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(Daily Record (UK))   Have a nice flight. Oh, by the way, what religion do you follow?   (dailyrecord.co.uk) divider line 95
    More: Stupid, Edinburgh Airport, flights, faiths  
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10221 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 9:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-25 06:19:25 PM  
i have faith in g-d.  and move on

his question:  WHICH GOD (and sticks a finger up your anus)
 
2013-03-25 06:22:07 PM  
Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.
 
2013-03-25 08:24:41 PM  

Philip Baum, editor-in-chief of Aviation Security International, said: "I am totally against racial profiling of any sort as it has never successfully identified a threat.


Uh huh. And how many hijackings are there each year in Israel again?
 
2013-03-25 08:42:47 PM  
The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?
 
2013-03-25 09:20:02 PM  

Slaxl: Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.


And the Mormons have been trying to acquire nuclear weapons for years now!
 
2013-03-25 09:22:13 PM  
"I believe I'll be damned if I answer that question."
 
2013-03-25 09:47:35 PM  
Do you like movies about gladiators?
 
2013-03-25 09:52:54 PM  
"What's a Tortoise?"
 
2013-03-25 09:52:55 PM  
They actually asked him to write his religion on his passport and stand on it.
 
2013-03-25 09:53:53 PM  
I would have SO much fun with this. "Muslim... no atheist! No, wait: Hare Krishna!"
 
2013-03-25 09:58:00 PM  
Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


/ I have to cut the tip of my WHAT off?
 
2013-03-25 09:59:15 PM  
Bacon and a kiss airline. Eat a piece of bacon and kiss a naked person of the same gender.
 
2013-03-25 10:00:56 PM  
I'll let Ron Swanson answer for me.
 
2013-03-25 10:02:39 PM  

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 10:02:49 PM  
Maybe they're looking for people who believe in *any* god for a little extra frisking.

....I'm ok with this.
 
2013-03-25 10:05:50 PM  

maxx2112: Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


/ I have to cut the tip of my WHAT off?


i135.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-25 10:06:52 PM  
"Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"
 
2013-03-25 10:07:03 PM  

AAlumni: They actually asked him to write his religion on his passport and stand on it.


Excellent!
 
2013-03-25 10:07:46 PM  
I am a member of the Church of None of Your Farking Business.

At O'Hare a number of years ago I was asked to turn on my laptop to prove that it was working (and not concealing explosives?).  When the TSA agent then asked me to log in to prove that it was my computer I closed the lid and stated, "No."  There was a staring contest of about 15 seconds and then she finally told me to continue repacking my stuff.
 
2013-03-25 10:09:03 PM  

100 Watt Walrus: FloydA:


Pretty much came to post this.

Thank you Floyd, I owe you yet another beer.
 
2013-03-25 10:09:44 PM  
awholelotofnothing.net
 
2013-03-25 10:14:11 PM  
There is no religion.  Only truth.  in time you will realize this, when you are swallowed whole and slowly digested for a thousand years.  The only question is "Who will eat you?" Azathoth? Cthulhu? Perhaps you will make a tasty morsel for Ghatanothoa.  More likely a hors d'oeuvre for Shub-Niggurath.  So many possibilities.  You cannot help but smile as nothing you do or say can change the outcome.

Is it time to board yet?  It is?  Thank you.
 
2013-03-25 10:17:19 PM  
[imagine_no_religion.jpg]
 
2013-03-25 10:20:14 PM  
He who flies with us must face 3 challenges. First, is the path of God: Only the penitent man shall pass. Second, is the word of God: Only in the footsteps of God, shall he proceed. Last is the breath of God: Only in a leap from the lion's head shall he prove his worth.
 
2013-03-25 10:20:29 PM  
Jedi. You don't need to see my papers.
 
2013-03-25 10:20:43 PM  
All I took away from the article is that there's someone in the world named "Nick Pickles".
 
2013-03-25 10:26:44 PM  
I worship Gozer the Traveler. You will perish in flame!
 
2013-03-25 10:27:22 PM  

fusillade762: I would have SO much fun with this. "Muslim... no atheist! No, wait: Hare Krishna!"


That's exactly what I would do too.. of course, I rather enjoy full body cavity searches.
 
2013-03-25 10:27:45 PM  
FTA: An Edinburgh Airport spokes-man said the An Edinburgh Airport spokes-man said the question was required under Government guidelines to ensure certain groups are not singled out for the scans, which take naked images of passengers. He added: "These questions are voluntary. This is clearly stated by our security staff."

I see lying is what spokespeople do world-wide. That sort of togetherness is nice to see.
 
2013-03-25 10:34:07 PM  
 
2013-03-25 10:34:51 PM  
I was once asked my religion in the ER (for life threatening dehydration). Before I could answer she gave me a big crazy-eyed Jesus Is Coming Back speech, because she said I must be an atheist if I had no religion on my records.

I had just been taken in and didn't know my SS# or how to walk straight.
 
2013-03-25 10:39:24 PM  
I'm a verdukian. Where can I get some root beer?
 
2013-03-25 10:39:54 PM  
I worship She-Who-Cannot-Be-Named.
Ask me again, I'll tell you the same.
 
2013-03-25 10:40:55 PM  
I worship Your Mom. Actually, no, I have that wrong. She worships me.
 
2013-03-25 10:41:19 PM  
I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME
 
2013-03-25 10:44:25 PM  
"I follow the hawk."
 
2013-03-25 10:44:29 PM  
Difficulty: Not TSA
 
2013-03-25 10:54:27 PM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


You Are Awesome.
 
2013-03-25 10:57:43 PM  
Did circumcision for non-religious purposes ever catch on in Europe? I mean, if you've got a naked body scanner it might give a clue without the question.
 
2013-03-25 11:01:27 PM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


I think it's in part to call someone of the appropriate faith (if you're seen as terminal) and partly to keep others from attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing).

In my case, I usually put "Unitarian Universalist" (as there is an "Earth Religions Section" in our local UU congregations, and the UU tends to be a comparative religion class with a 501(c)3 exemption :D)...were this at an airport, though, I'd be very very tempted to tell the Security Agent in question that I was a devotee of Slaanesh...and proceeding to explain just what was involved in this.  (Bonus points if Appropriately Kinky Luggage is included specifically to tweak the security agents.  Remember, it's a dildo, not your dildo.)

/triple points for this, of note, if said Appropriately Kinky Luggage includes overtly blasphemous-to-Abrahamic-faiths marital aids
//yes, dear gods, the latter do exist.
 
2013-03-25 11:08:52 PM  

FARK rebel soldier: I was once asked my religion in the ER (for life threatening dehydration). Before I could answer she gave me a big crazy-eyed Jesus Is Coming Back speech, because she said I must be an atheist if I had no religion on my records.

I had just been taken in and didn't know my SS# or how to walk straight.


The lesson here is to make sure that your next life-threatening illness is scheduled for a more enlightened hospital. *rolls eyes*

/Glad you recovered
 
2013-03-25 11:17:18 PM  

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?



Therefore the government is good and just in taking these actions?
 
2013-03-25 11:18:19 PM  
I worship the machine god.  can I pray at your scanner?
 
2013-03-25 11:20:30 PM  

johnnieconnie: /Glad you recovered


Thanks, all I needed was a long cold drink through my elbow with an anti-nausea medicine mixed into it.
 
2013-03-25 11:20:39 PM  
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
 
2013-03-25 11:22:20 PM  
In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.

After being in recovery once my ruptured appendix was removed, I was wheeled into my room.  Apparently, I would make an angry junkie because when my girlfriend at the time asked if she could do anything, I said, "You can close the curtain so I don't have to look at that rotting corpse on the wall."  The crucifix was one of those full-colour, bleeding head, stab-wound in the side; apparently, that made me very angry.  I heard the guy in the next bed busting a gut laughing.

And then I found out he was recovering from stomach cancer.
 
2013-03-25 11:30:36 PM  

maxx2112: Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


/ I have to cut the tip of my WHAT off?


Put a little ice on it you will be fine
 
2013-03-25 11:33:18 PM  

Great Porn Dragon: Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME

I think it's in part to call someone of the appropriate faith (if you're seen as terminal) and partly to keep others from attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing).

In my case, I usually put "Unitarian Universalist" (as there is an "Earth Religions Section" in our local UU congregations, and the UU tends to be a comparative religion class with a 501(c)3 exemption :D)...were this at an airport, though, I'd be very very tempted to tell the Security Agent in question that I was a devotee of Slaanesh...and proceeding to explain just what was involved in this.  (Bonus points if Appropriately Kinky Luggage is included specifically to tweak the security agents.  Remember, it's a dildo, not your dildo.)

/triple points for this, of note, if said Appropriately Kinky Luggage includes overtly blasphemous-to-Abrahamic-faiths marital aids
//yes, dear gods, the latter do exist.


Mary mother of BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....
 
2013-03-25 11:36:21 PM  

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?


You. I like you.
 
zez
2013-03-25 11:49:13 PM  
"Scanners play an important part in security, but asking someone what religion they are is nonsensical and serves no purpose whatsoever."

FIXED
 
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