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(Slate)   My partner suffered a severe stroke. How soon can I leave her?   (slate.com) divider line 163
    More: Sad, Emily Yoffe, medical system, strokes  
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15507 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Mar 2013 at 7:45 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



163 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-28 06:30:56 PM  
Newt?
 
2013-03-28 06:30:57 PM  
  you already have..
 
2013-03-28 06:31:21 PM  
Farkers are such great people, I'm sure nobody would bail.
 
2013-03-28 06:39:10 PM  
As soon as she signs the power of attorney.
 
2013-03-28 06:52:30 PM  
ath thomun hungh eh thuffowed e thtwoke, ung geyying u kig
 
2013-03-28 06:53:39 PM  
i1079.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-28 06:56:17 PM  
He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.
 
2013-03-28 07:16:12 PM  
Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.
 
2013-03-28 07:20:12 PM  
Some people will do anything to try getting out of eating their vegetables.

/I'm a bad, bad person.
 
2013-03-28 07:30:20 PM  

dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.


It's a fake column.
 
2013-03-28 07:37:49 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.

It's a fake column.


And we're done here.
 
2013-03-28 07:41:07 PM  
You can leave immediately. It's not like she's going to stop you.
 
2013-03-28 07:43:08 PM  
When my younger sister was 30 years old, while she and I were on vacation together she suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to use the left side of her body. After she came out of surgery the doctor told me she would probably never be able to use her left arm. She learned to walk again and while she'll never be a concert pianist, that arm now works. At the time her marriage was on the rocks, but her husband came home to help. The reconciliation failed, she says in part because she didn't want someone who was there, as he was, out of pity. When I talked to her about your story, she had no words of condemnation for you. She said that you two being together for a little over a year was pretty light for something this heavy, and she understood that it's particularly hard for a young person. There's a lot of pain for both the stroke survivor and the caretaker. But three months out is too early to judge the extent of your fiancée's possible recovery. (She also highly recommends the book Stronger After Stroke: Your Roadmap to Recovery by Peter G. Levine.) Even if you ultimately decide you can't stay in the relationship, you still might be able to remain a close, supportive friend. You could also use a therapist of your own to help you work through what you can and can't do. I hope in time the days get easier. And as they go by, keep checking in with yourself and ask, "What would I expect and want her to do if our situations were reversed?"

That's ... that's pretty good advice.
 
2013-03-28 07:48:12 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: dletter: Talk about burying the lead, the second part Dear Prudence in that article is much better.... couple has been exploring swinging... left an email up accidentally on their computer that their teenage son reads, assumes it was just for dad, and confronts dad about cheating on mom.

It's a fake column.


That being probably true... it is still the more interesting fake story.
 
2013-03-28 07:48:20 PM  

DrPainMD: You can leave immediately. It's not like she's going to stop you.


Well, not with her left arm.
 
2013-03-28 07:49:37 PM  
Went through a lot more "sickness" than ever thought when we agreed to sickness and health. More than I imagined possible. You will never know what you're capable of until you're faced with it. Then you just do it... and wish you didn't have to.
 
2013-03-28 07:49:53 PM  
www.lyricsfreak.com

Stick around for a bit, Billy always plays an encore after "Stroke"
 
2013-03-28 07:50:38 PM  
Run, bro.
 
2013-03-28 07:50:39 PM  
Will she still be able to give a Dutch rudder?
 
2013-03-28 07:51:20 PM  
Yay traditional marriage!
 
2013-03-28 07:51:44 PM  
Depends. Is she hot?
 
2013-03-28 07:52:10 PM  
Assuming it's fake; the real answer to this is: Clearly you two are NOT soul mates if a stroke could make you contemplate leaving her (or him). If you love somebody like that, then you'd want to stay with them forever and more if they needed you like that. If a bad illness or disability makes you want to bail immediately, then obviously the love is not there, and you may as well leave now as later. The longer you stay, the more the disabled person will need you, and that's not fair to either one of you. And who knows, maybe THEY don't love YOU either, and would be just as glad if you were gone.

That said, yeah, nobody could have that much trouble-free drama in their life.
 
2013-03-28 07:52:13 PM  
If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.
 
2013-03-28 07:53:10 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Newt?


And that one just went yard, folks.  The first pitch, belted out of the park.
 
2013-03-28 07:55:16 PM  

GopherGuts: If I ever have such a stroke, just leave my Glock within reach of my right hand, take a long drive, and call 911 when you realize I'm not answering your calls.


I will, but I won't leave a round chambered, just to fark with you.
 
2013-03-28 07:55:39 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Newt?


Oh fark you. At least get your facts straight.

Oh yeah you won't because then you'd have nothing to use to try and insult some one whose political views you hate..
 
2013-03-28 07:55:47 PM  

SpikeStrip: ath thomun hungh eh thuffowed e thtwoke, ung geyying u kig


Narm.
 
2013-03-28 07:56:05 PM  

NCg8r: Went through a lot more "sickness" than ever thought when we agreed to sickness and health. More than I imagined possible. You will never know what you're capable of until you're faced with it. Then you just do it... and wish you didn't have to.


Went through this with wife.  She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer less than a week after our wedding.  Going through chemo, radiation and surgeries with her was absolutely terrible, but I think ultimately made us a stronger couple.

/Don't wish what we went through on my worst enemy.
 
2013-03-28 07:56:33 PM  
Dear Advice Giver,
   I'm a really farked-up person. Please answer me as if I weren't.

Thank You,
Farked-up Person
 
2013-03-28 07:57:35 PM  

Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.


I would dump a girl if she got fat.
 
2013-03-28 07:57:40 PM  
In highschool a girl who would enjoy having a stroke was a reason to keep her.
 
2013-03-28 07:58:04 PM  

Cheesus: Yay traditional marriage!


Since marriage exists for the purpose of procreation, I say if she's unable to get pregnant, you're clear.
 
2013-03-28 07:59:36 PM  
Ugh.

I mean, I understand it would be hard. I understand it would be dreadful to go through. But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"
 
2013-03-28 08:02:10 PM  

Genevieve Marie: But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"


I guess you didn't read the part about sticking around for a year. Can't blame anybody for not wanting to spend the last half of their life being a full time caretaker.
 
2013-03-28 08:02:10 PM  

Genevieve Marie: Ugh.

I mean, I understand it would be hard. I understand it would be dreadful to go through. But you are truly a shiat person if after buying a home together and committing to marrying them, your first thought when they get sick is "How fast can I run in the other direction?"


In the article she talked about her sister who doesn't want pity.  It's not about running, it's about taking care of yourself.
 
2013-03-28 08:03:36 PM  
If they had kids together he's obligated.  But they didn't, so he's not.
 
2013-03-28 08:03:38 PM  

MNguy: Snarfangel: He is 40 years old, they met a year and a half ago, and he might potentially spend another 40 years with no real relationship? Granted, a man who could set that situation aside and take care of the woman would win all sorts of kudos in my book, but it's hard for me to judge someone in that horrible of a situation.

/I could be a bit more judgmental, though, if its merely a matter of some rehab, and she would still be the person he fell in love with. It's not like he decided to trade her in on a newer model because she got fat, though.

I would dump a girl if she got fat.


This.

Stroke, vegetable state, cancer? I'm staying with you till one of us dies.
You get fat? See ya!
 
2013-03-28 08:05:12 PM  
www.biography.com

Approves.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:04 PM  
I don't get it. Did her vagina have a stroke too?

/Windowseat, please.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:08 PM  
Dated a girl whose parents were in a spot like that. It was pretty heartbreaking.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:54 PM  
So much for being soulmates.  She's better off the sooner the asshole leaves.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:57 PM  

douchebag/hater: RedPhoenix122: Newt?

Oh fark you. At least get your facts straight.

Oh yeah you won't because then you'd have nothing to use to try and insult some one whose political views you hate..


i.imgur.com


Unbunch your panties.
 
2013-03-28 08:06:57 PM  
I mean... I have a hard time judging the guy harshly.. they have been together a year and a half. So because of that year and a half, BAM, lifetime of slavery as a home nurse with no room for anything else.(which is basically what it takes).

I frankly don't consider people together a year or two to even really hardly be in a relationship. Oh, you "love" each other and have great "passion". Sure.
 
2013-03-28 08:07:45 PM  

MagSeven: I don't get it. Did her vagina have a stroke too?

/Windowseat, please.


You bastard!!!! My screen is now covered in Mountain Dew!!!!
 
2013-03-28 08:08:26 PM  
spentmiles is writing letters to Dear Prudence now?
 
2013-03-28 08:08:40 PM  

MagSeven: I don't get it. Did her vagina have a stroke too?

/Windowseat, please.


I'm imagining a vagina stroke and I don't think I'd walk away from that.
 
2013-03-28 08:09:03 PM  
Just drop her off in the politics tab.  Nobody will notice
 
2013-03-28 08:10:04 PM  

Xanadone: So much for being soulmates.  She's better off the sooner the asshole leaves.


Who will change her diapers?
 
2013-03-28 08:10:46 PM  
  He's concerned about how this will affect his son's comfort in his last few years living at home but he's not concerned about what kind of lesson his leaving would be for his son? I hope this is fake.
 
2013-03-28 08:12:34 PM  

Cowthulu: In highschool a girl who would enjoy having a stroke was a reason to keep her.


If you're stroking the girl, that's girls a dude, dude!
 
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