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(Telegraph)   That Russian tycoon who died "mysteriously" in Great Britain? He left no suicide note. Jeez, can't a man shoot himself in the head a few times without people questioning it?   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 72
    More: Followup, Boris Berezovsky, Thames Valley Police, Russians, Alexander Litvinenko  
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6259 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2013 at 9:38 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-25 08:52:25 AM
Could they just do the autopsy already so we can level up on the conspiracy stuff?
 
2013-03-25 09:30:59 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 09:41:43 AM
Of course Putin wants to at the very least leave some hints that this was a KGB style hit.  He has to remind other billionaires to toe the line.
 
2013-03-25 09:42:10 AM
www.inquisitr.com

what?
 
2013-03-25 09:50:31 AM

edmo: Could they just do the autopsy already so we can level up on the conspiracy stuff?

 
2013-03-25 09:50:34 AM
seems legit
 
2013-03-25 09:52:58 AM
Yeah, I know. I totally shot a guy and the police keep asking me about it like it's there f$$king business. Leave me alone dammit.
 
2013-03-25 09:53:38 AM

ha-ha-guy: Of course Putin wants to at the very least leave some hints that this was a KGB style hit.  He has to remind other billionaires to toe the line.


I fail to disagree with you.  Putin is a man completely devoid of conscience.  Whatever he wants is, therefore, unassailable and correct.  The sooner western constabularies realize this, the sooner they can quit wasting their time wondering how guys like Berezovsky died.  He just did.  Got it?
 
2013-03-25 09:53:49 AM
Buggeration.

imnotsayingitwasaliens.jpg went missing
 
2013-03-25 09:54:03 AM
Deal with it.
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 09:54:12 AM
i.telegraph.co.uk

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man
 
2013-03-25 09:57:52 AM
Makes perfect sense this fellow wouldn't have bodyguards.
 
2013-03-25 09:58:49 AM

psychoace: Yeah, I know. I totally shot a guy and the police keep asking me about it like it's there f$$king business. Leave me alone dammit.


Where f*cking business?
 
2013-03-25 10:01:33 AM
img4.joyreactor.com
 
2013-03-25 10:02:42 AM

Alonjar: [i.telegraph.co.uk image 300x240]

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man



ego-alterego.com
 
2013-03-25 10:03:51 AM
Shot himself in the head? I thought he shot himself several times in the back, pausing once to reload.
 
2013-03-25 10:05:45 AM
Only 25-30% of people leave suicide notes.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_note

He probably didn't have time to write one because he had to stop and reload.
 
2013-03-25 10:09:57 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-25 10:11:34 AM
Billionaires are the unhappiest people on earth (I keep telling myself).
 
2013-03-25 10:12:18 AM
I bet there was a suicide note.  It said 'call it a suicide' and was wrapped around a stack of other notes.
 
2013-03-25 10:12:24 AM
I've only met a few Russians - all of whom I liked - but I've somehow been programmed to not trust their government, even moreso now than during the cold war.  There's some honesty in saying "We will bury you" and it means more to me than hearing about some guy dying from radiation poisoning.
Anyways, the thing I got out of this headline was:
 Russian -> White Russian -> I'm thirsty -> dammit subby, it's only Monday morning, don't do this to me!
B понедельник утром !
 
2013-03-25 10:14:54 AM
Take time to write a suicide note? But I'm suicidal now!
 
2013-03-25 10:15:32 AM

Alonjar: [i.telegraph.co.uk image 300x240]

Even more interesting was this link in the article:

Vladimir Putin is now Europe's richest man


Interesting. The only way for sure to know whether that guy is right or not, is whether or not he has an unfortunate accident, say accidentally cuts off his head whilst combing his hair.
 
2013-03-25 10:15:34 AM
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
Atleast it wasn't radiation this time.
 
2013-03-25 10:15:41 AM

Nana's Vibrator: I've only met a few Russians - all of whom I liked - but I've somehow been programmed to not trust their government, even moreso now than during the cold war.  There's some honesty in saying "We will bury you" and it means more to me than hearing about some guy dying from radiation poisoning.
Anyways, the thing I got out of this headline was:
 Russian -> White Russian -> I'm thirsty -> dammit subby, it's only Monday morning, don't do this to me!
B понедельник утром !


Green russians FTW.
 
2013-03-25 10:17:09 AM
You can take a man out of Russia, but you can't stop Russia from taking him out.
 
2013-03-25 10:17:19 AM
i2.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-25 10:20:25 AM
If this was a Kremlin hit they're really losing their touch. Killed in broad daylight by a poisoned umbrella? Tea laced with a radioisotope that can only have originated in a Russian government controlled reactor? Pushed feet first into a crematorium furnace? All of these things have some serious style and a truly impressive dose of menace. Unless it turns out Berezovsky's bathtub was full of sharks, fat old man dies at home is pretty unadventurous.

FARK rebel soldier: Atleast it wasn't radiation this time.


Although the paramedic's dosimeter was purportedly triggered, which is...puzzling.
 
2013-03-25 10:20:35 AM
It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.
 
2013-03-25 10:21:52 AM
Why do Russians who are on the current RU leader's sh*t list always take up residence in the UK? Hasn't there been a pretty high body count of Russian expats ending up dead there?

thevieweast.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-25 10:24:00 AM

spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation"


:-\
 
2013-03-25 10:24:38 AM
It is fun to make fun of politically powerful people who kill themselves.  Berezovsky was broke; he pissed away billions of dollars.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:03 AM
So the FBI's arrested Roman Abramovich. Interesting.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:16 AM

Muta: It is fun to make fun of politically powerful people who kill themselves.  Berezovsky was broke; he pissed away billions of dollars.


He must have been peeing like a broken fire hydrant.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:26 AM

spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.


Your recent offerings have been of -- in my opinion -- reduced quality. I am pleased to observe a comment that demonstrates a return to your true potential.
 
2013-03-25 10:26:27 AM
I'd love to make a joke right now, but this sob scares me.

img90.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-25 10:27:06 AM

spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.


Spentmiles = Pocket Ninja with a terrible childhood.
 
2013-03-25 10:28:15 AM

spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.


Hmmmm... would that be safe for work?
 
2013-03-25 10:29:51 AM

Muta: spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.

Hmmmm... would that be safe for work?


Sure, if you work on a suicide hotline. You could claim you were doing research.
 
2013-03-25 10:43:22 AM

BenJammin: Billionaires are the unhappiest people on earth (I keep telling myself).


Have you ever seen a sad person on a wave runner?
 
2013-03-25 10:43:43 AM

spentmiles: Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.


That was a double-barreled shotgun, though, wasn't it?
 
2013-03-25 10:43:46 AM

spentmiles: ...If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll...


i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-03-25 10:50:13 AM

Scaryduck: [i2.photobucket.com image 400x320]


I love the look on his face.  His brain is saying "Light...12 round magazine...plastic, which means concealable... I need one of these..."
 
2013-03-25 11:01:07 AM
funny website, vladimirputinwantstokillyou.com or something, can't find it right now.
 
2013-03-25 11:01:09 AM
"outspoken critic of Vladimir Putin "

I have solved the mystery.
 
2013-03-25 11:01:44 AM

Dwight_Yeast: spentmiles: Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.

That was a double-barreled shotgun, though, wasn't it?


To answer my own question: yes, it was a side by side.
 
2013-03-25 11:04:01 AM

spentmiles: If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.


WTF is wrong with you?
 
2013-03-25 11:04:35 AM

spentmiles: It's not like your central nervous system just shuts down instantly with the moment of death.  Your muscles will twitch, your heart will still pump blood, your eyes might look around the room for thirty seconds or so.  Just because headquarters isn't processing the telegrams doesn't mean the outposts stop sending them.

Typically, people who commit suicide with a semi-automatic firearm will get at least two, if not three or four, shots off.  Hemingway took two shot gun blasts.  A guy in Germany actually shot his neighbor who burst into the room several seconds after the initial gunshot, killing them both.  Your body will continue to do whatever it was doing before you shut off the brain.

This is why it's getting more and more popular in suicide clubs and death-fetish circles to masturbate during suicide.  The hand stimulating the genitally will continue for some time, perhaps even to orgasm, though no one will be around to enjoy it.  If you Google "suicide masturbation" you'll find plenty of self-shot videos of people orgasming all over their stomachs with half their head missing.  The members of the suicide clubs consider the people who achieve postmortem release as "life's winners."  I suppose it's winning if the game is see who can most fill their belly button with their own brains and come.  I'll stick to breath control play and keyboard cleaner, thanks.


Almost got to the end before my spentmilesDAR went off.

/what are we?
//masterbating chickens?
 
2013-03-25 11:13:23 AM
What's all this shyte about leaving a note being a foregone conclusion? I didn't leave a note. Either time.
 
2013-03-25 11:18:24 AM

uttertosh: What's all this shyte about leaving a note being a foregone conclusion? I didn't leave a note. Either time.


God was punishing you for not leaving a note.  Nice holes.
 
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