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(Daily Record (UK))   Have a nice flight. Oh, by the way, what religion do you follow?   (dailyrecord.co.uk) divider line 95
    More: Stupid, Edinburgh Airport, flights, faiths  
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10196 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 9:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-25 06:19:25 PM
i have faith in g-d.  and move on

his question:  WHICH GOD (and sticks a finger up your anus)
 
2013-03-25 06:22:07 PM
Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.
 
2013-03-25 08:24:41 PM

Philip Baum, editor-in-chief of Aviation Security International, said: "I am totally against racial profiling of any sort as it has never successfully identified a threat.


Uh huh. And how many hijackings are there each year in Israel again?
 
2013-03-25 08:42:47 PM
The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?
 
2013-03-25 09:20:02 PM

Slaxl: Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.


And the Mormons have been trying to acquire nuclear weapons for years now!
 
2013-03-25 09:22:13 PM
"I believe I'll be damned if I answer that question."
 
2013-03-25 09:47:35 PM
Do you like movies about gladiators?
 
2013-03-25 09:52:54 PM
"What's a Tortoise?"
 
2013-03-25 09:52:55 PM
They actually asked him to write his religion on his passport and stand on it.
 
2013-03-25 09:53:53 PM
I would have SO much fun with this. "Muslim... no atheist! No, wait: Hare Krishna!"
 
2013-03-25 09:58:00 PM
Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


/ I have to cut the tip of my WHAT off?
 
2013-03-25 09:59:15 PM
Bacon and a kiss airline. Eat a piece of bacon and kiss a naked person of the same gender.
 
2013-03-25 10:00:56 PM
I'll let Ron Swanson answer for me.
 
2013-03-25 10:02:39 PM

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 10:02:49 PM
Maybe they're looking for people who believe in *any* god for a little extra frisking.

....I'm ok with this.
 
2013-03-25 10:05:50 PM

maxx2112: Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


/ I have to cut the tip of my WHAT off?


i135.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-25 10:06:52 PM
"Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"
 
2013-03-25 10:07:03 PM

AAlumni: They actually asked him to write his religion on his passport and stand on it.


Excellent!
 
2013-03-25 10:07:46 PM
I am a member of the Church of None of Your Farking Business.

At O'Hare a number of years ago I was asked to turn on my laptop to prove that it was working (and not concealing explosives?).  When the TSA agent then asked me to log in to prove that it was my computer I closed the lid and stated, "No."  There was a staring contest of about 15 seconds and then she finally told me to continue repacking my stuff.
 
2013-03-25 10:09:03 PM

100 Watt Walrus: FloydA:


Pretty much came to post this.

Thank you Floyd, I owe you yet another beer.
 
2013-03-25 10:09:44 PM
awholelotofnothing.net
 
2013-03-25 10:14:11 PM
There is no religion.  Only truth.  in time you will realize this, when you are swallowed whole and slowly digested for a thousand years.  The only question is "Who will eat you?" Azathoth? Cthulhu? Perhaps you will make a tasty morsel for Ghatanothoa.  More likely a hors d'oeuvre for Shub-Niggurath.  So many possibilities.  You cannot help but smile as nothing you do or say can change the outcome.

Is it time to board yet?  It is?  Thank you.
 
2013-03-25 10:17:19 PM
[imagine_no_religion.jpg]
 
2013-03-25 10:20:14 PM
He who flies with us must face 3 challenges. First, is the path of God: Only the penitent man shall pass. Second, is the word of God: Only in the footsteps of God, shall he proceed. Last is the breath of God: Only in a leap from the lion's head shall he prove his worth.
 
2013-03-25 10:20:29 PM
Jedi. You don't need to see my papers.
 
2013-03-25 10:20:43 PM
All I took away from the article is that there's someone in the world named "Nick Pickles".
 
2013-03-25 10:26:44 PM
I worship Gozer the Traveler. You will perish in flame!
 
2013-03-25 10:27:22 PM

fusillade762: I would have SO much fun with this. "Muslim... no atheist! No, wait: Hare Krishna!"


That's exactly what I would do too.. of course, I rather enjoy full body cavity searches.
 
2013-03-25 10:27:45 PM
FTA: An Edinburgh Airport spokes-man said the An Edinburgh Airport spokes-man said the question was required under Government guidelines to ensure certain groups are not singled out for the scans, which take naked images of passengers. He added: "These questions are voluntary. This is clearly stated by our security staff."

I see lying is what spokespeople do world-wide. That sort of togetherness is nice to see.
 
2013-03-25 10:34:07 PM
 
2013-03-25 10:34:51 PM
I was once asked my religion in the ER (for life threatening dehydration). Before I could answer she gave me a big crazy-eyed Jesus Is Coming Back speech, because she said I must be an atheist if I had no religion on my records.

I had just been taken in and didn't know my SS# or how to walk straight.
 
2013-03-25 10:39:24 PM
I'm a verdukian. Where can I get some root beer?
 
2013-03-25 10:39:54 PM
I worship She-Who-Cannot-Be-Named.
Ask me again, I'll tell you the same.
 
2013-03-25 10:40:55 PM
I worship Your Mom. Actually, no, I have that wrong. She worships me.
 
2013-03-25 10:41:19 PM
I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME
 
2013-03-25 10:44:25 PM
"I follow the hawk."
 
2013-03-25 10:44:29 PM
Difficulty: Not TSA
 
2013-03-25 10:54:27 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


You Are Awesome.
 
2013-03-25 10:57:43 PM
Did circumcision for non-religious purposes ever catch on in Europe? I mean, if you've got a naked body scanner it might give a clue without the question.
 
2013-03-25 11:01:27 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


I think it's in part to call someone of the appropriate faith (if you're seen as terminal) and partly to keep others from attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing).

In my case, I usually put "Unitarian Universalist" (as there is an "Earth Religions Section" in our local UU congregations, and the UU tends to be a comparative religion class with a 501(c)3 exemption :D)...were this at an airport, though, I'd be very very tempted to tell the Security Agent in question that I was a devotee of Slaanesh...and proceeding to explain just what was involved in this.  (Bonus points if Appropriately Kinky Luggage is included specifically to tweak the security agents.  Remember, it's a dildo, not your dildo.)

/triple points for this, of note, if said Appropriately Kinky Luggage includes overtly blasphemous-to-Abrahamic-faiths marital aids
//yes, dear gods, the latter do exist.
 
2013-03-25 11:08:52 PM

FARK rebel soldier: I was once asked my religion in the ER (for life threatening dehydration). Before I could answer she gave me a big crazy-eyed Jesus Is Coming Back speech, because she said I must be an atheist if I had no religion on my records.

I had just been taken in and didn't know my SS# or how to walk straight.


The lesson here is to make sure that your next life-threatening illness is scheduled for a more enlightened hospital. *rolls eyes*

/Glad you recovered
 
2013-03-25 11:17:18 PM

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?



Therefore the government is good and just in taking these actions?
 
2013-03-25 11:18:19 PM
I worship the machine god.  can I pray at your scanner?
 
2013-03-25 11:20:30 PM

johnnieconnie: /Glad you recovered


Thanks, all I needed was a long cold drink through my elbow with an anti-nausea medicine mixed into it.
 
2013-03-25 11:20:39 PM
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
 
2013-03-25 11:22:20 PM
In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.

After being in recovery once my ruptured appendix was removed, I was wheeled into my room.  Apparently, I would make an angry junkie because when my girlfriend at the time asked if she could do anything, I said, "You can close the curtain so I don't have to look at that rotting corpse on the wall."  The crucifix was one of those full-colour, bleeding head, stab-wound in the side; apparently, that made me very angry.  I heard the guy in the next bed busting a gut laughing.

And then I found out he was recovering from stomach cancer.
 
2013-03-25 11:30:36 PM

maxx2112: Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


/ I have to cut the tip of my WHAT off?


Put a little ice on it you will be fine
 
2013-03-25 11:33:18 PM

Great Porn Dragon: Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME

I think it's in part to call someone of the appropriate faith (if you're seen as terminal) and partly to keep others from attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing).

In my case, I usually put "Unitarian Universalist" (as there is an "Earth Religions Section" in our local UU congregations, and the UU tends to be a comparative religion class with a 501(c)3 exemption :D)...were this at an airport, though, I'd be very very tempted to tell the Security Agent in question that I was a devotee of Slaanesh...and proceeding to explain just what was involved in this.  (Bonus points if Appropriately Kinky Luggage is included specifically to tweak the security agents.  Remember, it's a dildo, not your dildo.)

/triple points for this, of note, if said Appropriately Kinky Luggage includes overtly blasphemous-to-Abrahamic-faiths marital aids
//yes, dear gods, the latter do exist.


Mary mother of BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....
 
2013-03-25 11:36:21 PM

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?


You. I like you.
 
zez
2013-03-25 11:49:13 PM
"Scanners play an important part in security, but asking someone what religion they are is nonsensical and serves no purpose whatsoever."

FIXED
 
2013-03-25 11:49:59 PM

Great Porn Dragon: attempting deathbed conversions (in the Southeast in particular, hospitals do tend to have issues with neopentes and the occasional Southern Baptist trying just this sort of thing)


WtFARK? Seriously? REALLY? I thought deathbed conversions were pretty much a thing of the past and have never heard of some doing deathbed "accept or suffer" proselytizing type stuff. Holy Hela's Throne, that's low - and stupid. I mean, if you firmly believed there was one great divine that was from a specific culture that demanded certain actions from the "saved" (or whatever) or certain beliefs and it was all omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, wouldn't aforementioned theoretical deity/deities KNOW the person wasn't really genuine in that faith if the divine/divines really were all those things?

I'm not so much concerned about the potential convertee (believe it or not) in such a scenario, cuz they're gonna be dead in short order and their fate sealed so far as we know. I'm concerned with the impact on those who share the same base faith as the shifty wanna-be representative of the great divine on earth. You know people judge entire groups on the actions of a few. That's why if you're going to be poorly behaved, leave the divine out of it. Yeesh.

/also please leave political affiliations, whether you're a dog or cat person and any opinions regarding the Oxford comma debate at the door if you're gonna be shifty
 
2013-03-26 12:03:08 AM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: /also please leave political affiliations, whether you're a dog or cat person and any opinions regarding the Oxford comma debate at the door if you're gonna be shifty


Republicans, cat freaks, and those who do not use the oxford comma  are shifty, so your argument is invalid.
 
2013-03-26 12:09:45 AM

FloydA: Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?


Even the most hardcore atheists want chocolate bunny eggs.
 
2013-03-26 12:10:51 AM

maxx2112: Which has days-off holidays this week?

Okay, that one.


Now, look here, Bender. I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with Roberculosis.
 
2013-03-26 12:11:20 AM

Jaroga: In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.

After being in recovery once my ruptured appendix was removed, I was wheeled into my room.  Apparently, I would make an angry junkie because when my girlfriend at the time asked if she could do anything, I said, "You can close the curtain so I don't have to look at that rotting corpse on the wall."  The crucifix was one of those full-colour, bleeding head, stab-wound in the side; apparently, that made me very angry.  I heard the guy in the next bed busting a gut laughing.

And then I found out he was recovering from stomach cancer.


Morphine is a hell of a drug...
 
2013-03-26 12:26:19 AM
They should just ask you to drop your pants.  They'll get all the religious info they're looking for.
 
2013-03-26 12:28:22 AM

Gyrfalcon: Jaroga: In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.

After being in recovery once my ruptured appendix was removed, I was wheeled into my room.  Apparently, I would make an angry junkie because when my girlfriend at the time asked if she could do anything, I said, "You can close the curtain so I don't have to look at that rotting corpse on the wall."  The crucifix was one of those full-colour, bleeding head, stab-wound in the side; apparently, that made me very angry.  I heard the guy in the next bed busting a gut laughing.

And then I found out he was recovering from stomach cancer.

Morphine is a hell of a drug...


It is.  It is.

Now I realize I missed the whole point of my post.  While I felt like I was dying, on a gurney, in a hallway of an overcrowded hospital (thanks to our premier, Mike Harris, the rat-bastard), the nurse took my details.  "What is your faith?" she asked.  "None," I said.  "Sorry?" she asked, incredulously.  I shouted, "I'm an atheist!"  Fark, just get me under so I don't have to feel the lava in by bowel--stop asking me about my thoughts on Thor.

/I was left outside the operating room, which was an appendectomy conveyer belt, I heard the doctor say (in a tone usually reserved for toddlers who are a bit slow), "Mr. xxx, we have removed your appendix successfully.  You will now be removed to recovery."  In a slurred, drunken, frat-boy response, Mr. xxx replied, "Can I see it?"
//That was the most excruciating laugh I have ever experienced.
 
2013-03-26 12:31:21 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: i have faith in g-d.  and move on

his question:  WHICH GOD (and sticks a finger up your anus)




Our Lord, only wants your balls caressed, gingerly, fly AIR Puffer.
 
2013-03-26 12:31:41 AM

Jaroga: Real Women Drink Akvavit: /also please leave political affiliations, whether you're a dog or cat person and any opinions regarding the Oxford comma debate at the door if you're gonna be shifty

Republicans, cat freaks, and those who do not use the oxford comma  are shifty, so your argument is invalid.


I would argue the validity of your argument that my argument is invalid, but as a REAL agnostic polytheist I will simply say "hell if I know - but neither do you". "I'm rubber and you're glue" optional, but also a perfectly valid point of view.

/or something like that
 
2013-03-26 12:32:35 AM
SO!!!

If the 911rs had, had, their balls touched?

/gee, I had
//must be my mystic rock
 
2013-03-26 12:38:12 AM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I would argue the validity of your argument that my argument is invalid, but as a REAL agnostic polytheist I will simply say "hell if I know - but neither do you". "I'm rubber and you're glue" optional, but also a perfectly valid point of view.

/or something like that


I'll drink to that.  Sorry, but do REAL agnostic polytheistic people drink to things?  Or do they provisionally drink to everything, just in case?

Cheers!
 
2013-03-26 12:50:12 AM

Jaroga: While I felt like I was dying, on a gurney, in a hallway of an overcrowded hospital (thanks to our premier, Mike Harris, the rat-bastard)


Mike Harris did his best to kill many Ontarians, I'm impressed you survived. Wall is doing his best to forget the lessons of the past here, I'll be lucky if I live to see my thirti..............


........
 
2013-03-26 12:55:20 AM

Slaxl: Well its easy to see why they would ask, since they have had serious problems with members of one faith disproportionately blowing stuff up in the name of their religion... bloody Catholics.


Well that's a good example. One notes that Catholics from Northern Ireland tend to blow stuff up. Catholics from elsewhere do not.  Muslims from Saudi Arabia tend to blow stuff up, Muslims from places like Iran do not.  So of course since we can't offend out good Saudi Arabian friends, instead we need to strip search 80 year old nuns instead.

The real solution is every time Al Qaeda blows something up, the CIA puts bullet in some wealthy conservative Saudi Arabian businessman.
 
2013-03-26 01:16:26 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: i have faith in g-d.  and move on

his question:  WHICH GOD (and sticks a finger up your anus)


This is what happens when you fly UFIA Airlines.
 
2013-03-26 01:19:56 AM

SnarfVader: He who flies with us must face 3 challenges. First, is the path of God: Only the penitent man shall pass. Second, is the word of God: Only in the footsteps of God, shall he proceed. Last is the breath of God: Only in a leap from the lion's head shall he prove his worth.


And you better not spell Jehovah with a 'J'. They hate that.
 
2013-03-26 01:27:11 AM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I'm an agnostic polytheist with strong tendencies toward Nordic Heathenism. That caused a few problems when I was in the hospital because I answered (without thinking) "just call some damn heathens if it will help you" to their question about "religious preferece". I'm kind of thinking if I were in an airport situation I'd probably just blurt out something equally stupid, like "the one with the dude that can fly, I hope".
/why do they need to know your religion if you're in hospital anyway?
//would they seriously call me a witchdoctor if I was on death's door in one of their rooms?
///cuz that would be AWESOME


The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
 
2013-03-26 01:28:57 AM

SnarfVader: He who flies with us must face 3 challenges. First, is the path of God: Only the penitent man shall pass. Second, is the word of God: Only in the footsteps of God, shall he proceed. Last is the breath of God: Only in a leap from the lion's head shall he prove his worth.


Forgot to add: "In choosing to fly with our airline, you have chosen wisely!"
 
2013-03-26 01:31:16 AM
No.
 
2013-03-26 01:36:05 AM

Acharne: Jaroga: While I felt like I was dying, on a gurney, in a hallway of an overcrowded hospital (thanks to our premier, Mike Harris, the rat-bastard)

Mike Harris did his best to kill many Ontarians, I'm impressed you survived. Wall is doing his best to forget the lessons of the past here, I'll be lucky if I live to see my thirti..............


........



Yah, Wynne, may not be the best, considering how corrupt the Libs are in Ont.  (I'd love to see how Ontarians respond to Alberta polticis--every time I've voted in the last 13 years, I've had to shower.)  But a) it's Wynne and b) she's a she.   Otherwise, you're spot-on.
 
2013-03-26 02:13:44 AM

fusillade762: I would have SO much fun with this. "Muslim... no atheist! No, wait: Hare Krishna!"


Lol @ ^this^...i would love to do that :D
 
2013-03-26 02:49:41 AM

Jaroga: In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.


There are only two religions in Scotland, neither of which has anything at all to do with actual religion.

"Gordon, are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"I'm Jewish."

"Yes, but are you Catholic Jewish or Protestant Jewish?"
 
2013-03-26 02:59:59 AM

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?


Why yes I would like some chocolate eggs, and do you have a mailing list I can subscribe to wise sir?
 
2013-03-26 03:04:00 AM
"Satan's church of baby eaters"
 
2013-03-26 03:04:48 AM
Probably the best way to get tased and cavity searched is to say that you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
 
2013-03-26 03:46:34 AM

Abacus9: SnarfVader: He who flies with us must face 3 challenges. First, is the path of God: Only the penitent man shall pass. Second, is the word of God: Only in the footsteps of God, shall he proceed. Last is the breath of God: Only in a leap from the lion's head shall he prove his worth.

And you better not spell Jehovah with a 'J'. They hate that.


Stone her! Stone her! er...Stone him! Stone him!
 
2013-03-26 04:08:57 AM
Pastafarian.

/blessed is His Noodly Appendage.
 
2013-03-26 04:10:03 AM

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?


So this is what you've come to. Peddling secular bigotry on message boards while in your underpants.

I guess your parents must be really proud.
 
2013-03-26 04:20:28 AM

Gordon Bennett: Jaroga: In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.

There are only two religions in Scotland, neither of which has anything at all to do with actual religion.

"Gordon, are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"I'm Jewish."

"Yes, but are you Catholic Jewish or Protestant Jewish?"


Yes, but in Scotland, unlike Ireland, the Protestants and the Catholics tend to only kill each other at football (or is it "fitba'"?) games, and then by mutual agreement in a kinda friendly way. Then after the games they go back to just making jokes about each other and marrying each others sisters and saying "With a Presbyterian Father and RC mother the kids are going to be f****d up, best get them into politics, then at least they'll fit in."
 
2013-03-26 04:30:33 AM
I know this is in UK, but reading this kind of thing freaks me out.

I have to fly out to see my son in San Fran in a couple of weeks and I just know I'll wind up in jail of one of the TSA agents starts really getting in my grill. I don't know what I'll do if I get yanked out of line and one of those stuttering fat biatches pats me down. I can't handle strangers touching me.

There's a lot of shiat these people don't take into account. For instance, has someone experienced molestation or some other type of assault in their past? It affects them permanently.

It's all so freaking stupid, wasteful and unnecessary. I haven't flown in years because of it.

Got to bite the bullet for my kid, but I am not looking forward to it.
 
2013-03-26 08:09:04 AM

Rueened: FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?

So this is what you've come to. Peddling secular bigotry on message boards while in your underpants.

I guess your parents must be really proud.


Hey, at least he put on underpants this time. That's progress.
 
2013-03-26 09:09:10 AM
They're trying to determine whether or not he's really Scottish.
 
2013-03-26 09:19:40 AM

StaleCoffee: They're trying to determine whether or not he's really Scottish.


If only there were some kind of informal fallacy argument to determine the case here.
 
2013-03-26 10:38:52 AM

Gordon Bennett: Jaroga: In Scotland?  That ought to go over well.

There are only two religions in Scotland, neither of which has anything at all to do with actual religion.

"Gordon, are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"I'm Jewish."

"Yes, but are you Catholic Jewish or Protestant Jewish?"


That's true, so I suppose they should be used to being grilled like this, since every other question is just code:

"What street do you live on?"  (Translation:  What religion are you?")
"Where did you go to school?"  (Translation:  What religion are you?"
 
2013-03-26 11:23:08 AM
Hey, profiling has a point. What was the religion of the 9/11 hijackers? And the London subway bombers? We should not be a bunch of PC pansies who are afraid to stop terrorists because we might "offend" them.
 
2013-03-26 12:26:40 PM

Rueened: FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?

So this is what you've come to. Peddling secular bigotry on message boards while in your underpants.

I guess your parents must be really proud.



Ha ha, fooled you!  I'm not wearing any underpants.
 
2013-03-26 12:35:11 PM
FTA: "What happens if a passenger says they are Buddhist or Muslim or Christian? Would they all be treated differently to each other?"

I don't know, but it sounds like the beginning to a good joke.
 
2013-03-26 12:51:45 PM
I'm a Bombiest.
 
2013-03-26 02:51:01 PM

Weaver95: I worship the machine god.  can I pray at your scanner?


Thou mayest as long as you knoweth the Ritual of Percussive Maintenance in regards to PC LOAD LETTER :D

/oddly enough, I do play an AdMech, and this actually gets FUN when one is a Maker in RL :D
 
2013-03-26 03:20:24 PM

Richard C Stanford: We should not be a bunch of PC pansies who are afraid to stop terrorists because we might "offend" them.


Well then based on that logic we should refuse to allow Saudi's t fly, unless they pay extra for two air marshals to fly sitting on either side of them
 
2013-03-26 03:25:29 PM

Great Porn Dragon: Thou mayest as long as you knoweth the Ritual of Percussive Maintenance in regards to PC LOAD LETTER :D


People ask me for meaning all the time.
 
2013-03-26 06:16:33 PM

FloydA: The one that believes in the existence of an invisible superhero who I can't see, but who lives in the sky and who has the power to create entire universes at the wave of his hand, but is so petty-minded that He gives a crap what I do with my dick, and gets pissed off if I eat clam chowder or wear cotton/poly blends, and who really loves me, but will have me tortured forever if I don't love him back.  Also, he really wants me to wear the right kind of hat and believe things that are contradicted by my own observations, because a man with a book said so.  Also, he sometimes kills everyone, and sometimes picks one mortal who he rapes in order to make a new demi-god who is actually himself, who he makes sure to kill as a way to sacrifice himself to himself in order for himself to forgive punishments for mistakes that he knew we were going to make because he made us that way.

This is an accurate description of every religion except your own, of course.  It sounds crazy and all of those other religions that believe this type of silly crap are all ridiculous.

Yours is perfectly reasonable, obviously.

Would you like some chocolate bunny eggs?


You go on my Farky list. It is a short one, with only Pocket Ninja and spentmiles on it. It is a good list.
 
2013-03-26 09:17:15 PM
cannotsuggestaname:
You go on my Farky list. It is a short one, with only Pocket Ninja and spentmiles on it. It is a good list.

I am honored to serve in such good company.
 
2013-03-26 11:02:43 PM

Keeve: FTA: "What happens if a passenger says they are Buddhist or Muslim or Christian? Would they all be treated differently to each other?"

I don't know, but it sounds like the beginning to a good joke.


Now, if a passenger says they are the Buddha, you must kill them.
 
2013-03-27 01:00:49 AM

Richard C Stanford: Hey, profiling has a point. What was the religion of the 9/11 hijackers? And the London subway bombers? We should not be a bunch of PC pansies who are afraid to stop terrorists because we might "offend" them.


Meh, what was the religion of Timothy McVeigh? And Ted Kaczynski? And Anders Breivik, Sideshow Bob, Adam Lanza? Any zealot can commit an act of terrorism, regardless of their religious affiliation. It's time airport security start profiling based on whether people look suspicious or not.
 
2013-03-28 12:03:34 AM

fusillade762: maxx2112: Which has days-off holidays this week? Okay, that one.

Now, look here, Bender. I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with Roberculosis.



I am Malachi. It means 'he who really loves the Metal Lord'.


/When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all
 
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