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(Telegraph)   That Russian tycoon who died "mysteriously" in Great Britain? He left no suicide note. Jeez, can't a man shoot himself in the head a few times without people questioning it?   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 72
    More: Followup, Boris Berezovsky, Thames Valley Police, Russians, Alexander Litvinenko  
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6257 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 9:38 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-03-25 08:52:25 AM
Could they just do the autopsy already so we can level up on the conspiracy stuff?
 
2013-03-25 09:30:59 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 09:41:43 AM
Of course Putin wants to at the very least leave some hints that this was a KGB style hit.  He has to remind other billionaires to toe the line.
 
2013-03-25 09:42:10 AM
www.inquisitr.com

what?
 
2013-03-25 09:50:31 AM

edmo: Could they just do the autopsy already so we can level up on the conspiracy stuff?

 
2013-03-25 09:50:34 AM
seems legit
 
2013-03-25 09:52:58 AM
Yeah, I know. I totally shot a guy and the police keep asking me about it like it's there f$$king business. Leave me alone dammit.
 
2013-03-25 09:53:38 AM

ha-ha-guy: Of course Putin wants to at the very least leave some hints that this was a KGB style hit.  He has to remind other billionaires to toe the line.


I fail to disagree with you.  Putin is a man completely devoid of conscience.  Whatever he wants is, therefore, unassailable and correct.  The sooner western constabularies realize this, the sooner they can quit wasting their time wondering how guys like Berezovsky died.  He just did.  Got it?
 
2013-03-25 09:53:49 AM
Buggeration.

imnotsayingitwasaliens.jpg went missing
 
2013-03-25 09:54:03 AM
Deal with it.
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 09:54:12 AM
i.telegraph.co.uk

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man
 
2013-03-25 09:57:52 AM
Makes perfect sense this fellow wouldn't have bodyguards.
 
2013-03-25 09:58:49 AM

psychoace: Yeah, I know. I totally shot a guy and the police keep asking me about it like it's there f$$king business. Leave me alone dammit.


Where f*cking business?
 
2013-03-25 10:01:33 AM
img4.joyreactor.com
 
2013-03-25 10:02:42 AM

Alonjar: [i.telegraph.co.uk image 300x240]

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man



ego-alterego.com
 
2013-03-25 10:03:51 AM
Shot himself in the head? I thought he shot himself several times in the back, pausing once to reload.
 
2013-03-25 10:05:45 AM
Only 25-30% of people leave suicide notes.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_note

He probably didn't have time to write one because he had to stop and reload.
 
2013-03-25 10:09:57 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 10:11:34 AM
Billionaires are the unhappiest people on earth (I keep telling myself).
 
2013-03-25 10:12:18 AM
I bet there was a suicide note.  It said 'call it a suicide' and was wrapped around a stack of other notes.
 
2013-03-25 10:12:24 AM
I've only met a few Russians - all of whom I liked - but I've somehow been programmed to not trust their government, even moreso now than during the cold war.  There's some honesty in saying "We will bury you" and it means more to me than hearing about some guy dying from radiation poisoning.
Anyways, the thing I got out of this headline was:
 Russian -> White Russian -> I'm thirsty -> dammit subby, it's only Monday morning, don't do this to me!
B понедельник утром !
 
2013-03-25 10:14:54 AM
Take time to write a suicide note? But I'm suicidal now!
 
2013-03-25 10:15:32 AM

Alonjar: [i.telegraph.co.uk image 300x240]

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man


Interesting. The only way for sure to know whether that guy is right or not, is whether or not he has an unfortunate accident, say accidentally cuts off his head whilst combing his hair.
 
2013-03-25 10:15:34 AM
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
Atleast it wasn't radiation this time.
 
2013-03-25 10:15:41 AM

Nana's Vibrator: I've only met a few Russians - all of whom I liked - but I've somehow been programmed to not trust their government, even moreso now than during the cold war.  There's some honesty in saying "We will bury you" and it means more to me than hearing about some guy dying from radiation poisoning.
Anyways, the thing I got out of this headline was:
 Russian -> White Russian -> I'm thirsty -> dammit subby, it's only Monday morning, don't do this to me!
B понедельник утром !


Green russians FTW.
 
2013-03-25 10:17:09 AM
You can take a man out of Russia, but you can't stop Russia from taking him out.
 
2013-03-25 10:17:19 AM
i2.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-25 10:20:25 AM
If this was a Kremlin hit they're really losing their touch. Killed in broad daylight by a poisoned umbrella? Tea laced with a radioisotope that can only have originated in a Russian government controlled reactor? Pushed feet first into a crematorium furnace? All of these things have some serious style and a truly impressive dose of menace. Unless it turns out Berezovsky's bathtub was full of sharks, fat old man dies at home is pretty unadventurous.

FARK rebel soldier: Atleast it wasn't radiation this time.


Although the paramedic's dosimeter was purportedly triggered, which is...puzzling.
 
2013-03-25 10:20:35 AM
It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.
 
2013-03-25 10:21:52 AM
Why do Russians who are on the current RU leader's sh*t list always take up residence in the UK? Hasn't there been a pretty high body count of Russian expats ending up dead there?

thevieweast.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-25 10:24:00 AM

spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation"


:-\
 
2013-03-25 10:24:38 AM
It is fun to make fun of politically powerful people who kill themselves.  Berezovsky was broke; he pissed away billions of dollars.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:03 AM
So the FBI's arrested Roman Abramovich. Interesting.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:16 AM

Muta: It is fun to make fun of politically powerful people who kill themselves.  Berezovsky was broke; he pissed away billions of dollars.


He must have been peeing like a broken fire hydrant.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:26 AM

spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.


Your recent offerings have been of -- in my opinion -- reduced quality. I am pleased to observe a comment that demonstrates a return to your true potential.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:27 AM
I'd love to make a joke right now, but this sob scares me.

img90.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-25 10:27:06 AM

spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.


Spentmiles = Pocket Ninja with a terrible childhood.
 
2013-03-25 10:28:15 AM

spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.


Hmmmm... would that be safe for work?
 
2013-03-25 10:29:51 AM

Muta: spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.

Hmmmm... would that be safe for work?


Sure, if you work on a suicide hotline. You could claim you were doing research.
 
2013-03-25 10:43:22 AM

BenJammin: Billionaires are the unhappiest people on earth (I keep telling myself).


Have you ever seen a sad person on a wave runner?
 
2013-03-25 10:43:43 AM

spentmiles: Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.


That was a double-barreled shotgun, though, wasn't it?
 
2013-03-25 10:43:46 AM

spentmiles: ...If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll...


i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-03-25 10:50:13 AM

Scaryduck: [i2.photobucket.com image 400x320]


I love the look on his face.  His brain is saying "Light...12 round magazine...plastic, which means concealable... I need one of these..."
 
2013-03-25 11:01:07 AM
funny website, vladimirputinwantstokillyou.com or something, can't find it right now.
 
2013-03-25 11:01:09 AM
"outspoken critic of Vladimir Putin "

I have solved the mystery.
 
2013-03-25 11:01:44 AM

Dwight_Yeast: spentmiles: Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.

That was a double-barreled shotgun, though, wasn't it?


To answer my own question: yes, it was a side by side.
 
2013-03-25 11:04:01 AM

spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.


WTF is wrong with you?
 
2013-03-25 11:04:35 AM

spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.


Almost got to the end before my spentmilesDAR went off.

/what are we?
//masterbating chickens?
 
2013-03-25 11:13:23 AM
What's all this shyte about leaving a note being a foregone conclusion? I didn't leave a note. Either time.
 
2013-03-25 11:18:24 AM

uttertosh: What's all this shyte about leaving a note being a foregone conclusion? I didn't leave a note. Either time.


God was punishing you for not leaving a note.  Nice holes.
 
2013-03-25 11:28:26 AM

Nana's Vibrator: uttertosh: What's all this shyte about leaving a note being a foregone conclusion? I didn't leave a note. Either time.

God was punishing you for not leaving a note.


Not long after the second time, I had two consecutive days where my life was nearly taken for me. Both times I fought for my life, and had to admit to myself in hospital (punctured lung, then MRSA infection where I was stabbed), that I obviously wasn't ready to die.

nice holes.

Two knife holes from the attacks, nasty mophine/adrenaline comedowns for the rest. The worst part was the first-poop-for-a-week from the morphine. Baseball sized moonrock. Both times.
 
2013-03-25 11:37:26 AM
Meh, the couple of head shots doesn't impress me - it's that he did it while hanging from a noose with his hands tied behind his back.

/Cop: Clearest case of suicide I've ever seen.
Rookie cop: What clues led you that conclusion?
Cop: This fat stack of cash I found holding down the "suicide" note.
 
2013-03-25 11:51:52 AM
"He found Boris lying on the floor dead, in his clothes. The bodyguard touched him and felt he was cold. He checked for signs of blood and found none before rushing to call the emergency services.

"It could be a stroke, it could be a heart attack, it could even be that Boris committed suicide. What's certain for me is that Boris was killed by the years of pressure and having dirt poured on him by the Russian authorities."

Police said that Mr Berezovsky's death remains "unexplained" and that a post-mortem examination will be carried out today.

One friend said he suffered from heart problems and recently said a "heart attack would be the easiest way out" of his troubles.


Maybe he actually had a heart attack. Stranger things have happened.  But people love a good conspiracy story, especially if it involves celebrities like Putin, so carry on.
 
2013-03-25 11:54:35 AM
Warning signs someone may be suicidal:
-Withdraws from friends and family
-Starts giving away prized posessions
-Dramatic mood shifts
-Saying things like, "it won't matter any more soon," or "Putin is a corrupt SOB."
 
2013-03-25 12:05:47 PM
s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2013-03-25 12:21:59 PM

doyner: Warning signs someone may be suicidal:
-Withdraws from friends and family
-Starts giving away prized posessions
-Dramatic mood shifts
-Saying things like, "it won't matter any more soon," or "Putin is a corrupt SOB."


Warning signs someone may be suicidal:
-Withdraws from friends and family
-Starts giving away prized posessions
-Dramatic mood shifts
-Saying things like, "it won't matter any more soon," or "I am going to testify about how Hilary Clinton made over $100,000 in futures trading on her very first trade."
 
2013-03-25 12:26:52 PM

uttertosh: Nana's Vibrator: uttertosh: What's all this shyte about leaving a note being a foregone conclusion? I didn't leave a note. Either time.

God was punishing you for not leaving a note.

Not long after the second time, I had two consecutive days where my life was nearly taken for me. Both times I fought for my life, and had to admit to myself in hospital (punctured lung, then MRSA infection where I was stabbed), that I obviously wasn't ready to die.

nice holes.

Two knife holes from the attacks, nasty mophine/adrenaline comedowns for the rest. The worst part was the first-poop-for-a-week from the morphine. Baseball sized moonrock. Both times.


You'd know better than me, but I think I'd prefer the knife attacks (never been stabbed by a nonsurgeon) over the morphine withdrawal (morphine withdrawal is a trainwreck).  I suppose it depends on where I'm stabbed.  I also suppose I prefer reading a good book to both being stabbed and morphine withdrawal.
 
2013-03-25 01:03:37 PM
"Anyone can commit a murder, but it takes an artist to do a suicide."
 
2013-03-25 01:14:06 PM

Father_Jack: seems legit


Shakes tiny fist
 
2013-03-25 01:26:51 PM

Alonjar: [i.telegraph.co.uk image 300x240]

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man


When you have all that power what do you need money for?
 
2013-03-25 01:34:15 PM
misleading title subby. shot?
 
2013-03-25 01:39:38 PM
"Here we are.  The late Mrs. Twain's room.She died in here."
"Oh, dear.  Died of what?"
"She murdered herself  in her sleep, sir."
"You mean suicide?"
"Oh, no.It was murder, all right.Mrs. Twain hated herself."
 
2013-03-25 02:53:38 PM

FARK rebel soldier: spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.

Almost got to the end before my spentmilesDAR went off.

/what are we?
//masterbating chickens?


Awesome find, thank you!
 
2013-03-25 03:00:51 PM

I Ate Shergar: "Here we are.  The late Mrs. Twain's room.She died in here."
"Oh, dear.  Died of what?"
"She murdered herself  in her sleep, sir."
"You mean suicide?"
"Oh, no.It was murder, all right.Mrs. Twain hated herself."


So much win right here - I love that movie.

"Why do I do all the dirty work, pop?
"Cause your mother not here to do it."
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 03:07:33 PM
As stated earlier,most people don't leave notes.

That being said...somebody start me up a blues riff!


Da da da duh duh
My woman done left me
Da da da duh duh
She broked up a happy home
Now I gots a hole in my head
Da da da duh duh
And I'm all alone!
 
2013-03-25 03:20:43 PM
"It was an apparent suicide, apparently he climbed in the trunk and shot himself 10 times!"
s11.postimage.org
 
2013-03-25 03:28:46 PM
Suicide.  He killed himself.  Understand?  Am I being clear here?

thumbs.anyclip.com

[apologies if no upload]
 
2013-03-25 06:32:14 PM
Vince Fosterov?
 
2013-03-25 08:36:37 PM
This death was completely accidental.

He just slipped and fell down an open elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
 
2013-03-25 10:49:44 PM
 
2013-03-26 02:04:57 AM
Keep in mind that in Russia "rich" is synonymous with "mobster."
 
2013-03-27 12:22:05 PM
You guys are looking at this from a completely wrong direction. Berezovsky wasn't killed by the Russian government or mobsters of any flavor - he was killed by FIFA. The whole thing is because the World Cup in 2018 is going to Russia. The scandal around the selection of Qatar for 2022 is nothing compared to the dirt that Berezovsky had on FIFA's decision for 2018. Remember how Jack Warner and Mohammed bin Hammam were embarrased by Baron Triesman over the blatant bribery present in the 2022 selection? Imagine what would happen if Berezovsky went public with what he knew about Russia 2018.

Look at the facts: Berezovsky had made enemies of many people highly placed in the world of international soccer. Roman Abramovich, owner of Chelsea F.C., was one of his bitterest foes, dating back to Berezovksy's involvement as front man and political grease for the Sibneft Oil swindle back in the 90s. George Soros, who owns shares in Manchester United, was also an enemy - he railed against Berezovsky as a "robber capitalist" as they clashed over rebuilding Russia after communism and over business deals, including stakes in Russian media. Putin himself was quoted as saying that he would spend $10 billion on the World Cup if it came to Russia - how much do you think a few soccer stadiums actually cost?

Berezovsky obviously had the inside dope on how Russia was selected as the host for 2018. He'd previously had contacts with many people high in FIFA who were opposed to Blatter, like Issa Hayatou, who he knew from bribing in the 90s to secure Russian broadcast rights to the World Cup for his TV station. Hayatou was already going down over accepting bribes from Qatar, what did he have left to lose if he spilled the beans about Russia? Andrew Jennings, who blew the lid off the whole Qatar thing with "FIFA's Dirty Secrets" was an acquaintance of Berezovsky due to their mutual interest in the Chechen opposition and Russian mob-related activities in that part of the world. Jennings had done extensive early reporting on Dudayev and the Russian Mafia connection in Chechnya, while Berezovsky had become a confidante and political ally of Dudayev's successors, using Jennings' connections to ease a path for a gas pipeline to be built through the region, as well as more photo-friendly things like negotiating the release of hostages.

Berezovsky clearly was no saint - his lawsuit against Abramovich was clearly a desperate attempt to extort money from Abramovich to keep the World Cup selection process in the dark. Why else would he bring a case about a Russian contract formed in the 1990s in an English court in 2011? Abramovich probably would've settled, if Lord Sumption hadn't been eying that seat on the Supreme Court bench. Instead, Berezovsky was laughed out of court and forced to cough up court costs, to add insult to injury. With nothing left to lose, he was prepared to blow the lid off the Russian 2018 bid to his friend Andrew Jennings. This obviously couldn't be allowed, so there we have it. A convenient suicide.
 
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