to better than 16 years at 5000 years old.

I didn't say it was accurate to 5,000 years. I said carbon dating has a resolution of 5000 years. Technically, it has a resolution of 5,730 years, the halflife of carbon-14. Carbon dating is unlikely to be even close to accurate unless the item is >10K years old.


Wow. You quite literally have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, do you?

I hope that somebody with more patience than I will come along and explain it to you, starting with what the word "resolution" means. As you backpedal furiously here, though, don't forget that you are on record as saying, and I quote, "Something from 1 AD would appear the same age as something from today if you carbon dated both of them". Like, for example, the Dead Sea Scrolls, many of which span the period from right before to right after 1AD?

Unless, of course, it's your position that every lab that has ever tested the scrolls, and every historian, theologian, or archaeologist who has ever relied on their tests doesn't understand carbon dating the way you do. Is that your theory?

Perhaps you are unaware that carbon dating is so sensitive that to get a really accurate date range, you have to calibrate against the small natural fluctuations in atmospheric C14 levels in different times and places?

Look, the smart thing to do at this point is to say "Crap, I confused carbon dating with something else entirely. I shouldn't post before coffee." The dumb thing to say is "NO!!! I'm RIGHT!!!! And every scientist on the planet, and every paper every published using carbon dating is WRONG!!!". And the embarrassing thing to say is "Those words that I posted, they really don't mean what they obviously mean."


Smart, dumb, embarrassing: your choice.
2013-03-29 09:36:46 AM  
2 votes:
You know it is a fake because he isn't holding any guns.
2013-03-29 09:31:30 AM  
2 votes:

abhorrent1: Didn't he die the year before 1 A.D.? So if it's real it would be from that year, no?


It's going to be hilarious in here when people start making fun of you for the dumbest post in this thread. Just wait!

malfist: Seriously people. Carbon dating has a resolution of around 5,000 years. Something from 1 AD would appear the same age as something from today if you carbon dated both of them.


...never mind.
2013-03-29 09:21:14 AM  
2 votes:

PainInTheASP: Jesus was an alien.


That's "undocumented terrestrial".
2013-03-29 09:15:48 AM  
2 votes:

captainstudd: Isn't that blood on the forehead? Can we get some DNA and impregnate someone with a baby Jesus? We can actually play god.


For he is the KWISATZ HADERACH!
2013-03-29 09:04:51 AM  
2 votes:
Oh Christ. I couln't believe no one was getting the reference, here I'm the one who completely farked up.

i218.photobucket.com
2013-03-29 09:01:43 AM  
2 votes:
I'd be hilarious if Pope Francis, being a Jesuit who seems open to reason, decreed it a fake and told everyone to get over it.
2013-03-29 09:01:27 AM  
2 votes:

Mad_Radhu: Yakk: It's painted on, if the impression was made by draping it over a body it face would be distorted on the sides where it hung over the cheeks.

This. The geometry of the face alone makes it a fake. I don't know why people are still arguing for authenticity.


But, but, the impression was made by his soul as it rose up to heaven, so there would be no distortion because his soul is perfect.

/Actually heard that from a christian once.
2013-03-29 09:00:22 AM  
2 votes:
Isn't that blood on the forehead? Can we get some DNA and impregnate someone with a baby Jesus? We can actually play god.
2013-03-29 08:53:31 AM  
2 votes:

PainInTheASP: Jesus was an alien.


I think he was Spanish, Mexico wasn't even a country at that time.
2013-03-29 08:53:02 AM  
2 votes:

Jon iz teh kewl: jesus or republican jesus??


Democrat Jesus.  He was a Jew...
2013-04-01 09:27:20 AM  
1 votes:
Wow, GeneralJim is a farking nutjob.
2013-03-31 08:42:58 PM  
1 votes:

GeneralJim: Those hundreds or thousands of people were impressed enough to start a church essentially worshiping him.


Can we stop talking about Scientology and get back to talking about the shroud?
2013-03-30 05:45:38 PM  
1 votes:

GeneralJim: Those hundreds or thousands of people were impressed enough to start a church essentially worshiping him. That should count for something.


By that reasoning, Thor, Zeus, Osiris and Vishnu are every bit as real as Jesus.
2013-03-30 12:16:36 AM  
1 votes:

fetushead: However, convincing a True Believer of anything antithetical to their established (and perhaps psychologically necessary) belief system is an uphill battle any way you slice it.


Well, I do profess that I don't try to sway the True Believer, by definition that's impossible.

It's the audience at large, the undecided, that we really have the opportunity to catch.

If we debunk each and every topic quickly and thoroughly, do so cleanly and efficiently without getting too deep into it.  Even if we win over people who aren't great on thinking but think," Damn, I'm getting on the smart bus!" I'll call it a win.  It also serves for a better PR route as it's somewhat less aggressive and offensive as a whole.

Plus, educating the audience at large, and a little self enrichment along the way, that's my main function(aside from the obvious, which is entertaining myself).  I'll share what I know, and further read others and research if needed.

I'm all for diggin' deep in a religious thread, as it were, just don't see it as such here.  We've got tangible evidence that is by all accounts, irrelevant to the book.  Something physical to discuss, that's farking rare!

That's an assumption though I suppose.  The shroud of turin as is, is not in the book, correct?(aside from saying "and the body was lain in a shroud" or something)  You'd think something like that would be detailed....IF it were around at the time, an image like that would be a pretty big deal.

/of course that doesn't disqualify someone making one according to spec afterwards if it were in the book
2013-03-29 09:08:14 PM  
1 votes:

Surool: omeganuepsilon: Can we stick to the article at hand.  Jesus and his supposed shroud?

We kind of had a nice science thread going.

What science?


I found foetushead's essay quite an enjoyable read and look forward to more.  The science revolved around the hows and whys of carbon dating.  It too was a nice read. We were also treated to a fallacy of the excluded middle where the statement that either Iesus magically rose through the fabric of the shroud, scorching it on the way ( ana/kata in all directions, by the way), or that the 11th century forger had access to computers and ultraviolet lasers was offered as proof that it had to be Iesus.
2013-03-29 06:58:44 PM  
1 votes:

Surool: colon_pow: Ed Grubermann: colon_pow: kobrakai: Great. You proved it's Jesus. Now prove Jesus performed a single miracle and I might pay attention.

rising from the dead is a pretty nice miracle.  hundreds of eye-witnesses saw him afterwards.

are claimed to have seen him afterwards. Claims are not proof.

ever seen a court room?  eye witnesses are powerful evidence.

Actually, the existance of the eyewitnesses is merely a claim at this point. Remember... the Bible is the claim, and can not be used as proof of itself.


So we haven't gone to mars with probes and rovers. After all we cannot take the word of NASA and the video THEY produce cannot be used as proof itself.
2013-03-29 05:00:45 PM  
1 votes:
www.blogos.org

Lord, is it a sin to get the hots for Super Hunk Jesus?

Wny yes, it
is my child, but We forgive you.

I mean, really! Look at this adorable punim. Eat your heart out, Brad Pitt!
Who could resist all this? I don't even look remotely Jewish.

And if you saw Us in a sling shot bikini, we'd have to smite ye.

2013-03-29 04:16:53 PM  
1 votes:
www.blackandwhitecat.org
2013-03-29 04:15:32 PM  
1 votes:

trappedspirit: Vatican researcher in 2009 said that faint writing on the cloth proves it was used to wrap Jesus' body after his crucifixion.

Jesus wuz here


I'm going with "Cannon"
2013-03-29 12:30:51 PM  
1 votes:

0Icky0: kid_icarus: This. Even if it does date back to Jesus's time, that doesn't mean it was Jesus's burial shroud..

Not to mention that the SOT doesn't match the description of the shroud in the Bible. You might think that Christians would have a problem with this.
But you would be wrong.


For real. It's a piece of friggin cloth with the outline of what renaissance painters would later decide White Jesus looks like on it. I would be more convinced if it had "Jeus Wuz Here!" scrawled on the edge with a sharpie.
2013-03-29 12:24:16 PM  
1 votes:

Jekylman: zarberg: [www.religioustolerance.org image 220x242]

Dude's beard looked like a Brillo Pad

He looks really confused.


Confused Jesus rolled D100 for your sins.

(and on a 51-75 attacks himself for 1d8+str damage)
2013-03-29 12:19:23 PM  
1 votes:

CleanAndPure: colon_pow: kobrakai: Great. You proved it's Jesus. Now prove Jesus performed a single miracle and I might pay attention.

rising from the dead is a pretty nice miracle.  hundreds of eye-witnesses saw him afterwards.

Yet no one who saw him wrote about it. The gospels weren't written until 70 years after his supposed resurrection.

Strange no contemparies of Jesus thought to write about it.


So many people rose from the dead back then that it wasn't really noteworthy...see also, great floods.
2013-03-29 10:50:58 AM  
1 votes:

The Pope of Manwich Village: [users.stargate.net image 800x1066]


Corner water damage Jesus is watching you mastrubate.
2013-03-29 10:44:20 AM  
1 votes:
users.stargate.net
2013-03-29 10:06:00 AM  
1 votes:
But is it Raptor Jesus?

proudtobeafilthyliberalscum.com
rpm
2013-03-29 10:03:54 AM  
1 votes:

malfist: I did not say it was accurate to 2000 years, I said samples that were taken 2000 years apart would be equal in apparent age. Which is true, even buy your definition of accuracy.


*headdesk* LOOK AT THE GODDAMN CALIBRATION CURVE
2013-03-29 09:52:59 AM  
1 votes:

malfist: rpm: malfist: Seriously people. Carbon dating has a resolution of around 5,000 years. Something from 1 AD would appear the same age as something from today if you carbon dated both of them.

You dropped a 0. It's accurate to better than 16 years at 5000 years old.

I didn't say it was accurate to 5,000 years. I said carbon dating has a resolution of 5000 years. Technically, it has a resolution of 5,730 years, the halflife of carbon-14. Carbon dating is unlikely to be even close to accurate unless the item is >10K years old.


You said it was accurate to 2000 years by stating "Something from 1 AD would appear the same age as something from today if you carbon dated both of them."

This is off by two orders of magnitutde.
2013-03-29 09:21:33 AM  
1 votes:

olddinosaur: Everyone who wrote about Jesus considered him important, and no one mentions anywhere that he looked any different from the common men of his place and time.  When the Romans came to take him, they had to ask who he was, which proves it even more conclusively.  Jesus did not look any different from the average man of his place and time, the facts do not support any other conclusion.


1.bp.blogspot.com


1050-1100.
The oldest known crucifix in Denmark, (maybe all of Northern Europe, not sure and can't be bothered to find out).

Actual crown, good abs and if you look closely you can see his defiant look. Thought you might like it.

/picked off some forum somewhere
//that dude is recognizeable
2013-03-29 09:14:06 AM  
1 votes:
Of course it exists.  I used to work in sales with a guy named Jesus.  He was a cool guy, and he wore a shroud-like garment when it got cold outside.

Why is this so hard for people to beleive?
2013-03-29 09:11:51 AM  
1 votes:

somedude210: Possibly, I mean we've shown just in the last 8 years that humans tend to lack any public empathy and compassion, so maybe he was alien to this world

...or maybe Americans are just aliens to this world

/study it out


For your consideration:

All of the "Abrahamic" faiths, (Christians, Jewish, Muslims,) harken back to the same god. Is it any wonder we're a war-like people? The overwhelming majority of human beings actually worship a deity less responsible than your average teenage babysitter. If you're of the Christian or Jewish variety, then you believe that your god actually set the rules up so that his own son would have to be murdered in a savage ritual for human beings to overcome the curse he collectively bestowed upon them for the results of his own negligence. For it was he, according to your holy texts that allowed an agent of evil into paradise in the first place. it was he who dictated the savage, cruel terms and conditions for "salvation". If you're a Muslim, then it was he who cursed 72 virgins with having to tolerate your sandy ass for eternity for the great service involving your typical murderous religion-based savagery.

Religion: it's really just for savages.
2013-03-29 09:09:20 AM  
1 votes:

olddinosaur: Here's what's wrong with the Shroud:

1. The man is tall and thin, most men of the times had short stocky physiques;

2. His face is oval and elongate, most men of that place and time had round wide faces;

3. The nose is straight and long, most men of that place had short wide noses;

4. He has a high square forehead and a high hairline, most men of that place had a low hairline and rounded forehead;

5. He wears his hair shoulder length, most men of that place and time wore their hair about 1" long at most;

6. He wears a long beard, and most men of that place and time cropped their beards shorter than their hair, 1/2" on average;

7. Both the hair and the beard are straight, most men of that place and time had curly hair;

8. The forearms are abnormally long in proportion to the rest of the body, but the forelegs are normal in size, and it is nowhere written that Jesus suffered any such deformity;

9.  The reverse view of the body is 1/2" inch longer than the front view, and curvature of the cloth does not seem to account for this inconsistency.

Everyone who wrote about Jesus considered him important, and no one mentions anywhere that he looked any different from the common men of his place and time.  When the Romans came to take him, they had to ask who he was, which proves it even more conclusively.  Jesus did not look any different from the average man of his place and time, the facts do not support any other conclusion.


Another Fun Fact, until the shroud was "Discovered" in the 1300s Jesus was usually depicted as you described above, afterwards, the now traditional image of Jesus became the norm.

/Wait does that mean the artist of the shroud was the worlds first internet troll?
2013-03-29 09:07:16 AM  
1 votes:

PainInTheASP: Jesus was an alien.*


John 18:36:  Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place."



*Yup


Like to hear a song about it? Here it go.

2013-03-29 09:02:19 AM  
1 votes:

captainstudd: Isn't that blood on the forehead? Can we get some DNA and impregnate someone with a baby Jesus? We can actually play god.


academic.depauw.edu

Life finds a way
2013-03-29 08:58:55 AM  
1 votes:
"Fanti, a Catholic,"

Nice to know that the scientist is impartial.
rpm
2013-03-29 08:52:57 AM  
1 votes:

Yakk: It's painted on, if the impression was made by draping it over a body it face would be distorted on the sides where it hung over the cheeks.


Possibly not painted.
2013-03-29 08:51:10 AM  
1 votes:
Those results, Fanti said, were "false" because of laboratory contamination, the Telegraph reported.

Sounds legit.
2013-03-29 08:47:22 AM  
1 votes:
Two words missing there were "peer" and "reviewed".


/Padova is awesome
2013-03-29 08:18:55 AM  
1 votes:
Jesus was an alien.
2013-03-29 07:54:11 AM  
1 votes:
jesus or republican jesus??
 
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