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(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)   No one really thought Kate Upton would go to prom with that kid, right?   (nbclosangeles.com) divider line 179
    More: Followup, Kate Upton, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Google YouTube  
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28705 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 2:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-25 12:32:08 PM  
Probably just as well. There's not way these things ever work out.

He may think it would make him popular, but it wouldn't. Every kid in school would hate him. The girls would be irritated because he made them feel even MORE awkward and self-conscious during what's usually their prettiest night, and the guys (even though they'd pretend to be impressed) would be consumed with envy because he brought a farking SUPERMODEL to PROM. Plus, the paparazzi would be all over the place, since it's an obvious publicity stunt. He wouldn't enjoy yourself, no mattter how much he thinks he would. And then in 20 years, when he has a mortgage, 2.5 kids and a dumpy wife, he'll look back on his prom pictures, and realize that he'd peaked at 18.

Just do what I did: Get involved in inter-school activities, and then ask some hottie from another district. There will still be that curiosity factor from classmates, and you at least stand a snowball's chance of maybe being able to touch a boob by the end of the night.

I don't care HOW hot your Prom date is...A 7 who will let you get to at least second beats a 10 who may give you a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.
 
2013-03-25 01:09:47 PM  
I'll start...

www.hdwallpaperspk.com
 
2013-03-25 01:15:16 PM  
It's about time a celebrity drew a line in the sand with all these assholes putting them on the spot, asking them to the prom or some military thing, especially if they're not crippled. I mean I could see if the kid had some terminal-HOLY shiat, LOOK AT THOSE TITS! Tell her you have ass cancer, kid! That might work.
 
2013-03-25 01:21:13 PM  
But I already gave him $5 for the chance to smell his fingers afterwards!
 
2013-03-25 01:21:33 PM  
I will never fap to this cowardly, hedging coont again.

JUST SAY "NO," ASSHOLE!
 
2013-03-25 01:23:29 PM  

MaxxLarge: Just do what I did: Get involved in inter-school activities, and then ask some hottie from another district.  Canada


FTFY
 
2013-03-25 01:23:31 PM  
The only thing that will fix this is a wacky scheme, a malfunctioning robot, a montage set to "She's a Beauty" by the Tubes and a perfectly-timed fart from the fat kid!
 
2013-03-25 01:57:15 PM  
MaxxLarge:
I don't care HOW hot your Prom date is...A 7 who will let you get to at least second beats a 10 who may give you a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.

So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...
 
2013-03-25 02:01:09 PM  

Slives: So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...


Well, no. It's complicated. A 5 that gives it up n the first date is roughly equal to a 7 who lets you get to second. But once you dip below a 5, the stuff they have to do in order to balance gets exponentially more sefere.

Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.
 
2013-03-25 02:02:43 PM  
The big question would be did she bang him in the limo on the way home? That was my favorite part of the prom.
 
2013-03-25 02:03:15 PM  
I'm reminded of Weird Science?
 
2013-03-25 02:03:31 PM  
He'll join Fark soon.
 
2013-03-25 02:04:10 PM  

MaxxLarge: Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.


You. I like you.
 
2013-03-25 02:04:33 PM  
I went to my girlfriend's prom in Bloomington Indiana after she moved there from central IL.

They were only about 2 hours away, but it was quite a bit different than our prom. I must've missed the memo where you were required to wear a cowboy hat with your tux. The silliest we had were some kids who chose orange or teal tuxes or whatever.

/easy to get past 2nd base when your gf has her own apartment in high school and you're staying there for 2 days
//was a lucky lad when i was 16
 
2013-03-25 02:05:51 PM  
Betty White to the rescue? She's just that awesome.
 
2013-03-25 02:06:06 PM  
So . . . is a blow job still out of the question?
 
2013-03-25 02:06:19 PM  
It's like that old Doritos commerical.

"I smell prom date!"

"Really?!"

"NO, not really."
 
2013-03-25 02:06:35 PM  

MaxxLarge: Slives: So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...

Well, no. It's complicated. A 5 that gives it up n the first date is roughly equal to a 7 who lets you get to second. But once you dip below a 5, the stuff they have to do in order to balance gets exponentially more sefere.

Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.


Is there, like, some sort of downloadable pocket conversion chart or something?  I'm starting to feel that I won't be able to remember all of this.
 
2013-03-25 02:09:52 PM  
Well, Kate, I hate that you won't make it to prom with me. However, I would settle for 8 minutes in the shed behind the house?.....
 
2013-03-25 02:09:57 PM  

MaxxLarge: I don't care HOW hot your Prom date is...A 7 who will let you get to at least second beats a 10 who may give you a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.



Above all else:

Don't be the drunk guy who goes to the hotel with a 10 at 2:00, and wakes up at 10:00 with a 2.
 
2013-03-25 02:10:01 PM  

Mugato: It's about time a celebrity drew a line in the sand with all these assholes putting them on the spot, asking them to the prom or some military thing


There's no rule that says they need to respond at all. I say just ignore them. Unless you want to go I suppose.
 
2013-03-25 02:10:03 PM  
"So you're saying there's a chance....?"
www.wearysloth.com
 
2013-03-25 02:10:04 PM  
She is pretty but I don't get what the amazing facsination is.  I know I'll probably be pegged as a "sharp knees" guy or something.  So don't get me wrong; she is amazingly hot.  But to me in the same way as 1000 other amazingly hot women in movies and fashion.
 
2013-03-25 02:10:31 PM  
Lucy and the football.

...rats.
 
2013-03-25 02:11:29 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Is there, like, some sort of downloadable pocket conversion chart or something?  I'm starting to feel that I won't be able to remember all of this.


I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.  The only five you'd ever see goes by Rosy Palms.
 
2013-03-25 02:12:30 PM  

MaxxLarge: Slives: So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...

Well, no. It's complicated. A 5 that gives it up n the first date is roughly equal to a 7 who lets you get to second. But once you dip below a 5, the stuff they have to do in order to balance gets exponentially more sefere.

Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.


Can you put the formula in the form of a limerick?
 
2013-03-25 02:12:33 PM  

blatz514: I'll start...

[www.hdwallpaperspk.com image 850x1275]


i've finished
 
2013-03-25 02:12:34 PM  

MaxxLarge: Slives: So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...

Well, no. It's complicated. A 5 that gives it up n the first date is roughly equal to a 7 who lets you get to second. But once you dip below a 5, the stuff they have to do in order to balance gets exponentially more sefere.

Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.


What would a 1 have to do to be equal to the 3 or the 5 above? Let you take a dump on her chest after?
 
2013-03-25 02:12:37 PM  
God, I hate people or kids with cancer that guilt celebrities into doing stuff for them.
 
2013-03-25 02:12:45 PM  
I saw a segment on the Today show where they showed the kid's video and interviewed him. Wow, that kid is a real turd. He possessed the unfortunate combination of being very arrogant and self-centered, while at the same time being a hopeless no-personality nerd. Perhaps if he had been humble and kind, maybe she would have found time in her schedule. I'm sure Kate and her handlers could see that even spending 10 minutes with him would have been like getting her teeth pulled.
 
2013-03-25 02:13:19 PM  

abfalter: She is pretty but I don't get what the amazing facsination is.  I know I'll probably be pegged as a "sharp knees" guy or something.  So don't get me wrong; she is amazingly hot.  But to me in the same way as 1000 other amazingly hot women in movies and fashion.


You're partially right.  Clearly, she's the hottie du jour, so give it a few weeks and one of the other 999 will step forward.
//BTW, did you not see her tits?
 
2013-03-25 02:13:46 PM  
Good for her. This shiat must be stopped. Agreement would only encourage further nonsense.
 
2013-03-25 02:14:09 PM  
But he already bought the 151 to spike the punch.
 
2013-03-25 02:14:24 PM  
Atleast the guy's not ugly as shiat, he looks like a friend of mine so why the no GF? Then again he has that nasally voice thing so there's that.

Atleast he was the fat hopeful begging case I expected.
 
2013-03-25 02:15:11 PM  
"It was so flattering," Upton, 20, told http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20684769,00.html" target=_blank>People. "The video was so cute, and I really appreciated it. There was something about it that I knew I had to respond."


Yup, I think I found your problem kid. This isn't a cute story. This guy is in HER generation. They're only like 3 years apart, at best. Kate Upton isn't far enough removed from rejecting squares like him for her OWN prom to give this kid a shot. If he'd asked a more mature woman, then I'd say it was a potentially heart-warming story. But, this is like if I asked Lil Kim to the prom when I was in high school. In a prom proposal story, there has to be at least an 8 year age gap and/or a disability involved to reach heart-warming status.
 
2013-03-25 02:15:26 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: The only thing that will fix this is a wacky scheme, a malfunctioning robot, a montage set to "She's a Beauty" by the Tubes and a perfectly-timed fart from the fat kid!


Replace "wacky scheme" with telekinetic powers, "malfunctioning robot" with Dorita (the voodoo-practicing Haitian housekeeper), "She's a Beauty" with "Gonna Get It Next Time " (also by the Tubes), and "perfectly-timed fart" with perfectly-timed inflation of a male ballet dancer's genitals, and you've got yourself the Chevy Chase's 1981 box-office bomb "Modern Problems."
 
2013-03-25 02:17:16 PM  

FARK rebel soldier: Atleast the guy's not ugly as shiat, he looks like a friend of mine so why the no GF? Then again he has that nasally voice thing so there's that.

Atleast he WASN'T the fat hopeful begging case I expected.


godamit
 
2013-03-25 02:17:25 PM  

uncleacid: But he already bought the 151 to spike the punch.


So that's where my 151 went!

Anyway, back on topic: since uppity swimsuit girl flaked on him, it's time to go through the rest of the celebrity rolodex to see if he can wrangle up another date in time. I'd start here:

img2.timeinc.net
 
2013-03-25 02:18:27 PM  
Hey, cant hate on the kid for trying. Shoot for the stars kiddo. Climb that mountain.

www.jeffmeyerdesign.com
 
2013-03-25 02:18:44 PM  
Kid, there are millions of women your age within driving distance. Get to it! You will never be in better shape than now. Just go for it. She's not that attractive, you have to factor out the star effect here and you'll realize that...
 
2013-03-25 02:20:39 PM  

there their theyre: MaxxLarge: Slives: So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...

Well, no. It's complicated. A 5 that gives it up n the first date is roughly equal to a 7 who lets you get to second. But once you dip below a 5, the stuff they have to do in order to balance gets exponentially more sefere.

Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.

What would a 1 have to do to be equal to the 3 or the 5 above? Let you take a dump on her chest after?


Bring in another 1 to join the party.
 
2013-03-25 02:21:47 PM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
Prom date = $800
 
2013-03-25 02:23:18 PM  

MaxxLarge: Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.


There's got to be a point of diminishing return here.  Would you even want to dance on the back floor of a 3?  I guess that would depend on which criteria the "3" judgement was made.
 
2013-03-25 02:24:16 PM  
These shameless, public begging stunts are getting way played out. Why don't these kids find hot dates the legitimate way: by earning 'em?
 
2013-03-25 02:24:34 PM  

Bruxellensis: MaxxLarge: Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.

There's got to be a point of diminishing return here.  Would you even want to dance on the back floor of a 3?  I guess that would depend on which criteria the "3" judgement was made.


Perhaps the Barney Stinson Hot/Crazy scale needs to be extended into a third dimension?
 
2013-03-25 02:25:10 PM  

ArkAngel: Can you put the formula in the form of a limerick?


I can try. Ahem...

A kiss from a 10 is amazing.
Some boob from an 8is worth praising.
From  6 down to  4,
She'll have to do more,
And 1's? Only during a hazing.
 
2013-03-25 02:25:50 PM  

The_Sponge: Don't be the drunk guy who goes to the hotel with a 10 at 2:00, and wakes up at 10:00 with a 2.


images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-03-25 02:27:11 PM  

MaxxLarge: Slives: So following that logic you would even better off with a 3 that goes all the way in the back of the limo after the prom...

Well, no. It's complicated. A 5 that gives it up n the first date is roughly equal to a 7 who lets you get to second. But once you dip below a 5, the stuff they have to do in order to balance gets exponentially more sefere.

Ergo, a 3 would have to not only be INTO anal, but she'd have to suggest it herself. Before dessert.


Will there be a test?... I feel like there will be a test..
 
2013-03-25 02:28:34 PM  
My gf and I broke up a week before prom, so I had a sad.  My boss called his buddy who had 8 daughters; of course they were Catholic!

"Which one do you want?" he asked me.

"Whichever one's ready first," I said.

She was a pretty, buxom wench who, as we snuggled in my car after prom, whispered, "Teach me things."

Worked out fine.
 
2013-03-25 02:29:33 PM  

ArkAngel: Can you put the formula in the form of a limerick?


My date was as large as a freighter,
I hoped to f*ck her sooner or later,
She said with a whisper
"I'm into anal, Dear Mister,"
Then finished dessert and left with the waiter.
 
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