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(Fox News)   New Jersey man "very happy" after winning $338M Powerball jackpot. YOU DON'T SAY   (foxnews.com) divider line 90
    More: Obvious, Powerball, New Jersey, Powerball jackpot, mess, Pedro Quezada, passaic, Bergen Record, meat packing plant  
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4664 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Mar 2013 at 3:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-26 01:07:40 AM  
I wish him the best of luck with his fortune!
 
2013-03-26 01:15:46 AM  
Why? There are ways to keep your name out of the news media when winning a lottery jackpot. I'd stick the ticket in a safe deposit box until I talked to a lawyer, changed my phone number and set up a trust to claim the prize. Above all, I'd keep my mouth shut.
 
2013-03-26 02:26:17 AM  

Speaker2Animals: Why? There are ways to keep your name out of the news media when winning a lottery jackpot.


From the New Jersey Powerball rules:

b) Winner(s) of either the Jackpot Prize or a prize of $200,000 shall be required, at the discretion of the Lottery, to participate in a press conference. A press conference is an interview with television, radio and/or newspaper reporters and photographers. The press conference will be scheduled by the Lottery.

If you ever win the Powerball jackpot and want to stay anonymous, you'll have to give the ticket to me and let me collect the money for you.
 
2013-03-26 03:11:22 AM  
I would buy a new ass. The one I have now, has apparently developed a crack.
 
2013-03-26 03:12:11 AM  
how long till the next greenlight, "powerball winner found dead"

judging by the documented history of lotto winners...not that far
 
2013-03-26 03:13:28 AM  
I would have just wasted it all on blowjobs and hookers, anyway.
 
2013-03-26 03:13:34 AM  
I would take half the money and put it in low-risk mutual funds
 
2013-03-26 03:14:23 AM  

TommyymmoT: I would buy a new ass. The one I have now, has apparently developed a crack.


You should get that fixed right away. Apparently, that sort of thing can get you arrested in Alabama.
 
2013-03-26 03:18:21 AM  
676 chicks at the same time...
 
2013-03-26 03:20:20 AM  
Where the fark is Nic Cage?
 
2013-03-26 03:20:48 AM  

CruiserTwelve: From the New Jersey Powerball rules:

b) Winner(s) of either the Jackpot Prize or a prize of $200,000 shall be required, at the discretion of the Lottery, to participate in a press conference. A press conference is an interview with television, radio and/or newspaper reporters and photographers. The press conference will be scheduled by the Lottery.


They are working to amend that: Link
 
2013-03-26 03:20:53 AM  
ArcadianRefugee:

You should get that fixed right away. Apparently, that sort of thing can get you arrested in Alabama.

Actually, a faulty tag light is the sort of thing that can get a black woman arrested in Okaloosa County, Florida for being black in Okaloosa County.
 
2013-03-26 03:24:31 AM  
He stuck all his winnings into Cyprus Popular Bank to keep it nice and safe.
 
2013-03-26 03:26:27 AM  
Oh sure. He's happy now, but wait till the human roaches start to swarm around him, wanting this and that. He'll either have to become The World's Biggest Asshole to stay solvent or The World's Latest Powerball Failure.

IMO, the first thing you should buy with any Powerball winnings is a new identity.
 
2013-03-26 03:29:43 AM  

CruiserTwelve: Speaker2Animals: Why? There are ways to keep your name out of the news media when winning a lottery jackpot.

From the New Jersey Powerball rules:

b) Winner(s) of either the Jackpot Prize or a prize of $200,000 shall be required, at the discretion of the Lottery, to participate in a press conference. A press conference is an interview with television, radio and/or newspaper reporters and photographers. The press conference will be scheduled by the Lottery.

If you ever win the Powerball jackpot and want to stay anonymous, you'll have to give the ticket to me and let me collect the money for you.


I'd do the press conference just so I could answer the question, "what are you going to do with all that money?"  The answer being, "buy my very own senator." ....  "and lots of hookers and blow."  I hope they do a live broadcast.
 
2013-03-26 03:33:19 AM  

CruiserTwelve: Speaker2Animals: Why? There are ways to keep your name out of the news media when winning a lottery jackpot.

From the New Jersey Powerball rules:

b) Winner(s) of either the Jackpot Prize or a prize of $200,000 shall be required, at the discretion of the Lottery, to participate in a press conference. A press conference is an interview with television, radio and/or newspaper reporters and photographers. The press conference will be scheduled by the Lottery.

If you ever win the Powerball jackpot and want to stay anonymous, you'll have to give the ticket to me and let me collect the money for you.


Just because you may have to participate in a press conference doesn't mean you have to say anything.  "No comment" is my response to all questions.
Furthermore, the press conference is at the discretion of the Lottery.  If I shaved my head and drew swastikas all over my head, the Lottery might use their discretion to NOT hold a press conference.

Alternatively, give a press release with a "Montgomery Burns"-like evil rant: I'm going to use this money to make the life of anyone who has ever pissed me off a living hell, including journalists.  You think I'm kidding?  Say, Mister Reporter in row 3... do you have a wife and kids?  Don't bother to answer, I'll find out, I'll find them. Bwa-ha-ha-haaaaa!
 
2013-03-26 03:36:07 AM  
Recent $338m powerball jackpot winner seen buying 600 cats as he withdraws from society.
 
2013-03-26 03:40:05 AM  

OgreMagi: CruiserTwelve: Speaker2Animals: Why? There are ways to keep your name out of the news media when winning a lottery jackpot.

From the New Jersey Powerball rules:

b) Winner(s) of either the Jackpot Prize or a prize of $200,000 shall be required, at the discretion of the Lottery, to participate in a press conference. A press conference is an interview with television, radio and/or newspaper reporters and photographers. The press conference will be scheduled by the Lottery.

If you ever win the Powerball jackpot and want to stay anonymous, you'll have to give the ticket to me and let me collect the money for you.

I'd do the press conference just so I could answer the question, "what are you going to do with all that money?"  The answer being, "buy my very own senator." ....  "and lots of hookers and blow."  I hope they do a live broadcast.


This.
Incorporate, and buy one of The Supremes.
No, not Dianna Ross.
I am now Citizens United.
The Constitution is now, what ever I say it is dammit!.
 
2013-03-26 03:43:31 AM  
Rumor :  He is an illegal alien.  Will the state deport and keep his cash?
 
2013-03-26 03:46:47 AM  
With the after tax lump sum of $152 million invested at 5% you would have an income - again after taxes - of $13,534 per day, or just over $4.9 million per year.
 
2013-03-26 03:48:36 AM  
Of course, it's only about 7.34$ after taxes.
 
2013-03-26 03:49:01 AM  
I get the feeling that he doesn't really understand how much money he just won. He and his family are probably still living in that apartment that was mentioned in the article, trying to figure out what to do. Here is what he should do: MOVE. That kind of money won't just bring out beggars, long lost cousins, etc; there are probably a bunch of *criminals* who right now are making plans. He now has to worry about his personal safety, and the safety of all of his family.
 
2013-03-26 03:49:14 AM  
His name is Pedro and he can't speak english...

Great.
 
2013-03-26 03:54:32 AM  

Flutterbiitch: His name is Pedro and he can't speak english...

Great.


Yeah, I am pretty sure that most of his family that he said he wants to help don't live in the USA.
 
2013-03-26 03:55:25 AM  

Flutterbiitch: His name is Pedro and he can't speak english...

Great.


Illegals taking the lottery winnings away from honest Americans who can't do math?
 
2013-03-26 04:01:24 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Flutterbiitch: His name is Pedro and he can't speak english...

Great.

Illegals taking the lottery winnings away from honest Americans who can't do math?


I wonder if the laws covering the lottery require you to be a US citizen. It would be funny if he couldn't keep the money for some reason. To be honest though, it would be funnier if he got the money, and then we ended up deporting him even though he is a mega millionaire. He would be the richest person in Mexico, for all of the ten minutes it would take for one of the drug cartels to kill him and take his money.
 
2013-03-26 04:01:38 AM  

Someone comes to this country and works hard and one days hits the jackpot.

That's the American farkING Dream, kids.
1.bp.blogspot.com

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
 
2013-03-26 04:02:51 AM  
Yeah, but he's a Christian. Does that please you, bigots?
 
2013-03-26 04:05:07 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Someone comes to this country and works hard and one days hits the jackpot.

That's the American farkING Dream, kids.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!


If he is here legally, then yes, all the more power to him and his family. Like I said previously though, I don't think he understands how much money he has won, and how the life he once knew is basically over.
 
2013-03-26 04:08:55 AM  
BTW, we should all jump to the conclusion that because his name is Pedro and he only speaks Spanish that he is an illegal immigrant.
 
2013-03-26 04:10:16 AM  

Zebulon: AverageAmericanGuy: Someone comes to this country and works hard and one days hits the jackpot.

That's the American farkING Dream, kids.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

If he is here legally, then yes, all the more power to him and his family. Like I said previously though, I don't think he understands how much money he has won, and how the life he once knew is basically over.


Because Real 'Muricans demonstrate time and again how well they manage lottery winnings. Stupid immigrants!
 
2013-03-26 04:10:33 AM  
It doesn't matter where he's from.
Gambling, is gambling, and he is no different than somebody that won in Vegas. that might be from damned near anywhere.
If I won the New York State Lottery, I wouldn't feel any more obligated to continue to live in New York State, than I would be, to live in Nevada, had I won in Vegas.
 
2013-03-26 04:12:39 AM  
You know, folks...
cartoon-vector.com

... he's very happy.
 
2013-03-26 04:13:36 AM  
From Yahoo:

Quezada, an immigrant from the Dominican Republic, told reporters in Spanish that he was "very happy" and that he intends to help his family.

Not Mexican, morans
 
2013-03-26 04:17:07 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-26 04:25:19 AM  
The wife and I were talking, and we agreed that if we won, the we would invest 80% of the after tax winnings in a diversified portfolio of conservative investments, ten percent would be given away, and the last ten percent would be the money we would set aside to spend. Of course we know that we'd have to move, change our phone number, etc. We'd also have to hire the best accountants, lawyers, and financial professionals we could find. Someone who has experience handling this kind of money. We know we would have to protect ourselves from not only every random jerk in the country, but family, and even ourselves.

I might even invest in a Total Fark membership. You know, before my wife files for divorce, and I blow the part that isn't spent on lawyers on hookers and blow.

/money wouldn't change me....
//HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
2013-03-26 04:30:35 AM  

HaywoodJablonski: From Yahoo:

Quezada, an immigrant from the Dominican Republic, told reporters in Spanish that he was "very happy" and that he intends to help his family.

Not Mexican, morans


snl.jt.org

Powerball been berry, berry good to me.
 
2013-03-26 04:32:25 AM  
pearlsandpentagrams.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-26 04:37:07 AM  
Damn. I was hoping one of my friends up in Jersey had won.

Oh well.

We got 3 numbers, but no Powerball so no monies....
 
2013-03-26 04:37:45 AM  

Speaker2Animals: Why? There are ways to keep your name out of the news media when winning a lottery jackpot. I'd stick the ticket in a safe deposit box until I talked to a lawyer, changed my phone number and set up a trust to claim the prize. Above all, I'd keep my mouth shut.


In Florida, the winner's idenity has to be made public to collect.  Even if you set up a trust, all beneficiaries of the trust have to be made public.  Florida's government claims that the disclosure helps prevent the lotteries from being rigged (making much easier to find if a winner has ties to the lottery).
 
2013-03-26 04:39:20 AM  
Oh, I know the winner wasn't in Florida in this case ... it's just that not everyone has the option to remain anonymous.
 
2013-03-26 04:41:36 AM  

Zebulon: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Flutterbiitch: His name is Pedro and he can't speak english...

Great.

Illegals taking the lottery winnings away from honest Americans who can't do math?

I wonder if the laws covering the lottery require you to be a US citizen. It would be funny if he couldn't keep the money for some reason. To be honest though, it would be funnier if he got the money, and then we ended up deporting him even though he is a mega millionaire. He would be the richest person in Mexico, for all of the ten minutes it would take for one of the drug cartels to kill him and take his money.


Don't be silly. The richest person in the world 'Carlos Slim' comes from Mexico.
 
2013-03-26 04:58:10 AM  
www.thomasleeiv.com
 
2013-03-26 05:52:16 AM  

red5ish: With the after tax lump sum of $152 million invested at 5% you would have an income - again after taxes - of $13,534 per day, or just over $4.9 million per year.


I heard--from that bastion of accuracy Fox News--that the after-tax lump sum was like $220 million. But even if it was $150 million I'd so take it.

Pay off my mom's mortgage, a new reasonable car for my brother, a few thousand for the other one, college funds for the nieces. Friends would get some cash, and I'd save most of the remaining money and live on the interest.

Of course, I'd need to buy myself a house and a nice car. Maybe a Mercedes or a BMW M3--something really nice. Wouldn't completely disregard something to screw around in, like a top-of-the-line Mustang or Camaro.

/American cars are damned nice
//Some are, anyway
///The majority are rubbish
 
2013-03-26 06:10:25 AM  

Zebulon: I get the feeling that he doesn't really understand how much money he just won. He and his family are probably still living in that apartment that was mentioned in the article, trying to figure out what to do. Here is what he should do: MOVE. That kind of money won't just bring out beggars, long lost cousins, etc; there are probably a bunch of *criminals* who right now are making plans. He now has to worry about his personal safety, and the safety of all of his family.


First thing I do is buy a secure building on lots of land.

Then I build a farking bunker.

/Supposing I were to ever win.
 
2013-03-26 06:13:42 AM  

Zebulon: I wonder if the laws covering the lottery require you to be a US citizen.


I don't know about any of the various state lotteries, but with Powerball non-US citizens can legally win.  So sorry everyone that doesn't like foreigners, looks like Pedro gets to keep his winnings.
 
2013-03-26 06:21:13 AM  

maram500: I heard--from that bastion of accuracy Fox News--that the after-tax lump sum was like $220 million


The lump sum payout was $220 million before taxes.  After taxes it's $151 million.  Seems like a lot to take out in taxes, but I wouldn't complain one bit if it were me.  It's not like I'd have done anything to actually earn any of it and what's left is more than enough to support me and my whole family for the rest of our lives.
 
2013-03-26 06:22:46 AM  

digitalrain: Damn. I was hoping one of my friends up in Jersey had won.

Oh well.

We got 3 numbers, but no Powerball so no monies....


Matching 3 white balls without the Powerball is worth $7, or 1.4 months of TotalFark.
 
2013-03-26 06:34:05 AM  
Quezada told reporters in Spanish

Maybe you should spend some on English lessons.
 
2013-03-26 06:35:50 AM  

red5ish: With the after tax lump sum of $152 million invested at 5% you would have an income - again after taxes - of $13,534 per day, or just over $4.9 million per year.


Pretty soon you're talking Bieber money.
 
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