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(Daily Record (UK))   Have a nice flight. Oh, by the way, what religion do you follow?   (dailyrecord.co.uk) divider line 20
    More: Stupid, Edinburgh Airport, flights, faiths  
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10196 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 9:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-03-25 08:42:47 PM
5 votes:
The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?
2013-03-25 09:52:55 PM
4 votes:
They actually asked him to write his religion on his passport and stand on it.
2013-03-25 06:22:07 PM
4 votes:
Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.
2013-03-25 10:14:11 PM
2 votes:
There is no religion.  Only truth.  in time you will realize this, when you are swallowed whole and slowly digested for a thousand years.  The only question is "Who will eat you?" Azathoth? Cthulhu? Perhaps you will make a tasty morsel for Ghatanothoa.  More likely a hors d'oeuvre for Shub-Niggurath.  So many possibilities.  You cannot help but smile as nothing you do or say can change the outcome.

Is it time to board yet?  It is?  Thank you.
2013-03-26 03:25:29 PM
1 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: Thou mayest as long as you knoweth the Ritual of Percussive Maintenance in regards to PC LOAD LETTER :D


People ask me for meaning all the time.
2013-03-26 01:27:11 AM
1 votes:

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
2013-03-26 12:50:12 AM
1 votes:

Jaroga: While I felt like I was dying, on a gurney, in a hallway of an overcrowded hospital (thanks to our premier, Mike Harris, the rat-bastard)


Mike Harris did his best to kill many Ontarians, I'm impressed you survived. Wall is doing his best to forget the lessons of the past here, I'll be lucky if I live to see my thirti..............


........
2013-03-26 12:31:41 AM
1 votes:

Jaroga: Real Women Drink Akvavit: /also please leave political affiliations, whether you're a dog or cat person and any opinions regarding the Oxford comma debate at the door if you're gonna be shifty

Republicans, cat freaks, and those who do not use the oxford comma  are shifty, so your argument is invalid.


I would argue the validity of your argument that my argument is invalid, but as a REAL agnostic polytheist I will simply say "hell if I know - but neither do you". "I'm rubber and you're glue" optional, but also a perfectly valid point of view.

/or something like that
2013-03-25 11:33:18 PM
1 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME

I think it's in part to call someone of the appropriate faith (if you're seen as terminal) and partly to keep others from attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing).

In my case, I usually put "Unitarian Universalist" (as there is an "Earth Religions Section" in our local UU congregations, and the UU tends to be a comparative religion class with a 501(c)3 exemption :D)...were this at an airport, though, I'd be very very tempted to tell the Security Agent in question that I was a devotee of Slaanesh...and proceeding to explain just what was involved in this.  (Bonus points if Appropriately Kinky Luggage is included specifically to tweak the security agents.  Remember, it's a dildo, not your dildo.)

/triple points for this, of note, if said Appropriately Kinky Luggage includes overtly blasphemous-to-Abrahamic-faiths marital aids
//yes, dear gods, the latter do exist.


Mary mother of BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....
2013-03-25 11:18:19 PM
1 votes:
I worship the machine god.  can I pray at your scanner?
2013-03-25 10:20:29 PM
1 votes:
Jedi. You don't need to see my papers.
2013-03-25 10:09:44 PM
1 votes:
awholelotofnothing.net
2013-03-25 10:06:52 PM
1 votes:
"Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"
2013-03-25 10:02:39 PM
1 votes:

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.


i.imgur.com
2013-03-25 09:59:15 PM
1 votes:
Bacon and a kiss airline. Eat a piece of bacon and kiss a naked person of the same gender.
2013-03-25 09:53:53 PM
1 votes:
I would have SO much fun with this. "Muslim... no atheist! No, wait: Hare Krishna!"
2013-03-25 09:47:35 PM
1 votes:
Do you like movies about gladiators?
2013-03-25 09:22:13 PM
1 votes:
"I believe I'll be damned if I answer that question."
2013-03-25 09:20:02 PM
1 votes:

Slaxl: Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.


And the Mormons have been trying to acquire nuclear weapons for years now!
2013-03-25 06:19:25 PM
1 votes:
i have faith in g-d.  and move on

his question:  WHICH GOD (and sticks a finger up your anus)
 
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