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(Daily Record (UK))   Have a nice flight. Oh, by the way, what religion do you follow?   (dailyrecord.co.uk) divider line 21
    More: Stupid, Edinburgh Airport, flights, faiths  
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10217 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 9:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-25 08:42:47 PM  
10 votes:
The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?
2013-03-25 10:14:11 PM  
4 votes:
There is no religion.  Only truth.  in time you will realize this, when you are swallowed whole and slowly digested for a thousand years.  The only question is "Who will eat you?" Azathoth? Cthulhu? Perhaps you will make a tasty morsel for Ghatanothoa.  More likely a hors d'oeuvre for Shub-Niggurath.  So many possibilities.  You cannot help but smile as nothing you do or say can change the outcome.

Is it time to board yet?  It is?  Thank you.
2013-03-27 01:00:49 AM  
1 votes:

Richard C Stanford: Hey, profiling has a point. What was the religion of the 9/11 hijackers? And the London subway bombers? We should not be a bunch of PC pansies who are afraid to stop terrorists because we might "offend" them.


Meh, what was the religion of Timothy McVeigh? And Ted Kaczynski? And Anders Breivik, Sideshow Bob, Adam Lanza? Any zealot can commit an act of terrorism, regardless of their religious affiliation. It's time airport security start profiling based on whether people look suspicious or not.
2013-03-26 03:25:29 PM  
1 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: Thou mayest as long as you knoweth the Ritual of Percussive Maintenance in regards to PC LOAD LETTER :D


People ask me for meaning all the time.
2013-03-26 04:30:33 AM  
1 votes:
I know this is in UK, but reading this kind of thing freaks me out.

I have to fly out to see my son in San Fran in a couple of weeks and I just know I'll wind up in jail of one of the TSA agents starts really getting in my grill. I don't know what I'll do if I get yanked out of line and one of those stuttering fat biatches pats me down. I can't handle strangers touching me.

There's a lot of shiat these people don't take into account. For instance, has someone experienced molestation or some other type of assault in their past? It affects them permanently.

It's all so freaking stupid, wasteful and unnecessary. I haven't flown in years because of it.

Got to bite the bullet for my kid, but I am not looking forward to it.
2013-03-26 02:49:41 AM  
1 votes:

Jaroga: In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.


There are only two religions in Scotland, neither of which has anything at all to do with actual religion.

"Gordon, are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"I'm Jewish."

"Yes, but are you Catholic Jewish or Protestant Jewish?"
2013-03-26 01:27:11 AM  
1 votes:

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
2013-03-26 12:55:20 AM  
1 votes:

Slaxl: Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.


Well that's a good example. One notes that Catholics from Northern Ireland tend to blow stuff up. Catholics from elsewhere do not.  Muslims from Saudi Arabia tend to blow stuff up, Muslims from places like Iran do not.  So of course since we can't offend out good Saudi Arabian friends, instead we need to strip search 80 year old nuns instead.

The real solution is every time Al Qaeda blows something up, the CIA puts bullet in some wealthy conservative Saudi Arabian businessman.
2013-03-26 12:03:08 AM  
1 votes:

Real Women Drink Akvavit: /also please leave political affiliations, whether you're a dog or cat person and any opinions regarding the Oxford comma debate at the door if you're gonna be shifty


Republicans, cat freaks, and those who do not use the oxford comma  are shifty, so your argument is invalid.
2013-03-25 11:49:59 PM  
1 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing)


WtFARK? Seriously? REALLY? I thought deathbed conversions were pretty much a thing of the past and have never heard of some doing deathbed "accept or suffer" proselytizing type stuff. Holy Hela's Throne, that's low - and stupid. I mean, if you firmly believed there was one great divine that was from a specific culture that demanded certain actions from the "saved" (or whatever) or certain beliefs and it was all omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, wouldn't aforementioned theoretical deity/deities KNOW the person wasn't really genuine in that faith if the divine/divines really were all those things?

I'm not so much concerned about the potential convertee (believe it or not) in such a scenario, cuz they're gonna be dead in short order and their fate sealed so far as we know. I'm concerned with the impact on those who share the same base faith as the shifty wanna-be representative of the great divine on earth. You know people judge entire groups on the actions of a few. That's why if you're going to be poorly behaved, leave the divine out of it. Yeesh.

/also please leave political affiliations, whether you're a dog or cat person and any opinions regarding the Oxford comma debate at the door if you're gonna be shifty
2013-03-25 11:33:18 PM  
1 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME

I think it's in part to call someone of the appropriate faith (if you're seen as terminal) and partly to keep others from attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing).

In my case, I usually put "Unitarian Universalist" (as there is an "Earth Religions Section" in our local UU congregations, and the UU tends to be a comparative religion class with a 501(c)3 exemption :D)...were this at an airport, though, I'd be very very tempted to tell the Security Agent in question that I was a devotee of Slaanesh...and proceeding to explain just what was involved in this.  (Bonus points if Appropriately Kinky Luggage is included specifically to tweak the security agents.  Remember, it's a dildo, not your dildo.)

/triple points for this, of note, if said Appropriately Kinky Luggage includes overtly blasphemous-to-Abrahamic-faiths marital aids
//yes, dear gods, the latter do exist.


Mary mother of BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....
2013-03-25 11:18:19 PM  
1 votes:
I worship the machine god.  can I pray at your scanner?
2013-03-25 11:08:52 PM  
1 votes:

FARK rebel soldier: I was once asked my religion in the ER (for life threatening dehydration). Before I could answer she gave me a big crazy-eyed Jesus Is Coming Back speech, because she said I must be an atheist if I had no religion on my records.

I had just been taken in and didn't know my SS# or how to walk straight.


The lesson here is to make sure that your next life-threatening illness is scheduled for a more enlightened hospital. *rolls eyes*

/Glad you recovered
2013-03-25 10:41:19 PM  
1 votes:
I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME
2013-03-25 10:39:54 PM  
1 votes:
I worship She-Who-Cannot-Be-Named.
Ask me again, I'll tell you the same.
2013-03-25 10:09:44 PM  
1 votes:
awholelotofnothing.net
2013-03-25 10:07:46 PM  
1 votes:
I am a member of the Church of None of Your Farking Business.

At O'Hare a number of years ago I was asked to turn on my laptop to prove that it was working (and not concealing explosives?).  When the TSA agent then asked me to log in to prove that it was my computer I closed the lid and stated, "No."  There was a staring contest of about 15 seconds and then she finally told me to continue repacking my stuff.
2013-03-25 10:02:39 PM  
1 votes:

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.


i.imgur.com
2013-03-25 10:00:56 PM  
1 votes:
I'll let Ron Swanson answer for me.
2013-03-25 09:52:55 PM  
1 votes:
They actually asked him to write his religion on his passport and stand on it.
2013-03-25 06:22:07 PM  
1 votes:
Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.
 
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