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(Slate)   My partner suffered a severe stroke. How soon can I leave her?   (slate.com) divider line 163
    More: Sad, Emily Yoffe, medical system, strokes  
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15510 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Mar 2013 at 7:45 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-28 06:30:56 PM  
Newt?
 
2013-03-28 06:30:57 PM  
  you already have..
 
2013-03-28 06:31:21 PM  
Farkers are such great people, I'm sure nobody would bail.
 
2013-03-28 06:39:10 PM  
As soon as she signs the power of attorney.
 
2013-03-28 06:52:30 PM  
ath thomun hungh eh thuffowed e thtwoke, ung geyying u kig
 
2013-03-28 06:53:39 PM  
i1079.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-28 06:56:17 PM  
He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.
 
2013-03-28 07:16:12 PM  
Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.
 
2013-03-28 07:20:12 PM  
Some people will do anything to try getting out of eating their vegetables.

/I'm a bad, bad person.
 
2013-03-28 07:30:20 PM  

dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.


It's a fake column.
 
2013-03-28 07:37:49 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.

It's a fake column.


And we're done here.
 
2013-03-28 07:41:07 PM  
You can leave immediately. It's not like she's going to stop you.
 
2013-03-28 07:43:08 PM  
When my younger sister was 30 years old, while she and I were on vacation together she suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to use the left side of her body. After she came out of surgery the doctor told me she would probably never be able to use her left arm. She learned to walk again and while she'll never be a concert pianist, that arm now works. At the time her marriage was on the rocks, but her husband came home to help. The reconciliation failed, she says in part because she didn't want someone who was there, as he was, out of pity. When I talked to her about your story, she had no words of condemnation for you. She said that you two being together for a little over a year was pretty light for something this heavy, and she understood that it's particularly hard for a young person. There's a lot of pain for both the stroke survivor and the caretaker. But three months out is too early to judge the extent of your fiancée's possible recovery. (She also highly recommends the book Stronger After Stroke: Your Roadmap to Recovery by Peter G. Levine.) Even if you ultimately decide you can't stay in the relationship, you still might be able to remain a close, supportive friend. You could also use a therapist of your own to help you work through what you can and can't do. I hope in time the days get easier. And as they go by, keep checking in with yourself and ask, "What would I expect and want her to do if our situations were reversed?"

That's ... that's pretty good advice.
 
2013-03-28 07:48:12 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.

It's a fake column.


That being probably true... it is still the more interesting fake story.
 
2013-03-28 07:48:20 PM  

DrPainMD: You can leave immediately. It's not like she's going to stop you.


Well, not with her left arm.
 
2013-03-28 07:49:37 PM  
Went through a lot more "sickness" than ever thought when we agreed to sickness and health. More than I imagined possible. You will never know what you're capable of until you're faced with it. Then you just do it... and wish you didn't have to.
 
2013-03-28 07:49:53 PM  
www.lyricsfreak.com

Stick around for a bit, Billy always plays an encore after "Stroke"
 
2013-03-28 07:50:38 PM  
Run, bro.
 
2013-03-28 07:50:39 PM  
Will she still be able to give a Dutch rudder?
 
2013-03-28 07:51:20 PM  
Yay traditional marriage!
 
2013-03-28 07:51:44 PM  
Depends. Is she hot?
 
2013-03-28 07:52:10 PM  
Assuming it's fake; the real answer to this is: Clearly you two are NOT soul mates if a stroke could make you contemplate leaving her (or him). If you love somebody like that, then you'd want to stay with them forever and more if they needed you like that. If a bad illness or disability makes you want to bail immediately, then obviously the love is not there, and you may as well leave now as later. The longer you stay, the more the disabled person will need you, and that's not fair to either one of you. And who knows, maybe THEY don't love YOU either, and would be just as glad if you were gone.

That said, yeah, nobody could have that much trouble-free drama in their life.
 
2013-03-28 07:52:13 PM  
If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.
 
2013-03-28 07:53:10 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Newt?


And that one just went yard, folks.  The first pitch, belted out of the park.
 
2013-03-28 07:55:16 PM  

GopherGuts: If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.


I will, but I won't leave a round chambered, just to fark with you.
 
2013-03-28 07:55:39 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Newt?


Oh fark you. At least get your facts straight.

Oh yeah you won't because then you'd have nothing to use to try and insult some one whose political views you hate..
 
2013-03-28 07:55:47 PM  

SpikeStrip: ath thomun hungh eh thuffowed e thtwoke, ung geyying u kig


Narm.
 
2013-03-28 07:56:05 PM  

NCg8r: Went through a lot more "sickness" than ever thought when we agreed to sickness and health. More than I imagined possible. You will never know what you're capable of until you're faced with it. Then you just do it... and wish you didn't have to.


Went through this with wife.  She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer less than a week after our wedding.  Going through chemo, radiation and surgeries with her was absolutely terrible, but I think ultimately made us a stronger couple.

/Don't wish what we went through on my worst enemy.
 
2013-03-28 07:56:33 PM  
Dear Advice Giver,
   I'm a really farked-up person. Please answer me as if I weren't.

Thank You,
Farked-up Person
 
2013-03-28 07:57:35 PM  

Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.


I would dump a girl if she got fat.
 
2013-03-28 07:57:40 PM  
In highschool a girl who would enjoy having a stroke was a reason to keep her.
 
2013-03-28 07:58:04 PM  

Cheesus: Yay traditional marriage!


Since marriage exists for the purpose of procreation, I say if she's unable to get pregnant, you're clear.
 
2013-03-28 07:59:36 PM  
Ugh.

I mean, I understand it would be hard. I understand it would be dreadful to go through. But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"
 
2013-03-28 08:02:10 PM  

Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"


I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.
 
2013-03-28 08:02:10 PM  

Genevieve Marie: Ugh.

I mean, I understand it would be hard. I understand it would be dreadful to go through. But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"


In the article she talked about her sister who doesn't want pity.  It's not about running, it's about taking care of yourself.
 
2013-03-28 08:03:36 PM  
If they had kids together he's obligated.  But they didn't, so he's not.
 
2013-03-28 08:03:38 PM  

MNguy: Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.

I would dump a girl if she got fat.


This.

Stroke, vegetable state, cancer? I'm staying with you till one of us dies.
You get fat? See ya!
 
2013-03-28 08:05:12 PM  
www.biography.com

Approves.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:04 PM  
I don't get it. Did her vagina have a stroke too?

/Windowseat, please.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:08 PM  
Dated a girl whose parents were in a spot like that. It was pretty heartbreaking.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:54 PM  
So much for being soulmates.  She's better off the sooner the asshole leaves.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:57 PM  

douchebag/hater: RedPhoenix122: Newt?

Oh fark you. At least get your facts straight.

Oh yeah you won't because then you'd have nothing to use to try and insult some one whose political views you hate..


i.imgur.com


Unbunch your panties.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:57 PM  
I mean... I have a hard time judging the guy harshly.. they have been together a year and a half. So because of that year and a half, BAM, lifetime of slavery as a home nurse with no room for anything else.(which is basically what it takes).

I frankly don't consider people together a year or two to even really hardly be in a relationship. Oh, you "love" each other and have great "passion". Sure.
 
2013-03-28 08:07:45 PM  

MagSeven: I don't get it. Did her vagina have a stroke too?

/Windowseat, please.


You bastard!!!! My screen is now covered in Mountain Dew!!!!
 
2013-03-28 08:08:26 PM  
spentmiles is writing letters to Dear Prudence now?
 
2013-03-28 08:08:40 PM  

MagSeven: I don't get it. Did her vagina have a stroke too?

/Windowseat, please.


I'm imagining a vagina stroke and I don't think I'd walk away from that.
 
2013-03-28 08:09:03 PM  
Just drop her off in the politics tab.  Nobody will notice
 
2013-03-28 08:10:04 PM  

Xanadone: So much for being soulmates.  She's better off the sooner the asshole leaves.


Who will change her diapers?
 
2013-03-28 08:10:46 PM  
  He's concerned about how this will affect his son's comfort in his last few years living at home but he's not concerned about what kind of lesson his leaving would be for his son? I hope this is fake.
 
2013-03-28 08:12:34 PM  

Cowthulu: In highschool a girl who would enjoy having a stroke was a reason to keep her.


If you're stroking the girl, that's girls a dude, dude!
 
2013-03-28 08:13:20 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"

I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.


Her stroke was three months ago and he's already made up his mind to bail after a set amount of time. He's not looking at her and thinking about how to help her get better and how to be supportive and loving- he's looking at her and thinking "How fast can I run without looking like a total ass?"

The whole thought process just seems totally repugnant to me. You love someone, you love them. I can't imagine a situation in which my boyfriend had an accident and my first thought was "Damn, he's not whole anymore. How fast can I GTFO?"
 
2013-03-28 08:13:26 PM  

douchebag/hater: RedPhoenix122: Newt?

Oh fark you. At least get your facts straight.

Oh yeah you won't because then you'd have nothing to use to try and insult some one whose political views you hate..


That's extra-hilarious coming from someone who spends his whole time on fark spewing hate about people whose political views he disagrees with,
 
2013-03-28 08:15:21 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"

I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.


A full-time caretaker to someone they've known for a year and a half.  Long ago, I married a woman I'd only known for a year.  It was her good year.
 
2013-03-28 08:16:52 PM  

redsquid: He's concerned about how this will affect his son's comfort in his last few years living at home but he's not concerned about what kind of lesson his leaving would be for his son? I hope this is fake.


Yea, my best friend's dad did this- divorced his wife soon after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Meant my friend spent most of his teen years living alone with his mother while her health declined. He's the one that had to learn how to transfer her into her wheelchair and how to sort her meds, and he gave up a lot of social time to ferry her to doctors appointments.

You can imagine how he feels about his dad's decision. Granted, this is different since the woman isn't his child's mother, but still- it's a pretty dreadful example to set- that people are disposable when they get inconvenient.
 
2013-03-28 08:17:56 PM  
I knew a couple where this happened while she was still in her early 20s.  He got her through the coma, and into rehab... and she ended up dumping him because he was too overprotective and kept trying to bubble-wrap her since she still got follow-up seizures, and she didn't want to put up with the agita of living safely enough.
 
2013-03-28 08:18:12 PM  

Genevieve Marie: I can't imagine a situation in which my boyfriend had an accident and my first thought was "Damn, he's not whole anymore. How fast can I GTFO?"


Many people can't imagine a situation they've never been in.
 
2013-03-28 08:18:30 PM  
 
2013-03-28 08:18:55 PM  

PhiloeBedoe: [i1079.photobucket.com image 500x375]


Funny you should post that.
I have a friend that I've had since grade school
Very talented.
Even been on that show a few times as a repeat character.
But all her life, she took care of her brother, who has CP.
Her adopted mom was Elizabeth Taylor.
Taught Liz how to act, on stage, instead of a camera.
She probably could have had a bigger career if she had ignored her brother, but has really acted as a caretaker for him all her life.
She's never bailed on him for a job, or a great opportunity for a role.
He's always come first.
Now, she's probably not really really wealthy with money or fame.
But among her life long friends, she's wealthy.
She has the respect, support, and admiration of all that have known her on her path through life.
I absolutely adored her from the moment I first laid eyes on her in our freshman year of High School.
I've always thought she was a great singer and dancer and actor.
Better than I could ever be.
And I act, and sing, and dance.
But I always do it knowing her brother cannot.
He can be the audience for our passions, but he cannot participate.
One thing's for certain, though.
When he guffaws at one of our outtakes, or even a final cut, I feel richer.

I'm sure Jerry approves.
He's really a nice guy.

/And... Oh, Hai!
 
2013-03-28 08:20:00 PM  

Genevieve Marie: Popcorn Johnny: Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"

I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.

Her stroke was three months ago and he's already made up his mind to bail after a set amount of time. He's not looking at her and thinking about how to help her get better and how to be supportive and loving- he's looking at her and thinking "How fast can I run without looking like a total ass?"

The whole thought process just seems totally repugnant to me. You love someone, you love them. I can't imagine a situation in which my boyfriend had an accident and my first thought was "Damn, he's not whole anymore. How fast can I GTFO?"


Answer this honestly: if the accident rendered your boyfriend into someone who didn't recognize you, couldn't talk, couldn't eat by himself, soiled himself constantly, and his only form of communication was screaming unintelligible shrieks, would it really be the same person you fell in love with?
 
2013-03-28 08:20:46 PM  
A good friend broke up with a guy who treated her like crap, but nothing physically or emotionally abusive; he was just a jerk. Two months later, he became a paraplegic after a motorcyle accident. His -ex-wife and daughter (neither of whom liked my friend) tried to convince her to get back together with the guy (probabaly so they wouldn't have to care for him). They laid a lot fo guilt on her, but she held firm because she had already decided she was better off without him. He's since had a surprisingly good recovery, but have both moved on.

When the wife of a couple I knew well was diagnosed with MS, he left her. He just was not capable of being supportive. And yes, he was a pretty shallow person, but she was better of without him.

Not everyone is capable of supporting and caring for an invalid. Not everyone is compassionate and loving. Yes, we can call these people shiatty, but I believe that the ill person is always better off without them in the long run. And the ones who do stick around and provide love and care are indeed special people worthy of the HERO tag. But the others are not quite the villians we would like them to be.
 
2013-03-28 08:22:18 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Assuming it's fake; the real answer to this is: Clearly you two are NOT soul mates if a stroke could make you contemplate leaving her (or him). If you love somebody like that, then you'd want to stay with them forever and more if they needed you like that. If a bad illness or disability makes you want to bail immediately, then obviously the love is not there, and you may as well leave now as later. The longer you stay, the more the disabled person will need you, and that's not fair to either one of you...


This. Not sure what this guy's definition of soul mates is, but it doesn't match mine.

At this point it sounds like she has regained a lot of function except for one arm. If she were left a vegetable I'm all for a 'this is not the person I fell in love with' excuse. But losing use of one arm is not the biggest crisis that could happen, so if he wants to bail at this point he'd be no use if something even worse happens.

Were the marriage vows he was planning on using going to omit the "in sickness and in health" bit?
 
2013-03-28 08:23:39 PM  

WhippingBoy: Genevieve Marie: Popcorn Johnny: Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"

I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.

Her stroke was three months ago and he's already made up his mind to bail after a set amount of time. He's not looking at her and thinking about how to help her get better and how to be supportive and loving- he's looking at her and thinking "How fast can I run without looking like a total ass?"

The whole thought process just seems totally repugnant to me. You love someone, you love them. I can't imagine a situation in which my boyfriend had an accident and my first thought was "Damn, he's not whole anymore. How fast can I GTFO?"

Answer this honestly: if the accident rendered your boyfriend into someone who didn't recognize you, couldn't talk, couldn't eat by himself, soiled himself constantly, and his only form of communication was screaming unintelligible shrieks, would it really be the same person you fell in love with?


No, of course not. If he was in a state where he was so mentally incapacitated he no longer knew who I was, that emotional bond would probably be shaken and I'd have to figure out with his family how to make sure he was well taken care of.

But that's not what happened here. She had a stroke. She still knows who she is and who he is. She just has some physical challenges- some of which are improving with therapy.

He says in the article that she'll be devastated when he leaves. She's clearly mentally present.
 
2013-03-28 08:26:06 PM  

Genevieve Marie: WhippingBoy: Genevieve Marie: Popcorn Johnny: Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"

I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.

Her stroke was three months ago and he's already made up his mind to bail after a set amount of time. He's not looking at her and thinking about how to help her get better and how to be supportive and loving- he's looking at her and thinking "How fast can I run without looking like a total ass?"

The whole thought process just seems totally repugnant to me. You love someone, you love them. I can't imagine a situation in which my boyfriend had an accident and my first thought was "Damn, he's not whole anymore. How fast can I GTFO?"

Answer this honestly: if the accident rendered your boyfriend into someone who didn't recognize you, couldn't talk, couldn't eat by himself, soiled himself constantly, and his only form of communication was screaming unintelligible shrieks, would it really be the same person you fell in love with?

No, of course not. If he was in a state where he was so mentally incapacitated he no longer knew who I was, that emotional bond would probably be shaken and I'd have to figure out with his family how to make sure he was well taken care of.

But that's not what happened here. She had a stroke. She still knows who she is and who he is. She just has some physical challenges- some of which are improving with therapy.

He says in the article that she'll be devastated when he leaves. She's clearly mentally present.


Fair enough.
 
2013-03-28 08:28:26 PM  

Genevieve Marie: redsquid: He's concerned about how this will affect his son's comfort in his last few years living at home but he's not concerned about what kind of lesson his leaving would be for his son? I hope this is fake.

Yea, my best friend's dad did this- divorced his wife soon after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Meant my friend spent most of his teen years living alone with his mother while her health declined. He's the one that had to learn how to transfer her into her wheelchair and how to sort her meds, and he gave up a lot of social time to ferry her to doctors appointments.

You can imagine how he feels about his dad's decision. Granted, this is different since the woman isn't his child's mother, but still- it's a pretty dreadful example to set- that people are disposable when they get inconvenient.



Your best friend'd Dad is an asshole.
 
2013-03-28 08:28:29 PM  
when slammin' sammy snead died after a series of strokes, someone asked if  he'd made par
 
2013-03-28 08:29:04 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Newt?


I was beaten to it in the...ummm, post which preceded the second and all others....damn Fark Filter!
 
2013-03-28 08:30:44 PM  
A few years ago my neighbor had an stroke so bad he was completely paralyzed. When I went to see him in the hospital he was practically a vegetable, and thought he'd be institutionalized for sure.  It took four years of daily rehab and constant care from his wife and high-school aged son, and now he is practically back to normal:  you can't tell from talking to him that anything was wrong.  He complains about not being able to type because of problems with his hands, but he has no accent or slurred speech, can drive, work a phone, etc.

His wife and son never once complained.
 
2013-03-28 08:31:59 PM  

PhiloeBedoe: [i1079.photobucket.com image 500x375]


First thing I thought of.


/yankee bean
 
2013-03-28 08:32:33 PM  
I can't understand you anymore since the stroke.

Wait, I have an idea! If you want me to stay raise both hands.
 
2013-03-28 08:36:12 PM  
More therapy

Link
 
2013-03-28 08:36:19 PM  
We could complete each other's sentence


Well at least that part will be easier now. Whenever starts talking just go ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUGHGHGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!


Also, fark that guy. I hope his kid gets raped by someone with AIDS.
 
2013-03-28 08:36:27 PM  
Leave ASAP, the last hing she needs is weak minded person pretending to help.
 
2013-03-28 08:37:43 PM  

skantea: Leave ASAP, the last hing she needs is weak minded person pretending to help.


Leave the Chinese out of this.
 
2013-03-28 08:42:39 PM  
Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.
 
2013-03-28 08:45:20 PM  

Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.


Yeah, I agree.
 
2013-03-28 08:50:12 PM  
Is this really much different from, "My husband lost $5 million in the stock market. We're pretty much broke now. Can I sue for divorce (and half his 401K)?"
 
2013-03-28 08:50:20 PM  

Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.


Write that in your film script.  In real life you're going to need someone strong enough to help you bathe and go to the bath room.  And if there's no money for a care giver, then you need the person who said they loved you to come through.
Then again, that may not be how the world works for us humans anymore :(
 
2013-03-28 08:50:25 PM  

Walker: thismomentinblackhistory: dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.

It's a fake column.

And we're done here.



What percentage of your questions do you think are just made up?


[ 127 points 3 months ago
A miniscule percentage and I don't run letters I think are fake.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/14byqr/im_emily_yoffe_slates_d ea r_prudence_advice/


If the column author is to be believed, then it's not the column author who is generating the content, it's the people sending the letters in.
 
2013-03-28 08:55:42 PM  

Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.


THIS, FARKING THIS.

My better half is signing on to be with me in sickness and in health, until death parts us.

If I'm incapable of being the person I was, if I can no longer lead a meaningful life... then I'm dead.  That's not "sickness", that's just done.  Heartbeat doesn't mean anything if there's no life behind it.  She should mourn me, briefly, and then leave and get on with her life.
 
2013-03-28 08:58:11 PM  

over_and_done: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

THIS, FARKING THIS.

My better half is signing on to be with me in sickness and in health, until death parts us.

If I'm incapable of being the person I was, if I can no longer lead a meaningful life... then I'm dead.  That's not "sickness", that's just done.  Heartbeat doesn't mean anything if there's no life behind it.  She should mourn me, briefly, and then leave and get on with her life.


Which is totally irrelevant to this case where the woman is mentally present and working on regaining her speech and movement.
 
2013-03-28 08:59:09 PM  
I read somewhere that men are six times as likely to bail on a sick spouse than women are My theory is that sex is far more important to men than it is to women and if men feel as if they're going to be cheated out of it, they'll look for greener pastures.

But for every guy who bails on a sick wife, I'm sure there's a wife who's bailed on a husband who lost his cushy job/saving in the stock market and who can no longer support her in the way she was accustomed.
 
2013-03-28 09:01:52 PM  

nickerj1: If the column author is to be believed, then it's not the column author who is generating the content, it's the people sending the letters in.


Yes, and it's the job of the columnist or his staff to filter the ones that are obvious pranks.  The dear prudence guy is really, really bad at that and lets mostly bullshiat letters get through.  It's not the advice that's insincere, it's the letters that are mostly fake in the first place.

Ask any radio DJ how much they have to pay a screener for calls, and how many joke calls still get through.

//Strangely, the Dear Abbey people seem to be fairly decent at only accepting real letters, despite the advice in DA being pants-on-head retarded.
 
2013-03-28 09:03:04 PM  
well jiminy christmas she can still fark, can't she?
 
2013-03-28 09:04:05 PM  

yourmomlovestetris: I read somewhere that men are six times as likely to bail on a sick spouse than women are My theory is that sex is far more important to men than it is to women and if men feel as if they're going to be cheated out of it, they'll look for greener pastures.


What does any of this have to do with married men? They're already not getting it from their wife, what difference would a stroke make?
 
2013-03-28 09:06:38 PM  

yourmomlovestetris: I read somewhere that men are six times as likely to bail on a sick spouse than women are My theory is that sex is far more important to men than it is to women and if men feel as if they're going to be cheated out of it, they'll look for greener pastures.

But for every guy who bails on a sick wife, I'm sure there's a wife who's bailed on a husband who lost his cushy job/saving in the stock market and who can no longer support her in the way she was accustomed.


I think it's because women are socialized to be caregivers and the job of caring for aging or infirm family members often falls to women. I don't think this is a positive thing- I think that kind of work should be shared.

I also think sex is something that's equally important to people of both genders, but once again- we're socialized differently on it.
 
2013-03-28 09:06:53 PM  

over_and_done: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

THIS, FARKING THIS.

My better half is signing on to be with me in sickness and in health, until death parts us.

If I'm incapable of being the person I was, if I can no longer lead a meaningful life... then I'm dead.  That's not "sickness", that's just done.  Heartbeat doesn't mean anything if there's no life behind it.  She should mourn me, briefly, and then leave and get on with her life.


All nice and good but the woman in the article isn't even remotely dead, she is not a vegetable, she is not lying in bed unable to move. Her speech is slightly affected and she has lost the use of one arm! As has been noted she is still able to improve further. What next, "my wife has developed a limp, is it okay to leave now? I fell in love with a woman who didn't limp therefore it simply isn't the same woman anymore". Is that all it takes?
 
2013-03-28 09:11:47 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Assuming it's fake; the real answer to this is: Clearly you two are NOT soul mates if a stroke could make you contemplate leaving her (or him). If you love somebody like that, then you'd want to stay with them forever and more if they needed you like that. If a bad illness or disability makes you want to bail immediately, then obviously the love is not there, and you may as well leave now as later. The longer you stay, the more the disabled person will need you, and that's not fair to either one of you. And who knows, maybe THEY don't love YOU either, and would be just as glad if you were gone.

That said, yeah, nobody could have that much trouble-free drama in their life.


Taking care of a person with severe incapacitation is no easy feat(bathing, toileting dressing, feeding, even moving them because they can't walk), plus people who have suffered strokes often have behavioral changes. This guy should be looking into respite first(where caregivers can come in and do a lot of the work, or she could go into a care center a few days a week) before he makes a decision, though.It's possible that she may be permanently incapacitated, but it's also possible she  could recover quite a bit. he should at least stick it out a bit longer, it's probably just overwhelming at the moment.
 
2013-03-28 09:13:38 PM  
If she can't eat her navy beans?

I know I won't have been first with this.
 
2013-03-28 09:15:51 PM  
Quitting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
 
2013-03-28 09:16:55 PM  
Suck to be him if he put a large down payment , but needed her income to make the mortgage payment.
 
2013-03-28 09:17:35 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Newt?


I knew someone would probably beat me to it, but Boobies?  Geeezzzz.
 
2013-03-28 09:17:54 PM  

Nidiot: over_and_done: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

THIS, FARKING THIS.

My better half is signing on to be with me in sickness and in health, until death parts us.

If I'm incapable of being the person I was, if I can no longer lead a meaningful life... then I'm dead.  That's not "sickness", that's just done.  Heartbeat doesn't mean anything if there's no life behind it.  She should mourn me, briefly, and then leave and get on with her life.

All nice and good but the woman in the article isn't even remotely dead, she is not a vegetable, she is not lying in bed unable to move. Her speech is slightly affected and she has lost the use of one arm! As has been noted she is still able to improve further. What next, "my wife has developed a limp, is it okay to leave now? I fell in love with a woman who didn't limp therefore it simply isn't the same woman anymore". Is that all it takes?


Depends.  If I'm the one limping and it's destroyed my spirit, then I wouldn't blame her for leaving.

Hopefully I'd be a little bit stronger than that though.
 
2013-03-28 09:21:07 PM  
"Soulmates"

What a hilarious, overused term for friendship. And usually bad friendships.
 
2013-03-28 09:23:12 PM  
somebody call clarence carter
 
2013-03-28 09:25:35 PM  

medius: somebody call clarence carter



  Patches...
 
2013-03-28 09:26:11 PM  

Yogimus: GopherGuts: If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.

I will, but I won't leave a round chambered, just to fark with you.


I larfed
 
2013-03-28 09:31:18 PM  

over_and_done: Nidiot: over_and_done: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

THIS, FARKING THIS.

My better half is signing on to be with me in sickness and in health, until death parts us.

If I'm incapable of being the person I was, if I can no longer lead a meaningful life... then I'm dead.  That's not "sickness", that's just done.  Heartbeat doesn't mean anything if there's no life behind it.  She should mourn me, briefly, and then leave and get on with her life.

All nice and good but the woman in the article isn't even remotely dead, she is not a vegetable, she is not lying in bed unable to move. Her speech is slightly affected and she has lost the use of one arm! As has been noted she is still able to improve further. What next, "my wife has developed a limp, is it okay to leave now? I fell in love with a woman who didn't limp therefore it simply isn't the same woman anymore". Is that all it takes?

Depends.  If I'm the one limping and it's destroyed my spirit, then I wouldn't blame her for leaving.

Hopefully I'd be a little bit stronger than that though.


You might want to check your shoes first, you may just have ended up with a stone in one, and your wife will be gone.
 
2013-03-28 09:38:27 PM  

douchebag/hater: RedPhoenix122: Newt?

Oh fark you. At least get your facts straight.

Oh yeah you won't because then you'd have nothing to use to try and insult some one whose political views you hate..


Newt does not have political views he has career aspirations.
 
2013-03-28 09:53:59 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Assuming it's fake; the real answer to this is: Clearly you two are NOT soul mates if a stroke could make you contemplate leaving her (or him). If you love somebody like that, then you'd want to stay with them forever and more if they needed you like that.


This is what I came to say. The guy is playing the pity card after freely confessing what a lying little snake he is. What's worse, he wants to stay so he can appear noble and honorable to the next woman he plans to play the "soul mate" card on. I'll bet a lot of money he doesn't mention to the next woman that the woman he left was his "soul mate."
 
2013-03-28 09:56:25 PM  

neongoats: I mean... I have a hard time judging the guy harshly.. they have been together a year and a half. So because of that year and a half, BAM, lifetime of slavery as a home nurse with no room for anything else.(which is basically what it takes).

I frankly don't consider people together a year or two to even really hardly be in a relationship. Oh, you "love" each other and have great "passion". Sure.


Looking back after 10 years, I have to agree with you.
 
2013-03-28 09:56:59 PM  
Well what about this?  Let's say hypothetically, your wife is a terrible person, makes you feel awful, and you dread spending time with her.  You are planning on a divorce, and then she gets diagnosed with MS.  Do you stick around just to be a caretaker to a bitter terrible human being?
 
2013-03-28 09:59:13 PM  
The solution is simple:
1. Put a plastic bag over her head while she sleeps
2. Claim "crib death" (yeah, like that's a real thing)
3. Cash in on insurance claim
 
2013-03-28 10:01:26 PM  
A divorce after a stroke or any major medical incident is not uncommon.
 
2013-03-28 10:02:38 PM  

standardeviation: Well what about this?  Let's say hypothetically, your wife is a terrible person, makes you feel awful, and you dread spending time with her.  You are planning on a divorce, and then she gets diagnosed with MS.  Do you stick around just to be a caretaker to a bitter terrible human being?


Of course not.  You'd end up morphine-ing her out and going to jail for murder (if you can't get the body cremated fast enough).


//some biatch did this to my dad.
 
2013-03-28 10:04:16 PM  

Tumunga: spentmiles is writing letters to Dear Prudence now?


Pretty much. He's the pocketninja for the Walmart crowd.
 
2013-03-28 10:06:35 PM  

standardeviation: Well what about this?  Let's say hypothetically, your wife is a terrible person, makes you feel awful, and you dread spending time with her.  You are planning on a divorce, and then she gets diagnosed with MS.  Do you stick around just to be a caretaker to a bitter terrible human being?


People keep making up all these horrible hypotheticals that don't have anything to do with actual case.

We live in a free country. What is contemptuous about this man is he wants everyone to think he is a knight in shining armor while running around being a jerk. He owes this woman nothing. But he also owes it to the world to stop running off at the mouth about how she was/is his soul mate. There is no "tragedy" here for him. It is a simple hedonistic calculation on his part.
 
2013-03-28 10:07:51 PM  
sad indeed
 
2013-03-28 10:08:22 PM  

standardeviation: Well what about this?  Let's say hypothetically, your wife is a terrible person, makes you feel awful, and you dread spending time with her.  You are planning on a divorce, and then she gets diagnosed with MS.  Do you stick around just to be a caretaker to a bitter terrible human being?


No, you divorce her, accept you are going to look bad to the outside world, and realise it was a pity you didn't divorce her sooner. I'd advise not looking online for support though, since you might not get it. It's not about right and wrong as much as it is about consequences.
 
2013-03-28 10:10:58 PM  
Leave her as soon as possible so she can have a chance to find true love
 
2013-03-28 10:11:06 PM  

whatshisname: A divorce after a stroke or any major medical incident is not uncommon.


Sad but true, but then divorce is not all that uncommon in the first place.
 
2013-03-28 10:15:03 PM  

worlddan: We live in a free country. What is contemptuous about this man is he wants everyone to think he is a knight in shining armor while running around being a jerk. He owes this woman nothing. But he also owes it to the world to stop running off at the mouth about how she was/is his soul mate. There is no "tragedy" here for him. It is a simple hedonistic calculation on his part.


This. If you want public approval do what the public approves of, otherwise do whatever the fark you want and ignore what everyone else thinks, but you generally can't have it both ways.
 
2013-03-28 10:27:26 PM  

yourmomlovestetris: I read somewhere that men are six times as likely to bail on a sick spouse than women are My theory is that sex is far more important to men than it is to women and if men feel as if they're going to be cheated out of it, they'll look for greener pastures.

But for every guy who bails on a sick wife, I'm sure there's a wife who's bailed on a husband who lost his cushy job/saving in the stock market and who can no longer support her in the way she was accustomed.


Two thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. I suppose it's possible that the original statistic still holds for cases of sickness, but it seems unlikely.
 
2013-03-28 10:28:02 PM  
My husband's ex-wife had a stroke (at the age of 34) a little after they separated. It's been a long, tiring journey. She has a care worker come in every day, she has Access-A-Ride, and she has her twin daughters. My husband helps out a lot as well, but it's always a struggle. She's kind of OK, but she has definite mental issues. Physically, she has no control of her bladder, no use of her left arm, some use of her left leg. She's been this way since the late '90s. No picnic, indeed.
 
2013-03-28 10:49:10 PM  

spunkymunky: Tumunga: spentmiles is writing letters to Dear Prudence now?

Pretty much. He's the pocketninja for the Walmart crowd.


This is indescribably accurate. My favorite Spentmiles (that's in my autospell?!) quote was regarding his fantastic sweatpants:

"These shiats are Guess, not some Faded Glory bullshiat."

So, yeah.
 
2013-03-28 10:52:15 PM  

Genevieve Marie: Ugh.

I mean, I understand it would be hard. I understand it would be dreadful to go through. But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"


THIS!
 
2013-03-28 10:54:46 PM  
As distasteful as it sounds to leave someone with a disability, it's also kind of tough to blame the people who find that they can't handle it. There's a reason you hear the word "saint" so often used to describe people who can manage to maintain a strong, stable relationship with someone who has one: it really isn't an easy thing to do.

If you really want scum, look at the people who don't have the decency even to end such a relationship before starting another.
 
2013-03-28 10:55:19 PM  
Fake like all the other letters to this site.
 
2013-03-28 10:57:32 PM  
It sucks, but marriage isn't some sacred bond that forces two people together any more. We don't live in some fundamentalist society and people should have complete freedom over marriage and the annulment of said marriages.

The guy doesn't want to marry a stroke victim (who does?) and wants to cut his losses. People break up for far less.
 
2013-03-28 11:01:42 PM  

WhippingBoy: The solution is simple:
1. Put a plastic bag over her head while she sleeps
2. Claim "crib death" (yeah, like that's a real thing)
3. Cash in on insurance claim


You are an idiot.

/Rubbermaid containers leave no marks.
 
2013-03-28 11:02:07 PM  

WhippingBoy: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

Yeah, I agree.


No. A real soul mate is finding someone that would do everything for you, that you would do for them. In good times and bad. And in the case that you want to be a jerk, and leave the person you promised your life to be with. Hopefully you expected the same thing from them at some point. If you would take care of them through sickness and health, as they would do for you, That's a soul mate.
 
2013-03-28 11:04:28 PM  
 
2013-03-28 11:05:01 PM  

DrPainMD: You can leave immediately. It's not like she's going to stop catch you.


Fixed.
 
2013-03-28 11:09:42 PM  

Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.


Agreed.  They're not married, he's not breaking any promise here.

over_and_done: If I'm incapable of being the person I was, if I can no longer lead a meaningful life... then I'm dead. That's not "sickness", that's just done. Heartbeat doesn't mean anything if there's no life behind it. She should mourn me, briefly, and then leave and get on with her life.


Yup, I have told my wife that if I'm ever messed up with Alzheimer's or the like to the point that I don't know her that she has no obligation to me at all at that point.  Save what she can of our assets and leave.
 
2013-03-28 11:10:41 PM  

GopherGuts: If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock pills and a glass of water within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.


Gun suicides are messy.
 
2013-03-28 11:17:26 PM  

Dadoody: [www.votetruth08.com image 539x340]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1024927/The-wife-John-McCa in -callously-left-behind.html


From the above link:
'After he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history.'

OMG... he really did use the "my wife has developed a limp, I didn't fall in love with a woman with a limp" excuse!

Actually the real reason was worse, his ex-wife says: "My marriage ended because John McCain didn't want to be 40, he wanted to be 25. You know that happens..."
He was just a typical douche.
 
2013-03-28 11:18:26 PM  
I actually know a girl this happened too. Pretty shallow guy to leave her but she was better off. He didn't even wait for her to get out of the hospital.
 
2013-03-28 11:19:24 PM  

Millennium: As distasteful as it sounds to leave someone with a disability, it's also kind of tough to blame the people who find that they can't handle it. There's a reason you hear the word "saint" so often used to describe people who can manage to maintain a strong, stable relationship with someone who has one: it really isn't an easy thing to do.

If you really want scum, look at the people who don't have the decency even to end such a relationship before starting another.


You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair,
Ruby, are you contemplating going out somewhere?
The shadows on the wall tell me the sun is going down,
Oh Ruby, don't take your love to town.
 
2013-03-28 11:29:08 PM  

Remarkable_Anus: I actually know a girl this happened too. Pretty shallow guy to leave her but she was better off. He didn't even wait for her to get out of the hospital.


I really hope that guy fails to find anyone else and ends up alone and very lonely. Probably not the case though because there is really no such thing as karma and life just isn't fair.
 
2013-03-28 11:50:38 PM  

whatshisname: A divorce after a stroke or any major medical incident is not uncommon.


I heard that sometimes people do it so that the afflicted partner can claim bankruptcy as an individual and get government assistance (medicare/aid) and it won't financially ruin them as a couple. But that does take a lot of faith in one's spouse.
 
2013-03-28 11:56:16 PM  
leave as soon as she stops giving BJs
 
2013-03-29 12:25:24 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: RedPhoenix122: Newt?

[cache.gawker.com image 282x270]


Take note Douchebag. THIS is how you do it.
 
2013-03-29 12:37:17 AM  

Mitch Taylor's Bro: GopherGuts: If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock pills and a glass of water within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.

Gun suicides are messy.


Not if you use a 20ga bangstick with birdshot.  Fall on it right under the breastplate and blow the heart to pieces.  You bleed out but that's all.  If you do it in the tub the cleanup is a cinch.
 
2013-03-29 12:53:04 AM  
Christ on stilts -- can a man ever NOT BAIL when a situation is difficult?
 
2013-03-29 12:57:17 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: Mitch Taylor's Bro: GopherGuts: If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock pills and a glass of water within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.

Gun suicides are messy.

Not if you use a 20ga bangstick with birdshot.  Fall on it right under the breastplate and blow the heart to pieces.  You bleed out but that's all.  If you do it in the tub the cleanup is a cinch.


Yup, sounds so much easier than popping a few too many happy pills.
 
2013-03-29 01:02:56 AM  
"Girlfriend in a Coma" by The Smiths
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5b_V68mQ9k
 
2013-03-29 01:18:35 AM  

WhippingBoy: MNguy: Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.

I would dump a girl if she got fat.

This.

Stroke, vegetable state, cancer? I'm staying with you till one of us dies.
You get fat? See ya!


How do you feel about aging? Do you plan to divorce around every 15 years so your partner will always be "perfect" looking, or is it only weight gain that bothers you?
 
2013-03-29 01:29:10 AM  

dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.


I agree, much better story. That kid will never look at his Dad the same way.
 
2013-03-29 01:50:28 AM  

Metalithic: WhippingBoy: MNguy: Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.

I would dump a girl if she got fat.

This.

Stroke, vegetable state, cancer? I'm staying with you till one of us dies.
You get fat? See ya!

How do you feel about aging? Do you plan to divorce around every 15 years so your partner will always be "perfect" looking, or is it only weight gain that bothers you?


You make the assumption that he would be able to get someone "perfect" looking every fifteen years. To be fair, a lot of men make that assumption.

Also regarding the fat issue, it is usually considered irrelevant whether or not they are fat themselves. Dating sites are full of men who have traded their six packs in for kegs, yet insist on a woman who is slim.
 
2013-03-29 02:07:28 AM  
A man wants a woman who controls herself, not him.
 
2013-03-29 02:27:46 AM  
what an ass
 
2013-03-29 02:49:33 AM  
A lot of you are talking about the marriage vows and divorce and all that and forgetting the crucial part of the case:

THEY AREN'T MARRIED.

No vows have been exchanged.  He hasn't made that "in sickness and in health" vow yet.  He now does not want to marry her, so he should not.  Breaking off an engagement is always, always better than entering a marriage you do not want.  Breaking off an engagement, no matter how shallow the reason, is morally legit, and this reason isn't shallow.
 
2013-03-29 03:56:52 AM  

amquelbettamin: I can't understand you anymore since the stroke.

Wait, I have an idea! If you want me to stay raise both hands.


More like, "Can't talk? Left hand movement is our new safe word honey, Yee-haw!"
 
2013-03-29 03:58:26 AM  
Nidiot:

You make the assumption that he would be able to get someone "perfect" looking every fifteen years. To be fair, a lot of men make that assumption.

Also regarding the fat issue, it is usually considered irrelevant whether or not they are fat themselves. Dating sites are full of men who have traded their six packs in for kegs, yet insist on a woman who is slim.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-teen-has-sweaty-middleagedman -f etish,2649/
 
2013-03-29 04:12:14 AM  

TehFark: WhippingBoy: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

Yeah, I agree.

No. A real soul mate is finding someone that would do everything for you, that you would do for them. In good times and bad. And in the case that you want to be a jerk, and leave the person you promised your life to be with. Hopefully you expected the same thing from them at some point. If you would take care of them through sickness and health, as they would do for you, That's a soul mate.


The concept of soul mates are romantic bullshiat created for romance novels.

No one stays and is a caretaker for anything other than self interest... be it "I want this person to be cared for my way" or "I don't want to look bad for leaving".
 
2013-03-29 04:29:48 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: TehFark: WhippingBoy: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

Yeah, I agree.

No. A real soul mate is finding someone that would do everything for you, that you would do for them. In good times and bad. And in the case that you want to be a jerk, and leave the person you promised your life to be with. Hopefully you expected the same thing from them at some point. If you would take care of them through sickness and health, as they would do for you, That's a soul mate.

The concept of soul mates are romantic bullshiat created for romance novels.

No one stays and is a caretaker for anything other than self interest... be it "I want this person to be cared for my way" or "I don't want to look bad for leaving".


You seem very certain of how "everyone" behaves.
 
2013-03-29 04:33:59 AM  

Raspil: Christ on stilts -- can a man ever NOT BAIL when a situation is difficult?


Sure, if he's willing to take the heat.

 
2013-03-29 04:38:36 AM  

Metalithic: FirstNationalBastard: TehFark: WhippingBoy: Thats_Not_My_Baby: Yall are some naive, fairy tale people talking bout soul mate this, soul mate that. REAL soul mates tell the other, yo, if I veg out/become not the person I used to be, please go forth with my blessing, I'd want you to.

Yeah, I agree.

No. A real soul mate is finding someone that would do everything for you, that you would do for them. In good times and bad. And in the case that you want to be a jerk, and leave the person you promised your life to be with. Hopefully you expected the same thing from them at some point. If you would take care of them through sickness and health, as they would do for you, That's a soul mate.

The concept of soul mates are romantic bullshiat created for romance novels.

No one stays and is a caretaker for anything other than self interest... be it "I want this person to be cared for my way" or "I don't want to look bad for leaving".

You seem very certain of how "everyone" behaves.


He's right; the only reason anyone chooses to do anything is because it makes him feel better than the alternatives.

He's also wrong.  The concept of "soul mates" goes back to Plato, at least.
 
2013-03-29 04:40:57 AM  

E5biehttp://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-teen-has-sweaty-middl eagedman -f etish,2649/

Lol. Some one probably read that and didn't realise it was satire.


FirstNationalBastard: No one stays and is a caretaker for anything other than self interest... be it "I want this person to be cared for my way" or "I don't want to look bad for leaving".


You make a mistake if you assume everyone else would react as you would. I think it is rare but I do not agree no one would do that. Staying and becoming a caretaker is not terribly uncommon amongst elderly couples, particularly because they are more likely to require care in the first place. But also once a couple has been together for a very long time the emotional bonding can be quite strong, and they simply can't imagine life without their partner around. Maybe younger people are more inclined to cut their losses and try again.
 
2013-03-29 04:44:59 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: The concept of "soul mates" goes back to Plato, at least.


Very interesting, I would never have guessed that.
 
2013-03-29 05:07:17 AM  

Nidiot: BarkingUnicorn: The concept of "soul mates" goes back to Plato, at least.

Very interesting, I would never have guessed that.


Same here.
 
2013-03-29 06:03:29 AM  

Genevieve Marie: that people are disposable when they get inconvenient


That's not the only way to read this. It's not just inconvenient, it's also a loss of the women he married -- she didn't get a new job, she lost the ability to speak and move. For all practical purposes, she's a different person, and even if she weren't disabled he still might not want to be with that new person.

Also the level of "inconvenience" is not trivial; people whine about caring for infants, but imagine providing the same care for someone that weighs 10 times as much, and not for a few years, but for the rest of your life. I think it's pretty harsh to judge someone for admitting they can't do that. If anything I think we as a society should be ashamed for even asking a individual to provide that sort of care -- we should be providing that care as a public service so that no one is forced into such an overwhelming situation, and so that no one is relegated to the arbitrary standard of care provided by the random person assigned to care for them.
 
2013-03-29 07:56:30 AM  
Hey, what?  "---for better or worse, in sickness and in health----"  hey, screw this shyt, I'm outta here!

That about get it?
 
2013-03-29 08:12:45 AM  
I have a sneaking suspicion that if it were him that had had that stroke, he would have been mighty pissed if she'd then decided to bail.
 
2013-03-29 08:13:55 AM  
Boy, this is going to help with my misanthropy.
 
2013-03-29 10:23:22 AM  
i220.photobucket.com

Not exactly the same, but does his fiance  know where the money is?
 
2013-03-29 10:55:06 AM  
So she was about 40 or younger, and already having her first stroke.

What was her Fark handle?
 
2013-03-29 11:55:05 AM  
In all seriousness, if I were to suffer some horrible accident or medical condition that would be irreversible; I'd want my wife to leave me.

Call me immature or prideful or whatever.  I don't want to grunt broken English with half my face while taking an adult sized crap in my pants while my wife tries to pay the bills and clean up after me.  I'd sleep better at night knowing the horrible accident *hadn't* also ruined her life.
 
2013-03-29 02:51:35 PM  

udhq: Cheesus: Yay traditional marriage!

Since marriage exists for the purpose of procreation, I say if she's unable to get pregnant, you're clear.


Also, engaged is not married. It's like calling dibs. You can take it back.
 
2013-03-29 03:13:00 PM  
Had a few minor strokes myself, and now looking at liver failure and the big C... wife still right there. Love, or Insurance not sure, but she is....  Get married, you take a vow... sickness and health comes to mind. Were I the person in the link, I could not walk away... my wife could not walk away.  If marriage is not a factor, then you do what you feel is right I suppose...
 
2013-03-29 03:56:30 PM  
Twice in my life of 32 years a loved one became terminally ill and I had to take care of them.

Leaving never was an option in my mind.   But it is enough to keep me from wanting to be close to anyone ever again, fearing not only the  loss but of the suffering on both sides.  Quite frankly the death from long drawn out illness is almost the best part of it all.

Because of this I can almost, ALMOST understand where he is coming from...almost

Of course someday you know it will end and you can move on.

But getting fat, that is there to stay man...rarely a light at the end of that tunnel.
 
2013-03-29 05:34:34 PM  
Being together through good times or bad is kind of the point of marriage, otherwise you are only a fair weather friend.

I guess this guy figured out he was only ever a fair weather friend before he took those vows, but it seems it was a close call. He wouldn't have miraculously changed post wedding, if she'd had the stroke a year after they were married, he'd likely still be asking how soon he could leave. He needs to be thoroughly slapped for using the term "soul mates" when he hasn't a clue what it means.
 
2013-03-29 05:42:20 PM  
Sounds like this would have been his bit at the alter

"And do you promise to love and to hold in sickness and in health until death do you part"
"I do. Unless you actually get sick, and the death part? Didn`t mean that either. In fact what did I just agree to? That`s it, I`ll always wanna fark you"

/this is why you don`t marry after a year
 
2013-03-29 06:50:14 PM  

2KanZam: Twice in my life of 32 years a loved one became terminally ill and I had to take care of them.

Leaving never was an option in my mind.   But it is enough to keep me from wanting to be close to anyone ever again, fearing not only the  loss but of the suffering on both sides.  Quite frankly the death from long drawn out illness is almost the best part of it all.

Because of this I can almost, ALMOST understand where he is coming from...almost

Of course someday you know it will end and you can move on.

But getting fat, that is there to stay man...rarely a light at the end of that tunnel.


Don't worry dude, if you get fat I promise to arrange to have you shot. I couldn't stand watching a dumb animal suffer.
 
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